Happy in Stereotypes, are we?

What would happen if men would think like women n women began to consider the man-view of aspects in life?

Imagine a wife eyeing her man lustily from top to bottom as though a mouth-watering chocolate dripping cake with a cherry on top*and yet a promise of no calories* has been alluringly put in sight!

Imagine then the husband says ‘Not today honey, I have a headache’

Imagine again the wife saying, ‘You always have that excuse. Why in God’s name have I married you then?’

Hypothetically again...a man remembering all dates of all kinds of insane anniversaries or a woman remembering routes while driving or even parking right between two vehicles just a few feet apart.

Or cut to a restaurant where the girl orders a hearty four course meal and the guy nibbles on the salad coz he’s on a diet to attain a zero figure.

A woman who is constantly on the mobile phone *not for gossiping*attending ‘urgent’ calls or emailing and a man cribbing about it or about the fact that she has too many girls night-outs while he sits around at home waiting for her!

The woman repairing the electric mains and the man telling you how to remove the haldi ke stains from a table cloth!

Actually such predicaments are not so difficult to imagine with modern day role reversals but instead of these being sporadic episodes, what if they become the scenario at large?

Certain roles have been pre-defined to suit the genders.

I am not averse to a duo going dutch to foot a restaurant bill or the idea of women initiating sex or proposing to a guy...

But certain stereotypes look cute as they are, don’t they?

It is sweet to have someone you’ve been eyeing come across the bar to ask you if he could buy you a drink*of course in a more innovative way*

Nice to have a boy fall on his knees to propose...

With a girl doing so thoda technical locha bhi ho sakta hain na...like the skirt getting lifted or if it is a mini skirt...too much excess being proposed than is intended.

Let men do the dirty work.

Ah the world where chivalrous men open doors for their better halves or even someone else’s better half or remove their coats to cover the slightly shivering petite form of their princesses in the harsh cold wind!

Rippling muscles adorning the Greek god like male form rather than the female’s.

Where men get ready to fist a loafer’s face blue if he raises so much as an eyelid at the girl on his arm...

Where long hair in ponytails, were strictly a woman’s domain and casing, bullet-proof looking leather jackets bore a ‘men-only’ tag.

Where men pay the bills when women shop!

Where women in sexy lingerie welcome home their husbands with a surprise and they live happily ever after in the room...at least for a few hours!

Where men are treated as gods and women as queens!

Where only women keep the KarvaChauth vrat*actually no point even in women keeping it but men observing this fast is a little too Karan Johar-ish!*

It is equally nice to have the man cuddling you for comfort more often than the woman doing the same round the clock.

Having a man cry once or twice in a movie is so cute, try living with a fully grown man-like something who is a cry baby!

It is better to have a woman tying up a neck tie than watch a man do his beloved’s sari...I mean like EVERY time!

I know of a working couple who stay alone in a metropolitan city and hence as need necessitate it to be...the husband gets up every morning to polish her and the children’s shoes and iron the clothes of the kiddos and his wife before he can do his own and go to office. Without intending to be prejudiced or high headed, but sorry, it is not a very pleasing sight for me...

I would like to give certain respects and benefits to the husbands by default just as women deserve certain pampering without having to ask for it.

I remember a while ago a tag doing the rounds of ‘What you do as opposed to your gender stereotype?’

I was tagged too...but couldn’t manage to do it then.

So here I go, on how though I love the basic stereotypes I equally adore breaking the moulds...

Oxymoron to the core!

I am not a normal girl...matlab ke sab straight hain magar kahin kahin crooked turns aa jaate hain:

1. I hate gossiping n talks about maids n mothers-in-law n children put me off like an electric short circuit darkening it all.

2. I absolutely like the idea of being a single or rather sole woman in a group of men*partying of course, you dirty minds* while the other men having their wives sitting in some corners and bitching.

Too many women in sight, is not a pleasant sight for me!

3. I can handle my man looking or admiring other women...I even join him to discuss some vital statistics...er...vital issues of it.

