...It happened in split seconds....

Ok...I plan to keep this really short, so God help me in this.
Today I started off for my evening walk as usual with my paraphernalia...
You know...the mobile, just in case someone wants to hear something soothing like my voice before dying and the I-pod, just in case I want to hear something good before being cajoled or jammed against a truck or something...

And since my dumb internet had cramped up...I also had done some nice little technical R&D of my own and downloaded the yahoo page to keep a check there of my blog fan following....haha...Oh come on! That one deserves a laugh at least...
Matlab is paragraph mein two humorous stunts hain....one that I did something technical and second that there is a fan following for me!

Anyways, gawsh I had to keep it short!
Must remind myself!
As listless as I was (I had just finished teaching the most notorious of my batches ever, of class 12th), I walked on towards the gate of the huge college campus, just outside my own house’s entrance. Yaar mohaul- environment to bana loon pehle...poora picture tabhi milega na aapko...!
And there, in a never ending line, I saw a troop of monkeys...no, no....not the ordinary variety but full bloodied, big, fat langoors of all shapes and sizes were all galore because just in the vicinity is the zoo.... “jiiiiiiiiiiiii nahi” (that’s the favourite phrase of a dear friend of mine)...oho....ji nahiiiiiiiiiiiiii was for the fact that hello, ‘I’ don’t live in the zoo...just in case you thought so.

And there I thought for a split second...no, maaaaaaaaaaan!
Now how will I cross these unpleasantly ‘wild’ creatures?
Aaj ke walk gaye paani mein!
My reverie was broken by a sweet voice coming from a Wagon-R car that was going to pass through but then stopped.
And I looked up...the sweet voice surely did belong to a very sweet looking guy...mmm...Farhan Akhtar type of hair, wearing a t-shirt and with a child of about 7-8 years old in tow, on the next seat...
Aaaaaaaaa... (That’s my dumb retort by the way, made just standing there)
“Do you want to go across this thing? I mean I can drop you there?”
mmm.....just a split second and...
I got into the car!
I don’t believe myself now!
What was I thinking or rather why was I not thinking?

I cutely moved my big butt and just sat in the car!
Waise it was not as dumb at that moment as I have made it sound.
I had just opened a yahoo mail on the mobile and was half engrossed in that so had no time for things to sink in. I pushed ahead a packet of apples and a couple of squash racquets kept there on the back seat...and just like that, I just sat there in a stranger’s car...a stranger who looked very sweet and sounded sweeter...
But here is the irony, as always is, I won’t be able to recognize him again probably because I couldn’t have the guts to look up at his face.

Another 30 seconds, and we had whisked pass the line of monkeys...
I said, “I guess just here would do” without daring to take a peek into the rare view mirror or extending a polite hello...
And the gentleman stopped the car.
I mumbled a ‘thank u’ as the wheels came to a smooth halt and again ‘thank u so much’ as I got down the car, without bothering to walk up to his door and looking him in the face and saying it as decency and courtesy demands.

The little dumb me, just stepped on to the sidewalk, put back the plugs of the I-pod in my ears...continued reading the message on the mobile and started to trot.
And the generous stranger and his car just rambled on to his destination leaving behind a mini cloud of dust and me.

As I walked on I wondered...Was this an expected magnanimity or had the young man been extra ordinary?
Are we as people too suspicious of other’s motives or too imprudent about doing things without thinking?
Is it not a rare chance encounter that reinforces your belief in the good in strangers?
Or is it too much to ask out of us, to be a little more considerate towards our surroundings and those that encompass it, known or unknown?

Of course, there was more of a curdling drill that followed with a pot full of even more insane questions...
Like who was the ‘dish’ as I had never seen him around before?
Did he always take this route and at 5.30? Will he be there tomorrow again?
Am I looking presentable enough today?
Will he, by some weird chance, be here again after an hour of my return, ready to rescue the damsel in distress?
Was that his son?
Why didn’t I take a better view of his face?
And finally....why do I have to make a romantic mush...out of nothing at all?
Hahaha....

While I search for answers, please remember...lend a helping hand whenever and wherever you can...who knows someone, somewhere, someday may actually write about it!

Men Defined and Redefined...(the author having gone mad on this one-critical condition under observation, though not fatal)

Men are and have been an eternal detective novel...
Though the common opinion in this scenario is rather directed against women, yet I feel when it comes to being completely unpredictable and bafflingly mysterious, men take the cake and the cream on it and even gulp down the cherry...Koi trace nahi chodte...no evidence that could lead to the decoding or the solution to their notorious escapades. So the poor hapless female counterparts have to dawn the avatar of Lady James Bond to often handle this slippery, slithery, sumptuous as well as often indigestible blob of human matter....(yup, much as I have an affinity to food, we are still talking about men only here despite the similarity on the mouth watering, sumptuous bit).

So while trying to unravel this thriller, my mind floated upon some bizarre definitions and comparisons of my own...
What the heck! Sometimes even serious writers need to let their hair down...and have a field day with whacky outpour of ideas...Hopefully it is not a permanent damage and sanity would soon prevail. Amen!

So what are men?
Men are like softy ice creams....
Tempting on the surface...soft on top...hard below, almost cracking...melts as soon as u take a bite, lingering slowly till it fills it all...savoury as you indulge and tingling as you take more of it in....till finally it cools down your insides and you mmmmm in pleasure... as you lick your lips in pure gratification to relish it to the last bit, only of course if it is good enough...The stick variety is easy to handle and the cups allow you to dig in deep...The more the scoops the merrier the content...any additions of nuts and sauces lead to more mouthfuls...
(Hahaha...I have a hopeless premonition that I would vomit a lot of madness here today! God save your soul from the corruption...)

Men are also like the television...
Great to pass time, can keep you hooked and booked for hours at end...often not missed desperately in case you have too much to do at hand....can be soothing at times and jarring at others...In case you don’t like much of what you are getting...just switch to another channel...rightly fingering it is the key my friend. Often when the set gets old...like really rusty and grumpy...you need to hit it to get it to respond...Too much of it at one go can make you feel dizzy...Sometimes it’s best to just let it be on in the background somewhere as you go about with your daily chores...just numb your senses to the constant bantering and mouth hmm’s in between...No matter how sleek the set is, there are always better ones in the market to distract...The more variety there is on display, the longer is the attention span....It makes you stick to the couch more often than not...Gawsh! I can go on and on at this...I better switch off....

Hmmm...
Men are like cars too...
The sexier from outside...the more glimpses it catches...Size does matter...
Accessories and features always draw more takers...The smoother on performance, the bigger are the smug grins of the lady behind the wheel...Always better to take a test drive before signing on the dotted line...Needs servicing and repairs at regular intervals...Often goes flat (at the tyre bit)....when you really want it to execute and if it gets too hot, you can almost perceive steam rising from the interiors...Excess baggage handling depends upon the price you have dished out for it...You need to slow it down sometimes too, for the ride might get bumpy...Can be a pain handling it, when you are already stuck in a rut...err...jam...You need to be wary when around other vehicles because it is prone to get scratches when coming in their contact....mmm...and the gears must be handled with care...too much excitement and pressure just might break it right there in your hands...and lady you have to know the right buttons to make it vroom to high speeds.

Uff...I think I would be severely chastised and out-casted for this...

Men are also as good as the clothes you wear....
The more you have them, the more of them you want...one size fits all are the ones that completely suck...you need to try on and pick only those to take home that compliment you like really snug...although even the best ones need some alterations...And hey, not just the right fit would do for us...we want it all in that one thing- the right colour, the patterns, the embellishments, the quality, in short a complete head turner...The cheaper ones are easy to handle and even man handle...the pricey ones are high maintenance... you know dry-cleaning and all...but then they are long lasting variety...you would have to grow off them only to discard for they would not wear off on their own...However, those that cling too much can get you to suffocate...it is best to have a choice, like to take out that one at a given time which suits the occasion...Too bling and you scream as a wanna be...too sober and you get mingled in the commoners....If it becomes like your favourite...you repeat and flaunt it wherever you go....!
The ones that truly get to matter are made just as a single piece with no repeats....Should know the balance, when to reveal and what to conceal...and when you feel too cold, you can just wrap yourself tighter in it like a self embrace and when too hot to handle....let go of some layers...
Hey and harsh breeze can make the skirt fly...so sometimes it needs a bit of tucking too....

