Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

09 November, 2010

The Trial Room!



This has to go down in my history as a landmark epiphany!
Somebody had once asked me...does madness trail me or I trail madness?
I still don’t know who is doing what...but I do know that I have the god’s grace n disgrace to find myself in situations that make me a butt of laughter for my cute readers that is thou, my friend.

Zooming into a mall...crowded n throbbing with activity and like I would relate to you...also some action!
I pick up loads of stuff to go and check them out in the trial rooms*one of those days when “50% off” signs on the counters make you lose your sense and rationality and you grab anything that touches your fingers*
The long moustached uniformed guy at the end of some six cubicles of the trial area looked questioningly at me seeing the stuff on my hand n shoulders and some even pinned under my chin, as though I would set up my own new shop in that stupid trial room.

He counted...
“Madam, you can’t take 14 pieces together...please take 3 at a time and I’ll hand over the rest!”*translated from Hindi to English*
But 3 multiplied by 5 makes it 15*yes, I distribute knowledge wherever possible*...at least let me take 5 at a time and that way just 3 trips and the whole mall profits by the time I save....
But how can you expect a security guard to understand accounts n economics...duh, I tell you!
I first take in the 3 “stuffs” that I wouldn’t want HIM to hand me over.

No amount of my smiling n whining n ‘phuleeze, I have a baby at home and I must do this fast’ worked on him...
Alrite, don’t look at me like that...these 14 pieces were the first 14 pieces of god made cloth that I would be taking to the trial room after six months...the first in my history of existence of sorts...
And this after I could get the vibrations of the malls sending me sighs n moans saying they missed me...

Anyways...so there I took the fifth cubicle, the second last one in that row and started to undress...
Oye...it was no ‘husn ke laakhon rang...kaun sa rang dekhoge’ types!
Nopes...not for what you think...or rather...what you don’t think...or then again...please don’t think...Mein hoon na...
Saare duniya ke liye sochne ko!

And suddenly I hear moans...
Not the mall moaning to me...
But an actual human being as though whimpering...
And I thought someone was gasping...emergency...someone’s dying...severely asthmatic...having a heart attack...claustrophobic*never mind if the cubicles were open from top*
Okay, okay...I didn’t really think any of that!
You know how I think by now...
Yup, I imagined someone being laid!
And then told myself to stop being so one track minded always...
This was the ladies trial area and these are all women out here and the mouschy guy would not let me take an extra piece of cloth, how would he let someone tag along an extra piece of male flesh inside?

So I gently tapped on the common wall...
“Excuse me, are you okay?”
And the moans stopped.
I thought whoever was in there...must be okay...or died or whatever as I have a baby at home remember...
So I must rush with my job out here n get out.

3 clothes n almost-clothes down n all rejected...
Why don’t they make clothes that make you look thin...er...thinner than you are?
I get out almost like Jhansi ke Rani at having precious little five minutes wasted on useless tops and having to dress back again n go to that nerdy guard and beg for the next 3.

I get back again n as soon as I take off my kurta...voila!
The moans reoccur...
My James Bondish instincts arouse as I look around for hidden cameras...yes, I can be duh enough to assume that someone has fixed a camera there and a microphone in his own cubicle so I can hear him moan while he sees me unclothed! I would put Einstein to shame, I tell you.
Sue me...I cannot be 100%brilliant at short notice all the bloody time...
I may have super-human abilities...but at the end of the day...I am also only a “human”!

Now that there were no cameras...and I was assured the moans were from the next cubicle...I decided to save the earth by taking the baton in my own hands...
In this case, the ‘baton’ was a small stool that was kept there and ‘my hands’ would be more like my feet... I decided to venture my magnanimous foot on it to take a giant leap for mankind and save a dying soul who is gasping so much that she can’t even squeak out for help.
So what if I can’t fly like Superwoman...I can at least peek...
It’s the thought that counts not the flying abilities anyways.


