Dear Mum

Dear Mum,

I know you’ve been for long complaining that I have changed and don’t really give you my heart’s outpouring as I used to vomit earlier on a severely loose stomach with details, so I thought today of making up for some of it, with a little mental sentiappa here.

Let’s begin with the thank you’s so that the blaming fingers are more easily buried. When my peeps sometimes turn around and look at me with aghast faces for having said something scandalizing and gross and put up that silliest of all questions of, “How could you?” even when they witnessed how and what I just did, I manage to pacify my detractors by saying it is in my genes. Thank you for being half mad and passing on that streak and justification to me. The world seems very placated with advancing the ‘genes’ syndrome almost sympathising with me as though I have caught a chronic disease and suffer incessantly under the pangs of its pressure to be outrageous.

Thank you for getting me married to G even though you didn’t bother to find much about G himself after the preliminary investigations revealed that his big, fat family was a catch. The fact that G turned out to be the Gem instead is another chocolaty story. Thank you also for bearing with a grin when some of the weird, hormon-ically over charged, not-your-taste kinda oldies in the in-laws flirt with you obnoxiously just because you are a samdhan ji. I guess there is justice after all! Why should I bear them alone?

I remember today all the mischief I did and got away, which I always tell you about with the mysterious air to send you in the baffled mode-yes, I did much that I was not supposed to, right under your pretty nose and thank you for being slow in realizing it or smart enough in pretending not to.

Also that little X-rated video cassette I found wrapped in your nighties while I was fishing inside for goodies, I had no idea how fishy the ‘adult’ world could be when you and pa had gone out sauntering, became a very educational and literally eye opening popping experience for me-you have done so much good, even without its awareness-ah, such magnanimity. I feel I am born to some Mother Teresa or something, though a modern day, child bearing version.

You made me the smart kid, topping at school with my nose buried in thick books. It is a blessing that the world thinks so high of studious geeky children that they assume we would never do wrong even if we were caught red-handed. So glad also that when you and I went into the snooping missions into my brother’s cupboard and watched with gaping mouths at the discoveries within you with disdain at how little girls could write letters to him that were befitting scripts for some B-grade porn film and me with jealousy at not having any such trophies, from the appropriate gender of course, you did not ever think of doing the same in my wardrobe. Yes, two people were needed to do the brave task of ransacking his belongings for much out there was liable to cause mini strokes. Anyways wading through my piles and piles of school notes would have been a deterring task. I myself lived in the perpetual fear that a clandestine musing should not someday find its way to my teacher’s desk and be corrected subsequently for errors-you see lack of experience in those days could have marred my current fantasy par excellence status.

It is amazing however, how simply wonderful you were at making and maintaining relations. Like all the cute older boys of all the aunties we met automatically became my bhaiyyas. You know how cruel that is on a teenager, just coming of age? Smart move there-so even if I ever thought of digressing and sing even just the chorus of a famous love sing around trees with any one of them, the despicable song “Bhaiyya mere, raakhi ki bandan ko nibhana” would play in the backdrop of my mind and raakhi threads loom like little snakes around his hot frame. You gave me one biological sibling na, who managed to create much of a ruckus single-handedly, why coerce more boys to join the league? So by the time I grew up, I was the unclaimed sister of half the eligible boys in town-thank you for giving me the grit so that I could struggle even in these adversities to create my space under the sun.

I remember also the days and nights of talking on the landline phones for the stupid inventor of mobiles was born late and how you would almost always pick up the receiver from the other line wanting to make a call just when I was talking and didn’t wish to be overheard. Thank you for being sweet enough to oblige always when I said, “Mom, I am talking” instead of getting into a banter then and there and insisting on a threesome-telephonically speaking of course!

Although I love you for all the fried food and Maggie and Bread rolls you fed us with, but really, were they necessary? Look what you did to my body which would have been otherwise catching more attention by default, making me rack less of my head and grey cells to do the same. But then on the bright side, now food turns me on often when my man is not there to do the same please rest the imagination horses-just the sight of food, is what I meant. You knew it could be a lonely world and I might need strength to bear it and weight to throw around.

Thank you also for introducing me to my later life arsenals-bras, although really did it have to be those terrible drab cotton ones with straps as wide as River Nile at that time? I now see it as a conspiracy to deter any possible onlookers from having gone any further from there. I mean Victoria’s Secret was a secret for both of us back then, but really Daisy was a sad substitute even by its mere name. And if Daisy was what you wore too I wonder at how my brother and I came about and how horny dad must have been to overlook screwing someone in a cotton ka kawach! It made me so relate to Bridget Jone’s Diary with all her garters and padded inner wear that could make a high man go dry at the sight of devastation-rescued, bandaged patient wriggling in action.