Alrighty....
I think I am done here...
Now the ice cream, the television, the cars and the clothes are all sacred symbolic attributes...
Before I get tempted to bring in burgers, couches, mirrors, clutches, mobiles, showers and pretty much everything into this allegorical madness...
Hope the unravelling of the mystery soon follows...
And guys, no sweat...the comparisons are all that we women just can’t have enough of or get by without...So smile when I say cheers to you!

Are we Programmed for Life?

All of us have been provided with inbuilt or complementary landmarks and yardsticks for life that we need to or are supposed to cross and move ahead. They come free with the existence that is bestowed on us. In fact these are such generic milestones that without crossing them perhaps we just might or at least are expected to grope our way into nothingness. The great playwright Shakespeare classified life into The Seven Ages...quite aptly though...infancy, school-life childhood, the burning lover, career oriented soldier, the wise justice, the aged pantaloon and the eventual despairing age of second childishness awaiting the doom.

However, life is not as simple and wistfully not so well categorised, especially for my women folk. In the course of natural progression it is not just expected behaviour but a way of life to move through education, career, wedding, children and eventual spirituality; perhaps with a score of other do’s and do not’s that the moral police has subscribed for us. A natural delay or a conscious refusal to confirm to any of these standards is not just doubted but also tantamount to almost blasphemous. Like say a slight hesitation to help the injured man on the road may be regarded as subconscious fear of consequences but a bit of reluctance in adapting to motherhood is branded as bad character in a woman. If you are a woman of 30 and minus a baby or worse still 30 and minus a shaadi, these are cardinal sins my friend, that you have to groan under and that too silently. Who makes these guidelines? Who gives others the authority to judge us or set limitations?
Are we really in need of these landmarks or are we just programmed to breeze through them without the slightest of dilly-dallying, complaints or whining?

Almost into our third decade of life, a few very dear friends of mine have still not walked the aisle...so to speak. As if it’s not bad enough to encounter ridiculous propositions of the so-called suitable men “arranged” for their courting, these women have to face the constantly scrutinizing eyes of the social buffoons who sit with their hoity toity smug noses, raised in critical judgements. To them we just say, sit on our middle fingers and spin, for all we care...
On what particular achievements and their own highly dubious merit have they acquired the right to condone or condemn our actions and predicament?
What the bloody f@#$!

So when this lovely friend of mine returns home after the arranged meeting with the self professed “perfect” guy....she calls me up and we have a gala time shredding the nincompoop into pieces through our digs. Every week or so, she is put through the ridiculous drill of these ‘meets’, thanks to shaadi.com and well meaning acquaintances, which abound in our vicinity in greater amount in India than the beggars on our streets. Initially the thought of another disappointment would shove her into despair for days...now we just laugh it off....

Like this very ‘nice’ munda commented to her that he wore only kurta pyjamas when he went to watch Hindi movies in theatres.....WHAT?????? And if it was an English movie would he wear bermudas or oblige the audience with a strip tease then and there...I reasoned. Then there was another one who appeared shocked when he saw my friend in person with very short hair, as opposed to her longer tresses that he had seen in her picture shown beforehand. So the wise guy commented upon the state of affairs...and when this kiddo kind of justified... ‘Oh it’s just a temporary thing and anyways my hair grows pretty fast’....He retorted... “They better”. Helloooooo control freak!!!!!!!!!!! Bhaisaab, aapko yeh adhikar abhi mila nahi hain. Another would proclaim that they would eat whatever the lady would order and then quickly add in “suggestions” for what would suit the occasion from appetizers to downright the desserts. Such insane queries and conditions galore at these set ups, which makes me almost red with fury at having my wonderful buddy to go through this torture just to please the social bugs. She is stunning to look at, well settled in a career she has carved for herself...but no, she has to have the married tag stamped on her forehead to be a part of the civilized mess.

I am not approving of being whimsical yaar...but then you can’t embrace a bizarre situation or person, completely contrasting to your sensibilities and aptitude just because you have the world watching you, and waiting for you to take the plunge....Oh come on!
Or maybe you have to....!
Ah! So much for democracy, freedom, rights and all the rest of the politically right crap...!

What a perfect world it would be, when we would be given the authority over our own lives! How idyllic though far-fetched the day seems, when we would be able to rise up and say that “I” have taken this resolution, because “I” choose it to be like this and “I” accept all responsibility for it! When do we realize that we have truly grown up...when we are given the choice to take our decisions or when we realize that the decisions we are mouthing are not those of the people surrounding us, but come from our own latent desires and aspirations from within...!
So much for my expressions on Women’s Day!
Happy Women’s Day, my friends!

Women Vs Women!

After talking about defining men and programming women, I thought about how it would be to bracket just women at par with other women...
Hmmm...A very critical though remarkable situation indeed!
They say two women can’t be good friends...
They say a woman can never give a genuine compliment to another woman...
They say that if you want to spread a word, tell about it to two women...
They say it is never easy to judge what’s better having women as friends or as enemies....

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat women?
How do you land up with such inferences about yourself and your fraternity?
Anyways, now that they are stuck on us....we might as well justify or find a way around them...Some myths, some a part of our fabric!

The Envious Streak:
For starters, much as I hate this, I would have to assert that women are envious by nature (Hey, thank god, I am not every woman, though I love to croon the Whitney Houston number.... ‘I’m every woman, it’s all in me...anything you want done baby, I do it naturally....’). Let’s just blame the traditional roles for this wiring, whereby the men were the bread earners and the women were the house keepers... So the only task the pretty young things had was to dress up like a cake and look good for their ‘man’ when he returned. As in a competition, the obsession grew, whereby the husband must feel inclined to declare that the lady by his side was of the most superior quality by far. So since then we have been confined in this insane circle of proving our mettle every bloody time! If XYZ has lost weight, I must reach the size zero instead, if XYZ has bought a Davidoff, I must procure a Channel no.5 and in worst case scenario if XYZ has managed to get a tiger skin I must kill a tiger itself to beat that. The madness never quite really ends.

Watching Two Women Fight:
Awesoooooooooooome...you’d say. The men would because you have to mention women fighting and they get drifted to the fantasy land of imagining women wrestling or better still soaked in wet mud doing it full on...fighting that is; they take seconds to presume women on each other, ripping their clothes apart, pulling down the hair, hands and legs entangled and skin against skin. Yup, soft porn for them....hard core business for women. Much to their disappointment however, women generally suffice with a verbal assault which is not any less of a stimulating sight, I assure.

Today’s woman is a walking dictionary of the choicest abuses garnered specially for those of their own community. If a man rubs then wrongly they avenge themselves by creating silent tortures for him, but if a woman is at the receiving end, she better watch out for the ‘nasty’ has just begun. You would merely gape in wonder at the sight beholding the cat fight and complete character assassination...the specially hand-picked abuses from ma till behan to the very point where they get to choo....Women can be mean to other women...Like I was immensely obliged for being a witness recently to such a set-up ... “Abe saali aa mein batate hoon...” “Arrey tu kya batayege tere to waise bhi@#$%^&*&^%$#@” ...Don’t ask me to fill in the blanks because I was too culturally shocked to let the words sink in....But later as I recited bits and pieces of it to my dear beloved, I was amused to see the complete delight on his countenance and the almost annoying enthusiasm to hear more... “Acha phir...acha aage” he would ask and I had to tell him “Bas ho gaya....now relax those excited veins”.

Two Women as Friends:
Now if I say, I can...you would raise that blaming finger against me asserting...
‘Ya right, only you are the sane one in your fraternity, baaki sab to dumb freaks hain’. Nahi yaar! But then I actually can be friends with women, though I much prefer to interact with the guys...so much more of intellectual crap they make...better than the emotional drama from our ends. But then, much to my dismay, women generally lack the retention power in their stomachs. They have been tuned that way, that they have to let the cat out of the bag, every bloody time...so animal loving you might say! The gossiping instinct in them prevents them from staying faithful...I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this daft statement... “Ok, this is a secret, I’m telling it to you but please don’t tell it to any other, she trusts me on this you know” and yes I know, never to trust you darling! Ridiculous, ludicrous, injudicious...and all the rest!

So rest assured, we know not to take our gal pals too seriously...If she is saying that the colour suits me, I am very tempted to reconfirm it from my beloved, cause who knows she just might want me to prance around looking like a peacock to eliminate the threat....hahaha....kuch zyaada ho gaya lagta hain!
But then it is not rocket science to know how bad we are at accepting compliments though expecting them all the time...Like “Oh XYZ you have lost weight!” “Naah...it’s just the dress yaar” or “What’s with that glow on your face?” “Really! I thought my face looked dull these days...you know that natural something there was much more”. So I have decided to quit complimenting women and let all our souls rest in peace!

