Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

23 April, 2011

My God-Where did you buy that accent from?


It is a tough world/life when some of your friends you went to school with and who have spent the better and most parts of their lives in humble abodes of dear old Indian cities, suddenly one day jabber and rant their guts out in the most obnoxious of accent that you know has recently taken an illegitimate birth and not developed naturally! You can’t seem to make up your mind, what is more outrageous- the non-stop bickering about things you don’t care a flying f@#% about or the omg-pronunciations and unnecessary elongation or gulping down of words and syllables that makes you wonder if the Indians should be more ashamed of such an English or the Englishmen!

I mean what is it, people? Where and how do you get an accent after breathing in the same town as I did and never been to a phoren land for enough time at least, that it would/should affect any part of your body, let alone the vocal cords? Agreed perhaps no one can tell whether you are carrying a fake LV bag or not, but you don't have to make us raise an eyebrow even at the actual genuine brands that you may be flaunting just because you opened your mouth and put your feet in it. And when they say "I didn't knew that" or "I did liked this", the teacher in me dies a million death and turns over in her grave at this merciless screwing er...massacre of English and just because I can't take out my red pen and put a big fat cross on their faces that indicates "Tried and tested and injurious to your tolerance powers".

I know Salman Khan and Priyanka Chopra are popular but even they have no excuse for taking away everything appealing about them the moment they open their delicious looking gaps of protruding lips that is and reek of loathsome fake-ness. Priyanka takes the cake with her oh-so-ready-to-giggle-like-an-innocent-girl and get onto my nerves.

I have a set of these amusing friends who would express the suppressed and the most unheard of theth-Hindi gaalis in one breathe and then sound like Princess Diana-reborn-as-a-trashy-rock star in the next. Even the rap singers would be timorous of using such short forms and slangs to evoke tomatoes from the audiences and just because we can’t throw anything better than glowering glances at you, you make us bear it all with a straight face. To give you an example-my becomes ma; now if they were to say ‘oh my god’ like ‘oh ma god’, can you imagine the confusion in my gullible mind in comprehending the implications of that?

People are so diet-conscious these days that along with that, they have become word conscious too or probably so hungry due to it that they eat up syllables and tones of words. So it is sad that while I can understand every word of “How I met your Mother” on the television without the English subtitles required, but to comprehend some of my socialite acquaintances, I just don’t need the subtitles but even the translations.

Wow, I am so tempted to write more and more and more, like my normal habit is...but to see the shock on my readers face on seeing just a one page blog update would be so unusual that I would let go of the excruciatingly painful urge ;-)

Seeeee....don’t tell me again, that I can’t write short blog posts!

41 comments:

sobhit said...

yo.. ma mind telling me its kewl ;P...

this happens.. loads of ARSEholes.. {or asshole as we popularly call them).. take up the fake accents in order to be "KEWL" its actually funny how 20 years of indian way of english is lost after they get back from the PHOREN land in few odd months.. and not just english.. even hindi has the touch of that YO ACCENT.. funny thing i have seen some real foreigners speaking better hindi in a much better accent then the kewl dudes n the dudettes.. but world wudnt be that interesting had it not been for such fools... i somehow feel it would have been a lame world if these lame asses were not around...
tried using full words then the SMS way.. dont want to irritate the teacher in you and get those red marks ... spelling mistakes ho toh marks kat lena yar.. what else to say :P

Jack said...

Suruchi,

It is really so annoying when people put fake accent as if they only know real language. If I was in your position I would politely ask if something was wrong with their throat as what they say is not comprehensible and suggest gargles.

Take care

nOt anyone you know said...

haha true that. i had a english teacher in 11th that though did not make mistakes but did put on an accent when she spoke.

nice read. refreshing =P
(is that the right word to use?)

=D

Tanvi said...

Hahaha Suruchi - That was a good one! And you wouldn't know how happy it makes me to know your thoughts about Priyanka! I loathe her

Also, I'm glad I've spoken to you and know for sure you wouldn't put me in this category :)

♡ from © tanvii.com

A said...

@Suruchi,

Very funny post once again with clear message.

What do you teach? Humor?

I personally demarcate accent from misuse. I think we all have different pronunciation because of influence of mother tongue. However misusing the verbs and distorting the words is not acceptable.

I recently started using words LOL and OMG as Oxford dictionary formally accepted them.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Ow Mie Gawd!! :O

Okay, that's it, it was Oh My God!

