Men Defined and Redefined...(the author having gone mad on this one-critical condition under observation, though not fatal)

Men are and have been an eternal detective novel...
Though the common opinion in this scenario is rather directed against women, yet I feel when it comes to being completely unpredictable and bafflingly mysterious, men take the cake and the cream on it and even gulp down the cherry...Koi trace nahi chodte...no evidence that could lead to the decoding or the solution to their notorious escapades. So the poor hapless female counterparts have to dawn the avatar of Lady James Bond to often handle this slippery, slithery, sumptuous as well as often indigestible blob of human matter....(yup, much as I have an affinity to food, we are still talking about men only here despite the similarity on the mouth watering, sumptuous bit).

So while trying to unravel this thriller, my mind floated upon some bizarre definitions and comparisons of my own...
What the heck! Sometimes even serious writers need to let their hair down...and have a field day with whacky outpour of ideas...Hopefully it is not a permanent damage and sanity would soon prevail. Amen!

So what are men?
Men are like softy ice creams....
Tempting on the surface...soft on top...hard below, almost cracking...melts as soon as u take a bite, lingering slowly till it fills it all...savoury as you indulge and tingling as you take more of it in....till finally it cools down your insides and you mmmmm in pleasure... as you lick your lips in pure gratification to relish it to the last bit, only of course if it is good enough...The stick variety is easy to handle and the cups allow you to dig in deep...The more the scoops the merrier the content...any additions of nuts and sauces lead to more mouthfuls...
(Hahaha...I have a hopeless premonition that I would vomit a lot of madness here today! God save your soul from the corruption...)

Men are also like the television...
Great to pass time, can keep you hooked and booked for hours at end...often not missed desperately in case you have too much to do at hand....can be soothing at times and jarring at others...In case you don’t like much of what you are getting...just switch to another channel...rightly fingering it is the key my friend. Often when the set gets old...like really rusty and grumpy...you need to hit it to get it to respond...Too much of it at one go can make you feel dizzy...Sometimes it’s best to just let it be on in the background somewhere as you go about with your daily chores...just numb your senses to the constant bantering and mouth hmm’s in between...No matter how sleek the set is, there are always better ones in the market to distract...The more variety there is on display, the longer is the attention span....It makes you stick to the couch more often than not...Gawsh! I can go on and on at this...I better switch off....

Hmmm...
Men are like cars too...
The sexier from outside...the more glimpses it catches...Size does matter...
Accessories and features always draw more takers...The smoother on performance, the bigger are the smug grins of the lady behind the wheel...Always better to take a test drive before signing on the dotted line...Needs servicing and repairs at regular intervals...Often goes flat (at the tyre bit)....when you really want it to execute and if it gets too hot, you can almost perceive steam rising from the interiors...Excess baggage handling depends upon the price you have dished out for it...You need to slow it down sometimes too, for the ride might get bumpy...Can be a pain handling it, when you are already stuck in a rut...err...jam...You need to be wary when around other vehicles because it is prone to get scratches when coming in their contact....mmm...and the gears must be handled with care...too much excitement and pressure just might break it right there in your hands...and lady you have to know the right buttons to make it vroom to high speeds.

Uff...I think I would be severely chastised and out-casted for this...

Men are also as good as the clothes you wear....
The more you have them, the more of them you want...one size fits all are the ones that completely suck...you need to try on and pick only those to take home that compliment you like really snug...although even the best ones need some alterations...And hey, not just the right fit would do for us...we want it all in that one thing- the right colour, the patterns, the embellishments, the quality, in short a complete head turner...The cheaper ones are easy to handle and even man handle...the pricey ones are high maintenance... you know dry-cleaning and all...but then they are long lasting variety...you would have to grow off them only to discard for they would not wear off on their own...However, those that cling too much can get you to suffocate...it is best to have a choice, like to take out that one at a given time which suits the occasion...Too bling and you scream as a wanna be...too sober and you get mingled in the commoners....If it becomes like your favourite...you repeat and flaunt it wherever you go....!
The ones that truly get to matter are made just as a single piece with no repeats....Should know the balance, when to reveal and what to conceal...and when you feel too cold, you can just wrap yourself tighter in it like a self embrace and when too hot to handle....let go of some layers...
Hey and harsh breeze can make the skirt fly...so sometimes it needs a bit of tucking too....

Alrighty....
I think I am done here...
Now the ice cream, the television, the cars and the clothes are all sacred symbolic attributes...
Before I get tempted to bring in burgers, couches, mirrors, clutches, mobiles, showers and pretty much everything into this allegorical madness...
Hope the unravelling of the mystery soon follows...
And guys, no sweat...the comparisons are all that we women just can’t have enough of or get by without...So smile when I say cheers to you!