I get up and take a peek and...and...and....
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....
Two human beings or so it seemed were crammed up or rather ‘up and down’ in that teeny weenie space doing what we normally need a bed space to do...
Nopes dodos...they were not sleeping n snoring...
They were actually making love...
Thankfully they were clothed on top and the bottom graphics were hazy due to top view that I was getting...
So I did not get grotesque imagery to live with me for the rest of my life...
Real life Indian, very F grade porn-F bole to fail n faltu...no, thank you!

But then...whoa! huh! How?
I use the stool to support humanity and they use the stool to support butts!
People...get a life...this is a trial room for crying out loud...
Try these kinda “fits” somewhere else...phuleeeeeeeeeeeeze!
Actually to think deeper about it*not that I want to but then I am so dedicated to your service of enlightment that I make these sacrifices always*maybe they were not making out...
But they WERE DOING SOMETHING....n to think any deeper would make this whole thing even worse!
A different deeper though...I am also wondering at the genders of those within, for I had jumped down in a split second after the sighting...too aghast to hold my ground!

So let’s just say...I shared another of my ewwww moment with you...
I rushed out n pointed towards the last cubicle saying...
“Wahan kuch hain?” for lack of any better exclamations...
And he tells me...
“Oho, madam aap baaki ke sab clothes ek saath le jaayeye....and yeh first waala khaali ho gaya...yahan jaayeye na!”
O MY GOOD GOD!
And needless to say, it was the first time I did not shop anything despite the 50% off tag beckoning alluringly at me!
I was in too much rush n distaste to get out of there!

Statutory warning: The stunts performed in this post are done by seemingly experts n professionals...trying them on your own without guidance can be extremely injurious to your health and those of peeping Toms around you!


59 comments:

Bikramjit said...

Acha r u sure aise hi bola woh madam 3 piece only..

to usko maths thoda aata hoga warna woh security gaurd kyun hota Cashier hota na .. aap bhi na show off kiya na uske aage .. we know u know multiplication

Exactly how can u make him understand waise this is bad remark haan .. sexist yaan JOBISt he could be one of those MA pass who has not got a job.. You bad very bad bechara ab kuch to kaam karna hai paapi pet ka swaal hai ...


YOU did not use the BABY as an excuse oh MY GOD.. U did not how cud you thats bad so BADDDDDDDDDDDD

Oh and no ji i didnot think of THAT SONG.. i had some other in mind ha hahaha :)

OH Teri aaj to chakk te fatte suruchi aapne article main .. kya kuch nahin daal diya SOng, heart attack someone getting laid.. poora bollywood type FEELING aa gayi mere ko padhte padhte ...

Bikramjit said...

i dont take risks now so when i thing comment is too big i post it ..

kahin meri bollywood type feeling beech main hi reh jaye .. :)

aree hota hai suruchi micrphones and hidden cams dont u her all these things that cum aap on sansani khez khabar ... :)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH what the hell REALLY

WOWOW what mall was this, and what store tell tell.. I would have actually went up to them and said ahmm ahmm excuse me get a room people ...

OH let me tell you in all my so many years of JOB i have never expereicned this , I have odd occassions of people at it but not in the changing room

I got to make sure i fasao the 4 door down good looking girl and then maybe who know ahmm ahmm she might wanna go for the christmas sales .. and boxing day sales yayyyy idea Sir ji great one but pehle woh FASE TO ahhhhhhh so many BUTTTSSSSSSSSSS

another cool post suruchi how u do it I have no clue but thanks for making the othersie boring day end at a smile and laugh :)

Sakshi said...

You are KIDDING me! IN a FREAKING trial ROOM! GROSS! Totally.

But then Su honey, how come, you get to have such an exciting life? ;P

Nads said...

chi...kitne..gande..gande log hain...chi...aaj kal ke bacche I tell u..kahi bhi...khabhi bhi...!! :P

Pythoroshan said...

wow !!! I'd only seen that kinda stuff in A-rated mov... umm, I mean, in educational literature ( Phew !! escaped and noone noticed. )

Didnt think it would happen here... but especially cant believe the guards and staff were so ignorant/nonchalant about it.

tanvii.com said...

