Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

24 January, 2012

I read and I live...

How do you satiate hungry eyes searching to quench a thirst?
How does one fill a void when one does not know what is needed for its redemption?

Such is life that it necessitates the delving into an escape route-to mingle into mindless relations derived out of so-called friendships or love, to drift into the unrealistic madness of cinema or devour the coming to life of words in books.

Reading, yes, I admit-I miss you. Let me confess today how I went wanton by turning to the blogosphere single-mindedly that it would make up for my erstwhile fixation of holding an actual book running into pages in my clasp. I haven’t returned to embrace you in many-a-years now. Would that explain my tossing restlessly in bed some days?

Should I blame the gradually reclining attention span or the steadily ebbing drama in my own life? A one page blog post reading of someone I admire, has been serving as a capsule perhaps to screen the symptoms though provides no cure. Or the witty one-liners on twitter that impress me no end perhaps ignite enough to ignore the larger picture! It gives me the hallucination of having “read”. Reading thus now doles out to fill some empty specks of my mind with a momentary realization of having travelled to some far-off domain, lived a reckless or meticulous life and sauntered back to my reality.

Reading is still serving me although I look not at it with the same eye.

I get magnetically pulled to any iota I see of the Victorian Ages or Romanticism symbolized by those peacefully resting in their graves now-any contemporary voices strong enough to stand at par with the Byrons, Wordsworths and Keats. Imagine the exquisiteness of ageless expressions like wandering lonely as a cloud or walking in beauty....

For such was the web they spun that getting entangled was the mind’s way of showing what a true orgasm is to the rest of the body. Such were the unadulterated emotions and expressions, as though the writers stood blind to all voices around and were enslaved to the voices in their heads.

Picking up classics or true Literature can at times have a therapeutic effect (just as much as a regular pacey best-seller). You walk down the wondering lane-what constitutes such a frame that manages to give you lines holding the grain of the ultimate truth, hand-picked from a solitary life but withstanding the test of times to reach the eternity? What immortal fountains they create and how? What triggers the unstoppable breeze that cools even the most burning of surfaces with their tender flap? Goes to prove that you can often create magic without movement or sound-magic by the gentle tap of your fingers and mind!

I read and I lived....in the days gone by when I would curl up on a sofa in a corner with a book. An illicit relation perhaps for I cared a damn how anyone looked at us-my transfixed gaze, my coy smiles, the scrunching of anxious eyes, the pleasure of reading love being made on page-me and my book, palming each other and then looking at the walls for a while, in reflection of letting sink in what the books showed me. I would move my body rarely and only when it fringed on getting numb while the mind travelled in frenzy and sometimes even that would be stationary, performing the arduous task of creating mind pictures for me-moving, pulsating images or just giving me the goose bumps with vividness painted there.

Did I become the protagonist in all I read? Yes, I experienced the greed for money, the lust for sex, the spine chilling edging in a mystery, the ache of soul for love, the crushing of entrails by a heart break, the malicious scheming for murder, the infinite search for truth. Did I come out unscarred from all I read? No, remnants of these got transfixed to me like second skin, shaping my mind, preferences and beliefs. They unwittingly went and formed a layer in my subconscious that made me think, opine and pine.

I carried the weight of whom I read for a while till fresh love began to reverberate within and another pristine crispness came between my nimble fingers, too eager to grasp the new.

Yes, Mark Twain, I agree with you when you say, "The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." But perhaps reading became too taxing for me-the way I wear my heart on my sleeves, I found it difficult to stop it from becoming a bookmark trapped permanently within some sheets of a book closed and done with. The pain of returning to a life less ordinary began to be weighed against the pleasure of dipping into ecstasy. Or perhaps I have just become too lazy using the garbs of responsibilities to disguise the change in me, looking for books in faces of people? I need to find myself again and I need to find a book that can find me? -A voice that sounds like the voices in my head and calms them down. 

P.S. Sorry a severe writer's block in progress here...hopefully would find my funny bone soon!

47 comments:

RiĆ  said...

