Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

29 April, 2011

Crushing Crushes!



A dear friend of mine just got me down the memory lane to where I began my journey of handling crushes and being crushed!

While growing up and as adolescence set in on my hitherto super seedhi life, I used to have crushes @ of one every day...yes, you read right-almost EVERY DAY on an average. I think it is a little girlie thing don’t you dare single me out now my sisterhood gender on this. We little girls become all ‘awwww-ed’ with and about anyone who is relatively nicer or essentially cuter or gives us a little more than usual attention. For some, this inbuilt defective tendency continues till an unfathomable age, as I am a living proof. So I used to think the world about the new computer teacher-the only male teacher by the way in a convent school, governed by super staunch nuns-are there ever nuns who aren’t those anyways? Also about the friends’ cousins, the aunt’s brother, my elder brother’s friends, the shop keeper’s cute son and heck, much to my embarrassment now, even the boutique owner in those days he was called a tailor but that sounds even more awful and hence these small fonts to escape readers in a rush. There’s a reason why the government does not provide voting rights to adolescents and I just proved them right. But on second thoughts, if they did, at least the leaders representing our country would be good looking...sigh!

So my friends could pretty much count my crushes on their fingers, not the middle ones, please. And for accurate counting here I mean each finger getting into further sub divisions of three and thereby thirty at a time would suffice for reference’s sake. Just so that our moms would not know while eves-dropping, we rechristened the hunks as Anita for say Arun, Sonia for Saurabh, etc*the names have been changed to maintain the privacy of those concerned and also a concerned me* And before you think I was the worst, to keep a count of my friends’ crushes we had to maintain the abacus!

But more of my crushes some other time...this post is not about THAT!
I can almost imagine with sadist pleasure, you watching the screen with a gaping mouth and a disdained look that says, ‘She ranted one page about this crap and says she will “talk” about it some “other” time.’ Yes, sorry, this post was meant to be about people who had crushes on me and the encounters thereby which thankfully did not lead to the ‘happily ever after’.

Cut to my first year in college-the bubbling excitement of being on the threshold of adulthood was barely under control and we attended college for almost a full month as dedicated students. Of course later we realised that in Kanpur, you DON’T attend college, you just appear before the exams to collect your admit cards and then for the exam itself.

There was this College Union Leader. Remember Salman Khan in a flick called ‘Tere Naam’ but minus the atrocious hair flicks? He was the dada of the college-everything, even the teachers seemed to be under his control. He somehow developed a fascination for the plain Jane in me. While I would sit in the class and try to listen to the lectures, he would stand outside and watch me through the French windows. Then like the good Hutch puppy or is it Vodafone now, he would follow me around. This went on for a month till I became the butt of everyone’s jokes, as the moment I entered college and till I left, I had acquired an obnoxious, unpaid, almost pupils dilated for he would just stand and stare, as if in life there was no care body guard. I remember just when I had decided to not come to the college because of him that I got into trouble with not getting an admit card for some stupid reasons. And who else would I have to turn to instead of standing in long queues to wait for irritated professors to hear my plea!

His answer- “You do not worry, the admit card would reach your home.”
Me- “But I can wait here till you get it, sir.”
He- “Girls like you should not wait around here, aap jao, mein hoon na.”
Needless to say the admit card reached my home, without me being asked for my address.

I had not complained about him for he never really tried to approach or talk to me and anyways no one would have listened to me against him. I did not see him again, although till now I can picture precisely his slightly tilted stupid head and fixedly gazing face and all the filmy drama that he created. Maybe that was my preparatory ground of influence for acquiring the title of ‘drama queen’ that I subsequently developed.

There was this another time when a friend’s cousin managed to extract from me, my phone number after badgering me about it for months. After five days of telephonic conversations, he proposed to me I do sound vain here, don’t I? Well, it is a good thing I can’t show you pictures of these samples, so you would then sympathise with me instead. Now, I was in a fix. How do I tell this totally bhaiyya ji type manushya that this was the worst idea ever, even worse than watching shows like Rakhi Sawant or Rahul Mahajan getting hitched on television-my epitome of experiencing hell on earth? So I managed a little argument to confuse his duh-brain-ic abilities. He was thin like a rake and dim like a cake*used the analogy for rhyme’s sake*.