Hahahha!!! Oh My God! It only happens to you Su! Nothing half as exciting happens where I go! :) Hilarious ... Ewww ... but Hilarious! ;)

Ria said...

Omg!! I cant believe what u witnessed....till date i had read of such scenarios only in books. And u actually got a first hand experience...i cant believe two ppl goin at it in the trial room of a mall!? I guess they were just to desperate.

Sameera said...

OMG!!! U got to be kidding!! I ve witnessed people performing acts at bars and lounge's but this is way too much.. I am now actually wondering that u trail madness or madness trails you.

Mani Lalwani said...

Seems like when sane people need a reason to make out... Insane (Mind if had used the term "exotic minded" ?? :d) people just need a place... even a trial room is quite okk with them :P

p.s. - a nice read. Made me smile, looking forward to read more..

Thousif Raza said...

good god woman... madness does follow you everywhere.. even in trail rooms too... and i cant imagine tum par kya beeti hogi... why are people like that... o i dont even wanna think sach may.... and it was a ewww moment all rgt... brave you to be sharing it with us....

lets hope to god that people find some... atleast some sense next time, and they dont think trial rooms as ... you know... whatever...


take care and keep writing.........

Falaxy said...

EWW indeed!

Madhu said...

lol..ur one track mind works like mine because while i going through ur post,i was thinking of the "making love" thing only..infact,u giving all ur choices,i would have NEVER thought of em..:) Yeah brutally shameless we are arent we?

talking of making love in confined places..i mean,how is it possible..Only despo's for love errr lust can make that episode happen..:) Else when we have a big bed room with a bigger bed {that fits the contents exactly.} why bear those claustrophobic small edgy rooms..

or wait, may be those people had nothing else to do? Aisa bhi hota hai..:)

I am one big fan of all the shameless stuff u write..cauz that is so me..:) :) :)

Anonymous said...

Ewwwww ..chee chee chee..gande gande log

-Shanu (login karne ko bore ho raha hai..kindly adjust)

ClassyandFabulous said...

really like ur blog! you write damn well

rainboy said...

hmmm can imagine a lot of imagery :P

have never witnessed anyone in that position ,that is all I am gonna say ;D

take care S

AKSHAY SINGH said...

hawwwwwwww....kanpur maaan ee sab hovat hai kaa ?

I've done it in a multiplex loo...but , changing room ! man...how despo can people get ;-)

Shady said...

no hot guys with try me sign )

Rahul Khatri said...

A trial comment!!:)

Ghs XD said...

hey, nice bolg. if yu could take time to view my blog and do leave a comment.

http://live-green-life.blogspot.com/

cheers

Neeha said...

Suruchiiiii!!!Thats unbelievable..But what to do what my grand parents say is soo true 'We are living in this stupid modern world'..
And need to appreciate your patience and stunts..I used to surely run-away and would never mention to anyone(including my blog)..
You really have a lot of guts..

Neeha said...

Suruchi!!
This is unbelievable..but what my grand ma says is soo true 'We live in a stupid modern world'..

malpani.!! said...

lol.. india coming off age..
haha.. were u really disgusted at the sight or thought of people making out in the trial room.. come on... come to think of it.. it can be fun and adventurous..hehe.. :p
but i dint expect this boldness in ur part of the world..!!

so the "mucchadd" watchman was paid..so that someone could get laid in the trial room..

if you would have bribed him instead of puhllease... may be he would have let u done.. 5*3

Jack said...