The conspiracy above makes me sniff for other possible loopholes, like I don’t know who made me believe almost till the age of fifteen that girls get pregnant if they take off their clothes before someone. Imagine my horror to even remove my duppatta before a full bloodied and bodied man, thinking if not a full on pregnancy, it might ensure at least the arrival of a tiny foetus in my womb.  And when I got my periods, the first thing you told me was “Now, you must be careful because NOW you can get pregnant if you are erring!” Christ, if only you had told me that before, I could have stripped in my washroom with more peace for all those twelve years or so, without bothering to check through the windows perpetually to make sure no one was peeping and risking me to early motherhood!

You did a great job of polishing us with impeccable English, introducing us to the language and words but mom really, you can’t gloat about it too much for your son in class 9^th came up to me and asked one fine evening “What is the meaning of the word fuck?” leaving me all reflective whether to give him a cock and bull story or a cock and pussy one!

Did we say thank you for getting married at almost 18 years of age and bringing me to the world even before you left your teens? Although it was a very bad example, for you made me get into child marriage at the age of 22, emotionally blackmailing me with the idea that at this age of yours, you had two children. And really bad sense of timing mom-for all the hottest items of mind-ilicious boys, are now in their twenties. Really, you could have waited at least a decade with all your horniness before bringing me to this world. Sigh!

I also wonder sometimes why I am so pouty within when it comes to fantasizing...wait a minute, I think it is because of your knack of pouting and dancing with a constraining of facial muscles, that I grew up watching. I should have actually watched what YOU were watching to understand that it was probably your way of expressing your oomph or hiding the fact that you were getting turned on. Anyways, I thought years of therapy would be needed for me to overcome that childhood trauma but then I developed new fetishes of my own and yours have relegated to the background. Plus the fact that the super gross non veg messages that you now forward me with the most explicit of Hindi terms, is taking the trauma to a whole new level and the idea of my education to a whole new dimension.

Enough said for now-we might want to save some skeletons for a sequel on public demand. Besides, I have to set up an example before my own daughter, so I don’t want to do any more damage than what my blog has already done. And really, before telling me to lose weight and apply anti-wrinkle creams or be nicer to my mother-in-law, will you please do something about the overacting and Now-Niruppa Roy-and-now-Helen act that perpetually follows all your drama in the house-just saying! And can you also please stop looking like my elder sister still, you are turning 52 next week for crying out loud :-)

Love you Mommy,

Your daughter who wishes she was half as good as you! 

 

My Interview on DOV

Helloooos, I was interviewed earlier this month by the awesome Maithili from the blog space of Darlings of Venus (DOV). For all those who missed ‘Getting Candid with Suruchi’ there despite my posting links everywhere, here’s what had conspired:

Maithili: Hello, and welcome to the interview. I was actually going through some of your posts all day to get some good questions.

Suruchi: Oh my god-poor you. And I was wondering what I would come up with about the usual questions-like why I started blogging and all...phew!

Maithili: Well then there’s been good amount of planning on both sides-this should be fun. Let’s see who takes whom by surprise. And oh don't worry you have to be just YOU to make this great! Suruchi means good taste right?

Suruchi: Yes...a good taste, a good interest-basically anything "good" gets copyrighted here.

Maithili: Ok so let’s hear something about your tastes then!

Suruchi: You mean apart from the chocolate bar that just got tasted and mmmmm-ed? I like music, movies, used to like reading books, teaching and a whole lot of blogging!

Maithili: We know of your love for blogging so we will move on to the teaching. Are you like that Miss Chandni from ‘Mein hoon na’ kind of a teacher?

Suruchi: Haha...how I wish-if not her IQ her statistics would do! But naah, no saree ka palloo lehraaoing here and no Shahrukh Khan types students either. Though I manage to get one or two doting ones every year!

Maithili: Boys will be boys and every boy has a crush on one of his teacher in his school time. Any experience of the same?

Suruchi: There have been some cute students who have studied with me in senior classes and grown really fond-like one has become a pilot and still keeps in touch, another is working in the US and manages to find time for me whenever he comes visiting home. Baaki sab compliments try karte hain-just so that the teaching time gets reduced as ma'am would get all flushed and smug.

 

Maithili: Any pranks that you remember in particular?