But perhaps reading became too taxing for me-the way I wear my heart on my sleeves, I found it difficult to stop it from becoming a bookmark trapped permanently within some sheets of a book closed and done with.

Those were words so true!! I have stopped reading too and I miss it...but like u said when u have so much more to do its hard to pick up a book and immerse urself in it...its been a while since I did that. :( Sigh!

Bikramjit said...

Hmm well I know when i say will be hard to beleive but I just dont get time anymore to read.. SO many things going on by the time I get home its like I need to SLEEP..
as such i do a lot of reading .. although its work related.. reading statements , forms etc etc this and that .. SO by the end of the day I cant be bothered to pick a book and read ..

Although I can also say that there was time when I read ferociously, I have hundreds of books in my loft nicely stacked for the day when i get time to read.. I still buy books so one day god willing I will retire from all this, go to a hill side maybe Scotland and spend the rest of my life reading all the books that i have collected over the years ...

IT is funny when i was in school i ran away from reading and now i dont have time to read .. life is funny

Bikram's

Arpit Rastogi said...

I can connect to your post somehow though i am not that big of a reader myself..
But aajkal itni exciting life*sarcastically* chal rhi hai ki i found lil bit of comfort only in virtual(blogging, fb) life..

I recently read Veronika Decides To Die.. & it was good. :)

I found peace when reading.. tab mujhe bahar ki duniya ki jarurat nhi lagti & i feel good with myself only!

Happy Life!

Purba said...

This is the age of instant gratification - we have twitter, Fb, Blogs vying for our attention.

But when I curl up with a book I travel to distant lands. I live a life which is not my own. A good book is like a balm for the soul.

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

Its so sad to see a half read book at the bedside table, making no progress and the book mark resting at the same page it was a month back. Yeah I miss reading too, but I push myself to it many times...but once Im into it I just cant stop. A working, new Mom and reading - yes. I am not joking. There is always a few minutes to spare once the little devil has slept and the chores are done.I hope to continue so...though it doesnt happen on a regular basis. But I am happy with the way it goes now.

Keirthana said...

Reading in its true form is an art or so I consider it. Books fulfill a very special feeling that nothing else can replace. A book is not read, it is lived.

Loved the way you had put your feelings about reading. I would like to tell you to buy a book of your liking and to allow yourself to get lost in the book. It satiates the hunger.

Cheers,
Keirthana

Ashutosh said...

Readers are Loners!!!!
If ur not reading that means ur no more a loner :)

why you want to become one???

if you still wanna read then read people and their life ;)

Alka Gurha said...

Yes, even I feel the urge to read more but the newspapers, blogs and magazines take away all the time....havent read a classic in a long time.
But no matter what we do we do, where we go or what we become; we take some bits of what we read.

Alka Gurha said...

You are right...I so miss not reading classics....After reading the blogs, papers and magazines there is no zest for sitting in one place.
And no matter what we do, what we become or where we go; we do take bits of what we read with us.

Your prose becomes beautifully poetic in places.

Sharvani said...

you have so successfully penned down all the emotions I associate with reading-curling up on the sofa,getting so engrossed you forget the world and identifying with the protagonist on every level.
and then "..the pain of returning to a life less ordinary.."
great stuff...

Tanvi said...

I can totally relate to you here ... Don't know what happened down the road .. Reading a book just seems like such a chore lately!

♡ from © tanvii.com

Dr Roshan R said...

ya.. you have a point. I used to devour books... and so many characters became ingrained in me by their sheer class/terror/love... you do learn from such people.. sadly, that habit of reading is really gone down now... I barely get time to hop, jump and skip through blogs.. a full length novel seems ages away.

Vagabond said...

if this was a writer's bock in progress then what would it be without one?

and this happens all the time. Things become so overwhelming that
I sometimes switch off everything, phone, computer, the door and it is just me the bedside lamp and the book then I get into it and things are back to normal =)

when you read us, you still read...finer details are a part of the larger picture.

when you get hold onto one book, it will get you into the whole process again...
...like everything else in life, you just have to wait for the right one.


