Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

18 September, 2010

Thoda Aur Wish Karo-dream a little dream for me!

Life offers everyone life altering moments...
I have been waiting for mine...
Dreamt n enacted them...
Even happily lived ever after there!
These are images that don’t just come n go but stay with me as a deep down urge for life.
I know I have once before also enumerated my mad dreams...but this time my friends, I am dead serious*waise how on earth can someone be LIVE me!*

Scene 1:
I am walking along the road as a commoner and a speeding truck comes from the other side...vrooooooooooom!
An old man is walking along with his stick, oblivious to his almost approaching end...tak...tak...tak...goes his stick*abhi sound effects ke bina narration looks pheeka-pheeka nahi?*
I look at the two extremes*in slow motion for your picturization but in Rajnikant lightening speed* and without any fear for my own life I rush forward, ekdum filmy ishtyle se saying ‘NAAAHIIIINNNN’ n push the oldie to safety, after almost risking my own life in the procedure*yes, I can be duh sometimes and that, if happens, would qualify as one such moment*

But how is this life altering you may ask?
Hellooooooooooow sweeties...That old man is among Forbes’*you can alter that to any other magazine* richest NRI in the U.K. and is here in India because he has cancer*you can alter that to whatever other disease as long as it is fatally fatal* n he wanted to visit his native town...
Voila! He meets his life saviour*yours truly* and is so impressed by my Jhansi Ki Rani instincts. So him having no family back home, signs his 5000*I don’t mind more zeroes there*million dollars to me as gratitude inheritance and dies in ONE week* you canNOT alter the time frame...sab kuch thode na aapke marzi se chalega*

So there I am now drenched in riches and counted among bitches!
What a spoilt n wonderful life that would be!
Why aren’t there more oldies like him, stupid speeding trucks that only threaten n do not kill n stupid old me at the right moment n right time?
Unfair, I tell you!

Scene 2:
This waking dream fulfilment wish has been with me since I have been with me...bole to since I have traversed the Mother Earth.
I am the girl next door that movies are made on.
The salwar kameez garbed seedhe saadhe kudi whom the hero bumps into n eventually takes home to his mom n never mind the vamps smouldering in the backdrop in their skimpy clothes n never mind if I don’t cook him parathe-sharathe n ghar ka khaana after that!

But now that I am no longer a in married-sharried n old-shold...or rather older-sholder ho gaye...
So there’s an alteration to the hallucination.

Cut to the face-lifted scene:

I am a top writer...matlab not over the top waala but ‘Oh wow! What a top class writer she is!’ waala.
I write blogs that millions read*and that’s not the dream yet*
Somehow somewhere, there is this quiet anonymous admirer*yes, despite my stupid last post where I bashed the poor anonymous souls* who is a fanatic follower of all that I write and bowls me with his flattering comments...
I interact with him...beginning with harmless little coquettish conversations...and slowly he seems to be addicted to me!
He thinks I am the nicest person in the human race*now there I give you some semblance with reality*

Arre...don’t you dare look here n there or go to the bottom of the page...
Picture abhi baaki hain!

And then one fine day he reveals his identity to me...
He is Salman Khan...or Ranbir Kapoor...or Hrithik Roshan...
And has fallen madly, deeply, truly in love with MMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!

I am like no other woman he has come across*aisa mein nahi woh bolenge...mein kab apni taaref khud karte hoon?*
And he wants me to star in his film if not come into his life...
I tell him how mere paon mein baidiyaan bandhe hain...mangalsutra ki...
Er...I know gale mein bandhe hain should be more like it...but then it sounded more like a dog collar than a twisted the drama!

But somehow he comes to Kanpur with all the media*yes in Rakhi Sawaant tone...oh no the meddiyya*
And I agree to do a short film completed in ten days!
Voila...what do you a month’s time I receive the National Award for Best Actress and Kareena n Priyanka n Katrina hate me coz all the eligible heroes want producers to cast me!

Ah! So there I am now again...
Being what posters are made of...what sells soaps n fans n juices...what twitters and breaks records of even Lady Gaga...what even Amit wants to act with romantically...arre, Amit bole to apna Amitabh Bachchan re!

Hehe...I guess I took Shahrukh uncle very seriously when he said...
Thoda aur wish karo!;-)

So koi oldie who is in filthy rich n about to die...please do one kind deed before your end...inform me where you saunter about n let me oblige there with a truck taken from my father’s transport company!
Or if you are a celebrity n looking to fall in love...
Blush...blush...need I say more!

11 September, 2010

Anonymous Blogging!