My English teacher once told the class that although Indians might be ridiculed for the peculiar blandness and wide-mouthed English accent, they are secretly admired and envied by most English speaking population. Why? Because We are the ones who can pronounce an 'and' like and 'and' and not like 'und' and what we speak is clear (That's why our mistakes are caught easily :P). We don't grind words between our teeth, (okay Karan Thapar does) nor do we hesitate to open our mouths to make a 'O' sound like an 'O'.
But then, imitation is inherent in most of us isn't it? To speak like the whites, its a hoopla we are playing blindly and loosing miserably. I do hope I keep in mind what I am saying here next time I try to imitate an accent, if I try to.

Interesting post. (The first thing I did was to check the date it was posted, you might just know why after sometime :) )

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Because my last post was on an idiosyncrasy of pronouncing an It for an it and vice versa.
English semantics, so I was under in this thought bubble that two persons separated by quite a distance with no means of communications other than what they write thought of similar topic, 'Semantics' in the same time bracket.

Hence the date. :)

suruchi said...

Hi Sobhit,
I was kinda remembering you while writing this and see aapke sakshaat darshan ho gaye...I guess, Shahrukh uncle theek he kehte hain...jab kisse ko shiddat se yaad karo to saari kaaynaat whatever, whatever;-)

Yaar, if they have spent considerable time in phoren land, tab to excusable hain na..but what about those who manage this feet within Indian shores?

And wow, no sms language...and no spelling either*clap, clap*
Taking out my red........lipstick to wear it and give you a peck on the cheek:-)

suruchi said...

Hello Uncle J,
I do manage to tease them when they go out of hand..at least those with whom I am close enough, I tease back by copying them...baaki sab ko I let them be...abhi koi to hona chahiye na for amusement and such reflections that end up in a post:-)

suruchi said...

Hey NAYK,
Refreshing is absolutely right...
I now feel like lime n lemony Limca...splashing it right;-)

And English teachers ka accent justifiable hain yaar...we can't help it, thoda natural development ho jaata hain:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Tanvi,
Actually Priyanka is not THAT bad...as long as she does not choose to OVERDO her innocent girl act...I kinda liked Saat Khoon Maaf..or maybe because it was dark and made by Vishaal Bharadwaj!

Anyways...you sounded more Indian my dear than most Indians.
I was so pleasantly surprised, not just by your accent but by your super humble and pleasant ways:-)

suruchi said...

Hey A,
I teach English...but maybe my teaching becomes humour, coz my students don’t take me too seriously and there’s more laughing n giggles than serious studies...thankfully we manage the grades and mere rozi roti ka saadhan bana rehta hain..kya karen, paapi pet ka sawaal hain;-)

And if LOL n OMG were crimes against English, I would be sentenced ofr life imprisonment:(

suruchi said...

Hellooooooooooo Anshul,
Poor Karan Thapar...I am glad I am not him now, though I spent a big part of my looking-for-a-career phase in envying him:/

You now, grammatically we actually are stronger, if well versed in what we know and project*so your English teacher was a good teacher and generally all English teachers are good anyways...hint, hint*

And we do imitate, I agree...some people say I have an accent too...but it is more like a way it has been forever and comes with comfort with the language:-)

And sorry for pestering you on your page for knowing the date...like I said, curiosity kills the cat and I am the worst one of those species, by that standard:(

And although I read your post last night...I wrote mine last afternoon..hmmm...spooky...maybe this is meant to be...an indication from the heavens above...that there should be more means of communication other than what they write about;-)

Pythoroshan said...

i used to pride myself on my english... but you know what ? decades of living in kerala has given me an accent that is ssoooooo mallu, even i feel irritated when i hear recordings of myself !!!

Pythoroshan said...

compared to that, I kinda find Salman's American English fun...especially when he's playing a rural cop or tapori :)

Saranya said...

HI Suruchi..I'm a recent joinee of your blog:) Wonderful thoughts and excellent outcomes....Nice one..keep posting:)

This s my blog..have a look at it and leav your valuable comments.
http://saranya-purushoth.blogspot.com/

Pavitra .... said...

hahahaha.....I've seen that tons of times...people trying to be 'YO' end up eating up the syllables....