P.S. try Narcopolis by Jeet Thayil, it is new and read an excerpt seems nice =)

Karishma said...

I have challenged myself to read at least 30 books this year! Hope i can compelete it* I am plannin gto read a couple of thin books in between :D*. I stumbled upon the site GoodReads this year, it has really motivated me to read more. Check it out if you can.

kalpak n. said...

first of all...high 5 on goin thru writer's and reader's block together. i miss readin too. though i've never read any classic yet, except for maybe julius ceaser and animal farm. ur serious writing has a class of its own su. its really nice.

good read, this one :)

Saru Singhal said...

I can't imagine my life without a book. Even if I am not reading it, I love holding it. Call me insane...But as Purba said age of instant gratification...FB, twitter is like a capsule of instant energy. Also, the no. of people involved makes a virtual universe around us.

BTW, I don't think you are in any block, just a shift of style...:)

Sadiya Merchant said...

i had stopped readin a while ago cos of exms n stuf but wen i went baq to d library a coupl of months ago, i went INSANE. almost felt like a kid in a candy shop. n ull feel dat way toooo!
classics is my suggestion. at least u kno ur nt goin to waste ur tym wid it.
as fr writers blockkk...suruchiBennn num nummm read ur own old stuf n tune into sum news channel. evrythin shud fall into place den :)

Rahul Bhatia said...

Very well articulated thoughts on reading! I totally agree that it is therapeutic, and something any die hard reader can never live without!A sense of fulfillment comes only by laying hands on some great reads once in a while:)

Amrit said...

I need to make an effort to sit back and read. I could do it a year back but lately I have not done.

Read my latest post though before you pick that book. ))

Jenny said...

Reading for me is like a drug.. soothes you, makes you forget your current troubles...

How about starting with a a book you have already read and love it.. It works for me, when I am not very keen to read something..!!!

:-) I thought this post was wonderful and poetic as usual.. no writers block there!!!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Dr. Seuss says, the more you read, the more you will know, and the more you know, more places will you go.

Not just in real life, but it is like being transported to the place mentioned and described in the book, it is like seeing through the eyes of the author, the way he wants us to see it. While the world would see us sitting transfixed, with our gaze set on the paper in hand, mysteries of a distant land would be unraveling before our very eyes which though are looking at ink, but actually are looking through time and distance. I've known emotion more from the books I've read than what I've felt in real life which preserves my sanity in situations.

As for the writer's block, keep writing, because not writing will only aggravate the situation not alleviate it. Plus, do not judge the severity until you are through, because in the end you'll shine through (not that you are doing anything less than 'Excellent Work' here even in this condition).

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

SuKupedia ™ :) :) said...

The digital world sure has something to do with all this.. I am guilty of it too...but when i enter a crossword or landmark ..the kind of rush I have is just superb... so consciously made a timetable to read now.. so that I don-t get caught up in the screen surfing :) :)

and I got to compliment u on this post.. saw a very different style of ur writing here.. :) :)

Rachit said...

Keeping pace with all- life, blogs & books isn't easy... I'm myself suffering from them... just write & write.. 'coz whenever you write it makes your followers happy :)

Weakest LINK

Hope said...

Did I become the protagonist in all I read? Yes, I experienced the greed for money, the lust for sex, the spine chilling edging in a mystery, the ache of soul for love, the crushing of entrails by a heart break, the malicious scheming for murder, the infinite search for truth. Did I come out unscarred from all I read? No, remnants of these got transfixed to me like second skin, shaping my mind, preferences and beliefs.

Ohh, I could re-post the whole post of urs to tell you how much I could relate it. Happens all the time.

Do lemme know if u really wish to find sth to read...online, pdf..anything. I've been scouring for them crazy in these past few months.

meoww said...

goshh!! Ma'am!!! i just love the way you write..:)
sighh..reading...the ultimate pleasure you get by just being in the company of all those books..the feeling is as delicious as eating your favourite food or snatching a kiss stealthily with your guy..
only a true fanatic of reading will understanding the beautiful connection you have mentioned in this post..
sigh..and sadly...its so true..with the passage of time..even i find i have reduced the intensity of my conversations with books..
living in the age of internet and so much technology blah all around us people have somewhat stopped experiencing the sheer bliss of holding a paperback in their hands and feeling the crisp pages turn one by one to reveal an entirely new world..
aaah..its nothing less than nirvana..
before i get carried away and revel in the plethora of emotions..and bug you more..
I SHALL STOP :P:P:P

happy (whenever possible) reading
cheers!!