4. I don’t mind scurrying around getting the car repaired or paying mobile bills or circling the BSNL office to get my internet connection running*many women I know refuse to do such things as they consider them to be the men’s jobs*

5. I like ‘chedo-ing’ guys...not like a tapori whistle or ‘Aata kya?’ type ke sidey remarks...but a subtle tease works super duper with me! Sometimes I feel I flirt like a guy too...now how is that possible...we’d keep it for some other time.

6. I like to pay the bill at a restaurant once in a while or take all onus of a short holiday sometimes as a treat to my man... ‘Jao tum bhi kya yaad karoge ke kiss cheez se shaadi hue hain’ types ehsaan to his being.

7. I love action movies...though not the Jackie Chan kinds...I can’t stand the sounds they emit of ho-ha-wha*from their mouths of course* when they hit someone!

It’s like unpleasant noisy love making in the room next door when you aren’t getting any in your own.

8. I love driving fast...really fast...in fact I sometimes honk the life out of a youngster who drives at a snail pace ahead of me.

An oldie doing so is fine, but for a young blood...offo...move it!

9. I would love to someday get so drunk that I get onto a table and dance*hopefully the table would not give away n neither would I in the attempt to get over it*

10. Then there is the list of what I’d do if I were a man...have multiple girlfriends...walk bare chested on a very hot day...not bother about growing eyebrows...try to get into a wrestle game at least once n where the prospects of my winning are high...or punch someone hard on the face, without hurting my fist in the bargain...ride a Harley Davidson kinda bike...

Aaa....Actually not much else...

I am happier being a woman n batting the eyelids to get all these things done somehow anyways!

So while following the stereotypes is cool...deviating from the usual is sometimes ‘cooler’...now what concerns being AC*poor joke*is very much your take to be in life!

The Rainy Day of Love!

After five years she saw him again today in a similar rain dipped afternoon that they used to spend their dating days in. Crystal droplets of rain that wash clear all the dust-laden ‘things’ had been doing the same to their emotions and amalgamating their souls it seemed from eternity.

She pondered over as rain beat against the lonely roof with all its noisy ferocity...

Is it destined they come across each other when it rained or when one came upon the other it rained to felicitate the occasion?

But before she could reach the safe banks of any conclusion, the flood of past memories washed her down to the path of no return.

She saw herself back at the milestone as though she was never gone.

Sushant looked just as handsome as he did when they first met...the same chocolaty boyish disarming charm, the ease n sophistication of casual mannerism, pink as though lipstick-kissed puckered lips against his fair cheeks with silken wavy hair flirtishly covering a part of his forehead.

His eyes though a little deeper now, as if laden with grinding thoughts, had somehow lost the innocent mischief that used to perpetually play there.

His five feet eight inches frame could have passed off as just another face in the crowd had God in all his magnanimity, not bestowed on him the gift of gab by which he could convince anyone of the impossible and ended up being surrounded by drooling females.

He still would pass off as a fresher in college she thought and not as a thirty something soon-to-be father.

Ameesha had kept a tab on his life even though their ways had parted...not that she consciously wanted to stalk his existence but when someone somewhere mentioned the name of the renowned businessman Sushant, her ears would stand up a little more than usual.

They say first love is the hardest to get over and Ameesha had convinced herself of the accuracy of this theory.

Despite all the pretence of having moved on, she knew her life hung around him like tiny leaves clinging on to the tendril, in a terrible fear of being driven to the unknown by the wanton wind.

She clung to his memories as though her life depended on them.

It had been a weird kinda feeling when she had heard five years ago that he was getting married and that the girl was an extraordinarily pretty Punjabi kudi. Part of her that loved him n his happiness so dearly from years, had been happy for he was getting what he always wanted-a pretty girl to show off by her arm. Part of her pined n ached in envy that burnt her insides and charred her peace for days.

And after that they had not met...lived in different cities and their paths had never crossed.

