Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

15 April, 2011

When the f@#$ did womanhood happen here?-In search for the Girl in me!


Why aren’t there more women’s night outs and get-aways in India that are so religiously performed and basked in by our fairer sisters abroad, as depicted in soapy soaps and sit-coms from the West? Yes television is spoiling us, admitted...can we now move on? Our very sexier version of forty somethings of ‘The Sex and the City’ in the U.S. of A have a ball meeting up for a drink to discuss and dissect their sex lives or the lack of it and we are still stuck on maids and mothers-in-law? Excuse me, it is just not me, it is a disease of infectious proportions prevalent among the species that have mated and consummated the task of having junior versions of themselves sauntering along the planet.

Why aren’t there more bars/night clubs/lounges where single beauties and even the marginally so ones can go by themselves and get a date? I have a plethora of still single women friends, who have given up hope of ever finding a suitable guy at a night joint for it is flocked by “boys-girls” or couples...whatever happened to those in between? Why do we have to give up on girlhood and adapt to womanhood, just because we cross thirty?

The Desperate Housewives gals/women or even some of our own metro chicas know how to ruffle up smooth surfaces and raise many an eyebrows when they make entries and we are still hung up on who’s watching and thereby how we should appear to be. And those who don’t bother about the onlookers, the onlookers are most bothered about them and brand them as the next slut on the block. Wtf!
My god, the society-we can neither live with or without it, in or out of it.

There are days when my husband can have one of his many frequent boys’ night outs term it as a stags’ night out, for boyhood would be an illusion now and for me it would remain just a distant dream for many reasons per se:
A. Why do you women need a night out when you can meet over coffee or visit your friend’s home during the day or mall hop? ya right, we meet over soppy coffee and you over wicked vodka-isn’t that a fair world we respire in...sigh!
B. How would you return home baby at late hours, it is not so safe you know? Me: Reallyyy, why don’t we all stack up at one woman’s house then for the night and return home next morning in broad daylight and when we are sober.
He =HUH!!!!!!!!*that sound that emits from your beloved’s now-not-so-beautiful-seeming mouth asserts that you have just committed something short of a terrible blasphemy, even by the mere thought of it*
C. Log kya kahenge oh, crap! Now the only remaining thing to say would be-tum hamare khaandaan ke izzat ho!

Last year while visiting my still single friends in Delhi, we went lounging till the wee-hours, sang songs at the terrace and drove back with blasting music way past midnight enjoying the cool breeze of half deserted and yet alive lanes of Dilli. What a blast it was, making me empathise just for a wee bit of a weak moment with my beloved’s need to do a night out by himself for you realize it is so liberating, when done once in a while. I recommended it to all and sundry in my gender of sisterhood at the cost of being branded as someone whom husbands hushed their wives to listen less to. Needless to say, after many months of trying I could not materialize an encore in my small town and gave up. Maybe it is not so much a matter of small or big town as it is of small minds.

Till three decades of my life, I tried to keep alive the girl in me, so much that I never really felt I had left school so long ago and even unknowingly called some of my age-mates ‘bhabhi’ for along with the fringes of their saris were tagging along toddlers and not so tiny tot brats. I was wild in some sense though always bridled. Heck, last year I was even thinking of joining tennis classes so I could accompany my G when he goes to play squash every morning, learn an instrument/language and lose so much weight with vengeance that Salman Khan signs me up for his next movie session that is, totally besotted.

Things stand at a different shore this year.
Seeya’s bought a change and made me grow up. And needless to say I see-saw between the inferences of whether THAT is a good or a bad thing. You can’t be the girl anymore when the girl in your arms searches for the woman she wants to look up to.

There are days when friends who knew me from then and now turn around to comment how serious I have become or how they miss my puns and double meaning innuendos and banter that would keep them in splits. It makes my heart go split wide open with a strange ache despite the love balm that Seeya’s smile spreads on it each day. I miss writing blog posts that “I” liked and that did not whine. Someone mentioned the other day how I ruled Face book in my hay days with the wittiest of status updates on a daily basis and a string of 60-70 comments on each one. Hay days?????????? My god, what happened since then? Who the donkey, ate up my hay? :(

Somewhere in doing this and that and being here and there, in doing what we must and in being what we ought to, we lose we. And although the men enjoy the pleasure of continuing to be boys all their lives, we women struggle to be more as well as less of a woman yes, that confused is our subsistence.