I am often asked how I can be so blatantly blunt n brutally honest about stuff on my blog!
Sometimes I wonder too...
Is it because very few folks in family or friends-acquired not the through the net, actually read me?
*although I always link my posts on my Facebook page so that anyone out of the 400 odd people there can feel free to traverse down the lanes of my mind*
Or is it because on this platform I have made friends with individuals who know me through n through coz they hear/read me speak/rant my guts out about all my issues, which normally no one around me gets to?
*I actually feel no need to vent out my mind to any person once I have done it here to the laptop screen*
Or is it because all*most*of you, dear readers, have no access to my life directly and hence there is no real harm I play a safe n snug game?

I take a long while to trust people with my feelings and opening up before them in actual life...I may do all the hee-haw’s n spend hours in mirth but never really disclose the gory details before them.
The net n blog provides me the breathing space to do so without inhibitions and with a recklessness that sometimes even I speculate on.
Like even I have my Omg moments...
Wtf!!!!!! I am mentioning the frequency of my sex life...or I am accepting that perhaps I may not be inbuilt to be an exemplary mother...or oye hoye, did I just tell the world that I have a big butt, when I could spend hours pondering on how to hide it*not literally hours there btw*!

I also wonder if I had been blogging anonymously, would I be any different.
Well, since I already mentioned the frequency...what worse...mention the poses n positions? Naaaaah...fat chance!
I already enumerated my crushes, my pangs, my desires, my anatomy...
Why the F@#% do I need anonymity when I can do all the damages being myself?

But on second thoughts...imagine the fun being anonymous...
I could mention my devious plans to seduce my object(s) of crush...
I could mention how fantasizing is good for well being...
I could be Agony Aunt...err...Agony Angel to love problems...
I could tell you how I was so good at dates*calendar waale nahi*
I could also be evil and a complete bitch for a change...
I could relate tried n tested formulas on what to do to make a man melt, literally n otherwise, that could save the world...
I could enumerate on the subtle art of evoking compliments from others...
And so much more gyan from my presumably now hypothetical world*eyes glint with devilry*

I spend so much effort n money*yup, the internet does not come for free dude* in trying to convince my dear anonymous blogger buddies to come out of the hiding...It is sometimes very frustrating to be flirting with a faceless think of a blog page and screen words when you try to reminisce about a blogger!

While some have relented...others continue to play games*looking at you Bluntu with squinted eyes and wrath of a woman...okay of a cute woman*

I now enjoy beautiful friendships with a whole lot of my blogger friends on Facebook...
So thank you Pallavini, Amn, Rishi, Ria, Akshay, Achyut, Nico, Tamanna, Rahul, Bhavika, Menkah, Bikram, Hary, Persis, Lincoln, Sobhit, Amit, Ankur, Sulagna, Cathy, Saket, Shayon, Nil, Chandrakala, Vikram, Bishu, Prithwish, Sakshi, Shriti, Sayantan, Tanvi, Malpani, Smrithi and some more people I met on the blogosphere just like that and they now stand witnesses to my life in passing.
These are amazing writers, fashionistas, poets whom I get to know more each day through their statuses n pictures, besides the posts-who opened up their world to me.
*The Bald Guy n don’t get counted in this list n you know why...but you do get counted in being two of my favourite writers n someday I’d succeed in knowing how u look...haah!*
Imagine my plight of may be someday just walking down your hometowns n passing you guys by...
You’d recognize me n I’ll not know that you were there*ahh...matlab no time to doll up to look delicious or at least act as one!*

I am still pondering upon anonymous blogging and its benefits though...
You can be downright dirty, mad, scheming, outrageous, breaking social norms and no one ever knows...
But then why tell the link to those who might know n judge?
Or better still, let them judge.
This is your space n you chose how to be...if they don’t like it, let them sit on the middle finger n spin!

It is better to reveal as you are instead of letting them live in a supposition of how you think they should discern you.
Imagine the burden of existing in apprehensions of them knowing the reality someday- Juggling between make-belief and the truth that is out there!

And then any sensible person who really knows you or is worth you thinking about his opinion would see through how much blabbering is just for fun, or to generate an opinion instead of the actual state of affairs.
Quoting my example, most people do not really take me I’d say I am concerned about the growing ‘heat’ on the planet n they’d think I am making a sexual connotation instead of being genuinely hassled about global warming! Hah! Can you believe that?
Now I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing :-)

I don’t fear judgement... I invite it and that’s my defence!
I am like this only...take it or your loss and go for a toss!

Anyways, most writers suffer from hyper exaggeration syndrome or dramatization of descriptions...
They use words more to hide than to reveal...Hence a few writers often have disclaimers on their page.
They are smart enough to convince you of humour, when they are actually being truthful and make you cringe in their pain, when all they really want is sympathy.

So how sad it is when the humanity does not know or love you for who you are but for a phrase of URL that you project.
Is such a silent admiration really worth the effort?
Come out...say as you as you are...
And the world shall love you still the least those would who are worth keeping would!

