23 December, 2010
Here’s a collection of some random mad thoughts that have occurred to my great mind in routine observation n experience. If anyone benefits by these, the owner takes no liability for it n any resemblance to sense is purely coincidental n not intentional!
First love is the hardest to give up...
Unless you get married to him, that is!
Men mentally undress women...
Women, mentally post-mortem them!
You don’t need to throw away the knives of the kitchens...
I may be super sharp...but I don’t cut!
There are two ways of doing something...
Do it my way or let someone else do it!
I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth...
Damn it mom, you could have at least swallowed some utensil to give me a kick start in more ways than one!
When most men are “checking” out a potential chick...
They are also “cheque-ing” her out!
All relations should come with a ‘mute’ button setting and also the Facebook’s ‘invisible mode’ when you are for too long at the receiving end!
They say ‘Dance like no one’s watching’...wtf!
Then how would we know the difference between the loo n the dance floor?
‘We live only once’...
Thank the lord for THAT!
I have yet to see a man who matches my standards...
I have now stopped seeing...Better blind than never!
Most men like to listen...
To their own voices, that is!
Try yourself...you can never be too stupid, too trusting n too dependent!
You are bound to break your own record, time and again!
Making love requires lesser effort than making money
And derives better dividends!
It takes just a little something to shift focus from “life rocks” to “life sucks” and vice versa!
There is nothing sexier than a short skirt on a hot woman...
Yeah, read it right... “nothing” is sexier than even a short skirt!
Our ancestors were monkeys...
Would that explain why we chatter so much or why we grin without reasons sometimes or why we imitate?
I don’t believe in love at first sight....
Neither in love at first night!
‘And they lived happily ever after’...but after “what”?
The most sure shot first flirt line researched and concluded is:
“You have beautiful lips”.
What a mouth-watering way to open something!
The grapes are never sour...
They just aren’t worth it...when there are bananas n oranges n a plethora of other options available!
When I was a little child, I had big dreams and many aspirations...
Now I am a bigger and I remain that child still!
A funny line a man could say to a woman in bed:
“Make effort not an excuse”
A funny retort back:
“Make love with what’s defused?”
Since my skin is as smooth as butter...
I prefer men as sharp as knives!
A lonely woman’s mail to Santa:
Please don’t be the only man
To “come” to me at Christmas...
And “give” just gifts...
And “do” only ho ho...
And get stuck “in” the chimney instead of better places!
‘Dream a little dream for me’...
Ya rite...coz I have better things to do with my night!
Never trust a secretary that says: “What’s up?”
And a boss who replies: “Get down to it!”
P.S. Sorry to all my blogger friends...haven’t been able to read your amazing blogs or comment on them...or even on my own comment box.
Winters is keeping Seeya’s health on a see-saw n me on toes. Hopefully would soon be back in action!
15 December, 2010
December and the freezing cold climate has kinda frozen my imagination or rather added sparks to its multi-faceted dimensions*still in the process of deciding which phenomenon is occurring really.
Work is process...watch this space*
I seem to be looking alluringly, greedily, almost lustily at
My double bed blanket!
This after the fact that I just need five hours of sleep a day to keep me the way that I am but winters stretch that susceptible to availability of leisure n pleasure.
I mean is there anything cosier to venture into than a jumbo sized, satin draped, frilly infringed, quilted warm n soothing blanket?*for accurate conclusions here please rest your double toned minds otherwise what do you think “I” could not think of cosier things;-)*
Ladies n gentlemen, boys n gals,
Let me proudly introduce you here to my very own Mr Big blanket.
If extended to its full length n breadth, it would cover the entire bed space.
It is chocolaty brown n golden beige in colour...double fibre quilted with delicate velvet flowers embroidered in blocks.
I got it in my wedding from my dear parents who thought the idea of gifting a ‘single’ huge blanket would foster quicker relations between their coy daughter n shy son-in-law...hehehoho*devilish laughter*!