There were days when I advised these pearls free of cost:
You can’t help getting older but you don’t have to get old!
Growing old in inevitable and growing up is optional!
It is not the years in your life that counts, it is the life in your years!
It is important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle!
Today I look back at these and say what the crap probably the recipients muttered the same under their breath. There are phases in life that very few can obstruct and go past unaffected. You change while shifting from school to college, while transcending from the bachelor state to that of having walked the aisle. Should we then lament and relent or accept and forget? I am now trying to make a mature room for the fun craving girl within me.

Growing up/old is as unavoidable as the sun rise each day no matter how much you like the dark to party. It is important to keep the old girl alive in me but not at the cost of strangulating the young woman also within at each of such attempts. I don’t resist growing up, I resist growing boring. I don’t mind having a wrinkle in days to come, I would mind when that would be all that my face would have to show to the world.

We would always be little girls from inside. We would wish for mothers when we get sick of all that’s happening around and for daughters when we want to see our dreams manifesting through someone else. We would wait for love to happen to us that fairy tales are made of. We would want to be free like men and pampered like women and struggle between realizing ourselves between this to and fro of genders. We would constantly be haggled by “what ifs” and “why nots”. I guess the girl within never gets drowned in the lake of the mirror of time, she just sits by the shore watching the woman tamper with the hitherto silent surface. I guess if I could make this woman happy, she would stop inviting the girl to fill in the gaps.


41 comments:

A said...

In my home, my wife goes all for Girls Night Outs..twice a month sometimes. I never get to go for Boys Night out. My wife is also very active with Book Club and several other clubs...that I do not even know. Poor me..I stay home taking care of my daughter.

But most Indian ladies here do NOT have ladies night out.

sulagna ™ said...

ohh i have some friends here, so G tsays home and we got on lunches...night outs get difficult since the three of us dont drive so the husband or the boyfriends hve to come n get us :)

but i must say, the all girl lunch sessions, make up buying, shoe shopping and bitching..ohhh sweet threapy :)

Akshay singh said...

First , I didn't know you in your "those" days . But you are still awesome !
Even I hate growing up ..M still a mad hatter kid ( let's see how longer can I keep it up )
But everyone has to grow up..take responsibillity . My mom still complains how she had to shift from hospital duty to home to clinic , keeping me in mind .
But she does it with such fondness . When I see her sitting with her college pals , she just transforms . Somehow , children do change your life .
You must not regret it or be sad over it .They are memories to be cherished and to be told to your children .
How can one remember the past if one dosen't leave it behind ?
( yo baby ! I should so be in 'babagiri' business . btw ..girls' night out ? WE've had it in the villages for ages :-D )

DocPanacea said...

Oh yes.. I must say its indeed difficult to hav girl night outs and go single out there n hav fun wid friends.. But its really fun and refreshing.. A dose i myself would want atleast twice a month.. Very well written.. Something each of us can relate to.. Nice blog.. You write amazingly well.. :-)

Sakshi said...

Well, my mother does not go for night outs but she does have a blast.. at times,it becomes really hard for my darling pupppa to understand whether who is more kiddish! Us or her!
She has pursued everything after her marriage, and she is having a blast now that both of us sisters are grown up! *or so we they believe*

But the questions/dilema that you have worded is very true, it is very hard for us indian women to really come out of the ghar ki zimmedari and ghar ki izzat.. what I refuse to understand is that, what has a girls night out... or hanging around with your friends once in while minus the responsibilities be so hard for the 'society' to handle?

Bikramjit said...

ITs called growing up as you said urself , and situations change as has yours with Seeya coming in your life , now you are Responsible woman.. :)

and grwoing up is always good, if we were all that carefree then it will all get boring all the time ..

and the question about women's night out well I alreayd told you , you need a holiday Come to UK I will do the baby sitting while you can go about :)

HEY by the way are you telling this so that IF I turn up to see you , you have a excuse readymade that you cant take me around haan .. :)

and F&%$ hey you got the SPELLINGS WRONG :)

Bikram's

Alka Gurha said...

kyon jale par namak dal diya...
Even scientists say that women are happy when they have a good natter with friends. It boosts levels of progesterone.
My hay is missing too...Who the donkey, ate up my hay? :(
LOVED it.

Wicked Witch of the West said...

Television has a lot to answer for. Far from being something we bask in, nights out are very few for most women here once with kids. At nights, after kids duties performed, there is housework, washing, ironing, bill paying (most women I know manage this, one or two exceptions) to do. So, even if there is babysitting available, the best option usually seems to stay at home and rest or catch up. The leisured ones (working 24 hours or less a week, or not at all) tend to meet up for coffees during the day - now, they should have a show depicting these women sitting around talking mindlessly about tv, their nails, and other people.