P.S. This is not a venture to get anyone out of the hiding...I love all my blogger friends whom I interact with whether they are anonymous or not...It is just a general expression of my bafflement to understand the contentment of an anonymous existence of any kind Vs a less glamorous but honest one!
The blogosphere is known for weird characters n thankfully none that I know here!

04 September, 2010

Statutory Warning:Laughing at others can be injurious to health!

Arre...don’t look at the screen with disbelief!
Yes is!
Okay...lemme take you down my own memory n history lane to help you understand the true import of it!
You guys don’t really get it, till you see me ridiculed, do you?

Cut to my childhood:
I almost raised my eyebrow of disdain at my cousin who had her first baby at the age of 33...
Within my *then*limited knowledge n *then*immature brain, I presumed it was too late to be a mother...
*Oh sweet lord...why does common sense not come commonly early?*
Well...Look at me now!
All of 32, gearing to be 33 soon and just bestowed with Seeya!
*funny sense of justice haan, bhagwaan ji?*

I had this real funny neighbour with an even funnier butt!
And when I happened to walk behind her, I always amused myself with the way her left one would go up and then the right would fight to take its breathing space, like two water melons squeezed into a limited vibrating room n hence juggling to fit in!
I smirked to no end with unabashed amusement within my *then*tiny frame thinking ‘wtf is THAT following behind her?’
As I grew up, I realized much to my horror that if not water melons...there were some breed of musk melons at least developing behind my it rather!
Don’t ask me my dread at the idea of a hot dude watching me go past with his eyes opened wide at the prospect of my so called ‘derriere’!
*If you are a “hot dude” ...kindly note, the writer here is prone to bouts of exaggeration n in reality ‘things’ don’t LOOK as bad as they are made to be*

Damn you Kareena Kapoor and some Kim ‘with-a-weird-surname’ for your super sexy bottoms that makes all the rest of us so pressurized that we often sit over it for hours...literally n otherwise! u think names that begin with K lead by default to super sexy butts? How about Kuruchi, then...?
Naaaaah...will manage with whatever’s there of mine to turn heads...for whatever reasons!

I have always been super n magnetically prone to open my gyan ka generous, enlightment box*read that as the infinite grey advisory cells of my brain* for couples who spend rather limited time in the sack in know what!
Haaaaaw hai- n I would smile vainly in vanity of course!
And there would be delivered a speech on the importance of relations in bed for a happily ever after marital bliss!
Never mind if there are kids, it is the moral duty of a wife to help her man unwind*yes, you can sue me for my super duh principles and take some of these stupid grey cells as the penalty*
For cut to now...our browbeaten average in one month of having a baby has dipped worse than any sen‘sex’ crash!
I am not complaining though...but you can imagine who is doing so n that too big time with all the drama attached!
*if only someone had told me to keep my gap shut when it was most needed! Sigh!*

I used to be a snooty, judgemental bitch of kinds when I would see ill-mannered toddlers with their parents who’d provide the child with anything he demanded, just because he’d raise his voice to a scream or modulate it into a dramatic cry for it, even though there was no hint of any actual tear being formed! ‘What spoilt brats! Mom n dad ne kuch nahi sikhaya lagta hain’-my mind would reverberate...

And now, my dear Seeya is my all time test of patience n perseverance...
For when she wants something that is not handed over with complete obeisance to her....there is a thunder war cry like rolling of drums to proclaim the wrath of the heavens!
If she screams back at me...I consider it less painful to hand over the object of dispute than to give her a moral lecture on why she should not have it!
*thinking of course that there’s a lifetime left for that...let me survive first to manage it eventually!*

I once laughed my guts out when I saw a man toppling over on a scooter because he was maaro-ing style to screech it to a halt to impress a couple of prospective flirt interests in teeny weenie clothes!
I have mentioned this before and let me not leave another chance of self in my days of thunder*read that as when I was unmarried...any reference to me being super hot or sexy is coincidental and the writer takes no liability for it*... I fell in a ditch of the busiest street of my town, with a thud louder than the thunder, when it was pouring cats n dogs n even the rest of their families, right in front of two hot objects of my desire*in masculine gender of course*
Thadham I went into an open main hole, half floating in dirty water, with these two idiots of human forms laughing their guts out instead of being chivalrous enough to lend a helping hand and start a love story! toss became their loss!

So I guess point made...
Next time, you feel the urge to spread the corners of your mouth into a monkey grin at someone else’s cost...please do remember that there is someone up there watching, as though He has no other work in this world n He’s got a funny sense of humour to get back to you in a way that would make you go ‘ouch!’

Issued in public interest!
Suruchi! :-)
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...