I once had a college professor who tried to speak in a fake accent at a seminar just because the previous speaker was an Englishman with an accent and mannerism that was really delightful. The prof realized his mistake and continued suddenly in his normal accent. It was really hilarious. :D

Btw, 'clap clap'!! such a small post...kya baat hai! Honestly, i enjoy your looooong posts a lot! :))

I know i've not been around much....going to graduate in a months time...yayy!! so final projects and exams are taking a toll on my free time.... I'm waiting to get back to blogging properly...i really miss writing...

Anyways...take care...i'll try to visit more often... :))
Cheers!

moonlite:D said...

Hey Suruchi,
that's nice n funny post again!
(need a like button here ;) )

It's crazy that ppl think by faking an accent, they can connect better, yes, I've heard that version of justification!!

quoting priyanka was hilarious, loved it the most..

Alka Gurha said...

I would love to meet your friends who can mouth Hindi expletives and accented English in the same breath. I pity my brother who is in the US of A. Now when he is in office his accent changes, perhaps to mix with the crowd. And when he talks to relatves, mostly in UP he becomes a rural bhaiyya, only to sound as them.
Also these women commentators on Zoom speak Hindi in English. Its weird and fake. Loved it.

sobhit said...

ok u were "kinda" remmembering me while writing it.. i like d remmember me part ;P (evil grin) but while writing dis post :0.. does that mean, you believe i got the fakeness as well?? :(.. kya yar.. abb toh wot to say....

the inshore people i guess r getin the accent from outsourcing.. call centres or BPOs whatever you like to call them..

as for the red marks.. bring them on ;P(another grin a bigger one :P)

PS waise mera toh desi hi hai accent.. but chalo koi ni..

Sameera said...

That was really short :(

And, I want more.. Please please write a series on this one..
phoren land
fake LV bag
"I didn't knew that" or "I did liked this"
I have the same problem. I have no idea how many times I have corrected people that "Use first form of verb with did and didn't".. But they are simply not ready to listen :(
Poor me.

By the way (BTW ;))
Waiting for the sequel..

blunt edges said...

Oh the infamous false accents!! Please don't get me started on it!

The worst ones are those who already have a local Indian accent (I HAVE NO ISSUES WITH IT!) and on top of it, they manage to impose a false one! I refuse to give examples for the sake of national integration ;)

And the biggest turn-off is when a hot chick does that! It's a crime! A huge one!! *Sighs and takes a moment to re-gather himself*

So I see the blog and you are doing great! It's wonderful to be back here! And even more great to see that even after 198 posts (yeah I counted), the blog still retains the spunk! :D

PS: Is it just me or does everyone use a lot of exclamation marks?!?!

Rujuta_09 said...

amazing one dear.. jus reading it, reminded me the creepy (grammer less, if i may say so) mails i receive.. ample of spelling mistakes, n yeah how can i forget the best.. spelling mistakes in Menu card.. ahhh they are damn hilarious :)

sobhit said...

u know though its funny.. how we guys or ppl in general have problem with wrong usage of english.. but hindi ka koi dhyan hi ni deta :P dint knew mein verb form sudharna hai.. hindi ka verb n all no one remmember :0 :P :P

just a thought for the english teacher since.. hum toh desi hindustani hai ji..

Akshay singh said...

hahahahahahahhaha...
I have one who speaks in a fake british accent and claims to have aught it in B'lore ( coz' she was born there ) ;-D

All these people who go to this "hi fi" places for a lil' amount of time , apparently "pick it up" somehow ... :P

Sakshi said...

LOL! I can't even stand the genuine accents! have to ask the phoren return cousins to either slow down or speak in Hindi!
There is this doood *dude*, who would call me up and talk in his fake angrezi, and I just tell him to either shut up or talk properly!

How uncool is their so called cool accent- Someone please go and tell em!

Anita :) said...

I remember an episode of Koffee with Karan where Kareena wonders where Priyanka got her false accent from, and in the next episode, Priyanka shot back saying that she got it from where Saif got it ! :D

WHoever it is, fake accents are so damn irritating! And leaves no logic why one attempts it and to prove what.

Am In Trance said...

How did you Knew that they are Tell in fake accented ? I Known it is Hurts to Listening such accents. But at the end of Days they also Wanting to be cool na..! & everybody can Cool na..!! It is their right na..!!!

Therefore, you shall not blaming these poor souls, who trying day & night to be cool as kakdi..!! (Oh in english it is Cocombur..!)