Little did they know that the duo in question need to blanket up the desires instead of fanning them with such casing notions!
But after the flames have simmered and it is time to rest in peace...The poor blanket then becomes a sort of bone of contention-A little (e)state over which two countries seem to be fighting like cats n dogs, being very careful not to tear the bone into shreds.
For the first year we behaved like newly-weds are supposed to behave.
We slept in this one blanket...within grasping reach of each other or subconsciously perhaps, neither of us was willing to sacrifice the prospect of giving up on this leisure cloud to settle for ordinary mortals...er...blankets.
With the passing years though, soon at night this would inevitably lead to a tug of war.
My dear beloved has a very annoying habit of wanting something to be kept under his legs while he sojourns into the exotic land of sleep.
And when my own legs*god help the poor souls*are not available to be crushed under the towering masses...two poor pillows on either side have to bear the brunt.
Actually to think of it now...sounds like Seeya needing two cushioned bolsters on either side of her crib when she is put to sleep to prevent her from bumping or falling.
But then what is my G afraid of-falling?
Anyways, me being too afraid of his “falling into” me...I let him torture the poor pillows so that all three of them can live happily ever after till it is wakey-wakey time again.
Actually to think of it now again a second time...reminds me of this ad of some Cadbury balls where this guy assumes in a thought bubble, having a girl on one side when he puts a pillow under one leg and then turns to take a karvat on the other pillow and another laddoo “footos” in his head assuming a threesome*that’s also me assuming by the way*...
Knowing G...quite possible!
Anyways...where were we again?
Ah...the tug of war at night!
So there was this one big blanket covering two big bodies*of G n me* and two big pillows in between. Not to mention G’s legs going high up n spreading like ‘a horse about to gallop over a rod’ position through most of the night and hence me being the Bharatiya abla naari...sufficing with whatever little space he would leave me with!
Eventually I only had to give the balidan...
I settled for a normal single fibre sad looking thing given by my mom-in-law...
I tell you the things bahus have to suffer still!
N every night I would get a few minutes into Mr Big n till my beloved’s bed was warm enough*if we translate that in Hindi, it sounds so gross...so I’ll refrain in public interest* n we cuddled enough to not lead to anything further...I would sneak back to my cold side of the bed. Tch, tch!
So like I mentioned in the last post...come December, I would almost wait for G’s touring, to trespass on that big thing without being prosecuted.
I would wriggle into n pat Mr. Big then, feeling the unabashed pride of having him all to myself.
I am not exaggerating...this blanket keeps so you comfortably warm that even if you sneaked in without clothes you’d feel well wrapped.
The offer is not open to demonstration so let me burst any thought bubble that may have surfaced.
Er...what is the purpose of this post again?
1. Just introducing you to a very special part of my winter life!
2. Mentioning the prospects of a good, healthy, in the sack life thanks to a good n robust blanket.
3. Sharing with you the disadvantages of being too magnanimous in your abla naari role n hence living shivering ever after.
4. Making a general plea to do good to humanity by giving me a cuddle now...blanket na sahi, friends to hain ek warm group hug ke liye.
Time to sneak in again...before Seeya pulls me out of it or gets into it for a feel too...somethings I tell you, they just don't change!
11 December, 2010
Christmas is round the corner and this Christmas is making me kinda nostalgic.
From the last ten years, December has been a month that I spend in indulging n self pampering because my beloved is heavily touring during most of the peak winters*yes, I do wonder at his sense of timing too*.
December is the month then, when I would go out for coffee with friends...shop at the onset of “sale” across the counters...spend more time than usual with my students n get connected.
It also marks nights of me loving me.
I take out my double bed*got in dahej waale* soft satin cosy blanket and dig deep into it at the stroke of nine-ish each night for everyone would know her husband is not in town so she’ll retire early for the day.