Women Turning Wild with Other Women:
This holds good yaar! Sometimes when we have had enough of men, women then come to rescue of one another as though by a sacred though undeclared pact. Nothing more uplifting than like-minded women ganging up for the cause of fun! A lot can happen over coffee...and shopping just doesn’t remain a flushing of hard earned cash, but also a draining of negativities. And as happens, the urge to let go is so strong that women become wild and wanton to outdo their limitations. Ever seen a gang of women screaming wildly at a full bodied dude on screen, or whistling at the eye candy that passes by and checking him out head to toe...Now ‘that’ we can only dare to do when in a bevy...the huntresses at the prowl. In this sense, it is a must to have such women folk around you for that grey day. Hence we nurture little friendships which by god’s grace sometimes mature into sensible relations.

Women With Women:
Guys, as much as we ogle at each other’s assets, give crushing hugs and wet pecks on the cheeks...we are not gays...at least not all of us. We may tuck that strap publicly for another dame in distress....we may rub the spine ends to help the other relax...we often snug or put a hand across our waists or just hold hands....that’s simply because we are clingy by nature. And who else but the man knows that better. So if you see two women fitting tightly or too close, please rest those horses and give us a break! In all possibility, you would not catch us getting jiggy with it!

Women need women around just as essentially as we crave for men. If men give us the drive to look good, women keep us motivated in persevering to do so. Women may be our enemies at hunt, but they are the companions to our solace when the hunt turns out to be a damp squib.
Women, women....like the men say....we can’t do with or without them!
Time to celebrate women, time to cheer for us!
Happy Woman’s Day to all the lovely ladies I have ever come in contact with...May you continue to inspire and perspire with me!

Delhi Delights!

The experience of Delhi is like walking into a myriad domain of nuances of all possible aspects. It is a beautiful intercourse of cultures, attitudes, sensibilities and perceptions. If we want to see the real face of India in all its glory and gory, it is here in Delhi!

A recent short trip to this metro, which never seems to stop, filtered in many thoughts and realizations. My association with Delhi has been since many ages, as this was and still is my ‘nanihaal’- my mom’s home ground...as she likes to say... her ‘matrabhoomi’. I remember as children, we would wait for summer vacations to commence to go to the fantastical land of our nation’s capital. For a small town-er like me, you can imagine the fixation to sprawling markets, bustling fast food centres, hi-fi theatres or entertainment galore and good looking boys who could actually talk fluent in English...hehe! Yup that dumb were my horizons!

So although just on a yearly basis, but I would like to believe that I stood witness to the metamorphosis that slowly crept in. The rise of the malls era, the rambling metro trains, the swanky lounges and pubs and the cheeky attitude of the youngsters....Delhi has been changing, for better and for worse. The paradigm shift has occurred at such a spinning pace that it is almost impossible to point to the exact junctures where the adaptation manifested.

I also remember as a growing up teenager, how desperately I wanted to pursue my higher education from here....not that I had some great ambitions to fulfil...just so I could feel the city around me. I also vaguely recollect the time when my parents had asked me if I had any conditions or requirement of a particular kind of spouse....I had racked my brain for just about half a minute and blurted with death seriousness...just that he should be based in Delhi.
“That’s it” they had asked and ‘that’s it’ is what I had said...
And then thank goodness I grew up soon enough!

It is strange how a person becomes territorial just like the animals or birds with which we share our planet. I have never proclaimed any overtly flowing affection for my humble abode...but then, now when I am away from here, even if it is for a short while or a vacation...some strands seem to pull me back most viciously. It’s like after a maximum of a week away from home and I crave and itch to return. Like with everything else, here too I go inverted...heart is where the home is!

Delhi this time could entice me enough, barely for a day.

As the train carriage shook and halted at the Delhi station, the old excitement resurfaced...hey I am in Delhi again! The huge station, crowded with coolies and guides and taxi wallas and beggars...that was Delhi for sure!
Then came on the small over crowded lanes, bifurcating into the posh and the not so up-with-it areas, autos zooming past as though in blatant challenge to the formula one racers; the blue line buses, the lost looking foreigners, the traffic situation and the long distances...Delhi was breathing and expanding....

After the initial hiccups of relatives to meet with or polite conversations that we had to indulge in, I managed to reach my ultimate goal- hedge my way to Karol Bagh- the traditional haunt of the incorrigible shopper. I know just the shops to visit, just the stops to bargain at and just the right things at the right prices to pick up. So for a few hours I was splurging my pockets out in a self created haven. Hmm...Gratified for sure as my ‘Delhi experience’ had begun! When I had got all I wanted and couldn’t possibly have handled more bags in my two bare hands, I retraced my steps back home and ready again after about an hour to explore the Connaught Place and the new malls.

With not enough booty left to splurge and all the malls offering just about the same contents....I soon got bored of it. I indulged in the restaurants and food joints to satisfy the other urges. There again, except for the delectable delicacies, was not much to entice my interest as corporate meetings ruled the roost everywhere. Big bosses and their sycophants bursting into loud guffaws or suffocating each other with their ‘gyan’; there were teenagers in the bare minimum and middle aged women giving them competition in halters and off shoulders. I got into the commuting mode on the metro and there again were young love birds practically falling on each other. There were people of all classes and cultures with varied social and economic backgrounds converging into a union of space- Men flaunting their blackberries placed next to the Haryanvi ‘jat’ in the dhoti. The metro itself sped past areas of sharp contrasts, as though taking you through a ride of actual Delhi. There were uptown areas followed by slums and middle class one room dwellings dispersing upon vast acres of land. Delhi flourishes on sky scrapers and prices of many articles attempting to reach the same dizzy heights. There were lights enough to lit up the world and blind you with their intensity. There was mad flaunting of wealth at one point and abject poverty of the slum dog at the other.

The sight and sounds of the constantly moving vehicles which were initially like the pleasant humming of a city that is alive and kicking...suddenly became like the annoying buzzing, that was almost jarring my internal peace. I had just recently seen the Hindi movie ‘Delhi 6’ which had proved to be a damp squib after seeming to be a big show of sparkle. There were in patches however, truly the shades of Delhi that the director had managed to capture- confused in its sensibilities, rushing at a maddening pace, prudish to a certain extent, outwardly modern and hip yet inwardly sly and infamously rooted; uncanny in beliefs and vulnerable...ready to get hurt and hurt others. Out of such a contrasting amalgam, nothing but a baffled generation is expected to surface. At one point they see the opulence of global branding right at their door step and at yet another is the shoddy face of the middle class desperately trying to match up.

Delhi was no longer fantastical. The childhood magic I had woven around it was slowly dispelled. I don’t know if Delhi itself is to be blamed for it or had I grown up to beget a cynical and over analytical mind. The pace at which it had progressed had left me fumbling or the fact that I had been left out from it?
Whatever the reasons, I returned home for the first time not wishing that I could have stayed longer. I returned home feeling that some places are beautiful to visit and others are matchless to live in! And like always I thank god for the small mercies reinforced in my belief that whatever happens, happens for our good.

Emotional Fools Vs Rational Fools

Needless to say these are roles assigned specifically to the genders through an inbuilt system devised by the Almighty....more of a mockery of our sensibilities but then that’s the way things are...take it or leave it. Men since ages have been the rational buggers and women are the emotional drama queens. However, which is a better or an idyllic state to be in, runs into bitter controversies whereby often there is no agreement reached upon. In fact it is more like which is the worst case scenario!

Rationality is a good trait. Things that are divested from reality are really eyewash that would wane away sooner or later. But an overdose of pragmatic and sceptical thinking can nip the blooming bud in its infancy. I mean if everyone refuses to enjoy the beauty of a bloom, being in fear that it is going to wither soon, then perhaps beauty, in its entire epitome or in any form would fail to attract.

Men put too much thought process into every aspect. Perhaps through the traditional roles of being the bread earners, they are conditioned to weigh every situation, along with the entire hypothesis and reach a step by step inference. Phew! They rationalize and perform endless post-mortems till they actually do discover something ugly in everything. They dread to be in a state whereby they might just get carried away and prefer to live in their cocoons rather than expose themselves for dissection.

Men have a tendency to delve too deep into practical nuances. Very few men have the balls to just get up suddenly and do something inane, without bothering of consequences....to say something unexpected, without having debated upon it in the mind and be ready to take the aftermath, whatever it may be. Otherwise generally speaking, the romance is generally killed because romance and reality are like the two banks of a river that flow by. They would move side by side, but never meet. What is romantically mush may be construed practically as a waste of time, money and effort. Or let’s just say, the moment romance gets turned into a concrete reality.... the fantasy element from it disappears. Practically approaching, once the mystery is solved, the thrill and newness that accompanied it crumples, until it’s time for a new conquest and new adventure.

