Sexual Intimacy Vs. Physical Connect

The greatest mystery and wonder of the Almighty’s creations are not the cycles of seasons, the planetary organization or the geographical balance around us. It is undoubtedly the evolution of human relations and the affairs of the heart. The more you try to understand this, the deeper you feel you are being pulled into a bottomless pit! How similar yet varied are the instances from one individual to another! How simple love looks and how complicated it makes its existence! So when you see couples who have made it for countless years and still appear to have a spark in their eyes...it’s the greatest of enticement to resist asking them, what made them tick?

This comes in line also after it was revealed by a dear friend of mine, that in their many years of a relationship as in a marriage, it had been three years since they had actually “made love”. Yet they go on holidays, indulge in squabbles, raise children and get sucked in the humdrums of everyday routines of a life ‘together’! Another confided that the only times there had been physically coupled were when they had been trying to have their two babies...
Needless to say it quite shocked me out of my system and beliefs!
It made me question my own surmise for the same. Till now I conceded that men are sexually driven and more into physicalities than any other connect. The affairs of the heart for them were really the games of the body.
But this, here, seems to be a brand new ball game, a revelation much like ‘eureka’!

With no sexual intimacy what really keeps them together? Much to my embarrassment I would like to confess at this juncture that no matter how much I mock at my beloved’s desires to constantly be in the sack...I also know that make it a couple of days too many for me without my TLC –tender loving care and you’d find me to be glum, sulky and intolerable and ofcourse with an outpouring of pimples on my face. I think if I did not get my daily dose of hugs, pecks on the cheek, feel of the skin and occasional meeting of desires...I just might wither and succumb!

So when couples go on without this intimacy, yet smiling in each other’s triumphs or gloomy in their partner’s strives...Are they better or lesser connected than those who hit it most nights?
Agreed just physical intimacy does not last forever...but then can just an emotional connect minus even the touch equally pass the test? How long can the man and woman face the trials and temptations coming their way, without a physical bonding with the person they live with, round the clock?
And do the urges of the body die, become consoled elsewhere or are suppressed so deep that they lurk within but do not have the gumption to show that they exist?

It seems one can go on like that and that too for many, many years. It is perceived sadly though, that several lifetimes around us pass like this...when the smiles on the facade hide the truth beyond the surface. In such situations just men made of steel and women worth their mettle can either persist without a complain or resist straying from the socially correct paths meted out for our traverse. With infidelity on the rise, then why does it come to us as a surprise?

Gruelling schedules and outdoor agendas keep many couples from being together or at least not perpetually...As such even when they are, they are gladder to witness a smile on the countenance of their spouse, than hear him or her scream “harder, harder” in the bed!
So when we most need the other to vent out our pent up desires...the other just might not reckon or still feel that the smile she gave everyday would suffice even for the moment. But that moment of solitude and loneliness that could have been crushed by some real connectivity, leaves a burnt hole in the heart...that time works on, to enlarge and worsen.

Display of affection publically is perhaps as crucial as done privately. We were meant to love our beloveds not just for their heart and soul, but also for their bodies. While we appreciate the financial or emotional support, we ought to also acknowledge their physical desires and constantly make efforts to reach out. No matter how hard the doors are shut, constant knocking at the threshold would someday compel the other to throw down the defences. The key is not to stop trying. Maybe we ought to be a bit more experimental with ourselves...hey, with our own partners;) So let your hair down and get ready to surprise and also be taken off your guard. If we consider the relation worthwhile to continue living along with, it should also be valuable enough to transcend all mental blocks to stumble upon its true essence. May each one of us find our ways to the heart, body, mind and soul!

The Guilt Excess Baggage...

Guilt has a very big fat role to play in our lives, especially in the life of the so-called inferior sex variant...Most of us spend our existence here carrying a cartload of guilt on our fragile shoulders, which bows down our heads perpetually or every once in a while, that unfortunately comes once too often... not allowing us to sense the feeling of being heads up and looking at the sky...unabashed and proud!

Again I am pushing ahead one of my favourite assertions... We’ve just got one life to live...Why not live it to the fullest?
Let’s rid ourselves of the guilt rigmarole that we succumb to without even realizing it...Let’s either make up for them to resolve the issues or just plain simple shake it off and STOP feeling guilty for it is not worth it...!
So here I enumerate certain facets of life which we must phuleaseeeeeeeeee not feel cringe about...