Anonymous said...

It is the first time I am writing in though I am a regular reader of your blog. I was always surprised that a prolific writer like you does not read books ! There is nothing more satisfying than reading a good book .Reading magazines, blogs etc (as someone has very aptly put it ) is like watching a movie in fast forward. It just doesn't do it the way a book does ! Well , different strokes for different folks of course but I wonder how writers manage without reading.

Vinod Vyas said...

Reading books can be dangerous..it can change life

U just dont read books-U live it.A person who loves to read is Gods chosen one...

Like writers block this may be a temporary "READERS block"..Sooner or later u will again enjoy the bliss of reading.

Inspector Saahab said...

wow ! very good narration. great topic to share. reading, it is addictive ! well in my case to. it opens my mind and change my perspective to be more open and to be receptive.

well done.
this is my first visit and i am impressed :) shall come back to read lots of incredibly written entries of yours.

and i love the header. very amusing :P

Sudhir Kekre said...

I tried scanning your post under a microscope but couldn't find any writer's block!

But I can imagine how you feel. I too am currently going through the same phase ( feels like my pen is wearing a condom! The thoughts just don't flow). So planning to leave my Pizza corner for six months!

Jack said...

Suruchi,

You have voiced some of my thoughts. I was known to my friends as voracious reader and had number of books at hand always. Now it is many years that I have not started any new book even with a longing to read some books by now famous authors. May be a time comes when though keen but concentrations goes weak.

Take care

pygmalion said...

If this be the writer's block, I wish you lots more of it!

I was on bed with books, doing whatever I could with them.. The memory of the laughter Pygmalion gave me and the tears which I shed for Maggi in 'The Mill on the Floss', the taste of Jane Austen.. all are gone days.. even the M&B was fun.. Now I am with the Faraway tree, Enid Blyton suits all ages..
How is it Suru, that many of us share the same feel, and you wrote it all so elegantly.. the reader's orgasm..lovely lovely!

Spiritual Sinner said...

It's okayyyyy ... one a reader . always a reader !!
There is NO GREATER pleasure than burying your nose in a boo kand just getting lost in it !
And , you can always ask me for advice ... I suggest so many books to people . Landmark should keep me on advisory board :D

With final year ,I do find it tough to read ...so I take it in the loo , and read when I eat ( happily ignoring thetter all around in the food court ) :P

Miles Of Style said...

ur so right...internet's killed reading for me. i used to be such an avid reader...now im always on d net. but still i always have a book in progress...just takes too long to finish them though.

KHOJ said...

i have an addiction to reading books, though i can't read fiction. amazing, considering that i used to run away from books as a kid....

writers block, readers block...phases come and go....life is a sine wave i guess...

lovely read.


Cheers!
SUB

Manu Katyaayan said...

In this digital age when everything we do can and is done quickly, we've run out of time. The book needs our time, I guess every revolution has its own shortcomings. But nothing in digital world is even close to a good book in your hand. Great Post !

Sakshi said...

Man trust me, I am trying so so so hard to keep reading going on for me.
But, it is either the beauty sleep or the read.
On a compromise, I make sure I read something before I go to sleep, but that routine breaks so often, that I just hate it!

So darl, you are not the only one, going through this phase :)

Suruchi said...

@Ria,
Exactly, we tend to become bookmarks, don’t we? Wonderfully said:-)


@Biky,
I still buy books too...strange na...and yet not read them. It’s like we are putting off everything worthy to do when we get time for it and make time for I don’t know what! :-)


@Arpit,
Wow, to think you’d find peace in reading too*watching you in a new cuter light* :-)

Suruchi said...

