Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

24 April, 2010

~~Love 2050~~


Okay here I am...it is 2050 A.D....I am seventy two years old*hopefully young* and life...well, this is how one morning in my life then would be!

Me: Suno G, it is 8 a.m.! High time you got up!
G*moaning in short trebles*: What! You expect me to get UP at this age? And still with YOU? Old age is causing you to hallucinate my dear!
Me: Ya, ya for sure...as if you’d be able to get up on anything now even if we provided you with supporters! You should thank your lucky stars that I am still healthy enough to take all your weight and also WAIT for you to COME around!

G: Whoa...and what about me! No points for my sufferance when you decide to get on top of me and I almost hear your knees crack every time you even try to shake!
Me: At least you get to know that I am in some action! When I look at your face, I still have to decide if you are actually pouting for a kiss or plain simple trembling with over excitement about managing to get one!
G: Baby, to actually “look” you need to wear your spectacles na...otherwise you’d go again hugging the milk man and later pretend that you didn’t realize it wasn’t me!
Me: That’s enough! I think today I would put some of your sleeping pills in your breakfast so that I can rest and have less of this nonsense to hear!
G: The kind of breakfast you make now, even after five decades of doing so, is enough to put a person to rest in peace forever...it’s me who is a superman to have survived so far!

Me: Oh why did you get up, you obnoxious man...cooking up weird stories like a mentally disabled!
G: Don’t talk to me about stories you old hag! You know when we were just married...I had to tell you a story, to get you to bed...then after a few years, you began to tell me a story to take me to bed...
After 20 years, I began to tell a story to avoid taking you to bed and then some years later, I began to stay in bed to avoid your stories!
And you know what the situation now is?
Me: Go on blabber like a buffoon and blast me with another stupid theory!
G: Now if I take you to bed, that’s the end of a story...my story!

Me: Now look who’s talking...so much sex-sobbing from a man who got an average of 5 times a week for all his prolonged youth days!
G: Whoa...exaggeration queen...more like 5 times a month and that too after I had to put up with your ‘oh, I have a headache’ ‘oh I am so tired tonight’ ‘oh it’s too late/too early’...and eventually ‘oh I am obliging you now and don’t come near me for another week’!
Me: We should have shown you to a doctor for it is abnormal to demand so much sex!
G: We should have shown YOU to a doctor, for it is abnormal to demand so much abstinence!

Me: Oooo hellooooo...did it occur to you, that maybe you didn’t turn me on?
G: Ya baby, but did it occur to you that maybe we could plug an entire power-house into you and yet not be able to turn you on!
Me: You are so hot...not as in OMG hawwwt but OMG-so-hot-headed, all the bloody time that sometimes I feel, you only triggered the bloody global warming!
G: You are so frigid half the bloody time that sometimes I feel we survived the global warming ‘end of the world’ predictions because of you!

Me: Hmphf...Why is it always about sex with you?
G: Why is it always about no-sex with you?
Me: Look at that...your pyjamas are falling off...even they refuse to stick by your side!
G: Maybe they are hinting to you asking when you would fall off for good too.
Me: Ah...you wish! When I’ll be gone, you’d miss me to madness!
G: Yup I will...only in madness would I miss you. Who wants to be sane anyways!
Me: Who will then wipe off your face after the curry drips down your lips and your hands shake too much to hit the spot?
G: Don’t you worry...I would get some hot babe to lick it off!
Me: Na, na...don’t you even try to try that. At your age, over excitement could lead to a heart attack!
G: Better to die of overuse than underuse!

Me: Very funny! Remember to plug in your hearing aid while she’s doing it so that you can hear her calling you a ‘tharki buddha’...
G: I’ll do so...and would you please tell your wadding spirit, visiting us not to wear your dentures after that for a year...I would like to bask in peace finally!

Me: Lift your feet and walk would you? It’s just 10 steps to the bathroom and you’ve already taken 15 minutes to reach there!
G: I like it slow and steady! Not like you wanting to hurry up with just about everything! Like taking a bath in 5 minutes and emerging out making me wonder if you used any water at all!
Me: Acha, then why do you wriggle around my neck trying to sniff the fresh as a daisy smell I exuberate?
G: Baby that is to check if you stink still, ensuring that you did really bathe!