Having a career...
(Understand that guys, most kicks here are at par if not far superior, to the orgasmic sensations you men may encounter otherwise in other rocking sessions!)

Not knowing how to cook...
(Why are women supposed to have an inbuilt invisible apparatus inside their systems that should guide them to adorn the chef’s hat to perfection, at the batting of an eyelid? Hmm... Why in god’s name are restaurants created then, if we cannot enjoy what they serve us on their platter...?)

About picking up that very expensive dress which makes us look like a million bucks...
(Never mind the price...if that little black thing, is screaming loud at you, that it was made for your curves, would drape you to perfection, covering your flaws and highlighting your assets and promising you heads that would turn and tongues that would loll and eyes that would pop...go, go, go...)

About flirting at the slightest of excuse or the minimilist of opportunities...
(Monogamy is definitely a thumb up sweeties, but a bit of fun wins hands down too...)

For having the whole humungous chocolate brownie or that sinful grand bar of chocolates...
(Dark brown, melting and superlicious, finger licking good...chocolates are the beliefs to have and excesses to give into...mmmm....slurpyyyyyyyyyyy)

For being super kicked about your birthdays...
(Hey you were born on this day and the world was blessed...Please don’t feel guilty about wanting the world to stop all that they are onto to commemorate the day to the hilt...)

For wanting the group to get more pictures clicked so that you get a chance to be in all of them...
(Vanity has to be our greatest trait)

For being downright lazy on some days and not bothering even to comb those hair...
(Screw the diva once in a while...)

For not wishing to be a part of boring family get-togethers...
(Yawn, yawn...at blabber, blabber n the chatter chatter)

For ignoring the boyfriend/ husband/ beloved once in a while for an all chick hang out...
(How else would we compare notes to get re-energised, revitalised, and bigger and better?)

For getting your hair cut really really short...
(What’s with this fixation of men, with long hair, anyways? Would someone please let us show the gorgeous nape of our necks? You men love it more than we do anyways!)

For wanting to go on holidays perpetually...
(Don’t you guys get more sex there...so quit complaining and oblige, instead of making us feel rotten about it)

For living in your own world of fantasies and imaginations...
(Reality anyways ruins everything, every time and then it is a wise saying...you can never achieve unless you dream!)

For not wanting to host a get together but rather go out instead...
(Aw...how can our men expect us to go through such a grind...why do they earn in god’s name...?)

For always fishing for compliments and believing that you should be treated like the queen and nothing short of that...
(Now for all the downslides of being the feminine gender, after centuries of supression and subjection...how unfair is it to demand some privileges and pampering once in a while?)

For being on the computer or laptop most of your waking or free hours...
(And then they brand us as dumb and naive...let us get connected to the world to prove that we are not!)

For having footwear to last you the whole week if you changed them four times a day, and still feeling there’s no perfect pair with the dress you have on or there’s nothing to wear...
(Style comes at a price...and when you men like to flaunt us in your arm, please remember not to make us feel guilty about the processes that went through for the finals)

For thinking about yourself before anything or anyone else...
(Because if everyone is thinking of themselves...then who else would think of you?)

For wishing and demanding to get some quality time with your own self...
(I, ME, MYSELF should also be the three basic necessities of life sometimes)

For days when you are just not in the mood for ‘IT’...
(This one is the worst ones to feel guilty about...machines, animals, females are designed differently and should be treated in a varied manner and 'positions'... not experimented with at how many times and for how long they can take 'it'!)

For not being there to entertain everyone who walks in after ringing the door bell....
(Once you make a habit of this...you would soon notice that your door bell is perpetually resonating or you are oftener seen around the door than in your own bedroom...so quit the risk and urge!)

For being diplomatic and manipulative once in a blue moon...
(Coz seedhe ungali se ghee nahi nikal raha hain...and it never really does)

For refusing to believe that you are wrong and the rest of the world is right...
(Some wise guy said ‘what is life without beliefs’...so we must have them too about what we think and stick by them)

Whew...I guess that’s just about it...
And before I feel guilty of misleading the female fraternity with this piece, I better sign off without much ado...!
Have a guiltless life!

Light Across a Tunnel...