Me- “I don’t think we would have a future. You are soooo thin and I am well, not soooo thin. We would look terribly odd and soon you won’t like me anymore.”
He- “You think I am so shallow to like you for your body. I like your soul”
Me- *Oh my bloody hell-actually thinking that and not saying it aloud...probably because he had rendered me speechless and thank god I did not lose my voice forever out of shock, after hearing such utterances*

Somehow I succeeded to use my weight for the first time in my favour. Sometimes when I still bump into him in public gatherings, after a cold eye, I get a murderous look from him of his late realisation that he was hoodwinked then and how!


There was another episode that is tumbling down the annals of my suddenly revitalised memory. When we gang of school girls would get together at someone’s house, our idea of fun would be to get phone numbers of the hottest, cutest guys in towns and call them up to indulge in anonymous chats over the speaker phone. One would talk and the rest would indulge in mute guffaws. My friends were professionals in the game and we would later sit and do character assassination of too eager boys to spill their beans. With no caller Id’s and cell phones in those good old days, we connived with panache, knowing we’d never be caught.

One fine day at my friend’s house, I was challenged and a new number was put on the platter. I was handed the baton*in this case the telephone receiver* and instructed to get him bewitched. Come to think of it, television shows like “Emotional Atyachaar” where boyfriends/girlfriends get loyalty tests done on their lovers, was actually our brain child, devised years ago but sadly not patented. Anyways, there was a capsule course of voice training given by my batch mate followed by a briefing of what I should or should not do and say yes, the only thing missing was an armour and gun for I felt I was going at the border for a war and the onus of all womankind was on my not-so-little shoulders.

I spoke to this so termed ‘newest dish on the block’ for half an hour and was quite proud of myself, as everyone looked at me with a new respect for they didn’t expect me to last beyond 5 minutes. I still remember we all used the name “Anamika” ironically and left half of the eligible guys in quaint little Kanpur wondering who the hell for ‘who the fuck’ was not so common then was Anamika, screwing up the happiness of their lives.

The drama began when two days later I got a call from this ‘dish’ at my home number. What the fuck! Yes, I decided to fuck decency even in my thought bubble. This had never happened before with any of us girls that the guys managed to know who we were or get our numbers. They were always left at our mercy, to make the next call at OUR pleasure-that is whenever we got together again.

All hell broke loose. My virginal attempt became the biggest screw up and for a long time I got blank calls and pleading calls when I picked up the phone, till he eventually gave up. We never got to know how he reached me but our little secret enterprise died an untimely death and all Anamikas were wiped off from the face of Mother Kanpur for good.

Another dim wit of the highest order, called at my house and the schmuck flirted with my mother thinking it was me and my mother carried along with the whole idea for a couple of calls, throwing in her defence that she wanted to get to the bottom to know how deep my knees were in it. Years later, now I tease her that she did so then for her own little kicks that she must have got out of it!

Enough revelations for now! Such is life-there have been rarely “crush”ed people advancing towards me whom I did not actually want to crush with a rolling pin.
Does everyone go through these buggers or am I god’s special child?



55 comments:

Shady said...

Give me your Moms number :D

Tanvi said...

You have the funniest stories don't you? Even if we all had such buggers we do not have to power to narrate these incident with such twist and humor! :)

♡ from © tanvii.com
Apothica Giveaway

A said...

@Suruchi,

I wish I had read your blogs when I was in college or in school. I always thought girls do not like to speak with guys - forget about crushes.

If I had known about their crushes, I would have had a different life......

You write very honest and good :))))

suruchi said...

@Shady, shut up silly!
Always the needy and the greedy...jitna mil raha hain us mein khush raho:-)



Hi Tanvi,
I remember you saying this line somewhere on your blog about me...and believe me it works like a magical motivation even now, to bring out more tales from the closet:-)
And you madam would not have buggers...you would have a whole colony of them after you:-)

A said...

What happened to my comment?

Bikramjit said...

Email me your number na let me also get the chance to.talk to anamika.
Wow what lovely memories u were bad. Poor guy haan ek to the dada got ur id card aur woh bhi ghar pe. Good man he was.
And wow wight in ur favour bery bery good.
I would have enjoyed studying in ur colege he he he
Memories are funny when u sit and think about those days it brings smiles so many of them sometimes I do think that eve though nowadays with the adbent of all these new things and places to hang out at we when we studying I feelbwe had more fun with little jokes we played and other silly things that went on.
Loved the post made me smile thank you so much.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

He was thin like a rake and dim like a cake*used the analogy for rhyme’s sake*.

