We are made for certain things and maybe not for others!

I was having an interesting conversation with a dear friend the other day when a kind of hypothesis or premise appeared quite conspicuously to the fore!

I was generally cribbing about the odious tasks pertaining to motherhood*I swear I have not cribbed so much in 32 years of my existence on Mother Earth as I have in the last 32 days...Motherhood makes you a cribbing pot, dear folks...so beware n please bear*

Okay...so I was generally ranting n doing waa-waa*sob, sob* when this friend pointed out to me that maybe I was not made for motherhood!

It struck me as a thunderbolt for in my subconscious I was always afraid of the same!

You know how people beam post having a child in their arms...
A smile is like a permanent fixture and could put even Monalisa to shame...
My countenance is often the display of exasperation n tiredness!
And if there is anything that I am sure of on this planet, it is this that I would have felt the very same had Seeya been born of my own womb!

After entertaining my daughter for an odd three-four hours at an end and anyways being 24/7 around her*she hardly sleeps* and for lack of other expected sources doing the needful, I am at a loss for more means or energy to amuse her any further!
I mean I can engross an adult for hours at a stretch...but a one sided communication...I wondered what makes mothers go on n on...

So I did what I thought was sensible...becoming Ms. Sherlock Homes again!
I enquired of other women if they actually had any similar tendencies or am I the only weird one on this planet...
Thankfully many of them report of having gone through severe bouts of depressions, PMS that got extended to months*ouch* and some even saying that they were so tired of the constant yelling n bawling of the child that they did not want to see his face for a while*omg*!

Thankfully, things have not gone down that road!

But sometime or the other...I miss my old life that I had been used to of, since ten years of my married life!

Being responsible for no one else really but yourself!

Having the whole day n often night also to do anything n everything you liked!
Gyming...long walks...happy times with your beloved when you talked about each other and other F-words instead of farex and fever...
Coffee with friends...random dinners...parties...a movie every Sunday...
Blogging my guts out...flirting my heart out...making new friends...giggles over the phone...
Teaching for six hours a day n loving the interaction with kids!
Shopping whenever discounts hit the market...parlour visits...dressing up...occasional holiday trips...n more blah blah...
Basically leading a pointless, self-centred life and so busy enjoying it to the core that not even getting bored or apologetic about it!
I loved my life despite also the constant and crushing struggle to have a baby!


Cut to now...it’s been some one n half months with Seeya!
I have hardly moved out of the house...not tasted any outside food apart from ghar ka khaana...no gym, no walk...teaching now for only a couple of hours a day!
Not left Seeya alone or away from me except for two hours just this Sunday when we went for a movie...
Not much of my mad blogging since the inspiration sources are not around!
Been generally cut off from friends for the fear that I’d just be cribbing again and bore the life out of them...
No time to even get threading done...not worn a lipstick in these days, forget about dressing up!
SSTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!
So there...I go on my whining trip again!

However, thanks to my infinite amount of innate sense of justice-a Libran trait...I know I would do all my duties to the best of a person’s abilities...
And also have a hunch that in all probability and god being kind, I might even win a ‘Best-mommy’ award in future...
Every day my hyper active kid*certified by the doc* smiles at me with her eight teeth now or clings to me in the biggest of hugs and I melt faster than ice cream in sunlight!

But yet, I would never be half as good as my mom...or half as ready to sacrifice all my happiness altogether and never feel even a twinge of pain about it!
Isn’t that what motherhood is really about-the epitome of selfless sacrifice?

Anyways...what premise I reached on was...that we are all programmed in a certain way to be or not to be!
We are cut out for certain tasks and not for others, regardless of the fact that we may perform them with immaculate perfection!
Deep within each one of us knows what constitutes us and what can make us happy or less happy if not!

Like many people are not cut out for marriages!
They may have lived with their spouses for life n celebrated jubilees with much gusto. But to themselves, they know they were meant to be wanderers or free spirits...or they were meant to love more than one person in life...they were destined to be alone to be true to their intrinsic nature and inner satisfaction! They were so given in to introspection and mood swinging aloofness that often people around either did not understand or bother about them too much!
So some day they look out from the window and ‘sigh’ which nobody hears!

Like this friend pointedly n often asserts that he shall never marry!
He’s in his early twenties and I often dissuade him with my utopian ideas that marriages are good!

I quote my own example and enumerate compelling benefits of a happy matrimony that could turn the worst of detractors into believers*you know how relentless I can be*!
But with time I realize that maybe he is actually not!
He has a roving eye, is extremely cynical about good marriages, having seen some bad ones around him...is more of a loner and hence gets either too carried away by company or rather soon bored of it and countless other reasons!