Women on the other hand tend to stick and cling and hold on. The paradigm shift of relations from one layer to the other, does not make them more laid back and settled...it makes them more dreamy and dumb. They want to give their all and are confounded by expectations. They do not realize that men have already switched gears by this turn. So the so called ‘inferior sex’ drives on headlessly and heedlessly, unaware or maybe aware too that the road ahead is full of potholes and speed breakers. They keep up with pretence, exuberance and smiles to bring in the rosy tint to their shrivelling relations. And then the world over, it is recognized that women are bad drivers! They swerve their way or bear the bumps and keep moving and nothing short of a dead end would dampen their indomitable spirit. And by that time, they have journeyed too far to turn and return. So they spend the rest of their lives there. And no points for guessing that soon at these junctures, begins the emotional ‘atyachaar’....the weeping and blame games, the pointing of fingers and sulking of countenances, long speeches wherein the women ask as well as answer themselves. The emotional turmoil and outburst all set to wash away any traces of romance that may have survived....pushing men deeper into their over-thinking caps to the future of it all. Drama at its worst best...and nautanki at its fullest!
Bottom-line: Boom and crash and disaster....
But without any lesson learnt and with open wounds inviting fresh troubles all over again!

I am not favouring my female counterparts or condemning the male line of thought. Can you ever fight basic intrinsic nature? There’s only to defend it! Can a man or woman really go against the inbuilt values and structures?
Is it really desirable for men to be more dramatic and women to be more pragmatic?
Who is to say?
But then a midway path...the middle void wherein the Yin and the Yang culminate....that middle path is the seamless state. For that, first we need to realize the roles assigned to us and thereby endeavour to overstep them. We need to ordain that the opposite sex is really like that...and then build in our own intensions around it. Relationships in the complex modern world are fragile and tender still is the heart. Hence let’s make efforts to recognize our limitations and those of others associated with us...to move on smoother sails.
It won’t hurt us women to be a little more realistic and less over-the-top mush and the men to be a little more expressive and less insulated. Oh! If wishes could come true...perhaps men and women from Mars and Venus would get culminated on our dear old Earth....Oh heart, dream on and so not despair!

All Lovers are Liars!

Again thanks to a dear friend...I get the opportunity to use the little argumentative skills that I possess being racked upon a fresh food for thought.
This dear friend poked a very firm finger towards me and asked “Are you a true lover and if yes, can you possibly and in all humility say that you have never lied?” Oops, such a strong assault on my premise made me fumble for words with the thought that should I be brutally honest here or take an easy way out...that is...should I just lie instead?

And there... give me a reason to disagree and all my senses begin to work hyperactively...Although confession time again...often I have noticed this about myself that I may not have a decided opinion about the particular matter, but then I quickly jump to the inference of what is the expected right side in it and then viciously stick to and defend it.

Like here I told him outright that in true love there can never be lies...waah, waah...straight out of my world of utopia and confused ideals. My dear friend was not convinced and pulled my beloved into the deliberation. So now he was queried too “Do you really love her, who I am sure you do...can you cross your heart and say that you have never ever lied to her?”

Hmmm....
There is a point...all lovers are actually liars, may be not as in a character assassination but in the mundane of everyday lives, don’t we really skip the little details just to avoid unnecessary confrontations or confusions?
But then... I don’t give up that easy, my wrangling continued... “My dear, aren’t all relations then suffering from this same hypothetical syndrome? This is the fabric of human associations. We do lie in all possible situations and to all possible people...Why should we single out the poor lovers who are already carrying the brunt of the world upon their fragile shoulders?”

Ah! My dear friend took a moment to ponder...
And I relished that sweet satisfaction so prized to the squabbling instincts of a woman who feels she has scored a point with a man...just the spoken point honey!
“Not really, like in the relation with a mother”, he said “I have known guys who never lie to their mothers...”
So then, I retorted, “These would also be the guys that do not tell the whole truth all the time and in all of cases”.
Keeping away the complete truth is a form of lies too...Just because you have not actually twisted the words, it does not release you from the guilt of being thoroughly honest in a foundation that is based on trust. However, in our present scenarios most of us have throttled any guilt pangs that may rise threateningly against us.

Well, are we wired in a weird sort of way to lie, sometimes even without realizing that we are doing so?
Is lying a basic tool of survival in the modern times or simply over hyped by a few who end up with it, to belie themselves and others?
Whatever happened to the paradigm of I speak the truth and nothing but the truth?
Is that the biggest of lies, deftly disguised and presented?

Whether we admit it or not, indulge in it regularly or not, deny it or confess to it...lies are common place now, so meticulously inbuilt in our system that we carry on our existence often without awareness or acknowledgement of it. What appears on the surface is mostly not how it is....and one must dive deep to rummage around for the pearls of truth. The calm surface of the stagnant lake just might have a ruffled depth within. There is so much chaff of superficiality that the pursuit for the real grain is like looking for the oasis in the desert. Often relations and confessions are really mirages tuned in to trap the unsuspecting souls. And goes without saying, words, written or spoken, are meant to conceal more than reveal.

Unquestioningly, little lies can be as fatal in a relationship as the big unforgivable ones...
Little blunders often build up to bigger catastrophe. While the humungous and sinful ones get faded with time, the simmering small issues that are unresolved continue to burn from within. And broken trust is the worst thing that nips it in the bud...
But then intensions they say are as good as the aim.
Shouldn’t we dissect the reasons behind such deviance from the honest path rather than molest the emotions of the user?

So is lying justified in such a context...the harmless ones that aim at causing less hurt than the whole truth would unnecessarily would?
I guess it is!
We have to realize the safety zones and set out limitations however, before attempting to venture into this uncharted territory. Some wise guy said...I would rather lie for the greater good than be honestly outspoken for just my own smug gratification. Oh that wise guy is moi only....at your constant service.
There is a concept of healthy lying, just as there is a healthy relationship, healthy interest, healthy outlook and all the bloody healthy rest. The reasoning is to evade hurt and not guise the truth, in order to cheat. The purpose it to have a conscious realization of having erred and not driven by the will to make it a habit... to take the easy way out of having to question our premise.

Also lying in itself becomes justifiable when we use it as our protection kit against the ruthless world...it is better to hide certain facades from the exploitative environs we live in than to reveal it all, inviting unsolicited massacres. Then it is advisable to keep bits of the whole truth safe with our own selves because most people are really not equipped to handle the stark candour even about those whom we love with all the possible passion. It doesn’t always help to bear our souls naked even to the one person to whom we have borne it all.

So like everything else in our confused era, here too...there are no blacks and no whites. What we do and how we do it, is and must be left completely to our jurisdiction and understanding and of those involved in it with us. Each one has to learn to mark one's own territory and learn to decipher those of others with the realization and maturity that not all truths are pleasing and not all lying is deceitful.

Are we really as complex as we make ourselves to look?

Some people take the cake when it comes to being difficult to be understood...hey not just the cake honey, but the cherry and icing on it too...yup they lick it clean!
And all you are doing when you behold such a sight is to look flabbergasted and with a gaping mouth and a flustered brain, racking it hard but coming up with no brilliant conclusions.

Why are some people so difficult to fathom?
Can human nature actually be so complex despite the fact that how many moulds could the Almighty may possibly have?
I don’t know if I am fortunate or otherwise...but in my short life span (come on yaar, I’m not that old...just ventured into my third decade on the planet) I have come across many such characters.

Although I generally have personality slots for whomever I meet...these handful of human specimens refuse to be classified.
At one moment they allow me to come to a positive and prophet-like assumption about them...and lo! The very next...I perceive the devil with horns moonlighting within too...
They have the gumption to sweep you off your feet with their warmth and also the balls to give you the coldest shoulder possible.
Through words they show one trait and in action the contrary and soon switch gears again.
They have no lines of conformity, no bounds of expected behaviour and no qualms about leaving people in perpetual state of bafflement and scratching their heads in disdain. Rather they thrive on it!

So I wonder what the driving force behind this oxymoron-ish behaviour is.
Are people really as unpredictable as the shooting star striking by or are we less meticulous in noticing their orbits? Is this just another form of a game being played or genuinely a personality disorder and a scream for attention?

