27 March, 2010
About a month back I had written a fiction three part “love story” about a couple hopelessly in love, but out of their wed-locks. It was supposed to be another take on a different and relatively less explored facet of love...the so called “extra-marital”, technically not allowed to be termed as love at all by social norms and the moral police, but then love nevertheless!
Out there I received some lambasting and some accolades for my interpretation-a few eyebrows raised in disdain or suspicion and a handful even hinted at a near heart attack!*wonder what would happen to those weaklings after this!*
But what struck me as obvious was a certain amount of public distaste for such a possible concoction!
I even received a comment saying that no love was evident there but just pure lust and infidelity!
A new age offering you’d say that we would have to get used to of seeing around, not so far away as on on-screen but in our very vicinity and sometimes even dealing with in-your-face threats of the same in our own little worlds!
But with the opening up of the globe, notions and minds, perhaps we need to open up also to the fact that “everlasting love” may also be edging towards the obsolete territory. We have to wake up to the idea that deviations in love may occur and hence gear up our defence mechanism and quaint little hearts for the same instead of pretending to exist in the land of oblivion. Ignorance is not always bliss. An ‘open view’ is a phenomenon that we need to understand first before scrunching our hoity noses or jumping onto the band wagon of self derived conclusions.
I hate mindless boxing and indexing of human beings...I hate branding of character without enough back up proof...I hate pre-conceived notions and judgements...and hence this!
1. Monogamy is great...but then it is a concept whose brunt has been largely borne by the weaker sex alone. Till she was largely monogamous, the world was said to be relatively moral no matter how much the male counterpart indulged even then! Those moral dos and don’ts were heralded by an era where women and men were more segregated and the former being confined within the four walls*for our ancient history is richer n bolder...somewhere down the line we developed the pseudo attitude*. No exposure means no realization of what she was missing and hence no strife to attempt to attain it!
2. Man on the other hand has been a wanderer from the initiation of history. He is the bread earner who must go out to seek it and in doing so, he many-a-times comes across that which he receives often without having sought! So if he strayed, he managed to cover his tracks...wear the garbs of a devoted husband...also enjoyed the strings of unabashed, on the side, wild love...and everyone lived happily ever after!
3. I am not defending or shredding either genders here...for the roles of the victim and the accused are easily interchangeable now, based on the universally accepted hypothesis that there is bound to be sufferings anyways!
There was recently a soppy serial on television that dealt with a couple in the dusk of their lives. She retires from her bank job with public declarations reeking of love and gratitude expressed to the “perfect” husband who had stood by her through the thick and thin of life. However just days later, she discovers he has another wife and a daughter in another town and suddenly the marriage she clung to, becomes a sham!
She feels all those years of matrimony which were hitherto bliss, were suddenly meaningless and make her feel dirty!
Oh come on now...I know this would be a natural reaction of most women, but then how can you possibly erase and ignore all good memories just because one blot has marked that sheet of your relationship?
You may be expected to be angry but why vindictive?
You ought to analyze his needs instead of raising fingers at his intensions or your worth! Reflect that a thing like this just happened or did he go out of his way to make it happen! Think woman, before going into the whole melodrama stance that sucks out the very life breathe of the relation, drench it in tears and gobbles up the smiles!
4. Most people would empathize with an infidel partner if the spouse is indifferent, abusive or family conditions incline towards being non-cordial. But there would be absolutely no dint of pity or attempt for understanding the reasons behind a cheating man/woman who walks out of line of a seemingly perfect union of two individuals. I remember watching the movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna...the Karan Johar-Shahrukh Khan flick, that bombed at the box office for it dealt with spouses who felt suffocated in marriages chosen by them out of love or motivated by security. I remember the flak of women in my gym for Rani Mukherjee for cheating upon the “perfect” husband played by Abhishek Bachchan. “What more could she ask for?” they reverberated in aghast horror!