Suruchi: Okay, there have been some funny ones. Like when I was teaching in a school many, many years ago, there was an essay to be written on “Nehru and his Public life” and there was this prankster of a boy who deliberately omitted the alphabet “L” in public on the entire page just to see me cringe. I made him read the essay in front of the whole class and watch him self-correct his speech, though a bit sheepishly. Then there was this little girl with whom I was doing genders-I asked her the Feminine of ram (male sheep) and she answered very confidently-Sita. Such recurring experiences light up an otherwise boring teaching day sometimes.

Maithili: Ohhh so smart students I would say! What's the most memorable line used by a student to hit on you?

Suruchi: Tch, koi memorable line nahi yaar-very non-innovative types I must say-fortunately or unfortunately they don't go beyond the "Ma'am you are looking very nice today" or "Ma'am, new haircut...nyyyyyceeee"

Maithili: For getting hooked their cool ma'am helps them right? I did read somewhere that you give them ideas *looks smug*

Suruchi: Yes, ma'am-guilty for doing that a couple of times with completely love-lost soul-as in they were so droopy with hopeless unrequited love that they could give gravity a run for its money.

Suruchi: Baaki I am a very serious teacher by the way, just in case some student/student's mom stumbles upon DOV-it is hugely popular now, you know.

Maithili: Now who wouldn't want a teacher like that! No wonder you enjoy such popularity. Now turning on to your blog, more than 200 followers and in a way they have all become audience to your life now. Doesn't that make you apprehensive to post everything that comes to your mind?

Suruchi: Not at all because there is no other way that I know of writing than being blunt and personal. I don't know a flying fig about politics or social issues-all I can do is rip myself apart with the outrageous to gather some laughter or together strip the ridiculous that I see around. And god has been kind to keep me in insane situations for these 200 people to be entertained. In fact when everything's going in order and as per my plans and very methodical, I know I have missed something. Although trust me there is loads I wanna talk about that I can't for the very reason that there are many known people among the readers.

Maithili: Do your family members read it? Has your writing ever bothered your other half?

Suruchi: My family members read my blog occasionally (like when I pull them by the collar and make them sit before the screen with a bucketful of emotional blackmail) and my better half says that he is “content with half the world reading me as he has better things to do with me instead." So gets away with "Absent" marked on My Tumbling Thoughts. Besides, he knows I am mostly bantering and exaggerating and harmless like a jalebi.

Maithili: Well, you are indeed lucky to have G support you to write what you want!

Suruchi: Yes, it has developed into a mutually comfortable zone. Stupidity is not a crime, so I get away with it. He knows I love being me and I love him just being him.

Suruchi: Though sometimes I toy with the idea of an anonymous blog. You know where I can crib about my mother-in-law, do loads of blah-blah on sex and not watch eyebrows being raised and stuff and also flirt my guts out without bothering about my sindoor...sigh!

Maithili: That is every woman's dream my lady! Although you do have that option at DOV!

Suruchi: I know right, but then DOV went on to become hugely popular, so you never know. We'll let some secrets lie silent in my little heart. I decided both of us-my blog and me, can't look good at the same time, so I juggle between doing one thing good at a time.

Maithili: Speaking about looking good, why are we not getting any beauty tips from the Beauty Queen?

Suruchi: Because the Beauty Queen is losing her throne sitting so much on the net that her butt is growing too big for it! Koi beauty nahi hain yaar...it is just strategic clicking of pictures.

Maithili: Now you are being humble! Didn't you win a beauty contest once?

Suruchi: Oh my god-how did you get that random fact? This was in school farewell where I was crowned the Miss SMC and that was also probably due to the fact that I was the School Captain and hence popular. And sometimes not just love is blind-judges can be too.

Maithili: I told you I came prepared to interview you! Not too many people can be blind to your beauty darling!

Suruchi: Awwww...and full marks to Ms Perfectionist! Anyways, those who compliment us for our beauty-you know all that shoo-shaa on Fb n all...at some level, every woman knows how to demarcate between flattery for a purpose and genuine appreciation. There are very few genuine things and people around these days.

Maithili: Yes agreed on that part... You are one blogger who speaks her mind, shares her photos and adds bloggers to her Facebook account. What would you say about private life on public domain? Where does one draw a line?