Suruchi,

You, Peeping Tom! LOL. Nice imagination. And to make it look real why not implicate the Security guy too. LOL.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi Biky
Haaaw...meine show off nahi kiya yaar...
Meine to reason out kiya...
Mere maths se better to sabzi wale ke maths hoge btw...
Us logic se work kiya;-)

And baby ko excuse nahi banaya...
Apne helplessness n abla naari ke hatash-ness darshaye:-)

Which song exactly did you have on your mind ji?
Hmm...waiting with bated breath now to hear that:-)
Bollywood feel aapko aa he gaye...ek song-shong daal kar poora tadka laga dete hain:-)

And woh 4 door down girl ko jaldi fasao...kahin woh aap par door close na kar de...
And haaaaaw...agar aap pakde gaye to yeh mat kehna ke yeh idea “tumblingthoughts” se mila hain...
Waise he kitne log lage hue hain sue karne ke liye;-)

Please keep smiling...I don’t know how I do it either...
I guess by spreading my lips:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sakshi,
Yup..in a freaking trial room...
It is not exciting sweetheart...
It is depressing...
To think everyone else is having all the excitement:-(

suruchi said...

Hi Nads...
Hain na...chi chi...
Sad part was ...I don’t think they were “bachchas”
But still...aaj kal ke log...
Ghor kalyug..
Ram, ram!
:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Roshan,
Wow...I so wonder at your “educational literature”
:-)

You know what...I think the “people” involved in my next door activities were probably staff members themselves...
That would explain how they could bribe the guard n get away with it...
The shopping place is on its way to a closure...
So not very frequented...
I guess that gives the staff a chance to act hanky panky...
Yet ...still..kintu...parantu...
Aaah...never mind!

suruchi said...

Hi Tanvi,
This is not half exciting either Tanvi..
This killed ANY excitement I would have felt for days
Thank god I didn’t see any faces in that split second...
Otherwise imagine my fantasy imagery ki ma-behen ho jaana:-(

suruchi said...

Hi Ria,
Thankfully my first hand experience was only as an onlooker...
*sigh! Sigh!;-)*
I don’t know of desperation or otherwise...
I wish I could get more background on that...
The whys n why not’s!

suruchi said...

Hi Sameera,
Hain na...you are wondering too na?
Actually yeh teedhe medhe cheezen sab jagah hote hain...
You have to keep your eyes n ears open...
Mine never close;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Mani,
Wow..that’s a quotable quote...
Sane people need reason n insane people need a place to make out...
Waah waah!
Looking forward to hear more of these from you:-)

Mani Lalwani said...

It will be my pleasure to go thru ur blog Mademoiselle :)

just read "Awesome Twosome!." have commented there. do check it out :)

and my new blog domain is www.devillishinnocence.blogspot.com

u ne toh old wala dekh liya tha :D

buckingfastard said...

firstly, really...14 dress...really...men hav time and again warned me abt women like u and i hav always treated it as myth...alas!!

secondly, wen u use sleazy words like "undress" instead "change"...mental pictures are bound to happen :|

thirdly, WAT...wats the name of the mall and shop and trial room location...!! doing it in trial room has been my childhood fantasy (judge me!!)

fourthly, ur blog readers will slowly change to ppl who surf in darkness of night with pent up frustration...

proof: check dis link :

http://www.google.co.in/#sclient=psy&hl=en&site=&source=hp&q=trial+room+shopping+mall+kanpur+undress+&btnG=Google+Search&aq=f&aqi=&aql=&oq=trial+room+shopping+mall+kanpur+undress+&gs_rfai=&fp=1

suruchi said...

Hi Thousif,
You are a true well wisher...
Kisse ne nahi socha mere pe kya beete hoge...
Boo hoo...
Matlab why are people like that...
After the “ewwww” came... “boo hoo...I also want some madness like that in my life*happening with me that is instead of watching it next time*”

Arre...n share karne mein kya brave hain...
It was not me in there*sigh, sigh...haha*
:-)
Thank you for stopping by always:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Falaxy N Shanu...
Thanks for ewwww-ing in support...
Together we can n we will make a difference;-)
@Shanu...adjusted yaar...ke faraq painda hain:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Mady,
Shameless is the way to be..
My trial room neighbours just depicted that;-)
And seeeeee....my one track mind often proves right...
People unnecessarily force me to think straight:-)

Now maybe BIG is not the way that they wanted things...
Offo...if I’ll try to think anymore of what they must be thinking I am afraid my own thinking would go a little hay wire:-)

And I am a big fan of u too my kumbh mela sis:-)

suruchi said...