It is still very difficult for us to understand the existence of an emotional void! There may be a loving husband, enough money, freedom, lifestyle...yet something may STILL be missing...a connect that the soul inconspicuously seeks!
5. Why does fulfilment of voids-emotional or otherwise tantamount to being selfish? We do have just one life to live and if we please ourselves, only then we remain pleasant for the outward show to the society.
I am not advocating wanton conduct, mind you! But I do believe in self help when in dire straits! It is okay to seek for happiness that we deserve, without crumpling someone’s feelings or sentiments!
We are taught to think bigger, aim higher, crave for the best...but then also in very tiny fonts below are given the limitations as to what such dictums apply on! They become evident and preached only after you falter!
We as a generation are an unsatisfied lot! We no longer depend on trains...we want to reach faster by planes, typewriters have been replaced by computers... we want high speed internet, multi tasking quicker gadgets, speedy home deliveries, reservations at the click of a button...
But if we want to attempt to elevate our mental disposition, remove the discontent in our emotional baggage, there are more ‘stop’ buttons than ‘enter’. There are just ‘backspaces’ and forced ‘deletes’ or ‘escapes’!
So while you deserve the best facial cream or are ‘worthy’ of the extravagant hair colour or motivated to imbibe the latest trend to project your outward prosperity, you are discouraged to do the same for your insides!
So much for our hypocritical thinking!
5. Who made the rules of our righteousness in our society?
Who can say for sure that ‘this’ is acceptable and ‘that’ is not?
Weren’t the rules made to facilitate discipline and not dictatorship?
Let’s say in the beginning of time when there was little understanding of things...man may have discovered sex!
He felt he liked it and wanted to try it more. Once explored with a certain partner, he may have been haunted by the query if it was the same with every other individual and he went on to experiment! He sauntered into new, pleasurable horizons with each, different experience.
But some in the species were lazy and easily intimidated! They could muster the effort for just one catch and having attained it, concentrated just on that exploration! Soon their number outgrew to those who dared and as such came about the set standard as guidelines for everyone! Monogamy became a fad and soon came in fashion and stayed there for so long that any other options beyond it became inconceivable!
So does the rest of the race pay the price for standards set by such lazy bones? Hmm...the argument doesn’t make sense, I know! Has no factual back up to support it either...but interesting and quite probable line of thought, if you ask me!
So like a thousand things that we follow blindly...we continue to follow relationship notions also- elders can’t be wrong, good mothers must sacrifice for their children and married people do not experiment outside for physical pleasures no matter how bad the inside story is! Period!
6. The extent of what you would term as cheating is itself debatable!
Flirting in the office, eyeing someone, going to a strip club, getting massages, kissing, dirty dancing, a friendly grab of the butt, cyber sex, one night stands, intimate friendships, phone pals, dating, lying about being single, fantasizing during the act, living in, wife swapping, etc...
You would say it depends from person to person...
Then why not let the persons involved in it decide for themselves?
Who would set boundaries and guidelines here?
You can’t attempt to form a preamble and let the public draw its own constitution...and before forming one, you must question yourself if you are worthy of doing so...if you are as impeccable as you would want the world to see!
You can’t say it is okay for Tiger Woods to do so because he is in a temptation prone zone and not okay for the common man...
You can’t say it is okay for a man to do any/all of the above but not seemingly for a woman!
So much that we must introspect deeply before brandishing someone’s character!
You have to shed some double standards!
7. “If a man strays, he may have got tempted...if a woman strays, she may not have morals?” Being a Casanova is cool...but being indulgent for a girl is slutty!
We encourage our boys to have girlfriends but we warn our girls about boys wanting just one thing and hence not wanting boys at all!
Why is a woman’s dignity considered more at risk and hence supervised more ferociously than that of a man’s?
How does having been in a relationship before, raise a question on our integrity concerning every other aspect of our lives?
Why is a man easily forgiven...or relatively easily forgiven for digressing but not a woman?