Suruchi: See it is all very individualistic. I feel that if I am reading someone's thoughts over a period of time on his blog page or he on mine, there is no reason why he may not get admission into my space on Facebook. And I am always the one who believes in seeing good in people till they absolutely prove it otherwise. One may and should share about their lives on blogs/social networking sites, etc. Otherwise what else is the purpose of these-we don't want to hear inspirational quotes on statuses which we can any day hear on Astha Channel on the idiot box. Although one must be careful of whom they are allowing into their private sphere for sure, especially the young girls

Maithili: A very good perspective on this! This already looks like a good topic for discussion!

Suruchi: You know a lot of people have told me to be discreet on my blog, like there was an anonymous comment once and the person said-

 “I know where you live, when you go for a walk, how many times you have sex and whom you have had crushes on...Don't you think your entire life is out there?” And I thought even if it was, so what? Just because I wrote a post on having sex 5 times a week, does not mean that I am inviting entries for it or the fact that where I go for a walk, would make readers want to travel all the way to Kanpur to kidnap me? Bull shit is expected but not accepted!

Maithili: Wow lady! A very bold take on this! You have not written for the discussion on blog this month. Any reason?

Suruchi: Naah, just not finding time Miaths-Seeya keeps me on the toes and the festivities keep me dressed like a cake, so leaves me with less of what I really want to do. But even regarding the virginity issue-I feel it is no longer such an awaited moment as it used to be before...youngsters have little hang ups about being physical and it is growing rather silly to expect to marry virgins. Although I always tell my young friends or anyone who asks me for this advice -even if you have been in relationships, there is no need to be Satyavadi Harish Chandra to your newly married husband and vomit it all. Many men still have an ego when it comes to knowing "their" girl has been physically intimate with someone before.

Maithili: But don't you think a relation should start with a plain slate? The partners should have prior info on each other?

Suruchi: It is alright when one is being friendly with someone and then gradually a relationship develops. But in arranged marriages, one should not take the risk. And while detailing everywhere else helps, not here, when it comes to describing about your colourful past! I mean there is no reason why the naya naya husband should have to sit through a meet-my-reality session on a couch.

Maithili: Turning on from the in depth discussion to the rapid fire round now

You would have to answer these very quick! 5 words which describe Suruchi-only FIVE words.

Suruchi: Lively, dependable, witty, loving and charming.

Maithili: What would do the first thing if you turned a man RIGHT now?

Suruchi: You mean what I would do to a turned on man or what I would do to turn a man on...my god, just a few words, change it all, doesn't it?

Maithili: Yes, if you turned into a man?

Suruchi: Oh, I would go and propose to a whole lot of women using as many pick up lines as possible without the fear of hearing "Tere ghar mein ma-behen nahi hain kya?” and being affected by it.

Maithili: Although I’m all ears now to hear the answer to the "turned on" man question too!

Suruchi: Haha...which part? It is easy to turn on men yaar-may be coz they are technically never turned off. They just go on a "silent" mode

Maithili: Hehe well said madame.

Maithili: If you were a type of food what would you be?

Suruchi: Chocolates, of course, they can be used in so many ways and so pleasurable-what else can be as gratifying?

Maithili: You would like to be used in those gratifying ways? Ahaan?

Suruchi: Nopes, I would like to be pleasurable, all said and done.

Maithili: If you were written about in the newspaper, on the front page, what would the headline say?

Suruchi: The headline would probably say-"A little known blogger shoots to stardom after world-wide internet sites come crashing down due to hits made on her bog"....very lame, I know, but the write up following it would be juicy as there would be mini world wars for me. Such complacent souls we are-zyaada kuch nahi maangte!

Maithili: Well I don't mind you shooting to fame but crashing www could be heart breaking for me.

Suruchi: Haha...it has to be dhamaakedar na!

Maithili: What's the most touching thing G has done for you?

Suruchi: Well, besides always wanting to be touchy, once in the early years of our marriage, I was in a really sad mood and almost cried on the phone, he came home from office, during the middle of the day and stayed with me for a couple of hours-that was a great gesture from someone who's a work-o-holic. He keeps doing little things every now and then which matter more than the big ones

Maithili: Awww that is really what matters right?

Suruchi: Yes, he isn't the kind to sing songs or write poetry or read my blogs to show that he cares...but he is the kinds to bring a chocolate without fail on every Karva Chauth, to take my side when I am cribbing about something until I simmer down, to respect my parents a whole lot, even more than me, ask me what bothers me even after I tell him a hundred times that it is nothing...and all this makes a huge difference at the end of the day.

Maithili: Indeed you are a lucky woman..

Suruchi: Thank you

Maithili: What turns you on instantly?

