The Trial Room!

This has to go down in my history as a landmark epiphany!
Somebody had once asked me...does madness trail me or I trail madness?
I still don’t know who is doing what...but I do know that I have the god’s grace n disgrace to find myself in situations that make me a butt of laughter for my cute readers that is thou, my friend.

Zooming into a mall...crowded n throbbing with activity and like I would relate to you...also some action!
I pick up loads of stuff to go and check them out in the trial rooms*one of those days when “50% off” signs on the counters make you lose your sense and rationality and you grab anything that touches your fingers*
The long moustached uniformed guy at the end of some six cubicles of the trial area looked questioningly at me seeing the stuff on my hand n shoulders and some even pinned under my chin, as though I would set up my own new shop in that stupid trial room.

He counted...
“Madam, you can’t take 14 pieces together...please take 3 at a time and I’ll hand over the rest!”*translated from Hindi to English*
But 3 multiplied by 5 makes it 15*yes, I distribute knowledge wherever possible*...at least let me take 5 at a time and that way just 3 trips and the whole mall profits by the time I save....
But how can you expect a security guard to understand accounts n economics...duh, I tell you!
I first take in the 3 “stuffs” that I wouldn’t want HIM to hand me over.

No amount of my smiling n whining n ‘phuleeze, I have a baby at home and I must do this fast’ worked on him...
Alrite, don’t look at me like that...these 14 pieces were the first 14 pieces of god made cloth that I would be taking to the trial room after six months...the first in my history of existence of sorts...
And this after I could get the vibrations of the malls sending me sighs n moans saying they missed me...

Anyways...so there I took the fifth cubicle, the second last one in that row and started to undress...
Oye...it was no ‘husn ke laakhon rang...kaun sa rang dekhoge’ types!
Nopes...not for what you think...or rather...what you don’t think...or then again...please don’t think...Mein hoon na...
Saare duniya ke liye sochne ko!

And suddenly I hear moans...
Not the mall moaning to me...
But an actual human being as though whimpering...
And I thought someone was gasping...emergency...someone’s dying...severely asthmatic...having a heart attack...claustrophobic*never mind if the cubicles were open from top*
Okay, okay...I didn’t really think any of that!
You know how I think by now...
Yup, I imagined someone being laid!
And then told myself to stop being so one track minded always...
This was the ladies trial area and these are all women out here and the mouschy guy would not let me take an extra piece of cloth, how would he let someone tag along an extra piece of male flesh inside?

So I gently tapped on the common wall...
“Excuse me, are you okay?”
And the moans stopped.
I thought whoever was in there...must be okay...or died or whatever as I have a baby at home remember...
So I must rush with my job out here n get out.

3 clothes n almost-clothes down n all rejected...
Why don’t they make clothes that make you look thin...er...thinner than you are?
I get out almost like Jhansi ke Rani at having precious little five minutes wasted on useless tops and having to dress back again n go to that nerdy guard and beg for the next 3.

I get back again n as soon as I take off my kurta...voila!
The moans reoccur...
My James Bondish instincts arouse as I look around for hidden cameras...yes, I can be duh enough to assume that someone has fixed a camera there and a microphone in his own cubicle so I can hear him moan while he sees me unclothed! I would put Einstein to shame, I tell you.
Sue me...I cannot be 100%brilliant at short notice all the bloody time...
I may have super-human abilities...but at the end of the day...I am also only a “human”!

Now that there were no cameras...and I was assured the moans were from the next cubicle...I decided to save the earth by taking the baton in my own hands...
In this case, the ‘baton’ was a small stool that was kept there and ‘my hands’ would be more like my feet... I decided to venture my magnanimous foot on it to take a giant leap for mankind and save a dying soul who is gasping so much that she can’t even squeak out for help.
So what if I can’t fly like Superwoman...I can at least peek...
It’s the thought that counts not the flying abilities anyways.

I get up and take a peek and...and...and....
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....
Two human beings or so it seemed were crammed up or rather ‘up and down’ in that teeny weenie space doing what we normally need a bed space to do...
Nopes dodos...they were not sleeping n snoring...
They were actually making love...
Thankfully they were clothed on top and the bottom graphics were hazy due to top view that I was getting...
So I did not get grotesque imagery to live with me for the rest of my life...
Real life Indian, very F grade porn-F bole to fail n faltu...no, thank you!

But then...whoa! huh! How?
I use the stool to support humanity and they use the stool to support butts!
People...get a life...this is a trial room for crying out loud...
Try these kinda “fits” somewhere else...phuleeeeeeeeeeeeze!
Actually to think deeper about it*not that I want to but then I am so dedicated to your service of enlightment that I make these sacrifices always*maybe they were not making out...
But they WERE DOING SOMETHING....n to think any deeper would make this whole thing even worse!
A different deeper though...I am also wondering at the genders of those within, for I had jumped down in a split second after the sighting...too aghast to hold my ground!

So let’s just say...I shared another of my ewwww moment with you...
I rushed out n pointed towards the last cubicle saying...
“Wahan kuch hain?” for lack of any better exclamations...
And he tells me...
“Oho, madam aap baaki ke sab clothes ek saath le jaayeye....and yeh first waala khaali ho gaya...yahan jaayeye na!”
O MY GOOD GOD!
And needless to say, it was the first time I did not shop anything despite the 50% off tag beckoning alluringly at me!
I was in too much rush n distaste to get out of there!

Statutory warning: The stunts performed in this post are done by seemingly experts n professionals...trying them on your own without guidance can be extremely injurious to your health and those of peeping Toms around you!