It is generally true that once a flirt, always a flirt....once strayed, chances of doing so again remain comparatively higher...but then don’t bar the accused of basic rights and leading a guiltless life!
Despite all the progress gender discrimination still looms over our lives. A boy taking naughty is attractive and a girl talking naughty is easy! When will we manage to shatter the stereotypes? When would we be able to give our children the joy of feeling like conscientious adults... “Do what you want to but don’t make us ashamed and be ready to accept its responsibility.”
8. We need to stop the alert radars from rising high upon seeing a man and a woman together just having fun. Our growing voyeurism is a matter of serious concern!
So many men go to Bangkok very often. They have no qualms about having had “fun” there on flimsy pretexts like it was not in their own country, it was just once or because they paid for it; Stress levels and long intervals from home sometimes induce a slight deviation. But these men act all moral-full and become super irritating when they cook up a gossip story about another married man who was only just sighted in a car with a woman! The masala gets added spontaneously and soon the whole town is talking about a flamboyant, flaming love affair!
9. Physical betrayal Vs emotional attachment...
Ask most men if they are likely to forgive their partner for physical or emotional betrayal...and they would choose to ignore the emotional crap as long as the woman’s body is prestine!
With women it works in the opposite way...they don’t mind physical indulgence for their man, but to think that some other woman over powers his mind is unthinkable!
Now which is worse and which is not...if it is not, is it acceptable?
In this argument I would also like to raise more issues...but from here on, I only have questions. I have no answers for them...perhaps you might help me here:
Is it wrong for a man and a woman to get into friendship outside their wedded loop...just friends or even otherwise, if they remain committed to their duties and relations?
Why is the world likely to blame higher education or a vocation for motivating a woman to stray? Should we refrain our daughters from studying too much?
Most articles I read on infidelity teach you what to do with the situation after the damage is done...
What about reasons...acceptance...motivations...empathy?
Why deviations are considered the end of a relationship and not a new opportunity to rethink things over for a better evolution?
I personally detest a man who would hop from one woman to another for satisfaction of physical urges! I absolutely abhor men who do not respect women and women who act trashy!
So have I made any sense above, without sounding as an advocate to extra marital flings?
Or in my bid to strike a balance between loyalty and self expression, I have screwed up this article?
After having read through the pointers I am sure you are pondering with conclusions...less so about the write up and more so about the author:
1. She is having an extra-marital affair for sure!
2. She leads too cushioned a mush life to realize the implication of the claims she is making and of such a betrayal...We’d ask, when it would come to her!
3. What the f@#$%! Did I just read all this long crap?
21 March, 2010
I am a little lazy boy,
‘Little’- I’ll explain why...
My body all grew up but mind refused to buy
That there are things like sunrise and sunset
You don’t get food put into your mouth, even if you fret!
There’s a compulsion to stay smart
There’s an expectation to ‘not fart’...
You need to change socks on an everyday basis...
You ought to whoosh the mosquito that chases!
There’s a time to act demure
It’s the juncture to project mature.
But I blow off such crappy thoughts...
For they bore me to the core!
I lift myself from the bed each day...
In a slow motioned trance!
For someone warned me about bed sores...
And hence I don’t take a chance!
I have worked on making my system, slow from countless ages...
So much hard work in there, almost like of renowned sages!
I am careful not to let the grime settle on my tower...
I sneeze to ruffle it off, almost every hour!
And my shaggy bearing is getting the masses hooked...
Oh come on...It’s the latest in Baba Ramdev look!
I don’t shave for I believe in returning to nature
And not give complexes to those of higher stature!
I don’t believe in hairstyles or get my nails cut...
It makes me feel at home, when I am living in a rut!
Dragging my body weight to land on the table...
Is that not a task enough?
Ask me...so tough, so rough!
I eat less for good health and you term me crazy
I advocate keeping the body rested and the mind hazy!
I lift my eye one at a time, to save energy for emergency
And sometimes both just to show I have some consistency!