But now when she was back home and as though conspiringly he appeared before her eyes like a mystical fantasy materialising irresistibly and within hurried seconds they had decided to meet again.

And she was leaving that evening for the States...

Was it fate that brought him to her just before she was to go away forever?

 She had spent many a rain soaked days sitting at the French window of her palatial abode remembering him.

They suited each other like the plug fits the socket for lack of a better allegory!

They hit off the day they were introduced...she was eighteen and the eighteenth girl*in the twenty one years of his eventful life* that he was trying to seduce into being his girlfriend.

He would tell her unabashedly and she would laugh at all the dumb blond-ish kinda lasses who fell for him...until that is she joined their ranks and got super convinced that she was made of the fabric that altered the indulgent hearts!

They were crazy about each other...he would follow her school bus just to catch a glimpse of her...or on a holiday visit her home and ring the bell on the pretext of asking an address. He would call every hour and be restless when he didn’t hear her voice. She filled up his loneliness and he filled up her senses like a mountain in spring time.

Ah! She remembered how he so wanted her to come to his big birthday celebration and she could not...he left his own party and was missing for an hour during which he had parked his car at a lonely corner and was talking to her over the newly introduced mobile phones spending almost forty bucks a minute on the call.

He cried, laughed, thought, felt and lived with and for her.

She smiled at the thought.

Then she sighed at another that why couldn’t she get over him despite five years coming in between them.

Why could she still feel his fingers on her arms and even their gentle press?

How could his smell fill up her senses still?

It was as though his lips never parted from hers and as she rolled her tongue over hers, she thought she tasted him all over again.

They say life ain’t a fairy tale and ‘happily ever after’ she now believed was the dumbest phrase ever coined.

For three years he was wrapped around her fingers and danced upon her whims until a pretty young thing got him to stray.

He was caught with the temptress by a mutual friend in the empty flat that belonged to his father, where Ameesha herself had spent many a love drenched moments of complete abandon with him.

Hearts that were addicted to each other trembled at the rude shaking of the foundation yet continued to beat for they knew no other way except to heave for each other.

Within a year she accepted her parents’ decision and got engaged to their choice.

He called...said she should have told him!

She heard him in silence!

Also heard that he banged his car into an electric pole the next day but she had committed and given her word.

He had his chance n blew it.

She didn’t know then that what she thought was her parting gift of torture to him with a sense of irreparable loss, would become an unbearable ache of life for her.

Her deep sighs would have been audible had battering rain not eaten them up.

Closing the leaves of the book of reminiscences, she got up from the chair.

Ameesha walked across to the other end of the table to the love of her life.

She put her fingers lovingly against the flaccid face of Sushant, the deepest of peaceful sleep spreading across his pallor.

Sushant would never be able to cheat on her again.

Sushant would never be able to bed another woman.

Sushant would never rise again.

He lay there dead before her and she stood there dead before him!

Death is so liberating, na?

Washes away the entire wrath you feel for someone.

Suddenly she felt love again for him after just moments ago of uncontrollable hatred.

She stacked away the poison bottle in her purse and cleaned the coffee mugs.

She looked around his same flat to dig up any traces of her that still remained.

The flat still looked very much the same as it did so many years ago.

Abandoned, not really furnished...away from the civilization and probably used as a den by his father and him to bring unsuspecting vulnerable souls there and crush them for life.

That’s why they never kept any servants or care-takers there.

Probably the wives didn’t even know of the existence of that house of doom.

Would anyone even discover his body?

Funny she thought that she should still think of his interest.

Funny he should ask her to meet him here, where his acts had terminated all relations that existed between them!

Funny he should coldly mock at how childish she was to hold one act of straying against him for life!

Funny how he should selfishly propose they sleep together once before she goes away forever!

Guilt is such an infectious thing!

And lack of it- even more contagious!

He was going to have a baby, she had thought for a split second.

But she could never manage to have one with her husband for she could never dig up any love for him, as Sushant had drained her of any vestiges of the same.

What goes around should come around too, right?

Ameesha hauled up his lifeless body to the French window of that two-storied flat and similar such windows adorned every room of her wedded home as they had always reminded her of him.

This French window would perhaps bring an end to this all!

She heaved him up full length, kissed him one last time and sent his body staggering down on the water blanketing the cemented floor of his weed- adorned backyard.

The boisterous rain gobbled up any thump that could have been immediately discovered and anyways the house was forgotten enough for anyone to realize for a couple of days even if dinosaur eggs breathed to life there.

Good thing she had insisted to take a cab to the flat.

Good thing she had found rat poison in the shelves of the coffee counter of that almost haunted house, before the flame of wrath in her could be simmered.

Good that he had admitted she was just another feather in his cap.

Good thing that all good things come to an end.

Good...bad...evil...divine...love...hate...guilt...isn’t it all relative?

Ameesha rushed outside to the waiting cab to take her to the airport.

It was time to go away...

Isn’t ‘the end’ always a beginning of something else?

The Hairy Story

Hair...here...hare...hire...okay the last one does not rhyme in the context...but homophonic-ally*I know that’s not a word either*it suits the tongue so, I’d let it stay!
For lesson No. 1 baby, whatever suits the tongue...you MUUUUUUUST let it stay! ;-)

Okay...back to the context...
What is it about hair that evokes so much hue n cry?
If they are not there*but most needed THERE!*
If they are there*but OMG not wanted THERE!*

If they are not enough*and create a trickle where there should be a cascade*
If they are more than enough*and create a bush in place of a twig...er...I meant the eyebrows here by the way*

If they are black*when the rest of your body screams you are pre-historic*
If they are white*when you haven’t even developed your wisdom tooth*
When they rise all over the place or fall all over one!
Ewwwww....

OMG...I think I am going to have hair-nightmares tonight...
Hair-scare, anyone?*what lengths I have to go to, to satisfy my readers...so many sacrifices n self torture...ah, someday my worth shall be learnt*

 Anywaysss...I would now take you through some hair adventures through my history and knowledge...I hope they do not turn into hair-raising ones!

I remember the first time my dearly beloved had come to “see” me, along with his jing-bang of a family*not that they believe in too much bang-bang...or do they...or whateeeeeeever...I intend to stay married dearies...so please don’t ask for details*

We were given some alone time by the pool side of this hotel to get to “know” each other better. I have mentioned earlier that mine is a purely arranged marriage...but let me restate it for those of you who were born late*well, that does not imply I am ‘ancient’ dodo, that states you were a douche-bag to be so non-updated on me*

Oooffo...where were we?
Ya, right...So, let me retell my tale of our first meeting!

We queried on our education*which our mothers had already told us about* then went on to hobbies*yes, it was like an appointment interview...thank god they do not ask about the ‘experience’*
And then about friends and hang outs*hmm...character assassination...oops...I mean assess-ion...what ass of words!*
And finally it melted...the ice of course!

So my beloved threw his volley, in his true blue Raja Harishchandra style...
“Let me tell you two things very clearly about myself...”
I am listening with very intent ears waiting to be audience to a very earth shattering revelation *and my mind’s thinking-he has an affair...he’s gay...he likes my mom better...aaaaaaah...shut up my mind!*

“Firstly, I have less hair on the head...”
And he bowed his cute head down to show me the commencement of his journey into eventual baldhood...baldism*okay stupid ‘Word Review’ tell me the god damn word* BALDNESS...phew...finally!*
But actually it was a sparsely spaced kinda mound in between...

“And secondly I like watching girls....”
Yes...yes...yes...I still walked the aisle with this guy!

His brutal honesty is a trait that I still cherish*alrite...remove that smug smile off your faces...I know what you are thinking...she agreed because the same was the case with her...Oye, hellooooooo...that does not imply that “I” was balding or that “I” liked watching GIRLS!!!!!!!!
Please get the drift for I don’t have much energy to explain!*I have to complete a long post here, remember!*

So there...my first real association with hair-bare talks!
Since then...it’s much ado about nothing on the head actually!

He carries a comb more dedicatedly than the most conscious of models...and before getting out of the car, he HAS to comb his hair although I tell him, darling not even one strand of what you have on your head has moved even by a centimetre...but talk about hair fetish!

Why I remember the hair today, you ask?
1. I saw a man this evening during my walk treading towards me in slow steps and I noticed something peculiar about him...He had abnormally large*no, not those*abnormally large*please stop picturing things till I give you details*
Abnormally large EARS!
I was watching him with wonder and as he came closer, much to my horror, I realized it was not an extension of his ears, but a spray of obnoxious hair forming a maze at the edges of both his ears!
You know, like a spool of thread wound in a messy bunch and stuck there!
Yes...it was a completely OM good G ewwwweee situation!

2. I have two dear friends who are bald...and they light up my facebook status often with their unbeatable humour and wit! So I have been researching with professional experimentation and inferences on a possible world altering premise that baldness is directly proportional to razor sharp intelligence!
I was so tempted to conduct this experiment is a greater degree outside the temples of Tirupati Balaji...but then on deeper speculation hopped into the conclusion that complete surrendering*or accepting destiny’s verdict of natural loss* of hair FOR LIFE alone, would lead to the desired consequences*just to make this sound more technical n hence believable*!
So there’s hope for all you dumb guys...and stop gloating The Bald Guy!

3. Baldness seems to be in vogue...my dear blogger hunk buddy Mohit, recently decided to go bare*relax, I mean just on the head...much to the disappointment of bevy of beauties* and he seems to be loving it!

And why wouldn’t someone? I mean:
You become a sure shot head turner...whatever the reasons...at least you don’t have to do weird things to stand out in a crowd!

You get to stay forever young...how you ask...well, the first indications of old age are white hair, right...so no hair...no tell tale...offo how duh can you be to not get that on your own!

It is also economically feasible:
No expenses on shampoos, oils, combs, hair spa, colouring or straightening, hair cut, dermatologists!
Heck you even weigh less on the weighing machine, minus the hair*what more can one ask for!*

4. I recently got a new hair cut...that makes people think I look younger and slimmer*wtf...and I blew so much money on gym and facials...if someone had told me it was THAT easy, how much of my khoon-pasene ka kamai would have still been with me...
So for the benefit of the rest of the world...I have hereby declared another breakthrough brain wave!
*you can send the thank you notes along with the cheques expressing gratitude on my email address above*

Enough on hair for today I suppose...
Before the hair fraternity decides to boycott me and send my luscious, cascading tresses on the extinction way!
Have a hairy life...I mean hari-bhari or rather black-bhari life*reminds me of the awesome ad of Blackberry boys*! :-)

Express Your Love Now!

Hmmm...I want to write something nice today...

Something that has the intention of making me feel good n not just my readers*READERS...ah! Sounds so flattering na, as though I have a million eyes glued to their computer screens just to catch a glimpse of my next post*

It’s been a while since I have written a post n felt proud about it.

With new roles in my life n the dimensions n perceptions changing, I am trying with all my main n might to hold on to the vestiges of the sensible madness that defined me...

But today I want to speak of n spread love.

I want to talk about love-expressed n unexpressed.

I have a very dear, very young friend of mine, who is in love with a pretty, young n wise thing*I mean a girl btw, just to clear the air* from a long while...say months, which is actually long enough by today’s standards...but he has been unable to express it.

True to my ‘playing Cupid’ syndrome...it took me excruciating months too n all my conviction but I convinced him to propose, he came around, she accepted and they finally live in love land happily ever after.

Now this development has had several repercussions for me:

1. I sooooooooooo wanna fall in love again now, for there is nothing in this world that gives you better kicks n highs than falling into a naya-naya pyar.

2. You can find me all puffed up*nopes, I have not put on weight* about my mahaan, world altering task of bringing ‘do pyaar karne waale’ together*don’t they give a Nobel or something for that?*

3. It got me thinking as to why people waste time in waiting to express how they feel...when they could have been wrapped in each other’s arms during this tenure sipping the nectar of sweet love?

I read somewhere that all of us have default minds like closed buds of flowers!

Sometimes circumstances or events that occur in the natural course help us to open our thinking and bloom to our true glory and the way nature makes us to be...

Otherwise we suffer from one of many such following syndromes:

“Since most common people do not do so, it is wrong for us to want to”

“If it was right as considered in my mother’s time, it is right still”

“What would people say? I can’t risk being seen in any other light except the one under which I am standing!”

“Expressing feelings n being rejected post it is the end-all of any expressions whatsoever and ever”

Etc....

Thankfully...some of us bloom, but sadly many of us remain confined in our outdated thinking...yes, even for life!

Same goes for love!

Although we see rash passionate commitments in today’s scenario, changing faster than the season’s fashion trend, there are yet a handful of youngsters who still believe in the old fashioned love...

Saving themselves along with the L-word for the special someone....

Taking all the time in and of the world in expressing even random bits of affection although the heart is pounding with mind numbing hammer beats of love!

And worst come worst, some even being content in their mute adoration of someone special with no aim of EVER exposing their love even to the target of it all!

Fearing what-if I am rejected...or laughed at...ridiculed?

Would it be the death knell of a good friendship?

I truly believe that whenever you like someone, you MUST let them know so.

All of us deserve to know if there is someone who secretly likes us a little more than a whole horde of our friends do.

It is such an amazing feeling to be loved!

I don’t know why people are horrified or embarrassed or cringy at the idea?*unless there is a complete jerk at the other end that is*

Even if you may not be able to love the person back, it would make you feel warm to know that you made an impact of some kinds and whatever you are doing is likeable enough*yiy, yiy, yiy!*

Furthermore my dear young souls in love, please remember that someone who coined the proverb ‘Early bird catches the worm’ did not do so in a state of dizzy drunkenness...he made n still makes sense!

If you would wait for the right moment in all probability, the right moment would come too late making it a wait forever!

Besides, any emotions if let unexpressed slowly start to gnaw within your being and rotten some vital domain of feelings.

You become so used to of hiding sentiments that even when one fine day you get into a committed relationship, you often leave gaps everywhere which you want to fill but find yourself unable to do so out of the dumb habit of being that way.

So let the world know...

Why do you think social networking sites ask you ‘What’s on your mind?’ in the garbs of status updates...because they know it helps to vent out!

What maximum can happen?

She would laugh at the idea?

Laugh about it along with her...pretend that it could have mattered a lot if she had said ‘yes’ but phew, alas now it does not!

You would know once n for all how she feels, so that you can either stop pining and getting on every one’s nerves being a heart rendered Majnu, or gear up to court her off her feet in either possibilities.

You’d know to channelize your energies of body n mind elsewhere on brighter prospects instead of wasting the precious years of your youth and emotions on someone who does not appreciate or care for it.

There is a plethora of ‘prospective’ girlfriends n boyfriends out there...and that stupid line that someone coined ‘We can truly love just one person in our life’ definitely did so in a state of dizzy drunkenness!

We all live post rejections...even if a friendship is lost, there is no way there can’t be more or better ones...

Nothing n no one in life is indispensible!

And that line... “Mein uske bina jee nahi sakta” is too cheesy even for films now!

In today’s time, even ‘young’ people are mature enough to handle the fact that someone has feelings for them...

One does not let things go awkward or go in hyper tension just coz she knows another person in that room once expressed his love to her.

She moves on by saying that she does not feel the same way and hence even after declining the love, she retains the friendship!

So express your love...say as you feel...love n be loved...for there is nothing else that matters on Mother Earth.

We were sent here not to raise empires, or create history.

But to love n let love...and let know when love lights the world by letting us love!