ClassyandFabulous,
Thank you for the appreciation...
Hope to see you around:-)




Hey Rainboy,
I did not witness any “positions” either
OMG...THANK GOD FOR THAT!
:-)

suruchi said...

Oye Akshay,
You have to make these haaaaaw inducing comments na?
Multiplex loo mein...hey bhagwan
Ghor kalyug!
At least changing room is a better n cleaner n safe smelling option...
U are another hadh I tell u:-)
And then u say Kanpurwa mein aisa howat hain!:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Shady,
Nopes...no hot guys..
Arre magar mere liye pooch rahe ho aap ya apne liye?;-)



Hi Rahul,
Thanks for the trial comment...
Abhi the blog is working again...
Reverted back to classic template..so sab phir se chalo hain
:-)



Hi GhsXD,
Okaaaaay...I would try for sure
Thanks for the visit

suruchi said...

Hi Neha,
Stupid n cupid driven world it is...
Magar I thought the situation was funny...
I mention it with great pride on the page n everywhere else...
Aisa roz roz thode na hota hain...
N as long as you are not at the receiving end...I guess we do get a little shameless sometimes;-)

suruchi said...

Haha...Malpani,
Only a technical mind could think like you did...
And only a technical n witty inclined mind could create poetry in:
“so the watchman was paid so that someone could get laid”
Like I mentioned above...I think the accused were staff members only...
And hence the mucchad would be involved too...

How else would anyone on this planet think of suggesting something so wild n mad to a guard in a mall?????????????

And mereko kya pata tha 5*3 karne ke liye maths nahi money chahiye hota hain?;-)

My part of the world is in many ways worse than your part of the world..
You know how sometimes a half bitten bug of modernity sucks deeper than a properly smitten one!
In confused n dazed morals...worse implications get created...

suruchi said...

Hi Uncle Jack,
Imagination had partly transformed into reality na?
And implicate the security guy too?
Matlab?
*thode se confused mode mein*
:-)

suruchi said...

BFFFFFFFFFFFF....
14 dresses includes “all” types of clothes one ca adorn on the body...
Matlab ke nightwear, daywear, party wear...n loads more unmentionable wear...kya kya bulvate ho aap mere se...
And men may have warned you of ALL women only...jab woh nahi suna to yeh kahan se sunoge;-)

And haaaaaw....undress is sleazy?????????
Kaise janaab?
Opposite of dress as even the Oxford dictionary will tell you is “undress”
“change” is such a sleazy word...sounds like 1 or 2 rupee coin n shows the mental ability of not staying constant...n hence “changing”:-)
Hah!

And doing in trial room has also been my childhood fantasy...
So not judging you...
And stop grinning...in fact come to think of it...
Maybe the man got his zipper stuck n was moaning in pain n the woman was helping him out n since it is MY childhood*but really...childhood???????* fantasy I imagined the worst!
Ho sakta hain!

And woh mall n shop name jaan kar aap kya karoge...
One size fits all...I mean any trial room would do to fulfill your fantasy;-)

And thank you for the link n so many pains to get that here...
Makes me go yiy yiy yiy:-)
I soooooooooo appreciate your effort n you
Badeeeeeeeeeeee hug:-)

Am In Trance said...

Ahem..! Kaun sa Mall Tha ?? Matlab.. Naam.. Pataa.. Wagera... Yun Hi..!
(Actually mujhe different different malls se shopping karna achaa lagta hai.. thats why.. Baki kuch nehi..!)

Kuch Log Kahin bhi suru ho jaate hain na..!
Changing Room mein, Lift pe, Rooftop pe, Garden mein, Trees mein, Train mein, Plane mein, Auto mein, Scooter mein, Balcony mein, Darwaze Pe, Samandar mein, Nadi mein, Nale mein, Tubewell mein, Khet mein, banjar mein, gali mein, sadak mein, Movie hall mein, Nautanki mein, Ramleela mein,.... Aur najane kahan kahan... (HmpHH !)