I try to press my lips together...and no, I am not getting horny,
It’s to save me from drawing a yawn...please don’t brand me corny!
I collapse like a bean bag through the day...
The maid considers me invisible in her sway!
But when the dusting cloth reaches dangerously close
I moan in protest,
But when she gives me a glowering look...
I forget to mind the rest!
‘Behave like a human’ is the topic of the sermons
Which I get often from other living beings!
I feel too tired to argue, so raise an eyebrow
Accepting the aftermath of my doings!
I don’t understand though why
Humans do bathe...do go out in the sun,
Why humans do work and follow the time
I believe it’s nipping the genius in the prime!
So what if I don’t bathe...I believe in saving water...
So what if I don’t socialize...I am saving from lust your daughter!
So what if my clothes stink, at least they are being used,
So what if my brain works less, at least it is not fused!
So what if I do no sport...Does that mean I am not sporty?
So what if I have no achievements, at least I am not haughty!
Someday I would have a girlfriend...for I believe in copy and paste,
The same love letter that I send to all...is never written in haste!
I spend hours over them, catching a nap before every word,
Someday my slow and steady ways would win me a hot bird!
You may throw a pass at me, but don’t expect me to catch!
Bloom I would, but don’t count my eggs before they’re hatched!
My laziness is progressing as the years are passing by,
Someday I think I’d sleep the week away...just for a try!
Now if you are expecting more or a proper end...
Try another blog at another bend!
My eyes are again pressing shut
The bed is again calling for my butt!
So don’t work too much guys
Believe in destiny,
It would anyways happen if it’s written...
Go to sleep when holy crap motivation smittens!
Oho you are still around, trying to rock my sack?
Hey now that you are here and to stay...
Start by scratching my back!
And when you are done with it my friend
Would you also remove that burger?
It’s lying on my key pad from ten days
And preventing me from typing further!
14 March, 2010
From two weeks I have been witnessing a couple who come for an evening walk in the college campus that I go to. They would have not evoked from me a mention here, had they not presented an exceptional sight.
The man somewhere in his late thirties, average height and glasses, is wheatish, with a regular face and the woman beside him is petite and pretty may be a few years younger. They are well dressed, their carriage boasting of a good upbringing and confidence of a good education.
And this is not what was uncommonly striking about them!
The couple walks at a very brisk pace, holding each others' hands.
Yes, for almost one hour that they take rounds of the campus and often cross my path, I find their palms clasped and intact there. Initially I thought it was very romantic to be doing so.
But gradually it became a bit unnerving!
We are generally not so unhappy about something lacking in our lives till we find it blooming in someone else’s. It’s been my unfulfilled desire since time immemorial to go for long walks with someone I loved. So the reactions began with “Awwww” but soon transformed to “Oh god, again today!” I was realizing why PDA-public display of affection, is intimidating for some!
But the love struck couple would not bother about me, or anyone else, as though their eyes were fixed only on to their destination!
Anyways, so every day without fail, I watch them sojourn the paths and take a glance at their countenances, making an effort not to stare, yet wondering at the motives behind the clasp. It’s not like one partner would run away...or maybe the guy’s too possessive...his wife was exquisite in her own right, after all! Maybe they’ve just been married, though it did not seem that way and even if they are...holding each other by the hand for an hour in a park doing a brisk walk does not justify that, does it?
Now to get to the arrestingly remarkable part...nope, I am not done with it yet!
Yesterday evening, I saw them again. As usual, doing their thing caring a f@#$ about what the world thought!
And then the lady stumbled...
Just a few pebbles on the way but enough to get the grasp undone!
And within seconds I saw the mystery unfold...
The man had gone a few steps ahead and rushed back immediately for he saw her groping!
Her fingers searching to hold on to his!
The pretty lady’s focus of her eyes had shifted.
She is blind!
How much, why, how...I have no clue...but enough to make her man hold on to her hand to lead her on her way...the physical challenge not becoming a handicap in leading a normal life!