I would have already checked in the morning in the newspapers*yes, that was THE only reason why I read them* what flicks would show on HBO or Star Movies*the only reason I view the idiot box* or if nothing suited my taste...get DVD’s of what did.
And from 9-11 n then again 11-1 n sometimes in sheer madness 1-3...I would sit before the television screen watching mush or suspense or simply nonsensical comedies.
I would even try semi horror is desperation days and then spend the last hour before falling into slumber in checking if someone is peeping from the other end of the bed or not.
There would be a big bowl of Act 2 popcorn or Lays chips sometimes*yes, the secret of me being in the shape that I am, is finally out ladies n gentlemen*...
Or a plateful of Maggie with Diet Coke loaded with ice*er..diet coz I would be on a supposed “diet”*
The lights would be dimmed...
There would also be my laptop on one side of the bed to write some blog post in case I feel inspired or to chat up with some lonely soul on Facebook after splashing all my madness on statuses.
Whoa...I would even do stupid quizes like ‘How sexy is your name?’ ‘When would you die?’ ‘What is your true calling?’ along with other insanities n even publish them to display how in need of a life I was!
A phone on one end*to yack with friends in case the ears n mouth felt too left out of the action while the eyes gulping down all the glory*...
The mobile on the other*btw conversing on sms when you get 500 msgs per day free is a great deterent to normal human social behaviour*...
A remote on my lap...for a CD playing in the backdrop...or visions appearing exotically on the screen...
I was almost a techie...hehe...well, almost!
N then at the day’s end*or rather the night’s* I would slowly cuddle up my own self n slide into a warm bed...missing my G a bit but feeling the ultimate pleasure of a week night well spent. It would be quite a contrary mood if the week day was substituted by a weekend n I’d be alone in the four walls then and in the mood of “life’s-not-fair”.
And often than never Life takes such a turn!
It’s been over five months of having Seeya.
One year now of she being on this planet!
No movies watched on the television during all these months of her sauntering into our lives.
Just four movies caught in the theatre*we watched a movie every Sunday n also during the weekdays if there were choices available...n now the average of one movie a month...tch, tch...ghor kalyug*
We have left Seeya alone just one night in five months for a party n two nights*half night actually* to watch two out of the four movies mentioned above.
Why am I relating all this here?
Coz December does not feel like December anymore...
No more bothered about how to look hot at the New year’s bash as I am so bothered round the clock about how to keep Seeya warm each moment.
No longer cuddling into the quilt but getting out of it every hour through the night to settle her layers in the crib, when she moans in sleep, to check if all is okay, feed her and make her cosy again.
No more luxury of taking steam baths at gym or sitting and frittering away time in the sun reading a best seller doing the rounds.
No more wearing new nail paints and watching them take their time to dry.
No more changing earrings to match with an outfit while going out or bothering to complement my purse to let it also breathe in fresh air out of the cupboard.
Yes, December has made me nostalgic!
December this year is not the same.
If you hear my sigh...I don’t know if I also ought to make you watch me hold my hand to my heart when she smiles n starts a new drama of her own.
I miss the stars on the screen or the narratives of authors opening the portals of my vivid imagination...
But then my little star twinkles a bit longer and suddenly the galaxy seems lit enough for now!:-)
But yes, good old days...
Often we do not realize how good a life we had till it swishes out of our hands for good!
Often we do not realize how good a life we are leading at present, till it also would swish out of our hand some day!
07 December, 2010
What I am going to relate here is based on a true curious case that a very dear friend of mine is going through.
My aim in this narration is not just to come to a solution for him but also to perhaps seek larger answers that might help someone else in a similar situation. I have often maintained that the internet is a very dirty place to be in and this is another validation for the same.
Also dear friend, this in no way is an attempt to seek any kind of mileage through your misery.
It is in your greater interest and also my attempt to ask my wise readers if I have rightly or wrongly guided n guarded you in this case.
My friend *let’s call him Atul* comes from a largely traditional family...you may even call them orthodox and of the old school.