Suruchi: Gimme a witty conversationalist-any day! Wit and a good repartee-it starts and ends with it.

Maithili: Have you ever Adam teased?

Suruchi: Oh tons of times-in college we used to gang up at popular hang outs and tease some shy ones with loud comments made randomly. And then there were the times of prank calls.

Maithili: And what is the naughtiest thing you have done in such pranks?

Suruchi: I managed to get clicked with a very cute guy, first asking him to click a picture for us and then generally chit chatting and eventually he became like a group buddy-ah, good old school days!

Maithili: When you enter a room what is the general reaction you get?

Suruchi: Big smiles, a mischievous wink sometimes and a general pleasant welcome and where I don't get these-I just don't enter. Also often people expect me to walk in and they give me the expectant look that ah, here she comes-now make us laugh.

Maithili: So you are the bubbly types who set the party on fire?

Suruchi: Often yes, also because I am so full of double meaning statements

Maithili: Tell me who is the person who you first turn to, when you are upset?

Suruchi: The first person used to be my mom...now there are friends coz mom used to end up being more upset than me and I ended cheering her up than being cheered. I have been blessed to find some of my best friends through the blogosphere.

Maithili: That is great! And here come to the end of the rapid fire round.

Suruchi: Phew! Thank god...I don't like rapid things so much.

Maithili: You gave some swift and smart replies! So a pat on your back for this round!

Suruchi: Thank you, thank you...Don't I get a coffee hamper or something?

Maithili: Ah we wish we could give away those, but we are pretty much bankrupt here at DOV. Okay so moving on from rapid fire, we have last two questions. Every woman goes through a rough patch... Any experience you would like to share- in love, marriage, friends or motherhood?

Suruchi: Ah, well, I had a very rough time before my daughter Seeya came along-it was almost ten years of trying for a baby and not succeeding that took its toll on me and me too. But then things looked up! There were times when you lose faith in yourself, god and those around you...when all actions are doubted as though they are aimed at a set motive-it was the lowest point in my life...and then we found Seeya. She's been like a bright star though a very twinkling one-going on and off with mischief and trouble to awakening a very dormant motherly feeling in me.

Maithili: Well Seeya is most definitely the brightest spark in your life. Also I am proud of you for giving Seeya such a wonderful life.

Suruchi: You know it was not like the easiest or most natural decision for me. I was unlike most girls who grow up with dreams of a husband and house and children-I almost never saw me doing or with all that. I was too busy doing my own things and went along with the flow. A child has brought stability in me which I lacked. And she is magnetic when it comes to gathering attention and affection.

Maithili: I have seen that in the thousand expressions your princess gives for the camera!

Suruchi: Haha, she's gone on me-the chocolate and burger fetish, the insane love with the camera, the mockery of horror stories or anything conjured to scare her, wet kisses, nautanki and smiling to get away with stuff-I guess influences rub in.

Maithili: She is tailor made to be your daughter!

Suruchi: Or perhaps we were separated at god ji ke tailor ka mela to unite again on earth.I just hope she is not half as mad and as yearning to flirt as I am

Maithili: Ahh, now you are going to have a tough time with that.

Suruchi: I know-keeping away prying boys and the escalating curiosity of little girls-OH MY GOD!

Maithili: And finally we come to the question- Suruchi's life-any regrets or guilt?

Suruchi: Yes, the only regret is I should have studied more and done something with my life before succumbing to the marriage pressure. It is absolutely necessary that girls learn to stand on their feet and make their mark before shaadi, though I make up for it in my little ways.

And guilt-naaah! What we do wrong, we make amends and life goes on-nothing is forever and neither is no one.

Maithili: Thank you Suruchi for your wonderful interview for DOV.

Suruchi: You are most welcome Maiths, it was my pleasure. It was like talking so much about ME for a change-thank you for giving me my celebrity moment. Lemme circulate some muaaaahs also in the air, just for the perfect closure.

*muaaah darlings*

Maithili: Sure darling, you are a celebrity here today.

Suruchi: Thank you!

The Party Circus

It is enlightening to observe people at a social get together-real skins get peeled off and masks appear or rather the vice versa. Everyone’s out to project that they are the hippest and the happiest although the way their eyes peer around in an unnamed search, you feel their loneliness even in crowds. Then there are others who revel in mirth and frivolity, who would be living it up, getting drunk, and dancing their effing shoes off, inhaling pleasure like oxygen and exhaling oomph like carbon dioxide. You feel they are having fun but by then end of it all, they'll be falling over those who smile on their face but turn around and grimace or those who smirk harbouring deeper, murkier intentions within. And then there are those who are trying to ‘get in’, some trying to get out and those who are wanna-be’s. The party scene is suddenly very pretentious or have I turned old?

