Grow up People, I am two now!

I often wonder what must be going on inside a child’s impressionable mind...my child's  mind rather. Here I try to unravel what I think that my two years old Seeya could possibly be thinking in that little brain of hers, hell bent on mischief:

~On Sheila ki Jawani:

Alright, I am supposed to ask people ‘What’s my name?’ ‘What’s my name?’ ‘What’s my name?’ if I want them dancing around me like that and perhaps also being dumb would help.

~Hearing adults asking her to sing a song/poem:

Will you please cut the cowshit? And then they wonder why some girls grow up to be item numbers!

~When I and G hush-hush if she walks into the room suddenly:

It’s a good thing we are not expected to knock and enter-education should start early;-)

~Watching her papa put only coins in her piggy bank and spending a big, red crisp note on dinner:

My parents’ financial investment really sucks!

~Watching an on-screen kiss:

In an innocent moment: I think this uncle and aunty do not have napkins and don’t want to dirty their hands so they are licking off the Cerelac from each other’s lips.

In a mischievous moment: Mommy, will I be able to do THIS also when I turn eighteen as you say I’ll then be big enough to put lipstick and nail polish?

~Seeing me undress sometimes*yes, necessity is also the mother of changing*:

Why do I have to wear such long drab papa jaise vests while mommy’s is lacy and short and colourful?

~Watching dogs indulge in doggie style*you can’t avoid those when you go for evening walks every day*:

Mom, so this is what you mean when you say, ‘don’t fight like dogs’? My god that back dog has defeated the under-dog and look how he’s kicking it now!

~When I point at the television set and tell her ‘Baby, this is Ranbir Uncle’:

I sit and fancy mommy getting a little stroke when someday I will bring Ranbir Kapoor home as the rockstar who would have given me THE rock...

~When she bears people who pull her cheeks:

Can I do the same thing with your pants?

~When she hears me talking on the phone:

“Kisse baat kar rahe ho? Kaun hain? Kya keh rahe hain?” I better follow religiously what papa said-Mumma ka dhyan rakhna...

~When she hears me mutter about growing fat and gyming:

Mommy, will you please stop trying to look like my elder sister...you are thirty years older for crying out loud?

~When I make her read books while she graces the shit pot:

And someday if the world blames me for my shitty ideas, I’ll know who to blame.

~When I hold her very tight and kiss her like a crazy woman:

Oh god, please send someone else for mommy to do this with before she crushes me with her overflowing affection!

~When I introduce her to older boys in the friends’ circle as 'XYZ Bhaiyya':

Mommy, just because your mommy screwed up your chances with half the eligible boys that you met as a teen, it does not mean you have to make it a family tradition...

Yes, she is my little bomb and just turned two this month...if you doubt my madam would be this volatile and dhamakedar, please watch this video to ascertain it for yourself: