Me and my Walking Adventures!

Okay, time again for putting my foot in my mouth so you all get to open yours -mouth, that is, for guffaws.

I go for evening walks is a wide known fact, almost just as wide as my rare rear end that is not being benefitted in the least by it. Such a big, fat HBTI campus that I traverse, teeming with boys and never has there been one treat for my tired eyes tired of looking and not tired by aging, mind you. If I had not known some super adorable engineers through the blogosphere, I would have given up on their fraternity long ago. Anyways, there is this one boy/man in his late twenties who often comes by the same route to walk his dogs. He is reasonably handsome, with a tad hint of mystery and thereby charm. So about a month ago, in a fit of imbalanced inspiration, I updated a Facebook status in his honour which went something like this:

“There’s a cute n very decent looking twenty something of a boy who comes many evenings to walk with his two ferocious dogs n his peon, in the same campus where I go. He was kinda hot till today when he came by himself, holding the leash of both dogs in each hand n a cigarette dangling in his mouth...Ah, the ciggy kinda killed it :/ ”

I wrote, people commented, we created general awareness on important social issues-like discussing the physical perfections of his taut body and how walking can lead to greater avenues especially for those who are single and we forgot about it.

After all, it is the least I thought I could do in lieu of public interest and support the government’s less hyped campaign of cigarette smoking being hazardous to health and add my innovative angle-injurious also in attaining female curiosity. I was serving my society and hence rested with a guilt free heart in peace. But then we don’t always let skeletons rest, do we?

Cut to yesterday evening- Seeya and I were sauntering in our usual manner-me on my legs and she on her pram being pushed around by her otherwise-not-pushy mother. The “Dish” appears again dressed in a chocolate brown t-shirt why is everything tempting all chocolaty? and black shorts covering half of his thighs and thankfully full of the rest of the stuff. The two dogs were snappier than usual, like they say bitches in heat and when a hormone driven motor-biker vroomed past very noisily, the bitches got wilder and barked the life out of me, being just a few steps behind us. It scared me so much that I gripped the pram tighter and almost faltered on the pavement from the main road, assuming I was about to be bitten. First that stupid biker who made me scrunch my nose and eyes with that screeching cacophony and clouded my instinctive actions and then the stupid dogs who barked as though they saw ‘bone in a suit’ in me and effected my sensible reactions! Seeya gave me the most flabbergasted of looks for never had she seen mommy scared of anything else but her.

The young man in question ventured ahead and apologized for I had turned around and given the dirtiest glare to the menagerie no, not the dirty, wild in bed waala dirty look but the dirty you-son-of-a-gun waala look-yes, I have many classifications of all my looks that I might enumerate some other day. Anyways, he came forward, muttering some hurried blah-blah and seeing me take steps further back, the dimwit realized that the object of my anti-affection was at the edges of his limbs-he handed the reins of the equally dumb dog to the equally amused peon.

Remember I spoke of some mystery in the initial paragraphs? Well, I just cracked it even without wearing my Ms. Homes-on-the-prowl hat. He opened his mouth and I saw bad teeth and heard poor diction and not so husky a voice as I had imagined for him. But worse still was when he opened his gap, he also revealed perfectly bad and ungentlemanly manners.

“I’m really sorry. These dogs are sometimes difficult to handle.... (Looking at Seeya)That’s such a sweet kid, waving to everyone every day.”I mumbled something with a smile on my face though heartbeats still sky rocketing due to the sudden and rude shock to my hitherto placid ambling.

“I think you would have noticed me around here, been walking with my dogs for a while.” I pretended surprise. Heeeellooo-what else can a helpless ambushed woman say-I have been checking out for your taut jaw line and the rippling calf muscles and also how your silky hair wave in the breeze, without really looking at you??????????

“And you also noticed that I smoke...” A very mischievous smile spread on his face which I am yet to decode fully. Oh god, now there was almost hot smoke coming out of my ears. I very badly need a leash for my mouth-velcro, zippers, quick fix...kuch bhi chalega.

“Yes, we know of your status. My chachi is on your friends list-Mrs. ABC and apparently I am the only one walking here with two dogs and this is the only place where I managed to smoke sometimes. But thanks to you now everyone at home knows that I do.” Why was there a grin on his face I don't know but my chote-mote se smile suddenly disappeared.

I was about to ask if she told him that I also made “everyone” know that he was kinda hot and cute, but seeing the not-so-friendly demeanour I resisted the urge. What’s with men, they only pick up those words of mine that suit them and what about all my hidden implications?

I didn’t know what to say or do now. How was I supposed to know that people pay so much attention to my stupid statuses and also lagao so much dimaag on them to lead to stupider inferences? Mental notes to myself:

1. Do not add students’ moms to my Fb account.

2. Think of self interest before public interest.

3. Don’t stop to talk to strangers on walks even if they are cute...you never know how you may have unknowingly rubbed them.

4. Speak something to someone while he is looking at you for a retort instead of making mental notes.

So as he stood there waiting for some kind of explanation, I managed to word just an aaaa....mmmm....Though what I did manage to do very inconspicuously was, give a slight kick of my toe from the bottom on to the seat on which rested Seeya’s bums so that she grew restless and began to holler -that always works my friends-beloved in a horny mood post your putting baby to sleep and thou art not: fear not, just give a nudge with the feet to the cot and watch the baby wake and beloved sleep and you rest in peace!

“I am sorry too then and I really must go.” I whisked past leaving him saying something, I couldn’t hear and didn’t care. I soon realized that those dogs were not snappier naturally but perhaps made to be just so that he would find a suitable intro line to vent out. Though this would go down as the worst opening ever made-Omg! What revengeful streaks for someone trying to do good to the society! Ram, Ram! Ghor Kalyug!

Phew! One more flirt interest crossed off from my already flagging list. I need a new muse and so badly. Someday the dumb head would come and thank me when his cigarette smoking friends would rot in lung wards and his family would give him the most unspoilt munda tag. It was all due to one harmless little status that a beautiful woman updated one evening.

P.S. In case I was missed in the first half of the month, I had gone holidaying with beloved and Seeya to Goa and this was my first proper holiday after almost three years...yiy yiy yiy...Here are some pictures of the same though put up in such a haphazard way coz of my inability to put them up in a better way, read that as any other way!:(

Happy weekend! :-)