You Understanding me na..!!!! You Get-in-g me na..!!!!!
So stop Criticize this people ok..! You better..!!! HmpHH..!!

☆ Rià ღ said...

Yeah whats with these accents these days...i hate fake accents...why cant u be proud of the way u speak, what matters the most to me is to speak correct English.

suruchi said...

Hi Roshan,
Omg, Mallu accent...I would loooooooooooove to hear you despite that...for someone so impeccably brilliant in English and the “fun”-est doc I know, it would be a joyride for sure:-)

Salman’s American English is fun...it makes you wonder at the how’s and why’s and for what he is doing it:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Saranya,
Thank you for visiting and following me:-)
Would check you out soon!


Hi Pavitra,
So I am talking to a graduate, eh?
Yiy, yiy, yiy...wish u roaring n rocking success..and never mind for not being around...these time and again visits keep me super glad.

Thanks yaar...chalo someone appreciates my efforts to talk on n on to entertain you guys;-)
Will wait for your return to blogging:-)
All the best for the exams!

suruchi said...

Hey Moonlite
I need a “like” button too...for all the super like comments from you guys:-)
And poor Priyanka..bechaare free mein piss gaye yahan:-)


Hey Alks,
Haha...your poor bhai!
And that comment of Zoom anchors...so true!
They maaro more style than content and I guess they are hired just because they are in flimsy clothes otherwise, they generally don’t know what they are talking!
Lol!

suruchi said...

Arre Sobhit,
What yaar you getting senti aise he:-)
I was remembering you because of your fondness for the sms lingo and how you superbly managed to overcome that in the subsequent posts...and mere comment box mein to uska naam-o-nishan bhi nahi hain:-)

Jaisa bhi accent hoga kaam chala lenge...friends ko sab maaf:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sameera,
You my dear, dear girl are super good for my ego
Log ek nahi jhel paate*ask my husband n brother* and you want me to bring on a sequel...wow, I am blessed to have a follower like you!

And woh did/didn’t waala correction...give up...log nahi sudharenge:-)

suruchi said...

Bluntssssssssssssssss
Woh aaye hamare blog pe khuda ke kidhmat hain*or is it karaamat*...kabhi hum unke dp and kabhi apne blog ko dekhte hain!*reminds me to give a wake up call to Buckingfastard also...both of you gaayab like gadhe ke sar se seengh*

And thank god for your super consideration of national integration..warna is nation ka kya hota!:-)

And wow...did I just get that “spunk” waala compliment?
*all moon-eyed and dizzy with joy*

P.S. I hate to say this but when it comes to using exclamation marks, I would be like your kumbh ke mele mein bichade hue sister*yes, this word made me hate it* I used to use so many of these marks that a while ago, a friend here pointed out that there were just exclamation marks after each sentence instead of a full stop:(

suruchi said...

Akshay,
If only we*you and me* could help these people who “pick up” things just like that;-)
*grinning devilishly*


Hi Sakshi,
Haha...loved the line where you say that you can’t stand even the genuine accents;-)
And woh “someone” who is supposed to tell them would not be able to kyonki in species ko apne accent ke aage kuch aur sunaye nahi deta;-)

suruchi said...

Hello Anita,
I saw that episode too...and for once agreed with Kareena Kapoor and also with Priyanka in the same breath about Saif...
But aaj kal Salman bhai chaye hue hain na...so Chote Nawab ko mention karna ignore kiya;-)

I cannot imagine speaking in English without Hindi-fying it!
I also am searching for what these guys are trying to prove:-)

suruchi said...

Hey AIT
Hahahahahaha....my god, I can only imagine how you must be keeping your wife is splits with all your super cute madness:-)

And cool ko bloody fool ban na mein der nahi lagte;-)


Hi Ria,
Correct English is a different matter all together...in fact for most of them, English is no matter...woh galat bhi bol den to chalega...the accent is prime:-)

magiceye said...

BRAVO!!
That was a brilliant indictment on the fakers/wannabees!!

my 1st time here and enjoyed it thoroughly. thanks.

came here via alka gurha.

suruchi said...

Hi Magiceye,
Thank you n what more to say about wannabees:-)
They just be and make us difficult to be:-)

Hope to see you around:-)

CutePriya said...

This reminds me of my Team Manager in the previous organisation...God knows (or may be he himself), where did that accent came from...every time he opened his mouth, I felt like giving him a hard one..'aukat mein reh le'

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