But it sounds good, could even enter textbooks. :P

Oh and that guy really dug up your home number from just your voice? He's got resources, or there was a mole amongst you. (Just the detective in me being activated, now he's sleeping, so back again).
So did your mother tell you all the detailed conversations She had with this alleged resourceful guy? :P

Nice read.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Sakshi said...

Well, you are not the special child i this case.
I have had a bugger called me up, for almost like a month, that too in my after my class 10th Board exam break, at 8 am in the morning, and he would want to do fraaandship with me.. and worse of all was, when someone else picked up the phone, he would tell them that he is my 'honewala pati' and I was 15 then!
He stopped after my maid gave him a nice bashing!

And yeah, I have had my share of the internet stalkers too, professing their love to me based on my profile pic!

;)

suruchi said...

Hi A,
Yeh lo...this is a universal fact...almost a phenomenon...aap kaun se universe mein the?

Girls pretend that they do not like to speak to guys and act as though they don’t have crushes, but heart in heart, they have a list!

Waise abhi bhi der nahi hue hain...most girls never grow up even after their bodies do;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Biky,
Ab Anamika ka aap kya karoge- “woh seva ab uplabdh nahi hain”
Suruchi se kaam chalana hain to alag baat hain- “aap kataar mein hain, kripya line pe bane rahen..matlab line maarte rahen”;-)

And poor dada?????????
And what about poor me????????
Waise he was a good man...never said or did anything beyond the stare and I automatically won many people’s respect and envy.

Those days were super na Biky...aaj kal ke generation would never know the pleasure of waiting, hesitating, wooing, shying, etc.
Thank you for the smiles...I am much obliged:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Anshul,
If my analogies enter text books, god help the education system:-)
There was a mole amongst us....actually another little thing about little girls- we have great difficulty in keeping our achievements in our tummies.
So the dish getting hitched was bragged about by quite a many of us...so even Sherlock Homes would have had trouble in locating who started the fire:/

Yes, my mother did and with a nice gloating expression. The guy thought I was even more awesome on phone than I appeared to be by looks. Needless to say, that made her day!:-)

suruchi said...

Haha....Sakshi, that reminds me of another bugger two years back in the gym who would pick up dumb bells and then look at me...do one set of crunches and then sit and stare. And soon I got a message on my mobile “You look goregeeos*that’s gorgeous as I deciphered eventually* Can we be friends?”

Hehe...I was so tempted to check his spellings and text him back...beta English teacher se panga mat lena;-)

You my dear are bound to be stalked with such a pretty face and sweet heart that god has bestowed on you...the rest of us just end up unnecessarily in such fumbles:-)

Devil Incarnate... said...

Hhahaha i loved this... i do remember me n my frnds doing smething bt in my case it was boys and gals agaianst the whole slapstick type ppl... bt yz quite memroable till all the papa's n moms got idea abt hw devilish their kids r in others life...

sobhit said...

how abt my crush on u?? n aapse ek baar crushy crushes pe help mangi thi... but nothg :-/.. kya yar..

Prateek said...

One of my friend faced this calling case, until the time she told me about it it had stopped.
Darn!!
Nice post.

Sameera said...

Loved it :D

I ma thinking to jot down my series of incidents now.. :)

From the title of your post, what came in my mind was one of your posts in which you mentioned u had a crush on ur gym instructor.

Nice one :)

moonlite:D said...

Congrats on 200th post :)
worth the milestone :D

oh btw, should've told u earlier itself,,,
like the new header in ur blog :), so much u, it is :)

jo said...

Haha! Nice one..
There's no dearth of such "dilfenk aashiqs". All you have to do is to be a girl.
There was one guy in my school, who had the weirdest voice and apparently he was in love with me which he also expressed later. But before that he would try to get my attention somehow. One day, as I was leaving the classroom...a voice started rising up in the background, getting louder slowly. That was him...singing "chura ke dil mera goriya chali...and so on..." OMG! I was super embarrassed.(sharam se paani paani ho gyi thi.. :P)
I didn't even dare looking back...I rushed out of the class.
:)

Alka Gurha said...

Applause! For your honesty and Bindaaspan!

I could identify with the crushes thing....God how stupid were we.
And what is this about Student Union leaders? In my case i followed him like a pup. my husband still teases me about it.