All of us live in the age of escapism...
We walk, we stop... we talk, we stay mute... we interact, we restrain...
All of this because we want to stay in the state that gives us complacency or to avoid the state that may force us to rethink our premise...

Human beings are so structured perhaps that they constantly see the darkness around them...moving over and straining their eyes so persistently that they end up eluding the rays of light that filter through the blinds upon the windows of life...

You are perhaps so super conscious of having to grope that you tend to lose the recognition of realizing what exactly are you groping for. You may have touched upon the object of your pursuit but you are so single-mindedly focussed upon the task being not-so-easy that you leave it aside and move on in your mad race...It may sound weird but some of you actually like being in this state of self pity because it is the only one you feel there is...The world has been super unfair...so many tasks to do and so few people to do them for you...So what best to do is...stay grim and negative and always on the look-out for more troubles.

Whether you admit it or not, like it or fight it, you have convinced yourself of being strangulated in a dark tunnel...which is lighted intermittently by the dancing glares of the passing train...
The tunnel then as such, would jolt itself into action and vibrate into an animation of life, movement, flow, vibrancy as the train passes through...
And within seconds later, the tunnel as such, would also push itself deeper into anonymity, murky shadows, maddening silence, frustrating solitude, inching towards damnation...
Forever waiting for the light to ruffle the surface again...

Why can’t we learn to count our blessings?
Why can’t we move with the belief that things could have been worse?
Why can’t we imagine...what if I was the tunnel from which even these intermittent lights had turned their backs forever...that is to say the passage from where no trains ever pass through?

You have to stop cribbing and complaining...
There are often people around you who actually run after troubles to embrace them...
They feel if a day has passed off without worries...oh my god! Greater worries await in the pipeline...
They always find some person to feel sulky about or some situation to brood for...often because they have a sensitive mind attuned to others grievances...
But where does that leave us for our lives to be led as they should...
Who gains the grey hair, the restless mind and the fluttering heartbeats...?

We have to start realizing there is one life to live and we can and must not feel responsible and bowed down by things happening around us, within or outside the bounds of our control...
We have to take a deep breath every now and then to stop our heartbeats from jumping across the terrace to the high skies...
We have to learn to be happy with what we have and hopeful for what we don’t and never remorseful for what is lost and gone...

Life my friend is taking you on a journey over the cascading waves...
There would be highs as well as lows...sometimes the dips causing you to suffocate and the uplifts causing you to exhilarate...
But let the ride be smooth and unruffled...
The transitions natural and embraced...
Let us find our own lanterns to put all over the dark interiors of our tunnels...
So that train or no train....
Outside benevolence or forced disdain...
We continue to shine on with the light we have within...
Amen!

25 Men and 1 Woman!

Hey, as I typed this title for this particular piece...I couldn’t help but show all my already famous teeth in a big grin, thinking about what expectations would my readers light upon with this one...hmmm....Some would think this borders on porn and be titillated...Some would skip through thinking that this must be another sad news of a victim of man’s lust...

Nope, my friend, none of that!
This was the state of affairs in a movie theatre last night when my beloved and I went for an action flick...Fast and Furious...
And that’s just not all, while the cars on screen glided and somersaulted...whizzed past and vroomed... I was more at the edge of my seat than anyone else...
Oh boy, how I was tempted to rise up and applaud when Vin Diesel made that perfect narrow escape...but thankfully restrain and better sense prevailed.
Though I don’t enjoy 'all' the action pot boilers, but if it is fantastically shot and pacey...it has me all the way.
And when we got up to leave, my beloved generously pointed out that there were just men all around in the vicinity, around 25-30 of them and just 1 me...hmm...Hey, not complaining sweetie...what can be a better sight than that?
However, it’s just that most women are always conspicuously absent at such occasions...There we also met some guys who are part of our couple friends’ circle, out on a bachelor spree, for their women refused to have a head ache seeing so much action...

What am I trying to reach here to? You might be wondering...
Hmm...I have been tumbling upon in my mind about another facet concerning myself since...
Am I not a womanly woman?
Am I a man trapped in a woman?
Am I a man’s woman?
Or basically am I a weird woman?

Why so many bizarre assumptions are surfacing now? Let me explain.
Although most of us like to presuppose that we are different...I think I grew up with this notion, inseparable from my fabric...and almost arrogant to an extent about it... And now I live, breathe and thrive on it...thanks to many of my dear friends who push me into this hypothesis every now and then...
But just to remove the pompous effect from here...different is not always good!