The crisis was soon handled...a couple of reassuring words and a pat from him, a smile from her, the clasp back again and the footsteps quickened to rhythm, as they soon went past me, leaving me with a spasm in my heart!
True, unconditional and sacrificing love so rare...whenever you come across it, it rarely leaves you unaffected!
What an effort it must have been for the lady to muster courage to walk without a stick or dark glasses to face a public domain, despite all hang-ups that may deter them!
What a support it must have been from the man in love with her, to be willing and motivating her to do so despite only him being conscious of the stares they were inducing!
What a stupid mindset we have to judge people and motives of others, by appearances, without an inkling of what’s going on in their lives!
What foolish claims we make of love that we offer and indifferently handle the love given to us, when in such tests of time, we might simply fail!
Well, it is said ‘Love is blind and lovers cannot see’...well in this case...literally!
06 March, 2010
Okay...today I imagine me on my death bed...
I have just turned 50 and on the night of the grand half century celebrations, I fainted*mind you not swooned for I am sure even at 50, I would still be waiting for a Mills & Boons kinda guy to walk into my whatever-is-remaining life and sweep me off my feet...sigh! Hey bhagwan...aakhri ichcha he samajh ke poore kar dena!*
Near and dear or rather the envious ones thought it could be of an overdose of Vodka...they would gloat that I’ve finally succumbed to the urges of excesses*you know how I love to piss them off...the envious streak blokes that is...I wear my green colour t-shirt during my association with them, that says “I turn green in the company of morons.” But of course they laugh it off...though I wish they’d get enough pissed to fill up buckets of it, that I could empty on their heads*
Anyways, one Vodka is generally enough to get me tipsy...
They must have made me drink five...one for each decade and there I collapsed unable to see the morning glory of a hangover in the cosy confines of the bedroom I have lived in for 28 years since my shaadi*yes I am assuming we’d still be in the same house for my beloved is a mamma’s boy and by that time he would have converted me into HIS mamma’s girl too...Whoooooooooa...now that I am anyways dying...hey you up there...could I die before THAAAAT? Phuleeeeeeeeeeeze...consider that as my second last ‘aakhri ichcha’ ...ab at least gimme a list of last wishes...I am dying ain’t I? That should be reason enough to let me deserve it!*
So I wake up in the morning sometime and look at the bleak white walls of the hospital and finally get to ask the dialogue I have always desperately wanted to ask:
“Mein kahan hoon?” *thank god I did not die without asking this or else aatma-ke-shaanti crap kaise hota and I would have to return back as a bhatakti spirit asking mortals ‘mein kahan hoon’ and hear in reply from them... “Exactly, we can’t see you either...kahan se kaun bol raha hain”...and the bugging hide and seek that would follow, would make me wish I were dead...or rather dead again...or...whatever!*
Anyways, drowsy and with no clue of last night...I look around at the little crowd that has gathered outside that room...
Sometimes dense that I am*please note the usage of “sometimes” which comes very less times actually*, I assume we are in a five star hotel room*dear beloved...at least at fifty and on my death bed, please take me to one of those ‘burn-your-pockets-here’ hospitals ...itna paisa bacha ke bhi kya fayda...upar to mere se he milna padega na!*
So my dearly beloved holds my hand and gazes at me with the look that was perpetually on veteran actor A.K. Hangal’s face...
And I assume the worst...
Maybe the maid has left us...
Maybe I had a car accident on the way and they’ve cut my legs...
Maybe last night’s party went over budget and now they’ve kept us in the hotel suite so that upon getting up we could do the dishes...
Maybe I have lost my memory and he’s telling me as always “for once, look the part well that has been assigned to you...”
And he breaks into a sob...