He is a young boy in his early twenties living in old Delhi. He is simple, god-fearing, homely and extremely gullible for he is good with others and naively believes everything in the world is basically n essentially nice. He has just this year started his career which looks promising owing to the fact that he is very dedicated, honest n hard working.
Atul is also a bit of an introvert.
I am surprised how I was allowed to let in on his confidence for he hardly mingles much even with a handful of his friends, let alone random strangers on the net. I got in touch with him through his blog n it’s been more than a good one year since we have been kinda best of friends.
I was the only second person he had added on his Facebook friends list whom he did not know personally after another guy-friend who shares similar interests with him, as he is a musician n Atul learns n practices music himself.
He is like a kid brother whom I feel very protective of for he is so out of the way nice that it is easy for others to take advantage of him.
A few months back Atul made a big disclosure to me.
He had been troubled often by some “problem” that he would refuse to discuss and after a lot of pestering I would give up for not wanting to invade his private space*though he himself would admit that he has no reserves with me*
Atul wrote a long mail to me in all his simplicity, for he felt he had no courage to tell this to me over the phone and since we are separated by many states, it is impossible to meet him to discuss what had been gnawing his mind.
Atul revealed to me that he might be a bisexual or perhaps gay.
I was shocked...not because I have any reservations against a person’s sexual preferences...but because someone who has never had much of an exposure to the outside world, would so emphatically come to this conclusion that he just might be different from the other boys. He has never been in any relationship, is shy of girls and boys both, let alone be in an intimate situation with anyone. But rather than arguing as to how he knows it so decidedly, I chose to first make him come to terms with it*I know my fault therein*.
He said he felt it was a "curse" and he had often cried about it alone at night and felt like running away to an unknown place.
He had not disclosed this to anyone out of fear of social malice n was almost certain that I would stop communicating with him after this revelation.
I was aghast at this ridiculous assumption!
I mean in this century and in these times...someone could still feel like THAT!
It is not a curse...it is not AIDS*n even if it was*...it is not contagious...it is not devilry or treachery!
Why the f@#% would I want to break my friendship with you because of what or whom you might like to get intimate with, in your personal space?
It took a huge amount of conviction from my end to make him feel that it was normal. If he felt like that, he should come to terms with it instead of burying himself in shame, though he would have to put up a facade before the social backdrop he came from, as they would never accept it. But that does not mean he should stop being what he was. Well I said a whole lot more...which is a separate issue altogether.
After hours and days of reasoning...he felt at peace in being who he was instead of cringing at the mere thought*I should have then only realized that something was wrong but I was more to comfort him than reason with him then*
But surely he knew what he wanted.
Then last month then came another news.
He told me he was going on a ten days trip with the foreigner friend of his who was coming to India and wanted to travel around.
Atul had mentioned this very dear friend*his first internet connect* on many occasions and how having similar interests as his, Atul was taught much by this friend, let’s name him Justin.
The moment Atul said he was going away alone with Justin, is when the thunderbolt struck me.
Atul n Justin were in a relationship.
N me being me, I confronted Atul full on and asked if my suspicions were true.
Reluctantly, he agreed that they were.
There was more than just friendship.
My dilemma now is that I am thoroughly convinced that Atul is absolutely straight.
He has no gay-ish or bisexual tendencies what-so-ever.
He has been convinced by Justin with whom he has been communicating on Skype, etc through the last two years that there is more than just friendship in this case.
Justin came in Atul’s life, when he had no friends and no social life really. Justin is older, in his mid thirties, a confirmed bisexual, been in many relationships and virtually jobless for he works only when he gets assignments.
Hence he was always online for Atul to feel Justin was the friend in need n indeed.
Atul avoided Justin’s initial advances and even expressed the impossibility of the situation.
But Justin was no new bird to be fooled by chaff.
He loomed around, long enough n persuasive enough to slowly impress upon the vulnerable sensibilities of my dear friend.