Dhyyan se dekho toh Duniya mein kitna Pyaar Bhara Hai... Ahaa..!

Aise log jeete rehe.. Aap unhe dekhte rahe.. Hum aapke posts padhte rehe.. Aur yun hi Gungunate rahe...

"Tune aisa nazara diya hai aankhon ko,
ab dil mein koi aur khwaish nehi...

Office ka kaam lapet ghar jaana hai,
Der ho jaaye, iski ab Gunzaish nehi....!"


(Wah.. Wah..) (Sukriya.. Sukriya..)

:) You are The Best..

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Security guy giving you all the rest of the dresses for trial and asking to move to trial cabin away from one where you found action in your imagination.

Take care

pRasad said...

Hey,.I had gone to Goa..So missed reading your blog ..but this post made my day :) .. Why did you come out without seeing complete action??..hehee..hmmm..maybe that was enough to get aroused..So,go to home fast, call hubby dear and ......:D

BTW, I had witnessed similar kind of action myself :)

Lucky us :D

suruchi said...

Haha...AIT,
Beautiful...
Aap ne to woh gaana sach kar dikhaya...
Mein kahin kavi na ban jaon...tere blogs padh ke...;-)

And thank you so much for reminding us all ke log kahan-kahan shuro ho jaate hain;-)
Waah waah...itna pyar dekh kar mere aankhon mein aanson aa gaye...
Yeh khushi ke aanson hain pagle;-)

And naam pata ka kya karna hain..
naam lenge to badnaam ho jaayenge na;-)

I hope ghar jaldi pahunch kar aap ko apne sab karyon mein safalta prapt hue?;-)
U are the best too:-)
Hugs:-)

suruchi said...

Uncle Jack,
This is not imagination...
Though a bit of hyper imagination n a tad exaggeration...
Writer's creativity, shall we?:-)

@Mani...
Thanks for being around...
Would check your blog soon...
Promise:-)

suruchi said...

Hi pRasad,
Wow...Goa...
My super duper dream destination...
And waah...people say "I" have a hyper imagination...
Look where you have reached my friend:-)

And u witnessed something similar...
Haaaaw..batao, batao!:-)

Wanna said...

Heard of a mile high club..wonder what this qualifies as?
I think elevators are better - u have music,more space, AC, company on different floors

Miles Of Style said...

OMG hahaha! my darling u have such an interesting life! nothing like this every happens around me...geez i think im gonna have to make some stories up just to keep up with your happening life now :))

p.s i hope you had a chance to enter my new giveaway here: http://onestylemile.blogspot.com/2010/11/le-mode-giveaway.html

Haddock said...

14 for trial ?
That is the limit......

suruchi said...

HI Wanna...
Now I need more enlightment on the 'mile high club'
:-)
And elevators...omg...do u think I can get sued for spreading ideas here?
:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Persis,
I think I make half the things more exciting than they'd actually be...
Imagine two dark, sweaty staff people doing something n you getting a sneak preview...
That is not exactly an exciting proposition..unless you present it well enough:-)

suruchi said...

Haaaaaw Haddock,
I mean all that you found 'a limit' in that whole thing was my 14 for trial...??????????
Wow...
By the way..the 14 included...
Nightwear,inner wear, tops,kutras, jeans,tights...and you want to hear more...?
Hey bhagwan...now I have to publish my shopping cart here too...onr more sacrifice added to the list of my balidans for my readers;-)

A said...

I cannot stop laughing. Whole post is funny....don't care if it is fact or fiction...

Devil Incarnate... said...

Yuckkkkkkkk........ Trial room!! is this called heights of desperation.. god i cant imagine myself id the same situation...

Aparana Pitale said...

OMG... How could people even think of it in a trial room, u bet such stunts needs only Experts... ha ha... nice humour :)

suruchi said...

@A, Aparana and Devil Incarnate...thank u guys...may we never try what has been tried and tested here;-)

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