I offer the towel kept by my side and he does a good blowing job of it*some habits die hard...old age mein bhi blowing!!!!!!! I read somewhere that sneezing opens up the lungs...at the rate my beloved sneezes, that is @ about 20 blood curdling sneezes a day...his lungs would have expanded enough to accommodate Earth, Mars and half of Jupiter*
And he says,
“Baby, please be strong...” *ya right, as if that’s not what I have done for 50 years of my blessed life...I could give Arnold Swarzeneggar...or whatever way that is spelt, his run for money in this game*
“The doctors did some tests on you...” *whoa...he offered me as a guinea pig? I knew it...those damn life insurance policies in my name would tempt him enough some day to put me up as a bait*
“And there’s bad news....you have lukatmerokfromasia!”
I take in my saliva...
“You mean to say I have the ‘look-at-me-I-rock-from-Asia’ attitude?”
“No baby...it is a new disease...that blah, blah, blah.... *you don’t want the gory details of it now, do you? Let 2027 come and they would have come up with a definition of it...till then spare me dude....helloooooooo I am dying, that’s the least you can do!*
“You just have 4-5 days more to live....”
And buwahaaaaaaaaaaa....nope that’s not another disease or a big laugh...that’s my beloved howling at the top of his expanded lungs at the thought of perhaps...“Who would pack my suitcases now when I go travelling? Who would put my clothes in the wardrobe or my food on my plate? Who would cut my eyebrow hair when they grow too long? Who would pretend to be asleep if I come too close every, as in EVERY night?” And the bawls would make the hospital staff wonder if the entire women-kind has been doomed to disappear in 5 days and hence the mourning*
I look at the walls....blank faced*oh come on...how would I know how else or best to react in this situation? Pehle kabhi kisse ne bola he nahi ke mere pass sirf 5 din hain jeene ko*
I now remember how some twenty years ago I would brag on a funny blog that I had created about how I would like to get tapko-ed or parlok sidharo-ed at the age of 50....
*Damn your accounts bhagwan ji...tabhi kaan laga ke sun na tha ke mein kya maang rahi hoon? Where were you when I asked you to bring me Hrithik Roshan? Where were you when I asked you to make me 36-24-36 or make it 40-22-34 since we are getting it custom made anyways? Where were you when I asked you to let me help a passer-by on the road from getting crushed under a truck and he happening to be a millionaire who would sign up his millions in my name and die the next die anyways?
Where? Where? Where?
Some sense of timing you have! Hmphf...aapse to upar aake nipat te hoon!
Phew! So I am finally on my death bed now...after taking three pages in reaching here from the title that you read above....I better make the destination as worthwhile as your journey
*mere naazuk kandhon pe umeedon ka itna bojh...still I don’t f@#$ing lose any weight!*
Let me see now...just 5 days to live...!!!!!!!
I need these many days just to write farewell speeches to my friends, family, students, associates and chance encounters....my crushes and could be crushes...my relations and those who pretended to be ones or I pretended to be theirs...Not to forget the doodhwaala and the maali bhaiyya...the watchman*how I miss having a pet now...my speech would sound so much more complete* and our club desk hottie boy who always asked my beloved “Aaj bhabhi ji nahi aayen?” whenever I would not come. And also “Aaj aap bhaiyya ko chodh aaten phir” whenever I would come with him!*chodh matlab leave okay*
I put up a status on my face book....
“Gone in 120 hours...milna hain to abhi mil lo...waise agar 20 years of my face book life mein yeh shubh kaam nahi kiya...to aapka jeena vyarth hain...you deserve to die before me!”
I send a mass phone text message...“Yeh sewa 5 din baad se uplabdh nahi hoge kyonki iska prayog karne waale bhagwan ko pyaare ho rahe hain*you had your chance and lost it dodo*...is liye aayen aur apna shouk prakat karen”*abe shauk nahi...shouk ya shock bhi chalega...shauk ke umar to guzar gaye hoge na ab tak!*
I now look forward to a line and horde of secret admirers queuing up outside the room to get a glimpse of me or tell me before I die that they loved me...but couldn’t confess to it all their life* ya right...you have as bad a sense of timing as bhagwan ji...kya bhagwan, apne he prototypes he mere ass pass rakhne the...double hmphf!*
I imagine all my students whom I have served*not just with my teaching skills but also an ideal location for a date away from the zaalim duniya*to come up to tell me how I changed their lives...