So don't worry, you are far from alone!

Sameera said...

I agree.. Totally!!

And, can you imagine what happens if we have planned a night out and one of your friends still sticks to her phone, talking to her bf. It irritates me like anything..

I mean, Dude!! We are on "girls night-out"

Sparkling Gem said...

We all experience the stage...i know it as my best friend recently had a baby and same happening :)

but the girl gang we r we manage having meet ups at her place....but then the baby is one task :D

Anyways dont worry let Seeya grow more and u will be better.....girl out is essentials and so is nite out....we plan to do so at my bestie place and take care of baby if need be....alone time is essential to find the girl and keep it alive always :D


Loved ur post girl :)

btw this is Scribbling Gal...changed the pen name :)

☆ Rià ღ said...

Loved the post to the core...especially the way u hav written it. So true dear...as much as we want the hay will probably get eaten up by some donkey or the other..we do need to put in more efforts to keep the girl in us alive.

Mani Lalwani said...

*The length and sense above ideas make , I almost gave up my thought of commenting *

*still commenting at the risk of being highly boring and monotonous*

Y do u keep saying that u wrote awesome those days ? U still are awesome. I love the way u create humor outta nothing and always end up asking for tips. tips mam ?

and The concept of "Girls night out" is so unfamiliar to me so I will refrain from writing on that.

keep writing :)

*promises to be better the next time ;)*

pRasad said...

Liked this post as it represnts the situation many other women might be going through these days..

bUT I guess "convincing hubby" should work..

and those who are going to marry, should talk with their would be husbands and even with in-laws about how they want to live life even after marriage...else, there is no point in blaming husband if he is conservative and doesn't approve these things.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

ab aap night outs pe jaoge to Seeya ko kaun sambhaalega. :P

You wanted to learn things, you can start, even tomorrow, no, even today. Night outs, that is your call. Kuch to log kahenge, logon ka to kaam hai hi, kehna :P

We can grow up, whether we grow old is up to our choices, I believe in it.

:)
Cheers
Blasphemous Aesthete

Shreya said...

Growing up .. growing boring i dont think so .. depends why do you care you grow boring for few people ..
Every age and experience has its own sense of humor and happiness ya restlessness and energy differs .. just bz age brought calmness into you doesnt mean you have grown boring ..else you would have never written something like this :)

dont care of who thinks what ...see seeya has brought so much of a kid out of you :D

jo said...

Awww!! Who says you're boring? I think you are witty as hell.
You know you are like my hope for never ever growing up. :)
These are demanding times, they ask for little sacrifices. And later when you back, you'll be glad that you did this.
And bout the Night outs, well somebody has to break the rules. You are not the one to be bogged down by things like who cares and who doesn't.
Lovely post :)

Jack said...

Suruchi,

A very thought provoking post bringing out desire of today's women with so much of witticism. Age is what one feels. Stay young at heart and enjoy as per times. Women have to play dual role, free bird and responsible girl. A proper balance is what is needed. If own conscience is clear, then one should not worry about what society says.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi A,
Wow, your wife is a lucky girl:/
And you can join my club of poor souls who do not get night outs:(

suruchi said...

Hi Sulagna,
You don’t know how to drive????????????
Arrre...that’s the first thing to do to move towards doing what you want!
I know the sweet therapy of being and doing things that you don’t get to do when the men are around:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Akshay,
Thanks...and you are awesome too...please don’t ever grow up
And your mom should be a proud woman of how you have turned out to be...totally kickass rocking!

I am not sad about things...just that I have a stupid blog and sweet followers so I can crib my guts out here after every few posts and get away with it;-)

You already are in the “babagiri” business baby...you are just not getting paid for it...consider it social service on lesser mortals like me;-)

Offo...and villages mein night outs...wow, I can imagine how lovely those might be na...do they have strippers too?;-)

suruchi said...

Hi DonPanacea,
Thank you so much...and twice a month of such dose would be enough for people like me...kinda like rain on dry flaky crust:-)
Hope to see you around!

suruchi said...