My point is...
Just because it is a social norm followed through ages, it does not mean that it is supposed to be extended by one n all with a blindfold!
We must think twice before advising someone that ‘you’d get used to of that life in time’!
Let the person decide with his own subconscious in counsel.

It is not necessary for girls to get married at an early age...or marry at all till they do not feel ready and yearning for it!
I still have unmarried girlfriends I went to school with, who have rocking careers and good lives and no hurry still to walk down the aisle!
Why should we judge them...or give unsolicited advice of its after effects in later life?
If they are old enough to vote, aren’t they old enough to accept responsibility for their liabilities?

Neither should it be a matter of compulsion to have kids because you are “supposed” to have them!
Most people often look at kids as a retirement ensurance plan...
‘I want kids so that there would be someone to look after me in my old age’
Little do they realize that most kids now-a-days go away for further studies or better prospects of life n seldom return!
Want kids for ‘kids’ themselves...not for yourself!

I am slowly fitting into a role with 100%effort and undisputed dedication that has been bestowed on me for that’s how I am programmed...
Whatever life throws my way, I must adorn it in such a way that no finger can be raised against me!
People still quote my G n me, when they talk of an exemplary marriage!
But how many of us feel trapped in roles assigned to us?
Jobs that we detest!
Spouses that we care two hoots for!
Cities that cram our creativity!
A public image that we must live in even if it slowly makes us die?

Any landmark step of life...that can alter the way you are n how you live...must be given thorough consideration, deliberation n motivation before realization to remain truly happy in your skin!
Understand what is your true calling and if you are being moulded in the role that you may not be fitted for, would you do justice to it?

Know what you are programmed for and strive to fuse that in your life or realize what you truly are and hence at least banish some clouds of baffling doubts n uncalled for struggle!

Okay enough Gyan from Suruchi maata....hopefully a more cheerful post next time!
What have I realized through this vomit of my thoughts above?
-It is time to put a complete end to any trace of cribbing from today!
Full stop for full good! Phew!
I need a BIIIIIIIG hug now....time to wake Seeya up for that! :-)

I want a Gay or Lesbian Friend!

With full respect to the homosexual community, this is not a dig at their preferences!
This is just an expression of a truly felt urge of good intensions!

I have yet to come across a true bloodied gay or lesbian person, to know if things are actually spot on with them as are portrayed on television n in the movies!
Do they make better or worse friends or is there no bloody difference what-so-ever?

The closest I have come across so far is a pseudo or partially lesbian happily married friend, or so I think and please don’t ask me how I know that*that bole to ke she is ‘partially lesbian’ n not the ‘happily married’ bit*
But then she charms the women just as instinctively as she does the men...
So she belongs to another class of experimentation n analysis altogether!

It is apparently not essential that lesbians are manly or aggressive per se!

Nor do the men have female demeanour, voice or being prone to falling all over the men as is the general stance circling about them!
They could be inconspicuously a part of our surroundings...not meaning to segregate them as a category that should not, but then, who knows may be I even have a crush on a couple of them too...so it requires caution to ensure an unbroken heart*as always I am not going to ‘boo-hoo’ here about the prospects of my broken heart with them coz already and anyways there is a plethora of such hearts queuing up in my not-so-little frame...sigh! Sigh!*
 
Of course media as a medium is prone to exaggeration, I mean especially about the mannerisms, but then it would not harm to know by just about how much?

Like the latest cook in my house has hands that are always at an angle of 90 degrees when he is expressing himself*in words that is* and lips that get curled n compressed when he talks and eyes that bat an extra twirl and we all keep wondering about him*not that we have nothing better to do, but then curiosity does spark through, most unintentionally*So when we make him sleep in the servants quarter meant for the men, there does arise a fleeting doubt about his safety or perhaps that of others!

Anyyways...It will be a dream come true to be able to turn a man with preference for men, into one with inclination for women*specifically one* due to the fact that he came across the alluring charms of LITTLE-MISS-ME
*batting my eyelids coyly...yeees, while others dream of becoming doctors, engineers and the likes...even my dreams make me outstanding...standing OUTside the normal human race!*

But seriously, I often fantasize about this scenario*okay now not THAT seriously but then generally*...
My forces of beauty n hypnotic smile n sensuous persona driving a happily gay man into a charmed besotted youth singing Keats’s ‘La Belle Dame Sans Mercy’ in the woods of er...Kanpur dehaat!*

Of course a dear friend then checked n pricked my dream by telling me the following facts:
A. Your one dream actually has two dream sequences:
1. A gay man turning into a heterosexual...which is rarely possible, for such things are some harmonically*blah-blah* activated n once established it is an irreversible process*I slept through the rest of the scientific explanation so Google for details*
2. The fact that YOU madam, have forces of “beauty and hypnotic smile n sensuous persona” is in itself a heightened delusion!

B. Before attempting to turn a man with ‘preference for men’ into an admirer, at least try your hand*with no puns intended* to turn a man with preference for women into one!
Grr...Never mind the poor imagination n lack of foresight of this dumb friend!

Anyways...
Sexual preferences don’t make one extraordinary!
For there will always be rules of nature and wherever there are rules there are also bound to be broken!
And exceptions are somehow often more intriguing!
Like it leaves me pondering as to what goes on in the mind of someone who gets turned on seeing another human body with similar body parts as his own!
Isn’t that a tad boring?
God created the change in gender, perhaps to cater to the ‘variety is the spice of life’ tendency of mankind!
However, mankind as is the case with it often...extended the proverb beyond the frames of possibilities!

Also I mull over how liberating it would be to be able to talk n interact with another dish of a man with absolute lack of my inhibitions or socially raised eyebrows because he is purely not interested in my body*ahem, ahem...hehe...as if the rest of the world is going Lady Ga-Ga over it!*

It is worth weighing, how almost at the edge would be the rendezvous with a female who hugs you on every pretext and sometimes gives that peck on the cheek that gets a bit sidelined or most naively strokes the soft skin of your arms and leaves you always wondering....
Is she...?
Are these...?
Does she...?

Please don’t get me wrong here...it would so make my day to be the object of affection even from someone of my own sex*and phuleezee this is not due to the ‘beggars can’t be choosers syndrome*!
I don’t see why celebrities get all stiff when they are coined as ‘gay icons’ n the likes. It is such a high form of adulation for you turn on absolutely any living being...leaving plants and animals alone thankfully!

Why should someone feel any discomfort at all in the presence of a homosexual friend? It’s not as if they have no sense of restraint or hyper sense of desperation! They surely have lives beyond their bodies n bodily needs!
I mean look at George Michael...Ricky Martin...so simply awesome n yet outside MY reach just becausethey are f@#$ing not interested in women*never mind their celebrity status*

So people...please pray for me to get a gay or lesbian friend soon...or both to be better! Those wondering if I am using my post to secretly hunt for my own female fetish...please read the rest of my pages...
I have yet not completely explored the men-kind to be able to turn my attentions even by 0.09 degrees to other choices available!
The rest of you still undecided about what to think or do or look out for...please don’t strain much...just leave a flattering comment in the section below and serve the humanity by doing your bit of flattery for a poor deprived soul like me!:-)

The Thailand Mystery!

There is something very alluring about Thailand and I feel there’s a reason why I have not yet been to this land!
*Based on statutory warnings I guess: Highly volatile substances should not be kept in close proximity!*
Actually the only phoren lands that I have traversed are Singapore n Malaysia...the poor man’s foreign get-away or so I taunt my beloved with...boo hoo!

But just what makes Thailand such a popular get-away?
Now, you don’t need to be Einstein to know that!
But just in case, you were born yesterday*like me who was born only last year* lemme provide you some rays from my enlightment!

In the last two years, the influx of tourists travelling to this particular destination has seen an all time rise!
How do I, the smarty pants, know it?
Well, I ain’t no researcher or statistician!
But more than 15 couples in our friend n acquaintance circle have been here so far and some doing it as a yearly ritual!

In fact I tease a couple of them saying, last year they went for a fling n this year they are probably going to meet their offspring of it!
The third year would be the first birthday day celebration n so on...
*you know how I can go on n on...so I’ll spare you the details*

On a serious note,
Curious as to why only Thailand, keeping aside the fact that shopping is cheap n abundant...I was finally successful in my probing!

Some say they go there for the massages!
Now, now...I have nothing against massages and you are welcome anytime to gift me one at the nearest n most extravagant spa, to render me as your devout follower with lifetime validity!
But then those in Thailand are massages where you don’t just lay...you get laid*and for once...all the puns intended*!

