My take on the Semi-Finals, MY way!

So how did I spend my day on 30th March, when 99% of the human beings and conceivably some species of animals also in Mother India sat glued before their idiot box and the remaining 1% were perhaps straining their bodies in Mohali stadium in Chandigarh or busy updating gyan on Twitter and Facebook, bringing to life their latent dreams of becoming cricket commentators and critics, rolled in one? Waah, such vast talent in India, lying undiscovered-not of players, of people who have so much to opine, whine and declare crime!

My god-calling India a cricket crazy nation is an understatement. And fortunately or unfortunately I am not a part of this flock that eats, drinks, sleeps cricket when normally you are just expected to watch it and move on. But na ji na...our nazuk naak and the rest of the body and some people’s zindagi bhar ki kamai depends on this one sport, which at the end of the day is just a sport.

The day India beat Australia to reach to the semi-finals was another ordinary day for a boring housewife like me. At 10.30 p.m. I take my beloved daughter for her one hour ritual of beckoning Goddess Sleep. Suddenly the thunderous sounds of crackers broke the serenity of an otherwise solemn night. And in the middle of March, when Diwali was months behind or is months ahead, I knew it had to be one and only cricket responsible for blackening the skies a little more.

12 midnight and Seeya slowly succumbs to the lure of Madam Sleep and I log in on Facebook to catch up with all that I missed during the day yes, facebook times are now either on the shit pot at dawn or after darkness falls...sigh! And do I get a thorough summary of almost ball by ball account on my friends' statuses! Innovation was at peak as hitherto lesser mortals, as far as writing catchy statuses are concerned, were churning out one smart ass after another talking of statuses still of course. My poor fingers and thumb were tired of “liking” them all yes, I was almost thinking of what body parts to use now to express my deep admiration that must be expressed. Men and women were walking shoulder to shoulder, without any gender bias in making Facebook seem like the blue-book. And I was also enlightened on the fact that 30^th March would hereby be a war by any proportions.  

Cut to THE day: Now my beloved, who is not a cricket fanatic, so far as other normal citizens like my brother are concerned (read his status-Office Holiday: CHECK, Wife Out Of Room: CHECK, Cheerleaders: DOUBLE CHECK, Chilled Beers: CHECK, Pizzas: CHECK, 2nd Innings @ Felix: CHECK, India f@#$in Pak: CHECK.. All CHECKED, now BRING IT ON) was suddenly behaving weird nopes, we don’t need to call a doctor. He overnight became a cricket enthusiast-finally I guess, the nation calls you on duty and stirs dormant patriotic streaks in all individuals at the time of crisis-whoaaa...what crap am I talking! Anyways, he got up in the morning and ordered a 32 inches LED television set that my mother-in-law had been pestering him to get from months. Grrrr- I don’t know what made me grumpier: the fact that he suddenly and without seeking my super valuable advice, had turned into an extremist that I would not have approved/ advocated or the fact that my pesterings are never as effective as hers squinting the eyes and raising one eyebrow in the unbelievable typical fashion of the saas-bahu serials that she watches all day and I have to bear them when passing by.

Putting Seeya to sleep, for her one-hour siesta in the noon, I turn again to Facebook for some solace and it was like any other news channel, where the masses were giving free and unsolicited but so-thought expert advice, right from the toss to the boss. Some gifted individuals were updating statuses within every few minutes, making me wonder if they were more diligently cricketing or facebooking! I saw Sachin being compared to God and comments about him having many lives. Now, had I been Anjali Tendulkar, I would have been seriously worried, but as I am not sigh multiplied by 1000, I let it pass. Here I am unable to manage my own ONE life; I expressed mute sympathies and log out.

I woke Seeya up. Got her dressed and took her out on the pram for our customary one hour walk in the lush green HBTI College campus, where she says ‘Hi!’ and ‘bye!’ to every bhaiyyas and didis passing by and even raises her cheeselings that I put on the board before her saying “aa-aa” to them I give them a half apologetic and half explanative look that says I know you guys are not cows as we beckon cows in this way but she’s just a kid, forgive her. She thinks it is her moral duty to feed cheeseslings to everyone tumbling down the road from cows to watchmen to students, as though we live in Somalia and the poor souls would succumb and perish without the generosity shown from her end.

Anyways, much to our shock, the campus was deserted today. I make her pass her time by pointing to cars/motor bikes/cycles and walkers passing by but today the road was as empty as my hot chocolate fudge cup after I lick clean every bit of it, when I don’t have sophisticated company. So much inflation, I can at least make my contribution by saving on the washing powder, that would be expended on uncontaminating that cup. See, a little speck of thoughtfulness and we can save our planet.

Anyways, coming back again, there were very poor visibility of human specimens- actually there were a couple of couples in the gardens, making good use of the fact that nobody 'known' would bump into them today. That’s what we call ‘Incredible India’-we know the ways and means. But I couldn’t point to them now, could I? And neither could I tell her look at that bhaiyya and didi for they weren’t so for each other, na?

A handful of motor cycles passed by with youngish looking boys that made me raise my eyebrows now not for what you think silly. I was wondering that something must be wrong with these kids maybe they were retarded/ had violent family backgrounds/ unhappy childhood/ inferiority complex and the likes for how else would they manage to un-cling to their homes and the television sets. And before you blame me saying ulta chor kotwal ko daante, aise mein nahi, normal perceptions hain. I know I would be heavily lambasted after this post, you wait and watch for being an outsider or even gaddar for writing anything not pro-cricket, especially with an Indo-Pak match at hand I can already hear “How could you?” and see accusing fingers pointing at me.

As soon as we reached the entrance gate of the boys hostel, to cross it on our sojourn, we were shaken out of our wits by the loudest of cheers from inside. Sigh! If only it was to welcome my presence, I would not have minded the rude interruption of my sweet reverie, but for a match...ah! To top it, I received a message: Today is National Women’s day! A lot of mothers and sisters would be remembered from 2. 30 pm onwards. Ah...eeeenough...time to head back.

It is 7 pm and G has just returned home early today- not because he thought of babysitting Seeya one evening out of the two months since the maid’s untimely departure no, she’s not dead so save the condolence letters for me or not because he thought of taking a long walk in the nice weather with his daughter’s mother. But because the new television set was coming and he wanted to watch the match in peace. “Baby, will you please take Seeya and sit in the other room till the match gets over?”

Huh? What? Whoa?

And the rest like they say is history.

P.S. My woes list refuses to peter out:

1. I was left wondering through the day if stingy mobile service companies had cruelly  connived to cancel the blessed free SMS packs today akin on festivals, etc and for every vella forward that I forwarded in vellapanti, I was being charged double so that they could sponsor more such dumb matches.

2. I have had a tough time explaining Holi and Diwali to little Seeya. Now why in God’s name and all that is holy and pure, was a mini Diwali being celebrated this night when the country’s complaining of lack of funds...it would take more than all my blogging skills to explain and more than all her comprehending skills to grasp.

3. Over excited husbands after such victories evoke over-doubled efforts from already over-fuming and neglected wives to calm them down for more things than one :(

All said and done...we won...and happy cricketing anyways! :)