I conjure up a scene where there is a stampede of sorts outside the hospital premises and such an uproar created that the media shutterbugs soon drop in to find out what’s passing!
And to my beloved and family members...
I gave you 50 years of my life didn’t I? Please give me the last 5 days of it for myself...
To flirt till my little heart bursts...literally*you didn’t give me the chance to pursue my hobby during my lifetime...now’s the right time to regret and lament for it...aakhir aap sab ko bhi to upar he aana hain...let me die a happy woman and I’ll make sure I keep good things/breeds waiting up for you when you drop in...up...finally*
To say quotes that go down in the lanes of history, like
“If you would not like to be forgotten as soon as you are dead...either write things worth reading or do things worth written about” *I have tried the former and failed...now all my money in the last 5 days would be on the latter...just DO it!*
Though my concepts of “do”ing things is a little lop sided like I am:
Old concept: Do or die
New concept: Do before you die
Latest concept: Don’t die until you do
My basic concept: What to f@#$ing do?*
To eat all the food I always wanted to eat, without bothering about weight gain*as if I ever bothered about it anyways*, to hand out my khoon paseene ke kamaye hue jewellery to those who’ve been nice to me*in case you haven’t, there are still 5 days to make up...and technically some 18 years actually from 2010*, to give a piece of my mind to all those who were mean to me*let them suffer with my mind pieces for the rest of their blessed lives as I have suffered with it through mine*
So my beloved finally asks me...
“Baby...is there something you want?”
“Yes darling...could you get me my beautician for a last facial...I must look good in white when you take me!”
“But you always look good in anything...I am sure you’d be the prettiest dead woman ever!”
“Thanks...but since it’s my last chance...why take chances honey?
I must get a new hairstyle also...one that would look good while lying down”
“I would miss you sooooooooooo much”
“Awwww....I will too. But don’t worry, I’d drop in every now and then to say “Whooo hooo...look who’s back!” especially when you’d be doing other women or hit you on your head and make you look around at who-dunnit!”
“Baby...haven’t you heard...you are supposed to RIP...matlab Rest In Peace and not RIP apart your beloved’s chances of happiness finally!”
Uffffffff...can’t even say here...“Yeh sun ne se pehle mein mar kyon nahi gaye” coz that’s already in the cards...
So there...now I wait for Lady Death or make it Dude Doom to come and embrace me...My signing off note:
“Duniya waalon...mere yaad mein aanson na bahana...
Jab zyaada yaad aaye to upar he chale aana...
Mil kar karenge gaana bajaana, hasna hasaane, shor machana,
Ho aise maut ke yaad rakhe yeh zamana, mera tashreef upar le jaana!”
04 March, 2010
I feel caged, I feel caught
I feel restless though in thought...
A throbbing numbness within
Tempting to desire, daring to sin!
I feign black, I act white
A clear haze, though not in sight...
I look around for whiter black clouds
Poking and ruffling my surfacing shrouds!
I dance with sanity, settling the insane
Basking in the glory, wilting in the shame...
I try to sew or make sense of my urges
Striving within old boundaries for new merges!
I feel fingers at my windpipe
Dismay for the droop in the ripe...
Un-feeling the verity of being parched in any rain
I’ve learnt to fake-smile through any pain!
Every day I have half lived and half died
Half self crib and half self chide...
Would I soon become a faded bloom?
Would I soon portray the lively doom?
I am searching for me and what I want
Thirsting for truth while aching with doubt
I erase the lost victories and remember the forgotten
Is it possible to expect life growing from the rotten?
I feel caged I feel caught
I feel this, that and what not!
I give I want, I fulfil I desire
I animate I freeze, I give up and again aspire!