I was not like the other girls when I was growing up...interested just in boys...Instead books, life, relations, communication fascinated me even then...
I sulked for hours because I used to get trapped in my own line of thoughts...
I almost lived in my own make belief world that would over power me from all corners...till reality again hit and brought me back...
Whoa...although I asserted in my defence I was more mature than gals my age...but I was simply put...almost uncanny.
I would metamorphose and change colours according to situations...
I was the teachers’ pet...studies pulled me magnetically to them...yet I could let my hair down and became completely mad when I was with friends...Together we have done the most peculiar of things that can be possible or imaginable for teenagers to achieve.

If we cut to now...I slip and slide into different roles with ease...although mood swings are big time downers still.
I am not the typical stereo type woman running the show at home with supposedly 10 hands working at the same time...
Yet in my own way, I am getting 10 tasks done at the same time if and which I want to do...
And just when I feel I cannot do anything more in the waking hours that I have provided to my body, I manage to clamp in some more work there!

I hate sitting with a bunch of women when we go for couple outings together and cry a silent scream if they start to talk of maids, kids, serials and mothers-in-law...OH MY GOD!
I flirt at the drop of the hat...I talk business and recession with men (don’t ask me much on it though...Did I tell you that the most memorable conversations for people with whom you interact are those where you just listen?...One secret out of the genie’s bottle)
I can get men to talk...actually TALK and make sense...and even in arguing I kinda own my skill...
Hmm...What else?...I can talk sex too and double meaning retorts are always on my platter...my very own speciality...;)
I like big phones...gadgets...men’s magazines...
And most importantly MEN...hahaha...
Ok, one question out of that list...
I am definitely NOT a man trapped in a woman....

But then I am quite proud of the fact when in a gathering of people...I am sweetly called by those of the superior sex to come to their corner, for they opine that ‘womanly’ talks are just not my cup of tea...
My best compliments are counted with those in which my beloved has been addressed unanimously as lucky to have an understanding partner like me...
When men ask me “Why does my woman behave like this?” and quickly add... “But you won’t know that, would you, because you don’t come in that category”
Hmm...you could choose to take it as an affront or an accolade...and I suggest you to stick to the latter for undoubtedly they mean it like that!
Oho...this sounds like a self promotional ad and I am not even contesting for any votes here...

Bottom line: Would I choose to be any different...nope! Never!
Would I trade even a part of my wit for more beauty...Not even on my death bed...!
Would I want to be remembered as one who always had the best make up on, the most stylish dresses or the most meticulous house running traits...
Or rather as a person who mingled with ease, putting others at ease to...letting them go off their guard, knew how to let her hair down and take it easy and be fun... Surely you know the answer to this by now...!

Really Rocking Religious!

I as an individual do not reek of religion.
In fact I don’t believe in it fanatically or with even over the top moderation. Call it liberal upbringing, spoiling through education or personal perceptions and disappointments thereby. But give me spirituality any day, instead of a dose of unreasonable joining of the bandwagon of religious fanatics!
Well, even the spirituality dose should be a light one yaar...!

Having said that though, let me also add here that I do believe with all my heart, body and soul in God.
He exists and works round the clock for us.
He is unlike us human beings...
He is selfless and giving and does not put conditional liabilities on us.
He does not say sit in the temple for unrestrained hours to attain my perennial bliss. He does not say carry out superstitions in my name.
He does not say if you do this incantation, wear this gem or consult my astrologers, I would ward of your evil.
I believe He says that if you do the duties assigned to you as a human being, as a family person, as an individual in the society... moving about in your path without coming in someone else’s way...then it is enough!
Yup, enough!

I have a strong connection with God or so I believe.
I feel often I am God’s own child because I have been blessed in many ways...touchwood! (Hmm....so much for my banter against superstitions...)
I feel whatever good or bad is happening with me is for a reason- perhaps a lesson meant to be taught or a drill in making me a stronger entity. It is a quintessential block or a piece of jig saw without which the greater and absolute picture would not be complete. I may not know the significance of the pain now, but would appreciate it over time for it took me a step forward in my upliftment and attaining or moving closer towards what I really wanted and was best for me.