He showered attention n affection on this innocent soul when he struggled to fight that void in his life and soon got led into the belief that they were meant to be together.
Atul is a conformist of the ideology that says there can be only one special someone in life and of course he is now assured that he has found that someone.
So torn between his family’s pressures to get married to a suitable girl of his community and his desire to escape, he accepted the proposal of a get-away and even got his super simple family convinced that they should let him have one trip to live his life before he gets churned by the domesticity of a nuptial knot.
He has confronted me with the information of his travelling partner after many of the arrangements already done. His parents have given a nod since his son has never asked for anything before and they feel that perhaps this might help him come out of his shell. They probably have never even heard of the “ridiculous” idea that a boy can fall in love with another boy. His elder brother is apprehensive but I am sure he feels extremely awkward about mentioning it directly to him.
I have told Atul a firm NO from my side for the trip.
I feel that he is being used by his so-called friend and Atul has a 100% chance of leading a “normal” life if he does not allow this deviation to cross his path.
Justin being a whole lot more experienced knows how to get young boys to believe that this is a soul mate thingy.
Even if his feelings are genuine, he’s been with scores of people before.
On the internet we show others only what we want them to see!
We don’t know what diseases or drugs he is bringing on board.
We know that Atul is not strong enough to resist his advances and being in closed rooms of hotels with him for ten days is like walking ahead on the axe.
His family would never accept his living with another boy, so there is no future in this what-so-ever.
And he is so morally sound n family rooted, that he would not be able to live with the idea of his family resenting him for anything.
If he goes for this trip, I fear he would return even more confused about his sexuality. It could mar his susceptible mind for good.
It might spoil his chances of trusting again.
He has had crushes on girls through college life, though never had the guts to approach anyone even for basic friendship.
He has not been attracted to any other boy except Justin.
Justin could be with boys whomever he likes...Atul is just a virginal, pure soul that is difficult to find in the modern times and hence the attraction there.
Atul has already given his consent to his parents to look for a match for him, partly due to which they agreed to send him on the trip.
Please tell me if I am over reacting or over fearing for this dear friend.
Please tell me if this trip scheduled in January would actually do him good and I should just shut up?
05 December, 2010
A harried morning and a rude awakening...
The skirmish with cold, biting wind,
The empty coffee-jar manifesting my hollowness...
Even biscuits turning away to go soggy,
The water not running n the head still groggy,
The dependent baby wailing
And the dust laden railings
All needing attention urgently
All glaring demandingly...
And in between it all...
Work deadlines bulldozing the rising waves of living
The clock scampering too fast,
The same drab clothes in the wardrobe
The glum n lumpy almost synonymous bag!
The mirror telling me to stop and breathe,
Invisible reflections of better days appear mockingly.
A wry smile n worried lines few,
The eyebrow not done, n a shampoo over due...
N yet after this all...
The world pointing fingers
Expectations turning to dust,
Self introspection getting nastier
And games of people dirtier,
When one wonders at the sagacity of it all...
Wonders what one did wrong.
Futile searches numbing the senses
When the all pervading fake gets nauseating,
A million questions, a zillion confusions,
And only rising in it all
When faith becomes just a word,
When perseverance a test
When laughter an illusion
When emotions get meshed
When I analyse should I go on or just give up?
YOU rise from among the ashes, with zest you ooze
Like a Phoenix raising its engulfing wings to soothe!
You grip my hand firmly just when I am about to gaffe,
You wipe that tear just when it is about to blur my vision.
You tell me it will be okay, when you know it is beyond repair
You show me the ways of hope when I languish in despair.
You hold me tight, you treat me right, you teach me to fight.
You give me smiles, just when I am about to lose them to the infinite.
You guide n lecture...worse than a parson, cause you get me so convinced
You make me realize time n again
That my life is worthwhile...
YOU MAKE MY LIFE WORTHWHILE!