@Purba,
Instant gratification is the root of all evils for sure:-)


@Anita,
I do marvel you for being able to do so much despite being alone n working Ani...and yes, an unread or half read book does make the saddest of sights.


@Keirthana,
I so liked the line “A book is not read, it is lived.”
:-)

Suruchi said...

@Ashutosh,
Reading people and their lives is what I am doing now-though it is not as true as reading a book. Book never cheats-it bears all:-)


@Alks,
Reading is not as it was before or we are not...we need to think :-)


@Shravni,
Thank you...I guess I love reading just as much as you do :-)

Suruchi said...

@Tanvi n Roshan,
I guess internet took a lot from us as much as it gave us too:-)


@Vagabond,
Na re...the writer’s block is full on there...just wadding my way through it to churn out something worthwhile. And I need to go an internet sabbatical soon to get back some of the things that really matter:-)


@Karishma,
Wow...30 books! I doubt if I can manage that in the rest of my remaining lifetime now:-)

Suruchi said...

@Kalpak,
Thanks Kalps n high five. Though I do hope you come out of your laziness soon-you brighten a lot of not so sunny days with your humour:-)


@Saru,
You really gave me food for thought when you said there may not be a writer’s block but just a shift in style...yes, you are right-probably I am delving into a deeper zone now and the more I resist the deeper it goes. Thank you:-)


@Sadiya,
News channel dekhe hue zamane ho gaye...but that’s a super good idea. Though reading some of my own previous stuff kinda makes me sad and wonder what happened to that girl who wrote with such abandon. I guess she finally became a woman:-)

Suruchi said...

@Rahul,
So so true-I guess the void I feel is there coz of it:-)


@Amrit,
We all are in the same boat I guess:-)


@Jenny,
Starting with a book I have already read and loved sounds like a fab idea-though I always thought how could one read a book all over again. Seems like it is time to try it out:-)

Suruchi said...

@BA,
Who else would understand the significance of reading than you and who else would know how amazing it is to dip in the world of words? I did try to write and post stuff nevertheless but I don’t think it is working. I need that sabbatical too which you had ventured into. Been toying with that idea even before you and yet some lure pulls me back here every now and then:-)


@Suku,
Thank you and I guess this serious post set the stage for plenty more after this....and screen surfing is almost like a disease that I need to get rid of:-)


@Rachit,
Thank you Rachit for saying that my writing makes you happy-it sure helps:-)

Suruchi said...

@Hope,
Thank you and the way we relate on just about everything is so cute:-)


@Meoww,
Thank you so much for such lavish and generous praise...I don’t know if I was or am a fanatic reader-just a curious one with romance and my heart up my sleeves (though I never read the romantic novels)
:-)

@Anon,
Thank you for reading and please do comment-it goes a long way to motivate me to write...yes, sad but true:-)
And I lost the patience to read but it’s hunger continues..also I am a keen observer and learn through experiences related to me-I guess that helps in writing.

Suruchi said...

@Vinod,
I hope so too Vinod-coz I am getting weary of it all:-)


@Inspector Saahab,
Thank you so much and welcome to my space-I hope to see you around:-)


@Sudhir,
Whoa...the pen is not just wearing a condom I think it lost the ability to even wear one. Did I tell you I loved the analogy? And you minus your pizza corner can be a hard task to imagine-but I guess we all know what really works for us deep down:-)

Suruchi said...

@Jack n Persis,
I know the feeling is all I can say:-)


@Pygmy,
Doing whatever we could do with books-ah, such a tempting thought-enough to move minds:-)
And now we know how “Pygmalion” came about.


@SS,
Akshay, I don’t know how you do it and I marvel so much the way you read despite being the social bee-I guess it is time you inspired me in more ways than the laughter you induce:-)

Suruchi said...

@KHOJ,
I envy you Sub..I guess, some do it before and some after:-)
But there is always a happily ever after.


@Manu,
You are so right-the digital age will have to answer for a lot of voids in the coming times:-)


@Sakshi,
Glad to know we are all in the same bloody boat, let’s rock it a little:-)

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