Women Vs Women!

After talking about defining men and programming women, I thought about how it would be to bracket just women at par with other women...
Hmmm...A very critical though remarkable situation indeed!
They say two women can’t be good friends...
They say a woman can never give a genuine compliment to another woman...
They say that if you want to spread a word, tell about it to two women...
They say it is never easy to judge what’s better having women as friends or as enemies....

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat women?
How do you land up with such inferences about yourself and your fraternity?
Anyways, now that they are stuck on us....we might as well justify or find a way around them...Some myths, some a part of our fabric!

The Envious Streak:
For starters, much as I hate this, I would have to assert that women are envious by nature (Hey, thank god, I am not every woman, though I love to croon the Whitney Houston number.... ‘I’m every woman, it’s all in me...anything you want done baby, I do it naturally....’). Let’s just blame the traditional roles for this wiring, whereby the men were the bread earners and the women were the house keepers... So the only task the pretty young things had was to dress up like a cake and look good for their ‘man’ when he returned. As in a competition, the obsession grew, whereby the husband must feel inclined to declare that the lady by his side was of the most superior quality by far. So since then we have been confined in this insane circle of proving our mettle every bloody time! If XYZ has lost weight, I must reach the size zero instead, if XYZ has bought a Davidoff, I must procure a Channel no.5 and in worst case scenario if XYZ has managed to get a tiger skin I must kill a tiger itself to beat that. The madness never quite really ends.

Watching Two Women Fight:
Awesoooooooooooome...you’d say. The men would because you have to mention women fighting and they get drifted to the fantasy land of imagining women wrestling or better still soaked in wet mud doing it full on...fighting that is; they take seconds to presume women on each other, ripping their clothes apart, pulling down the hair, hands and legs entangled and skin against skin. Yup, soft porn for them....hard core business for women. Much to their disappointment however, women generally suffice with a verbal assault which is not any less of a stimulating sight, I assure.

Today’s woman is a walking dictionary of the choicest abuses garnered specially for those of their own community. If a man rubs then wrongly they avenge themselves by creating silent tortures for him, but if a woman is at the receiving end, she better watch out for the ‘nasty’ has just begun. You would merely gape in wonder at the sight beholding the cat fight and complete character assassination...the specially hand-picked abuses from ma till behan to the very point where they get to choo....Women can be mean to other women...Like I was immensely obliged for being a witness recently to such a set-up ... “Abe saali aa mein batate hoon...” “Arrey tu kya batayege tere to waise bhi@#$%^&*&^%$#@” ...Don’t ask me to fill in the blanks because I was too culturally shocked to let the words sink in....But later as I recited bits and pieces of it to my dear beloved, I was amused to see the complete delight on his countenance and the almost annoying enthusiasm to hear more... “Acha phir...acha aage” he would ask and I had to tell him “Bas ho gaya....now relax those excited veins”.

Two Women as Friends:
Now if I say, I can...you would raise that blaming finger against me asserting...
‘Ya right, only you are the sane one in your fraternity, baaki sab to dumb freaks hain’. Nahi yaar! But then I actually can be friends with women, though I much prefer to interact with the guys...so much more of intellectual crap they make...better than the emotional drama from our ends. But then, much to my dismay, women generally lack the retention power in their stomachs. They have been tuned that way, that they have to let the cat out of the bag, every bloody time...so animal loving you might say! The gossiping instinct in them prevents them from staying faithful...I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this daft statement... “Ok, this is a secret, I’m telling it to you but please don’t tell it to any other, she trusts me on this you know” and yes I know, never to trust you darling! Ridiculous, ludicrous, injudicious...and all the rest!

So rest assured, we know not to take our gal pals too seriously...If she is saying that the colour suits me, I am very tempted to reconfirm it from my beloved, cause who knows she just might want me to prance around looking like a peacock to eliminate the threat....hahaha....kuch zyaada ho gaya lagta hain!
But then it is not rocket science to know how bad we are at accepting compliments though expecting them all the time...Like “Oh XYZ you have lost weight!” “Naah...it’s just the dress yaar” or “What’s with that glow on your face?” “Really! I thought my face looked dull these days...you know that natural something there was much more”. So I have decided to quit complimenting women and let all our souls rest in peace!

Women Turning Wild with Other Women:
This holds good yaar! Sometimes when we have had enough of men, women then come to rescue of one another as though by a sacred though undeclared pact. Nothing more uplifting than like-minded women ganging up for the cause of fun! A lot can happen over coffee...and shopping just doesn’t remain a flushing of hard earned cash, but also a draining of negativities. And as happens, the urge to let go is so strong that women become wild and wanton to outdo their limitations. Ever seen a gang of women screaming wildly at a full bodied dude on screen, or whistling at the eye candy that passes by and checking him out head to toe...Now ‘that’ we can only dare to do when in a bevy...the huntresses at the prowl. In this sense, it is a must to have such women folk around you for that grey day. Hence we nurture little friendships which by god’s grace sometimes mature into sensible relations.

Women With Women:
Guys, as much as we ogle at each other’s assets, give crushing hugs and wet pecks on the cheeks...we are not gays...at least not all of us. We may tuck that strap publicly for another dame in distress....we may rub the spine ends to help the other relax...we often snug or put a hand across our waists or just hold hands....that’s simply because we are clingy by nature. And who else but the man knows that better. So if you see two women fitting tightly or too close, please rest those horses and give us a break! In all possibility, you would not catch us getting jiggy with it!

Women need women around just as essentially as we crave for men. If men give us the drive to look good, women keep us motivated in persevering to do so. Women may be our enemies at hunt, but they are the companions to our solace when the hunt turns out to be a damp squib.
Women, women....like the men say....we can’t do with or without them!
Time to celebrate women, time to cheer for us!
Happy Woman’s Day to all the lovely ladies I have ever come in contact with...May you continue to inspire and perspire with me!