I also try to counter-reason sometimes that I could be feeling thus because over the years I have grown accustomed to counting my blessings instead of tears and habitual of perceiving that things could have been worse.
I truly believe that whatever is happening around me is going by God’s plan, so what I can think of or desire for myself is good...but what He is planning for me is definitely better.

Hence I go about my chores of a life assigned to me, performing the duties prescribed in this life...deriving personal pleasures along with fulfilling social commitments...and I feel that my task is done. Phew! Could it be that simple? Maybe it can...we are grilled and programmed to do the complicated to feel that we have really done something...!
I bow my head when I cross a religious place be it a temple, mosque, gurudwara or a church. I respect people’s beliefs and condone all forms of prayers...but I refuse to leave behind my undertakings and obligations for visiting any and every religious congregation, in the belief that God is there and not here...

I remember hearing this somewhere as a ‘sher’, but found a plethora of moral wisdom imbibed in it. A drunkard having been found at the threshold of a temple premise with a bottle of his intoxication was immediately produced before a group of critical wise men...They began their cross examination of the wretched soul throwing at him volley after volley of condemnation of how could he sin like that? How did he have the audacity of drinking alcohol, standing in the abode of the Almighty?
The poor man, his senses numbed by the ale, could barely manage to theorize... “Show me a place where God does not exist and I shall go and drink there...” and the clergy had no reply to that, as he was hushed out of the town’s confines.

I feel sorry for those who rush to palm readers and astrologers and self confessed gurus and holy men to know what their future holds for them...Try how much I do, I cannot empathise with the need to add an extra alphabet in my name or wearing five stones on the fingers or getting myself brushed by the holy broom at the altar of the omnipotent...Would it change my fate or take away or add to the greater order of what is destined to happen anyways? Perhaps God in his magnanimity has blinded me with this vision...Perhaps you may want right now to mock at me, reminding me to wait and watch when the tides turn and I get a taste of desperation too...then perhaps you would watch me with smug satisfaction. I hope to remind you hear that I have had my fair share of trials and tribulations...I have gone through the gruelling tests of times, when I thought my feelings and emotions were literally choking me and I had to grope and beat myself to breathe...I had to question my very existence and consider the worthlessness of it all...!
We all go through these...!
That’s a part of living!
That’s life!
Well each one to his own, I guess!

The Navratris of Ma Durga have just come to its conclusion.
I keep the fasts of these seven days and have been doing it since childhood.
I believe in ‘mata rani’ because she for me symbolizes ‘ma’ or mother.
I have seen my mother and been blessed by her presence in my life for I truly believe that no one in the world can love me more than her...not with as much dedication, not with as much selflessness or with as much passion. She is my anchor, my reason for life and my shaping up in the way I have.
So when I see the image of the Goddess before me...I worship and adulate her for in the Goddess I see my mother. And if my mother as just a human being, can be as divine as she is adorable...I persist in my belief in Goddess Durga, for how vast would that ocean of love be...for She is the mother of the world!

In these Navratris whatever I ask of ‘Ma’ she showers with a smile.
At the inception of it all, I had begun this ritual of asking for things for myself and gradually realized the futility of sitting with a list before Her... She would give me anyways what’s best for me. I have stopped asking her for personal favours since then...Now all my prayers have been, “Always shower your blessings on me...forgive me for my mistakes...and fulfil my wishes which are best for me”.
I have tuned myself instead to ask for others and miraculously over the years, She has been benevolent in not disappointing me.
This year’s Navratris are dedicated to my friends...
Hereby I write this formal note to my divine ‘ma’ to help all my friends tide over the turbulent waves....
Let a dear friend of mine, who is looking for a job, find one that fulfils all goals, satisfaction and desires...and provide a lifetime of absolute success...!
Let another dear friend of mine who may be given the pink slip due to crushing effects of recession, have the strength and determination to get back life on track again...!
Let two very dear friends of mine who are looking for a soul mate and partner to spend life with, a shoulder to cry on....the strength to rely on...find that special someone coming his and her way....!
Let yet another dear friend who is struggling her way through a messy marriage find love and faith again...!
And finally for all my friends who have been with me through thick and thin...I truly pray for the very best for each of you. You have made my life rock. Thank you!
To this and more...I close my eyes and say a prayer silently and yes here even now verbally...with the staunchest of beliefs that someone out there is listening and with the batting of an eyelid would make these wishes come true...Amen!