Hey Sakshi,
So you my dear have gone on momma dearest:-)
The society would never be able to handle some things I guess...
But you my dearie would always be rocking with your cuteheart by your side...I am sure you’ll signal the change for things to come:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Biky,
I know...kabhi to grow up hona he hain!
And calling me a “responsible woman”...whoaa...that’s a new one for me;-)

Arre woh UK waala offer has been kept on hold in my mind...jab bhi aaonge would avail it:-)
And there is no excuse...when you’ll come over G n me n See...we’ll all go out together for Kanpur darshan, though there aren’t much to see there...aap mere darshan kar ke he dhanya ho jaaoge;-)

And arre spelling mistake ho gaye...what the F@#%...aisa kaise ho gaya;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Alka,
I always used to think that I am not made for too much of womanly scene around...but I guess, sometimes you need your own gender:-)

And let’s find that donkey...and snatch our hay back...
Time we did some chomping too;-)

suruchi said...

Hi W3
So nice to see you back here again...though it is sad I don’t get to read your posts:(
You are such a sweetheart and I always manage to find an echo of me in you...
It’s like you are the only one who seem to be understanding it all though far from cribbing about it on and off like I do.
I guess I would also be used to of it all in a while to realize that this is it now...cribbing ain’t changing a morsel:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sameera,
Haha...that’s a different ball game altogether, what you have described here...
When you are in a singles girlie thing...there are a separate set of issues to be tackled...yes, the show off ones who show that they would perish and wither without taking to their bf’s for a few hours...tch, tch!
:-)

suruchi said...

Ria,
Baby, you just bask in the newly wed glory...
Abhi miles to go before we sleep...er...crib;-)
And yeh donkeys kuch zyaada he ho gaye hain...inka kuch karna padega:-)

suruchi said...

Ho ho pRasad,
Wow..you liked a “serious” post of mine...
Thank u thank u...much obliged:-)
I guess you’ll make a good husband as you seem to understand:-)

And convincing hubby is still easy...convincing women to “just do it” is sometimes the tough task:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Anshul,
Firstly...damn good profile pic...though they are always so tiny that I can never really know EXACTLY how you look...and for a fan, that is important;-)

Yehi to...Seeya ko kaun sambhalega was the latent moan that the post didn’t mention but the undertones were glaring at the readers which only you seem to have caught on*aise he thode na fan bane hoon*:-)

Please stay as you are..and about me...I’ll try not to stay as I am:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Shreya,
Wow...blogging is super duper good for my ego:-)
And my dear you mentioned things so beautifully here that despite being younger, you show there is a whole lot of sense and sensibility in that pretty head of yours.

Thanks a lot for showing me another beautiful side of the frame of my life:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Jo,
You say I am your hope of never ever growing up and you become my hope of never ever letting me do so.
My husband is right, my blog followers have spoilt me rotten with all the pampering:-)

Thank you and yes, it’s just for a little while...
Almost tempted to say Terminator style here “I’ll be back”;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Uncle Jack,
I guess it is something all women go through. With greater freedoms and education, we want to broaden our horizons and yet the household responsibilities remain primarily ours no matter how much work we do outside of it.

Balance is the tough part...instead of the balance, I keep finding myself on the see-saw:-)

WarmSunshine said...

Wow! A long, long post there girlie!
I'm 24 *only* and still figuring out if I'm still a girl or have I grown into a boring woman always whining about why the house isn't clean. *sigh* I guess I'm a bit of both =)

Wicked Witch of the West said...

Oh yes, another six months and it will seem like normal life - the first year or two you notice the difference the most!

I closed off my blog after sharktales closed :D In solidarity and mourning :D

Mani Lalwani said...

mera reply ? :\

A said...

@Suruchi,

My wife is lucky becos she is married to me...all my friends, her friends, her family, my family and I...all say the same....but she does not agree.

suruchi said...

Hi Mani
I ma sooooooooooooooo sorry...pata nahi kaise I missed answering to your comment...especially when I love listening to you:-)
You are never boring or monotonous and I think you write one of the best of humour posts when you are really in the mood for it...much like me:-)

You don’t need tips yaar...abhi to I am looking for my own funny bone, which seems to have got lost in the layers of responsibilities added to my otherwise light frame...lol!

You are always “better” and awesome:-)
Thanks for being here

suruchi said...

Hi Mehreen
Yes...24 in “only”:-)
You are a bit of every woman...so stay that way:-)


@WWW...I guess another six months to go then, eh?:-)
This too shall pass...and please write...there’s always a time for mourning to pass too:-)


@A,
Agreed 100% that your wife is a lucky girl...please tell her this from my side too:-)

Linhy said...

Like your blog and your pictures ! def. following you now! when you get a chance by by my blog and check it out and hopefully my writing will send you sparks so you can also become one of my followers too!

http://lifemadness-linhy.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.

suruchi said...

Hi Linhy,
Would check you out soon...thanks for following:-)

Hey Anon,
I guess:-)

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