One possible reason could be a confused lack of realization of self identity. Such people are unaware of what they really want and hence scatter in all possible directions probing their way onto a goal. They do things without thinking and then look for ways to justify it. They are good at articulation and stubbornly stuck up on their view points and so would argue their galls out until you accept defeat and allow them to gobble the glory. However, deep down they themselves don’t know why they confirm to a particular stand. They randomly pick up values and beliefs and convince themselves of it being the ultimate truth and ferociously stick to it.

Another plausible explanation may be the fascination with the idea of playing games, like most people anyways do. Through experience and otherwise, they have realized that what is mysterious would always be alluring. Hence, they like to keep themselves in that state of enigmatic aura. They closely guard their space and hence behave erratically when someone tries to venture a step into that. Deep down they feel the emotion but are scared to allow it to surface conspicuously because of the age old beliefs that might associate it with a tad bit of weakness. They pretend or put on smokescreens and go over the top and then suddenly plummet. So while we get a glimpse of humane feelings every now and then....they are quick to hide it, in case they notice you observing it too keenly.
They live the life of a jig saw puzzle refusing to give up because the thrill then is gone, when the game is over.

For such as do exist, it is like a conquest to be not understood. It is a way to redeem themselves from chances of getting hurt. It is a way of remaining in the child-like state that allows one to live in dreams and clean of brutal realities. It is a way of saving themselves from being hurt.
If someone begins to reach upon some kind of inferences about them...all their warning signals become super active and prompt them immediately into an unpredictable behaviour mode. They crave for true intimacy and are also afraid when getting too much of it, fearing the possibility of it being lost or switching to a state of being temporary.

What they need is empathy and not sympathy.
What is actually happening in that mind no one knows?
But then perseverance becomes the key there....to stick around till all the games are over and till subconsciously they pass you through their set of trials and tribulations...before letting you enter their space. Can such people be trusted? Of course they can...they have been in the higher state of battling with themselves and know how sweet a conquest is. However, once within you would have to find your way my friend through the deep alleys and over darkened ways. The journey may not be easy, but the destination would be quite a find for sure!

Do we have the Balls to call a Spade..a Spade?

Well, in a fairly recent argument with a dear friend of mine...
We stumbled upon a few basic mind boggling queries encountered in relations by the human race...
It’s more about the games people play or perhaps the lack of it...

Do beautiful things really have a shelf life?
In the age of fragile equations, quick hopping, easy boredom, internet escapades, deceiving facades and identity crisis of sorts....how long can things remain beautiful in a relationship?
How long can we truly believe that the magical feeling would not end someday?
Well, I believe in that.
All said and done...I really do... like I had read in a poem:
“A thing of beauty is a joy forever...
Its loveliness would never fade...it would never pass into nothingness.”
Yup, the idea of a “shelf life” does not hold good in regard to things that truly matter...
A childhood crush that really crushed you...Does it has a shelf life too? Like a time period until which you remember it and thereafter forget....?
The love of a mother towards her child... no matter how far the child goes away...the giving tree is ready to provide shelter and fruit to it again....
Where the fuck is the shelf life here?
How do you explain the case of couples who have been together celebrating golden jubilees and still have the sheen in their eyes when they behold their spouse?

You argue dear friend...
That two people grow tired of each other in the course of passing years or even sometimes months and just days...
Those very two people who were termed as love birds once upon a time...
Well...let me ask you there...do we have the ability or the courage to look beyond the covers...?
Maybe the love birds phase was a facade as opposed to what seems to be the real state now...Who is to judge?
For here again, IF the fabric of a relation is strong...with time it just enriches and ripens....We all move towards our search of a soul mate...but we look at the wrong places or don’t spend enough time in cultivating and nurturing it to perfection...We get scarred by the rough edges and give up too soon.

Sure there may not be sparks popping as before...
The crazy and mad love to sweep you off your feet...but then as someone else rightly once said to me...
‘The crazy bit is actually the sexual part of it....’
Once the dust settles...there is pure contentment...
With time we are not driving to the end of things...
We are just journeying along....
Moving from one phase to another....
From the initial sparks of lust, to the settling down in security and eventually the peace of contentment that there is someone close by....
You may be alone...but never lonely....
That’s the essence of a true relation my friend....
But I guess to realize the depths of this, one must have the balls to be able to dive deep....the guts to take risks of being in company of the same person every day and still making the efforts to cherish and let it grow.
You have to give to get....that’s the universal phenomenon the world is propped upon.
It is easy standing on the shore and saying the storm at the seas would blow us down...get into the sea to realize if the storm would do that to you or you bloody well carry the potential to do that to yourself....!

Is everything just black or white?
There are no such things as black or white...
In fact I believe there are only greys and shades...
Greys tending towards black at one time or greys mixing with the white...
There is no such thing as constancy...like it is rightly said....change is the only thing constant...whether we take it to a positive one or pull in the negativities it is our own fabric...our own deep grounded and often unreasonable fears and notions.

So to say one thing is always right and the other is always wrong is the biggest blunder of human evaluation.
If we move with stuck up notions or pre-formed conceptions of people and relations, we are just waiting for disaster to happen....
Why can’t we be like the mirror... to swallow everything as it appears before us and reflect it accordingly?
Why do we have to have a misted human opinion about everything based on our likes and dislikes?
We start to see things not as they are but how we would like or believe them to be...

Sometimes it helps to give up on the inhibitions...
It helps to let go of the smokescreen and just experience the bliss of rain drops of unadulterated pleasure trickling down our face, with every moment soothing our senses to the core...forget who is watching...just experience!
The world is waiting with its arms wide open to embrace us with pure bliss...Why do we have to fold our arms in disdain and a scowl...with the belief that it is all a snare to trap us while we move unsuspectingly....!


Is it necessary to play games in a relation?
Here again I differ with the rest of the world....and either I am mad or the world is...
Often I have come across games people play to seemingly add to their worth.
Like girlfriends raising a proud eyebrow to the woeful ballad sung by the beloved... or emotional blackmailing to get the other to accept in which he or she has been hesitant.... or waiting before making that call we desperately want to make, because it might seem too desperate...or saying the right thing that we may or may not feel but feel that the other wants to hear from us...!

Gawsh...what a bloody complicated world this is!
If you express your feelings as they surface in your heart, you are falling over the other or coming too strong.
If you give in too soon when being courted, you are easy and if you take too much time for the same...you are snooty.
If you go beyond expected social behaviour and let your hair down once in a while...you are immoral.
If you give they have a problem, if you resist they have a bloody problem again...
What the bloody fuck! Can’t you let me just be?
Like a dear friend of mine says... “You cannot make everyone happy every time...in fact you cannot make even one person happy all the time...is liye meine apne dukaan he band kar le hain...”
So true...it’s best to get down the shutters of giving at places where it is useless to expect any reciprocal...
Where there are games, there is nothing genuine...
Maybe there exists the shelf life that my friend mentioned.
True feelings need to be expressed without fear or hesitance...
And if the other person cannot handle it...too bad...move on for he is not worth the effort....games are best played where they are supposed to be...on courts...not in lives.
Let him be stuck in his games for when the game would be over...it has to be someday...it would be just that...over!

Do relations require space?
Hmm...Seems like my gyan and sermons have no end today...
I’ll keep this one short I promise...
Let’s first just see what is space?
Open free surroundings where we can exist and run around even perhaps deviate...to encompass the freedom...nothing dearer than freedom, is there?
But then have you ever come across a space that did not end in a boundary...
The vastest of fields end in a river...
The widest of rivers are limited by the sandy shore...
The greatest stretches of sandy deserts are confined by cities rising onto their edges...

Spaces are good...to have the realization in the sub conscience that I am free like the wind to scatter and buoyant like the bird to rise...
But with the conscientiousness that I have to return to my nest...or have to settle in my course eventually...
Spaces are important to provide breathing...
Confines are important to limit wantonness.
Spaces provide us the creative outburst...
Confines provide us the rooting to our grounding.
The world thrives on right balancing in nature...
Let’s attempt to derive that in our relations.
To let go when it is tremulous to escape...
And to slightly pull back just when you feel the elasticity might break.

I read this piece by Swami Vivekananda which I really liked...
It’s simple yet profound:
Two close friends sat by a pool. She filled the palm of her hand with some water, held it before him and said:
“You see the water in my hand, it symbolizes love.”
As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there.
However, if you close your fingers around it to possess it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
The greatest mistake people make in love is that they try to possess it, they demand, they expect...
And just like the latter spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature.
If there are people you love, free them.
Give...don’t expect.
Advice...don’t order.
Ask...never demand.