Niraj said...

he he he....awesome...even i m crushed under the versatility and various flavors of your writing...Even ice cream seems to be melting down in front of your talks...Wat should i say...lucky gul!! Many stories to remember and share...especially " like a rake and dim like a cake*used the analogy for rhyme’s sake*." laughing like anything...By the way... btw do lemme know your chat id... definitely like to chat with anamika...he he he

Jack said...

Suruchi,

I am not in a position to comment as it is highly difficult to control laughter. LOL.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi DI,
My god, you do live up to your devilish name, don’t you?:-)


Sobhit...wow, ek aur crush...awwwww!
Arre woh us time Seeya ke saath hands full the na...is liye sorry...friend in need could not be friend in deed.
Next time...pucca...aur apne liye maangna advice:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sameera,
Please do jot down the instances...and once you open the gates, floods are sure to come.
And woh crush gym instructor pe nahi tha...it was on a guy coming to my gym...but he was in his twenty something and I was in my mangal sutra*or at least am once a year on Karva Chauth* so idea drop kar diya.

Thank you for always following me:-)

suruchi said...

Hello Prateek,
Arre...are you happy the calls stopped or angry about it?
Which side are you?:-)
Thank you for reading.



Hey Moonlite,
Thanks...I had almost forgotten this was the 200th!
And that header is the only innovation that technically duh characters like me can come up with:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Jo,
Hahaha...yeh “chura liya hain” gaana seems to be a big hit with the “dilfeks”
And you said it so rightly...you don’t need to be hot or unbelievably pretty...you just need to be a girl to watch this madness occur around you:-)


@Uncle Jack
:-)
Thank you

suruchi said...

Hi Alks,
Nahi yaar...stupid nahi...at least there is something to look back on with a smile...without such cases thoda abnormal growing up ho jaata, nahi?:-)

And that YOUR Student Union Leader story...my god, that MUST be unveiled on your blog:-)



Hey Niraj,
Thank you sooooooooo much...itneeeeeeeee saare praise ke liye.
Readers should learn something from you while commenting;-)

And arre...sab ko Anamika he chaiye..mera kya hoga Kaaliya?:-)

aakash said...

LOL.. crushes always goof up, and leave those funny memories back, to laugh upon..
Fundoo read
N good to see a pro blogger frm Knp
:)

aJ

rantravereflect/ jane said...

lol @ the first comment: gimme ya mom's no. :D
ya always have me loving ya post n how! well ya're gods special child i many ways, n well - thin as arake and dim as a cake annotation was kickass class! loveee- well i wish i cud go back to crushin.. hmppphhh

nil said...

hahah I swear I love your stories! and I'm really sorry to have been off your comments section for a while, was a little caught up! but im back now :)
hope u've been good! :)

sobhit said...

msg fir se dekho yar.. apne liye bhi advice mangi thi...

Bikramjit said...

main england se International call, should be a special line .. without the kataar :) please do something .. ISD call

and I am with you 100% on todays generation will never know they have different ideas, we were happy with the canteen .. and all the stuff we did .. first day of college standing and looking at girls this yellow chunni one is mine, no that blue one is mine and the whole year would go by without a hello even
and boys will be fighting in gangs over a girl who would not even have a clue it was becasue of her...

Beautiful days i would live them anytime AGAIN at the click of my fingers.. I did write a note a couple of them on my college days ..

Bikram's

Deepika said...

wow.. it felt like you played my life there on the page above!
hehe.. crushes even the short lived will be in our memories till eons..
life's pretty interesting? ;) hehe..
Had a mast read after a long time.. oops i have been missing since along time too.. sorry.

suruchi said...

Hi Aakash,
Thank you for the fundoo comment!
And I almost LOL-led at the “pro-blogger” reference and then awwww-ed about it of course with a little dance on cloud 9:-)


Hi Jane,
God’s special child I am for sure:-)glad to have you back...now stick around...and we never leave the crush lane, honey;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Nil,
I have been good and where I can’t be good...I try to be careful:-)
Welcome back...and it is okay to be absent for a while as long as you are not gone forever:-)


Hey Sobhit,
Woh message delete ho gaye yaar:-(
Sorry!
:-(

suruchi said...

