Walking styles decoded!

For the longest time...my favourite source of amusement used to be walking-that is, till I discovered that indoors can be just as much fun as outdoors! ;-)
Walking is so enlightening*nope, not in the ‘Buddha getting it under the tree’ way but something as close as ‘Newton getting it under the tree’ way...pop drops an idea every now and then*


I am telling you...one of these days I would be world famous for some of my theories becoming established as certified facts...and my name taken with the ranks of Galileo, Einstein, Princess Diana, Columbus, Mother Teresa:
For example:
1. A man with big palms makes a great lover*not as in ‘on his feet mush’ lover but ‘in your sack n rack’ lover!
2. You can tell the strength of a man by his voice*yes, you can...a squeaky person can never have a larger than life persona...and look nobody ever told you that except good old Tumbling Thoughts...off-The lives we alter!*
3. A good kiss is as good as a good f@#$and can get you there where no man has gone before*no elucidation invited for this one -“at work” till further notice!*
4. Oho...never miiiiind...even in theories I can’t think straight:/
And I also think this post is not about my hypothesis, anyways!
Wtf...Why can’t you guys ever let me stay on one track! Fie! Fie!


Okay...so walking styles!
It’s no hidden truth that I go for my evening walk every...duh...it had to be evening only, right! Waise going for an ‘evening walk’ in the morning is very much possible considering some of the essays I check of my students...but then again...phew! Another track some other time!


So during my walking sojourns...my senses seem to be hyper active and I tend to notice things...or maybe I have no choice else except just walking and watching along....for there’s no one to hold hands with, or cling to...or crib saying ‘I can’t walk any further...please pick me up’*yes I know dear readers, it is anyways not possible to expect ANYONE to pick ME up...so stop giggling at this point n making a mental note of commenting about it later in my comment box*


Lately I seem to notice that people walk in many different ways!
Sure we all have the same hands and the same legs and the same stuff in between them all...ya, ya...that too...yet, yet, yet....


1. The Smooth Operator:
This one walks as though he is *mentally* gliding...I always imagine this ‘uncle’ just might someday raise his right hand Superman style and rise up in the sky after producing red underwear over his blue jeans...
But that thought requires so much of my concentration at his lower half, anticipating the development of the red ones anytime that I have chucked the idea of being the one to discover him altogether!


2. The Grasshopper:
Well, for why else but because he hops while he walks...so every time I adjust my eyes to keep him in one line of frame...in the next instant, he goes whoosh down, making me use all my energies in my already pent up body to lower my eyelids along with my eye lashes and some facial muscles, to notice him having gone down by a few centimetres!
Why do I bother to ‘look’ at him anyways, you ask?
Well, dodo...this is called taking multi-tasking at the next supreme level...
I am giving my eye lids an exercise along with the rest of the body!
*I am soooooooo brilliant...I scare myself sometimes ;-)*

3. The Break Dancer:
This one has too much excitement to control in his not so tiny frame... so that when he walks you can actually see all his muscles flexing n shaking to keep pace! You will also notice*if you put the entire scene in slow motion format like in movies* how all the weight from the right side of his tummy would travel to the left side like a giant sea wave and then get back to its place before repeating the routine!
With due respect to fat people*for I belong to your clan*I always thought his paunch would reach a place ages before the rest of him followed! I mean it is a big wonder why this dude never loses any weight, for he gyrates like his life depends on it!
I also wonder if I play loud music on the street someday...would he break into a jive*sooo tempted to find out some day*!

4. The Hammer Man:
Nope...that’s not a new superhero my friends...This one walks as though he has a hammer tied up somewhere between his legs! I mean keeping aside the pun-ny implications that this might evoke...the Hammer Man walks precariously putting one foot before the other and settling the ‘things’ in between with each baby step! He could even give Tendulkar a run for his money, in adjusting his assets while in the act!
For heaven’s sake...but that’s one display of assets that we don’t want to see!
But no...He’d be walking up to you and leave you with no choice but to imagine the weirdest possibilities for his erratic walk! And the worst is, he sometimes has a wife walking with him*nope, that’s not the worst part to it* and she walks with her legs slightly more spread out than usual...
So God bless my hyper-active, fertile mind to derive at the potential prospects to lead to such a scenario!


5. The Burster:
Nope...it does not say bust-er...there is an “r” there...
But yes, The Burster would be a woman! This dear lady walker wears clothes that would burst at the mere hint of an over stretching of her limbs!
So every time she takes a little longer stride, I go whoaaa with a hand on my heart...and then just as my heart beats drop to the point of relaxation, she raises her hand to stretch and I go wobbly again like walking on a rolling pole in air! I wonder what threads hold those hems and what efforts get her into those things she smears her body with*read that as clothes*
But unabashed, she walks like she’s the queen of the world...mast haathi ke chaal!

6. The Baby Stepper:
She walks with baby steps!
Okay, I know that’s not self explanatory so you are looking with a gaping mouth at the screen wondering ‘how’s that unusual?’
Well, imagine you have to go to pee as in reaallllllllllllyyyyyy badly and you can’t! You try harder*to control that is* but you can’t!
So what do you do...you scrunch your facial muscles and you squeeze your thighs together and walk, with your feet almost one in front of the other!
Yup...now you get the picture?
And she walks like THAT for almost an hour!
Makes me think of starting ‘Sulabh Shauchalaya’ in public gardens too*now that’s why I had added Mother Teresa to the list of examples above in the introduction to categorise me with*
 
So cases like these galore!
There’s an aunty who walks everyday belonging to one of the elitist families of my town...but one day*woe to that day*I discovered her kurta up *can’t say pants down here, can I?*and squatting facing the wall, obviously to attend nature’s call!


I have also seen a family friend- a dear old middle aged woman, who walks ahead of me sometimes with her kurta going inside the crack of her butt!
And her hips going in ‘one ball up and another ball down’ routine, jutting out oh-so-conspicuously from the rest of the body! OMG!*I run for dear life!*


Then, there are also couples behind bushes....of all sexes!


Phew! Walking! Walking!
Truly a catharsis experience!
I don’t know if I follow the ridiculous or the ridiculous follows me...
But I seem to have invisible antennas inbuilt somewhere that uncannily catch the frequency of the outrageous with stupefying precision!


And what do “I” do while walking?
Well, well...you’d just have to follow me around to find that out now, won’t you? ;-)

P.S. That picture of that awesome looking dame above...how I wish it was me...but alas it is not!
Just thought should let you guys know before my fan following rises due to misconceptions!;-)