Phew...so much for my Valentine’s Day special....
Don’t know how much I have succeeded in maintaining relations or am I experienced enough to vomit my thoughts on the world...?
But at the end of the day...
I’m just glad that I have the balls to call a spade a spade...without tending towards just black or just white of it;
To express and speak out my mind without fear of repercussions...
To believe and hope that I create beautiful things and relations around me, where the term shelf life does not exist!

Valentine's Day Wonder!

14th February...Mr. Valentine’s Day...
Who he is or what he did is immaterial...
I asked a couple of friends if they knew the history behind it...
“Hmm...” they said, with the expression of deep contemplation...
“Of course, he’s a saint...something to do with being good and friendly...”
“And...” I poked...
Arrey...aur koi kaam nahi hain ab Valentine ke history bhi yaad rakhne padege...woh bhi Valentine’s Day pe...hehe!

I don’t have a clue either...
Who he was or how he transpired romance and love into this thing of beauty, big enough to be celebrated...
But Valentine’s Day is big...humungous for lovers...
Especially the young ‘lovey dovey’ cootchie-coo birds...who dare to venture out despite moral policing...to vent out their deep rooted fantasies and expressions. Bravery my friend is not just witnessed on battlefields...!
And thankfully love knows no bounds of age or religion, country and now even sex...love just happens...just takes over when you least suspect!

So, many believe, it’s the day to be lost in the crushing embrace of the beloved or smouldered by that deep, long kiss...or just lock the eyes in a naughty glance or that slight smile which breaks from the edges of our lips, unable to be evaded even in a large crowd...love is that and more!
It is the only thing in the world which increases, when you impart it...
Love is the most euphoric, ecstatic, overwhelming joy one can ever experience...and you are truly blessed if you have experienced it many times over...not here implying that you go hopping, searching and straying for it... one true love is enough to last a lifetime.

It’s like that sweet butterfly...someone said...
While you run after it with main and might to grasp it...it evades
And the moment you sit still...it quietly comes up to settle on your nose....
Yup, just like that...!
Like Mr. Shahrukh Khan back home says...someone, somewhere is made for you....thank god for His mercies...!
Haanji, you do find someone sooner or later...who makes you believe that there is really an unlocked door, just waiting for you to open it...
Who removes the pall of despondence and disappointments to show you he was worth the wait and worth the effort.
We just need to be at the right place at the right person...
Or do it right with him or her...
Or just hang in there...waiting...for the right person to walk into our lives.

Because, when that someone magical does walk in...we travel with him or her into a surreal state of desire and dreams...we move on as if blindfolded guided by the other to reach heights we did not deem possible...
Well, holding the little finger and bearing but a slight touch...
We lose the sense of earthly perspective as though walking into a giant ping pong ball...hoping there would be no boundaries ever to encounter on this path. The magical presence of this special someone brings out the sunshine in the darkest of days, makes the trials and tribulations of life bearable, makes us laugh until we cannot stop and makes us giddy till we begin to like this tipsy state of ourselves. It’s the realisation that we may be alone but never lonely again.

Love is rare...it is a find...
It needs to be treasured and guarded...
It needs to be nurtured and cherished...
It doesn’t happen with everyone...doesn’t match to the stories and fables we read in books or watch on the silver screen...
It is our very own discovery and our very own invention.
It does not have to be crazy or mad love...for that is merely sexual...
It has to be spiritual and uplifting...it has to show you a reflected image of god in its realization...pure and unbiased.
Hence the falling in love is essentially the rising in love too...

Hmmm...Love is heavenly...!
Love needs to be celebrated...
But not because Mr. Valentine wants us to, but because we want to...
And not just one day,
But 24*7 and 365 days....!
It needs to be expressed and confessed...
It needs you to give, unconditionally...
It needs you to believe but not too pragmatically...
It needs you to reach out, unhesitatingly...
It needs you to be free and flowing just as the bickering brook that tumbles down the valley with the only aim to encompass everything in its fold.

I wish the Valentine’s Day magic continues to do wonders in everyone’s life throughout their lifetime...
Those who are single...please don’t fret...look at this as a beautiful wait to a beautiful beginning...May you find your lovelies to mingle...
Those in a relation...please don’t restrain...May you find the drive and buzz to discover new things together...
Those in marital bliss, please don’t go looking around...may you continue to not take the other for granted and find the strength and motivation to stay in it...
And those who are straying...please don’t be blinded by selfish joys...may you find the right anchor....
Each one to his own...!
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

Why do we all want to be Actors...consciously or sub consciously?

Ok guys...
Opening up with another confession here today...
Yaar, I feel I am on this inane mission to present before you readers my most detestable and dumb qualities and experiences...although why I should do that is completely confounding...????????????
Maybe I assume that by this, you would think of me as more of human rather than the complete goddess of wit, profundity, maturity, sense and sensibility and oh so many things more that you lavish me with in praises...!
Oops acha burai karne the yahan to...

Okies... so growing up as a teenager, I would often stand before the mirror and pretend to be the hottest actress of the moment and mouth out words to myself...
Like... “Ab aisa bhi kya hain hum mein, ke aap hum ko aise dekh rahe hain tab se.....?” Bloody hell.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oho and it doesn’t stop there...cut two and the walking in of the imaginary hero...of course the latest heart throb who would saunter from behind, woo me no end and we would even break into a song (I was suffering from this disorder, mind you and as of now I am completely cured...well almost cured...).
I would act coy, smile sheepishly or even close my eyes as I was held by my blue eyed boy...acha zyaada ho gaya abhi yaar...
Confessions ke dukan band karne padege....!

Point is that all of us go through these phases when we consciously or subconsciously want to become actors or act.
And don’t give me that shit that you don’t or didn’t ever...!
Studied human behaviour my dear...and since guys read more of my blogs here...you my dear friends take the cake when it comes to doing bloody ‘nautanki’!

We all act, want to act and wouldn’t mind if we became actors....
Imagine walking down the red carpet with flashlights flooding you...or wearing that chiffon saree on the Alps in Swiss locales and Shahrukh Khan rushing into your open arms...Shahrukh not so much...Hrithik Roshan would do...but then no one runs into arms like Shahrukh Khan does...hmmm....
And then there is also Akshay and his muscles and Farhan Akhtar and his charm...
Oho...bloody koi bhi chalega yaar....a hunk running into the arms is important here...who does it is paltry....! Imagine giving interviews, award winning speeches or flinging that flirtish kiss to crowds that swoon and aplomb for you, in those annoying screeches which are musical only for the person they are being addressed to. Imagine doors being opened and not just referring to gates of buildings here...just smiling and getting away even with murder....living the mush existence and courting a new love, playing a new life each day. Just the thought is sooooooo orgasmic, like I like to say...!

But then, not all of us can rush to Mumbai...not all of our latent talents get tapped....not always does are true rock star potential comes to the fore...! So we compromise and comprehend our surroundings and begin to act there. Act in our roles and behaviour and in how the world should perceive us to be....we act in relationships, presentations and manifestations...We act dumb when we understand or act witty without the faintest idea of what is being talked about. We act coy, we act innocent to get out of tricky situations and then often also admit to guilt to do the same.
We act and we act till the realms of reality and fiction submerges and we live in a world we create with our own direction. Except there are no retakes here....no end of one flick so that you can begin another...!How we act does irrevocably forms our character and thereby our fan following of dear ones and acquaintances....reel life and real life is very much here. And sadly the audience in both cases are often equally dumb, getting swept away by outside glitz...!

So while we play our parts with no one shouting “cut” there...then how long can we stay in the character... I wonder?
Do what we get or what we see is then also what it is?
Can we possibly always wear the garbs of our acts or do we realize when we adorn them and when we discard?
Do we admire, acknowledge and flaunt the actor within us or keep him in guarded secret from the world?

Perhaps a little bit of acting is quintessential...a little bit to add the zest to the mundane...a little bit to minus the aggravations...a little bit to feel yes, I have arrived and the world is my stage...and I just have to play on...till it’s my time to exist!

Are you dating the same guy over and over again?

A student of mine recently came up to me with a very big and sad broken heart...yup I moonlight as an agony aunt...and do not take this as an occupational hazard but the strings benefits of my profession.
She had been in a relationship twice before.
Please don’t ask me her age and thou shalt not hear any lies.
In recent years there has been an increasing inclination of youngsters in all age and class groups to get into the ‘couple’ status with someone...anyone!
Almost all my student batches boast of cute ‘little’ couples and I’d be blind if I said I do not notice such things.