The bejewelled and the well draped lady who never repeats an outfit and always has her husband by her nape, is the ‘poor girl’ who is doing the dizziest rounds in the gossip circles as the one being cheated upon and shut up with the trinkets, reduced to the mere decked up version of the Hutch puppy. The garrulous dude, the centre of all attention, is regaling everyone with his wit, being round the clock conscious and perhaps nervous within of all who are watching and all whom he must impress for his night to be truly triumphant. The out-of-vogue girl, who dresses up weird enjoying the imbalance of shocking striking colours and hairdos that raise many a hair, romps around like a kitten let loose thinking the world is her runway. The poise perfect, dressed in brands that scream posh and heels that could dare to look at towers eye to eye, mingles with a rare charm although her feet are killing her and the plastic smile is becoming more than apparent.

The douche-bags who come to a party not for the party or the host but to dissect the people, strip them naked of clothes and emotions in their dirty mind’s eye, watch others act and let lose their guard, allowing the douche his moment of voyeuristic kick. Others come as the gossip vines for they only want to observe who is in which corner with whom or who sneaked out and is missing in action with someone else’s arm candy and that’s besides already having the onerous task of keeping count of who drank what and how much. The joker, who evokes laughter but are too duh to realize that people are laughing ‘at him’ instead of ‘with him’!

The clicking smiley faces love to move around wherever the shutterbugs go so that they get their Page 3 moment on facebook the next day. They have the biggest of smiles, not for people but for the lenses that would project them visually springy minus the verbal tales. The drunk on booze who have no clue what they are saying or doing and the drunk on beauty who have no clue if they are mouthing something dumb for they are too busy exuberating ‘I am too sexy for this party’. There is also the want-to-know-all who would be standing with you in a seeming conversation but wants to know who is the woman talking to X or without your asking shower you with his thesis done on the who’s who in the party. His sole aim in life is to make sure he knows them all so that they know him too and if there is someone he does not, he looks for ways to get introduced. Not a target should be spared.

The corner grabbers who do nothing through the party but sit in some dingy corner where they can’t be seen while they get the front seat view of all the madness circumventing on the dance floor. They have better things to do like text on mobiles or gulp down the snacks or watch everyone with disdain, feeling how the world is going to the dogs. Also in the same circuit would be the opportunists-those who use the fact that the music is too loud to come dangerously close brushing their lips against someone ears to try out the possibilities, those who dress a little too less or a little too much to grab attention, those who mingle to form some contacts and those who do so to avoid some others.

And amongst this all is a swish-swash of formal hugs as well as deliberate long embraces, sugar coated muaaahs and affected compliments, serious bitching and flirtish twitching and the obnoxious query of ‘how are you?’ for you know the answer will always be ‘fine’ and always an understatement. And where am I in this circus? I am switching garbs of one of these roles to another, trying to find my footing and fun.

But where is the fun? What happened to good old, good times?

P.S. (warning-mini post ahead): Sorry I am in a blah mood that is refusing to let go. I remember reading a statement made by a comedian once, god help me for I do not remember his good name. But he deserves all the credit for his words which often reverberate in the corners of my mind:

“It is a tough life making others laugh...and somehow just because I am funny on screen, people assume I would be the same in real life even without scripts. I often meet fans who would walk up and say, alright, say something funny and look at me expectantly with gaping mouths-I don’t know what to do then.”

I feel a tad of the same. Somewhere down the line I gathered the repute of being the funny blogger, who creates a laugh riot through her posts-if I sound as though I am complaining, please pardon me for I am eternally grateful for earning this formidable little claim to fame. But sometimes I feel a sort of pressure to write for the readers instead of writing for myself. I used to earlier employ this space as my journal-you know by and large rant about my life and feelings and somehow it transformed to being tirades on issues-the funny ones, where I felt and stripped my feelings less and opined and ripped the outrageous more. I like the adulation as a humorist but I loved the venting as a human. Often I write things I might want to voice my views on not the political or general awareness ones-please, I won’t be able to muster anything on those matters even if I went into amnesia and someone convinced me to read the newspapers daily, saying I was the chief advisor to the Prime Minister but they end up in drafts perpetually. Anyways, what I am saying is that I can’t be funny all the time. Hopefully I will the next time you are here :-)