@ Biky,
Aap ke liye sab katar ke katl-e-aam kiya jaayga:-)


Hi Deepika,
Looooooooong time actually:-)
And what would life be without crushes?
So crushed up na?;-)

Akshay singh said...

how come I missed this article ???
hmmm , ye toh aapne apne crushes ki list di hai .

aap pe fida nacheezo ki toh fehrist nahi kitaab ban jaati ;-D

Rachit said...

uffffff... the only word I can say after reading your Anamika thing. And thank God Lucknow still few distance away from Kanpur or I would have been day dreaming. :P

it was Amazing.. :) I gonna come back.. :)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

haha,,i can totally relate to this post hahaha :D

simply lovely ^^

i remember my crushes as well hahaha :D

sulagna ™ said...

su tu abhi bhi kitna nautanki karti hai na ?? i bet seeya baby will have her own mothers chronicles to learn from :)

Vivek said...

Hi,
Its was really a cute post , loved the instances.

We all have crushes in our life me too hv when I was in school and college over my Class teacher . ;)
But it was limited to crush as crush get crushed soon as they got married very soon :(

There is 15 Minute movie made over this if you get time do visit watchit.
Friends Kitchen

Take care.

Miles Of Style said...

ohhh my! you just brought back a zillion memories of my crushes and guys who had a crush on me from back in the day...and crank calling used to be soooo much fun! unfortunately our kids will never grasp the concept of these things!

suruchi said...

@Akshay...how do you always know the right thing to say at the right time?;-)
And yes, how come you missed this article?;-)
Yeh naacheez ko koi cheez nahi samjha?:-)

And drama is your n my forte..what would our lives be without we going overboard!:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Rachit,
Arre..you are in Lucknow...good thing that in those days Lucknow was also on STD calls basis...warna aapka kya hota?;-)

Never too late to day dream and please come back to ensure that:-)


@Ayu,
How can we ever forget crushes...it is akin to breathing for a teenager and we all go through that:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Su,
Seeya baby would write her own history and thank god for somethings we can’t say “history repeats itself”


Hey Vivek,
Thanks for stopping by...and I think there never was a guy who has not been crushed by some teacher, literally and otherwise:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Persis,
You talk of guys who HAD crushes on you in past tense????
How underestimating are we, aren’t we?

And waise it is good our kids would never grasp the concept of crank calls...although it is scary that there is worst that they might:/

P.S. Please share the zillion memories:-)

blunt edges said...

Well to start with, noone's ever had a crush on me. Its always been me doing the honors ;)

So we conclude that you were always popular among males (Now wasn't that the whole point of coming up with this post you not-so-modest lady? :P)

sp.ajay said...

entertaining read...

i wont ask ur number, ur post just proved it shall be in vain. and as 4 the crush list- "I have competition "

:)

suruchi said...

@Blunts...but I have a BIG FAT HUMUNGOUS crush on you...seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeriously...but you don't give me bhav only:(

And the point of this post my not-so-subtle-crush-interest, is to find more crush-worthy dishes like you;-)

suruchi said...

Hi SP Ajay,
Wow...competition, eh? Sounds cool:-)

And abhi number lene ka koi fayda nahi re...bhoole bisre yaadein hein yeh to:-)
Thanks for reading though!

Punam said...

Hi Suruchi, my first time here - interesting stories of your childhood. And bold too. When I think of my days - you could call them black and white. :) We were the touch-me-nots, speak-to-me-nots and stay-at-least-a-mile-away types. :)

Erratic Thoughts said...

hahaha...that was a super read Suruchi...yeah I've had my share of crushes and now that I think of them, Gawd! its actually funny...n quite interesting too...Come to think of it, you wonder sometimes "wow this one had a crush on me then?really?" and Darn y din I ever know about it...would have done something about it! ;)
n hai ye masoom dil...crush ke bina din kaise katenge...lol...:D

You really are a writing-pro...

suruchi said...

Hi Punam,
Thanks for visiting...n we were the same stuck up variety too...but somehow managed to have a little fun on the side;-)

And pehle nahi kiya to kya hua...ab kar lo...better late than never n like Kabir ji said...kaal kare so aaj kar, aaj kare so ab;-)

Hope to see you around!

suruchi said...

Hi Erratic Thoughts,
Thank you...and wow if you hear of people telling you now that they had a crush on you then...especially if it comes from someone's mouth whom you would like, never mind the past tense of "had"...past only leads to the present, right?;-)

I know, crush ki bina din kaise katenge:-)

Mani Lalwani said...

wow.. when did this post happen... I missed it all together... fundoo read :)
enjoy CRUSH'ing poor chaps .. :)

suruchi said...

Hi Mani,
Thank you and I get crushed more than crushing others;-)

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