Anyways, this girl had again been dumped by her boyfriend who had sought up another pretty young thing. Hopping is the culture amongst teenagers now and commitment is a foreign word. And as I asked her more, she spilt the beans on her past... about how even previously her boyfriend had hooked up with another classmate of hers.

I would have dismissed it off as just another case of teenage bugle and confusion reigning supreme...but for the fact that I noticed there was a pattern there. The more she told me, the more it became clearer that this poor young thing fell for guys with super self-confidence and over whom gals threw themselves. It thrilled her to no ends to know what a conquest it had been for her. She herself lacked in it terribly, but was a ‘looker’ and so naive that cassanova-kinda guys easily fell for her...till they were poked by the need to stray and moved on. She then looked for another popular hot stuff who would uphold her esteem above others for a while. Till the others admired her for being with him...she basked in the glory, the moment they mentioned someone else on the scene, her esteem would plummet and drive her to the break up.

Are all of us consciously or unconsciously dating the same disastrous guy over and over again...? Call it a relationship fetish that often keeps driving us to those very qualities which we detest eventually in a man. Some get turned on by anger that might ultimately turn them mad...but at that moment fills them with irresistible urges; for many others the ability to make you laugh is the prime concern or preference...and when the laughter is gone...so does the man...and the search for another joker commences again...till the jokes become so redundant that they get on to your nerves.

We are driven towards qualities that complement us or are in striking contrast to our own character...a mediocre path would not do...extremes are the forces...well, whatever works for us....!
So while the faces are changing...please take not the man is the same...!
We may often justify it calling it the basic characteristics we want in a man,blah,blah,blah...but the fact is we always ogle, admire and look for the same guy or gal, what our body has been conditioned to draw us to.
Ok, not physically so much...but do a post-mortem of your beloved’s character and the grains of truth would be staring at you...in your face!

And just as it is easy to form a pattern, equally easy it is to break free from it...
Just the recognition is the key...!
Our subconscious mind takes over us as long as it remains that...the subconscious...allow it to surface at the conscious level and you get back in terms to what exactly are you venturing into...
Once the limitations and negativities are spotted, they can be suitably targeted.
It is necessary to experiment before coming upon an invention, necessary to search before lapping a discovery, necessary to err before finding our own epitome of love and contentment. Almost equally necessary perhaps is to break the shackles of detrimental patterns...to walk into the horizon of what we really...REALLY want!

The Interplay Of Day and Night

I was returning back from my evening walk today and it got a tad late than usual. The birds were screeching back to their homes, stretching their wings as if in a great rush to retire for the day and almost instinctively I looked up at the sky. Random, stretched strokes of grey were beginning to splatter over the dimming blue length of the sky. The same floor of heaven which until a while ago was bright and clear... was as if being slowly gobbled by the forces of darkness.

It was almost metaphorical...striking in its comparison. How much life like this was! Clear, bright shades of life being consumed by strokes of grey and before you get time to realize or react...they have already begun to darken all horizons. Gradually and inconspicuously, the darker patches of the skies began to sprawl and the spaces of brighter hues began to crumble and shrink. As if moving in like a warning that...here I come, you can run as much as you try...but you cannot escape. The lighter shades gave up...succumbed...yielded to the greater force...the arms of the inevitable, that would embrace them to the point of complete crushing in its folds.

And there, right in front of my naked eyes, the spectacle unfolded...
The intermingling occurred...as the light blue and pristine white transformed to light greys, then purples and slowly to darker scares...to ultimately turn black...the colour of mourning....the essence in which everything loses its identity.

The glorious sun, which until a while ago, shone with its almighty exuberance was hidden behind the sordid influence of the foul. All the beauty of clarity was marred by the oneness of endless, smoky haze. Suddenly the previously welcoming green and soothing trees took up a menacing facade...and loomed ahead on the path like forbidding stumbling blocks....Shadows crept in silently and the daunting environment made me quicken my steps back home. The fear of the dark....the unknown makes us all grope with our outstretched hands. The screeching and twittering had stopped....the grinding of machines far away had come to a staggering halt and the vehicles rushing past on the roads thinned in number... their headlights playing a winding game on the face of the charcoaled lanes.

Yes, the day was done...the rays were gone....but simultaneously the moon also did rise to show there was sweetness even in sadness...and despite the intimidating envelope of thoughts...I consoled myself with the belief that tomorrow would come...the wheels of the natural cycle would turn as the roles would be reversed and darkness would then scamper to seek shelter. And I continued to walk on...

But once my vision had adjusted to it, the darkness itself was beginning to appeal too. This darkness has been there since even before the light was formed... For before the sun may have come into existence, what was there except darkness all around? If the day lights up the path...sometimes its exuberance can blind the vision...and everything appears bright and right on the surface. It is only at night that true forces come out to play...the shadows provide our eyes, the opportunity to rest and the coolness of shade balms the sores. The night tells us it is time to rest...to rejuvenate and be one within...for tomorrow would bring new pressures again. The night brings about stillness...so necessary for introspection...it brings us back home...so necessary to enable us to get up again the next day.

I reached my destination...my walk was done...so was my appreciation of life around me...the cycle of nature and the nature of human cycle...
May in this interplay of day and night, each one finds his true calling...each one delves into the essence of life itself.

In the Land of Love and Lust- Khajuraho!

Khajuraho is the name that tilitates, invigorates, and regenerates thoughts to the weirdest of corners of the mind that is humanly possible and going by the graphic details there...sometimes perhaps even not. My weekend trip to Khajuraho was much looked forward to for this very reason-to bask in the glory of being inane and downright dirty(for lack of a better word) in contemplation and deeds and blame it on the poor city.

While I went there with the gates of my mind open to newer visual stimulations...my dearly beloved had a horde of other ‘openness’ that he desired to experiment with. Although knowing his ‘undercover’ tendencies, well wishers had already cautioned him against attempting the nasty and some had even proposed pre-empted orthopaedic appointments. Thankfully we whisked past any such tragedies that may have struck... yup, thank god for small mercies!

The moment you enter the boundaries of the city, you are jolted by an unexplained electric charge in the environment. The serenity of the plush natural greenery and the haunting stillness of the carved figures of the temples, almost beckon you in a sexy way. It’s as if these sculptures which have been witnessing stuff from centuries...are oozing with stories to tell but confined by the limitations. Nevertheless, in their own way they hollo in a voice that is at once alluringly sweet as well as poisonously evil- a challenge that says come, witness and dare...

So after checking into the hotel, the butterflies in my stomach began to spread out their wings and flutter...I was aching to get out...to explore...to empathize and to experience...and so I had to literally and physically pull out the men to venture out of the rooms...oho...don’t get me wrong by the usage of the term ‘men’ used solely here...yaar unke biwiyan bhi saath the...no full bloodied married man would dare to come to khajuraho minus his better half...for obvious reasons!

So along with corporal pressure, I also reasoned with them... ‘Oye bahar niklo yaar....some adventures should materialize out of the bedroom too...’
Although it was wholeheartedly and with a fanatic fervour debated upon by my dearly beloved. Here...confession time...purely for your ears my dear readers...my hubby is most unnerving in such situations, for he comes up with thoroughly testing queries at these crucial moments like.... “Yaar holiday ka kya fayda hain phir?” Or “Yaar maine shaadi kyon ki hain phir?” And all I can do at such enduring requests is to gape with astonishment at him...and give him a murderous look of the eye that says.... ‘Get that cute butt out of the bed right this moment or you won’t be getting ‘it’ even after returning....”. So there dearly beloved has no choice but to oblige. Like I said...thank god for small mercies!

Anyways, the temple sight is beautiful in all its majestic splendour, with acres of sprawling green gardens interspersed with these stones and architectural marvels. At the very onset, we hired a guide. It seemed as the most sensible thing to do as we hoped he would have a better idea of what exactly was happening in those postures and what was the arm and what was it not...although we thought it should be...being positioned so strategically!
From one sculpture to another we moved about with intense concentration that could put even a thesis student to shame...we didn’t want to miss the commentary or the glimpse of gravity defying stunts so blatantly displayed.
Along with those, were our own whacky takes on what we were seeing and the dumb giggles we could not control and also that saliva drooping down the men’s mouths...for here was something better than porn...finally! And as a dear friend of mine so profoundly observed... “The sculpting seems dubious...they have made certain things way too large as per proportions and some others way too small as per the expected size”. Now please show mercy on me for this and don’t demand an explanation.