The sandwich massage as I thought and as I discovered, were two poles of a stick*never mind, which stick!*
Me*minus enlightment*: Sandwich massage is when two people put themselves over n under you to give you a massage with...their hands*yes, in the name of sweet lord...I was THAT duh!*
Now please don’t ask me how the f@#$ did I fathom that ANY massage in such a way was possible?

Anyyyways...
Me *post enlightment*: This massage includes making you a sandwich but in more ways than one...it is everything a massage can be and everywhere it could be and more. The rest of it is kinda haaaaaw...so run your own imagination horses, people!

You can pick the women of your choice, nationality, colour, contour, age...
Yes sir...womEN, whom you’d like to provide you with the service n the services!
You can have fun to your heart n body’s content and come back to the hotel and relate the adventures to your spouse with all the frenzy and kicks possible!
I have even heard arguments to the extent of “She spent those thousand bucks on a Louis Vitton bag and I spent it on my body...what’s the difference? Both were seeking pleasure!”

My point is...
Why are certain things being readily accepted, without raised eyebrows or disdain, just because you are in a foreign land?
Had the same rituals been performed at an arm’s distance from your own house, it would have been termed as philandering and your character having gone through an ass of an assassination!
Some standards we all live in!

Second, why paid sex, as a form of recreation, is more likely to be acknowledged while a physical association like just a casual one night stand looked down upon as cheating?
Isn’t that just a matter of social fear and set norms then that makes us moralistic or otherwise?
We want to be technically correct rather than sensibly right!

Often still, cheating in body is considered worse than cheating in mind...
What sense does it make?
Whether you are physically cheating on your partner or mentally committing yourself to someone...you are any which way being disloyal!
You can’t claim to be “pure” after verbally being involved or physically having strayed!

Third, when one thing is right for the man, how come the same thing becomes a question of chastity for a woman?

Amsterdam n Thailand have provided a different flavour to the variety-hungry traveller n also the voyeuristic one!
It is no longer a matter of watching with a gaping mouth when a nude show is performed in an arena! It is a form of art!
I have heard stories of how shows based on unimaginable tricks performed by unthinkable body parts are a rage with the Indian tourist!
It has become a matter of pride and flaunting that you were a part of it!
Strip tease or pole dancing bars and the likes are now on the agenda of a city tour where such flavours are openly available!

I am not trying to be moral police here!
Heck, going to Thailand and not having experimented is like going to Thailand and not having the Thai curry!
Err...okay...I know that analogy sucks! But point gone home, right?
I am just openly wondering!

In fact I tease my beloved to go ahead and be a tad more adventurous...
We must try out things at least once before discarding them as useless, insane, or dumb!
Whoa, I was all out looking for massage parlours in Singapore that would have lady masseurs giving him a dose of some fun...though it’s sad for him I did not succeed despite voracious efforts!

But then I put a simple condition before him that always acts as a leash...
“Whatever you try out, expect me to do the same too!”
And that ends the story there!*diplomacy you’d say...I say nopes...its tit for tat...and never mind what’s ‘tat’ here!*



So...do I condemn or condone?
I really don’t know...lemme go n get some first-hand experience of “stuff” myself and enlighten you further!
Now you can’t expect me to have all the answers, can you?

Till then...to each one his own!
Let’s keep our judgemental caps off for a change and anyone wishing to sponsor my Thailand holiday for his upliftment via my enlightment...
Please feel free to email me with details and win a special mention in the next post...free, free, free!:-)

My Angel with Horns!

They say you pay for your sins and reap rewards for your nobility within the current birth cycle itself!
My dear little adorable fairy of a daughter, who moonlights as a little multi-tasking imp, is here to prove that right!
All of eight months to be in a few days...she has me seeing stars in the day and pray for ray of hope at night when she refuses to do what ordinary and lesser mortals normally do...that is sleep, by the way!

I remember the day I first saw her at the orphanage where we got her from...
As the nun handed her over to us...she had that completely lost expression...yes, just like her mother*that’s me now btw*sports most of the time!

She seemed the quietest baby ever...for not a word was murmured while she shyly came into my arms.
She looked around with unmatched tranquillity...as though grasping things slowly...unruffled like a placid lake!
And we thought... awww....what a “shaant” n well behaved bachcha this is!
I was also thinking...phew! She’d be so easy to raise with all her serenity and gentleness! And yes it did follow a mental ‘yiyee, yiyee, yiyee!’ too.

Cut to now...1 month with us...and little Seeya has bloomed n how!
She’s proved that ‘helloooooooow dude...appearances can be deceptive!’
What you see is often not what you get!