And in this way the mystery unfolded... The guide dabbed in a bit of history as to how khajuraho received its name...meaning ‘khojo apne raah’ – to look for your own path....How truly befitting! The temples were built by the Chandela dynasty and depicted the lives of the royals and the yogis...the Kamasutra was just a miniscule part of it. But their depiction on the walls of these temples has rendered the dynasty immortal.

The guide lost most of us in between, in his translations of the war descriptions or the household activities. When we reached the Kama sutra bit...all eyes were wide open and alert again....and I had to literally push up the chin of one of the guys in the fear that the mouth wide open, might devour more than it’s intended to.

The guide spoke of how the royals were men of great influence and to please them would be the ultimate goal of any full bloodied and bodied female of the kingdom. So while He took one ahead of him with his manhood, another two stood on each side being stroked and yet another one behind him with her hands wrapped around his torso in a fulfilling embrace. ‘Phew’ went our reactions...While most of us were wondering about their flexibility...some brainy ones marvelled at their stamina and insatiable quench for physical pleasures. We were barely out of gasping when just below that sculpture was another carving that pretty much pulled the ground from under our feet. It was a man with a horse doing what the figurines seemed best at!

The fact that the guide mouthed the activities in such explicit details in Hindi, it added the spice to the flavour, invoking child-like guffaws followed by smug hushing from all of us. A seven year old kid in our troop was hushed too and taken aside by the wary mother, to keep her suitably out of curious questions that the little one might breathe out later and god knows in whose presence!

There were women with women and leaving behind the concept of threesomes as outdated were five-somes and much more. The arms and legs were twisted in such complex amalgamation, that the guide had to warn us not to attempt any of those. Yup I retorted....after a bit of attempt to resist.... ‘Please do not try at home without adult supervision...and if no adult around...call me...I’d be happy to watch and advice...’
Hmmm...not really...on second thoughts!

So there...my sojourn of the land of love and lust...it is quite a place...marred in patches due to lack of maintenance...nevertheless...stimulating enough to raise many questions in the mind of the traveller who passes by them. Such questions that perhaps have no answers...such questions that attempt to make you question your premise...such questions that take you on a road to self discovery within your own interpretations! You leave back the land to return to your base but the hangover persists for a long, long time!

The Sensory Perceptions

This one comes post my khajuraho hangover...whereby the stimulations and perceptions were awakened and sharpened...It was not just a physical journey but an arousal of the senses-the sight, the words, the hearing, the smell and the touch. If you ask me these five instigations are often as imperative as man’s basic necessity of food, clothing and shelter. For what would we be, if we are not able to grasp the world around and allow it to sink in!

The Enchantment of the Eyes...Our lens to the world...
It is said the first strings of attraction are pulled by the sense of sight. We are drawn to someone or something purely by measure of how appealing he or it ‘seems’ to us. Even in the present times or rather more so in present times... ‘First impression is the last impression’ often holds true (though not so much for me).
When we see someone for the first time...our eyes swallow the image and transfer it to the brain...not as scientifically as it sounds...!
The mind then sends waves to the rest of the body after gauging the worth of the object in sight. And voila! Within split seconds we know if the object in question is sinfully adorable or downright repulsive by the stirring sensation it brings to the rest of our existence. Sight therefore is the first measure of attraction. Something being pleasant to behold suffices generally. If what we see is what we like, then it surely and soon becomes what we pursue too!

But like a dear friend of mine had once commented on one of my blogs...What then about a blind man who cannot enjoy this benefit? Is there no love beating within him or nothing that causes him the rush of blood?

Sight is a gateway, no doubt, but then equally true is the fact that it is not possible to love every good looking thing we behold. And what about loving someone who is just a figment of our imagination but whom we may have never seen...the dream around which so many teenage lives are woven. There has to be a ‘conditions apply’ clause somewhere to this law of temptation. The eyes have it, said Shakespeare...and in the initial stages, we would have to agree with him. For nothing pleases a smitten heart as much as to make the beloved sit before him and gaze on and on and on.

The Encompassing Mouth- To help us take in
This sense organ can have way too many implications than may be humanly possible to dissect and make sense of. The sense of taste or the feel of the mouth or both...how so ever we approach it...remains of prime importance in allowing us to take in things...no pun intended.
Ever felt the taste of something so good that could make you shut your eyes for those brief seconds to savour each mouthful or move those teeth in slow motion to let the flavour linger in the taste buds for as long as we could?
Chocolates do that for me...height of anti climax you would say...but then in this way I realize the complete upliftment such a short exercise may provide... and also make me look forward to developing more such varied tastes that could evoke an almost orgasmic reaction.

Of course with the taste comes the mouth...and what one can do with the lips is like opening the Pandora’s box of troubles...the more you open the lid, the bigger your demands get from this sense organ...
While hands can grope to reach closer to our object of pursuit... the mouth is equally skilled to explore untouched horizons. With every movement made by the lips you discover a hidden facet of your own self and of what you have in the mouth too.
Hence we can never underestimate the worth of this sense...
I once mentioned to my dear friends... ‘Smile...it’s the best thing that you could do with your mouth’ and a volley of attacks and counter attacks were made on me to thoroughly uproot this wrong premise.
What could I say...I had to take back my words and I now mouth things differently!

The Soothing Sense of Hearing- Pour on...
I had heard somewhere a statement of extreme profundity...words either spoken or written, are meant to conceal more than reveal...
The sense of hearing helps us receive the world but often in a way that the world chooses...They shower us with words that we may like to hear as they soothe the senses or numb the pain...They may also pelt us with words that pierce sharper than needles. What we hear is often just those...words....for here it is required to have an accompaniment of the mind too...for gathering the grains of truth in the heard words...
The ears may be listening to something else while the heart maybe receiving it as another. So many ‘yes’ heard on the surface are perceived as ‘no’ within....often the biggest of love speeches fail to go beyond the ears while just one word of warmth goes deep inside and travels all around.

Often many lives are spent and wasted to hear those three words from their chosen one. Often lives are spent and wasted to shut off the words that taunt, blame or condemn from the chosen ones again.
Along with words come noises...which can jar the peace within.
Along with words come voices...which can render us weak in the knees.
Along with words also comes music...which is the food of life. Had we not had this sense...we had also not ever felt the unmatchable stirrings of music that appeals to us. So for the peace of our mind...music and the voice and the words that we pine to hear...may they continue to enthral!

The Captivating Sense of Smell-poke on
Poor nose...so under played and estimated...yet could take so many manifestations if rightly played upon.
Ever felt the nudge of the nose of a loved one on the cheeks or playfully down the bends of the shoulders...This one little thing can prove to be as competent as those famous fingers which gorge all the importance. And not just in its physical impact...the sense of smell can compel the body to lose many inhibitions.
A roomful of roses is not just visually a great motivator but also makes you sink in the experience of being in the laps of nature. The signature perfume of individuals is less of a style statement and more of a bid to attract, as the weapon may have been used profitably before to trap unsuspecting victims. Each one of us has our own smell...we all hope for a pleasant one and crave for an irresistible one that could draw our object of pursuit back to it again and again. The right smell can weaken our defences and pull us very beguilingly. However, if at gunpoint I had to pick a sense organ I could sustain without...I’m sorry nosy, I’d have to let you go...coz the other four are just so beyond my capacity to give up on.

The Tingling Touch-The Ultimate Reach Out
Thank god for touch! I mean my existence otherwise would have been quite impossible or grim. I just have to reach out through touch. For me the hug is the supreme expression of embracing each part of another with complete openness. The shiver a right touch can send down your spine is incomparable.
The holding of hands of lovers remains the eternal love expression. The clasping of the face at the time of that perfect kiss or the light touch of the back by your man as he introduces you to the rest of the world...is little short of euphoria.
Like for the blind man referred to above...his only solace is to take his fingers all around the face of his loved one, gently and slowly forming a mind picture beyond just imagination. In the complete darkness of the silent night, when the eyes cannot see and the nose cannot smell or the ears are shut to words and the mouth is just breathing deep....how well can just the touch then take you to the heights of rapture and fill every pore with a jubilation.
Intimacy that takes a relation a step further can only be achieved through the right usage of touch and feel.

While all of these remain at work to provide us with a visual and sensory ecstasy...the mind must be given its due for formulating these feelings into emotions...for receiving such notions without logic...for letting us be natural for a change, just as nature wanted us to be.
For not letting interpretations and translations intervene in our paths.
Also for letting us take the right action ahead to transmit and materialize these perceptions into a beautiful reality. Like it is said...there may not be a destination...but the journey is bloody damn good!