She’s a little angel who transforms into a little terrorist every once in a while!
She’s hyperness personified!
She could easily win the “naughtiest child on earth award” hands down and before you say that’s what ALL mothers think...lemme tell you this is voiced by anyone and everyone who is fortunate enough to get to spend some time with her!*I sometimes feel when she’ll grow up a little...I would probably get regular complaints of her beating up the ruffian school boys or taking ‘hafta’ from the school staff!*

She’s my ‘gunda’ baby! And when I call her that in a sing-song way*trust me that’s a tune you don’t want to hear* she shakes her bum n nods her head to give me company so that her poor mommy does not look like a fool crooning on it alone!

She fidgets like her life depends on it...as though God sent her down with an ordinance that if her bum was to be fixed at one spot for more than five minutes...she’d be called back!
Screams as though it’s her birth right to do so for anything and everything that she does not like or does not get!
She feels sleep is a waste of time and being still is waste of space provided by us and legs gifted to her!
She is rarely quiet and this when she can rarely say a word beyond “ta..ta..ta..ta”*considering if these are words at all*

When I tell her ‘no-no’ for something...she nods her head to indicate ‘yes-yes’*mommy...if you think you are smart, I am smarter and making the rules here*
I put her on the cot to sleep and she rotates a complete 360 degrees to scare our guts out and make sure she is soon got to the bed instead!

I feel she’s slept now finally and would give me at least one hour of uninterrupted sleep for myself...but before the hand reaches the hour knell...you can hear her yell!
And when I am in the deepest hour of sleep or just about to flirt with a delicious hunk in my nightly sojourns of dreams, she is in the most hyper active one and again ensures she has me woken up with a start, just before I am being kissed*damn...earlier it was just my beloved breaking my love dreams now even my daughter has joined his ranks...can a human not get some privacy even in her dreams? Woe to the world!*

Cute looking stuff toys are put in her arms, so enticingly huggable that even Hitler would wanna cuddle them...but naah, that’s not Seeya style!
She would either pull out their fur or eat up the poor toy’s nose in the most voracious of bites that you would have seen*I make sure my nose is within safe distance of those predating teeth!*

She compulsively has to dip her fingers in the bowl when I try to keep it safely inches away while feeding her...and before I could clean off the khichdi from those tiny five extensions called her fingers...in the next instant, I would find that the khichidi has automatically managed to reach her clothes as well as mine and other unmentionable places on me n her!

When I do her maalish*massage* with milk n haldi n besan...she thinks I have brought a treat not for her body but for her mouth instead and rubs her hands on her stomach to take constant savoury bite of what’s being smeared on her! An outsider would think we do not feed her enough and get us sued!

When I try to bathe her...she’ll make sure to scream her guts out for a while even before the water ritual begins, so that everyone in the house*if it were possible, even the neighbourhood* would come rushing in to give me an unasked for verbal guide entitled ‘1 million suggestions on how to bathe/raise a kid’ and yes they do an encore of it each bloody day!

When I’ll put her on the potty seat, she’ll scrunch all those tiny facial muscles to make me believe of a successful emission and thereby mission accomplished...
So I raise her tiny bums to my lap and check...
Only to find my own flabbergasted reflection in the sparkling clean water in the pot that has not been gifted with bits of waste of hers and soon to follow is something wet n yellow and amazingly stinky on my kurta...and then this always is followed by the most pleased grin on her countenance!

And that’s not the worst people...the worst is that both me n she want to shit at the bloody same time as soon as we get off the bed!
And needless to say, you know who gets the preference and who’s been at the constant sacrificing end since her life cycle began some three decades ago!
Basically saying...
My motherly instincts overpower my bowel calls!

She’s like those automatic dolls with buttons...put her on the bed and she cries and pick her up in the arms and she’s quiet within a second...hell..There’s even a tear half way on the cheek...that drops dead in its track!


And as if pimples on my cheeks were not enough to deter any prospective cheek-y activity...I now have her nail scratches there too!
Not to mention the smell of baby food or baby shit emitting out of me often or dried farex being pulled out of my hair that get stuck together!

Phew!
Motherhood is tough people...
But tougher still is staying away from this adorable devil...
She’d do something real bad and grin with her six teeth to make you forget it!
She’d lap n move her legs as though cycling to express her excitement on seeing you and you feel alrite...trouble me as much as u wanna...
I’ll grin n bear!

It’s been a fun/tough one month so far...and for further details...
If I survive or succumb?
Does Seeya change me or do I manage to change her?
Watch this space!:-)