Me: Ha ha...you think you are still funny, you old man? And please once inside don’t go all confused again about which is the bucket and which is the toilet seat?
G: I won’t as long as you promise to stay not confused about which is the salt and which is the sugar, now that you are going to get my tea!

Me*knocking the bathroom door*: It’s been an hour inside...I hope the fast flow of the shower water has not bogged you down on the floor!
G: Nope...I have survived the flow of blows of your long tongue*though they weren’t the kinds that I wanted*...I am now game even for a Tsunami!
You know sometimes I think you want me to die just so you could flirt with that forty year old widower next door!
Me: Oh...you “think” too...must be an old age development...didn’t spot you doing that when you were young. Anyways, why should I want you to die for that? I could get him minus your sympathy votes! And how you have the nerve to tell me this after you bought a 1000 rupees worth of raffle tickets from that Kimi in short skirts and kept saying even long after she had gone “let me know if I can do anything else dear!” Bah!

G*emerging out*: That girl is very sweet...she says she would prefer a man with the integrity like mine as her life partner!
Me: She says that to all old dodos who oblige by opening up their pockets since they don’t get to open their zips!
G: You horrible woman! How dirty is your mind! And what’s with this dress that you are wearing? You know, you are little too old for red now. And OMG you’ve even painted your nails red! Ewwww...you should warn me before scaring me like that!
Me: But I thought you always liked red on me...always! Okay, I’ll go and change. *now spirits sunk completely and finally!*

G*breaking into a smile and extending into a big hug*: Awwwww...I still do! And I also thought you still like a chocolate cake with loads of red cherries on top*reveals a cake platter hidden underneath the bed*I got up at 7.30...half an hour before you, just to get it under the bed!

Happy Fiftieth Anniversary my love!
You are still my precious little baby and always would be!
Me*all teary eyed*: Look what you did to my eyes...now I can’t see even with my spectacles on! And what’s with these new blue jeans and white shirt that you are wearing! If I said you looked drop dead gorgeous in this when you were 25, do you think you’d still do even at 75?
Well...you know what...you still do...and that next door widower neighbour would burn in envy to see you holding my arm!



G: What say...we go for a walk or hit the bed again!
Me: What? Again? But we just did it last night!
G: We did? Baby I think you are now getting the Alzhiemer too...
Let me take you to bed and rectify some misconceptions for you!
Me: You still tell me stories babu to take me to bed! And I still hear and believe them like a three years old child! Let’s do it before the friends and family pour in!


And what are you doing here still dear readers...?
Oho...
You still want details...
How about the sound of a shaky bed...rattly rat...two flowers hitting each other...prut prut...and the light of the lamp getting dimmer n dimmer till darkness envelops it all!
Well we aren’t 30 anymore...so this should take sometime...hop around some other blogs for a while and check us out later again for how steamy it got!
Adios!

56 comments:

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

lolz..that was a humorous one huh..? :) nice to read :D


(ps. check out my latest post if you have time,,.thanks :3)

Persis said...

hahaha OMG this is hilarious!! i LOVE your wit and sense of humor!...i can't wait to make my hubby read this...shucks i don't wanna grow old eva! :P

Persis.

suruchi said...

@Ayu...thanks:-)

@Persis...Do lemme know what your hubby said/did after he read this...and if he's anything like my hubby...I guess he'd try to not lose more time in reading/talking/etc...
and get straight down to business;-)

I don't wanna grow old too:-(
Kya karen par?

Anonymous said...

Nice... Interesting... Pleasurable... Unabashed... Naughty :P

Sakshi said...

Oye, despite the happy note, am all teary eyed. Amen. Totally.

suruchi said...

Hello anon...
Will you please write comments with your own name?
I don't eat up/stalk people who comment here...I promise:-)

Anyways, thanks:P

suruchi said...

Hi Sakshi...
Thanks...
It was supposed to be naughty, mush, senti, happy n sad n all the rest in one go...

Glad you like it:-)

Shayon said...

Amazingly hilarious.
This tells me, I too should come up with a satirical post, soon. :-)
Had I had a wife, or even a girlfriend in the same city, I guess I would surely have imitated your husband, after reading this! :-p

menkah!! said...

BWHAHAHAHAHHAHA i loved every part of it !!!!!! didnt even get sappy in the end!!!!!

:DDDDDDD

Anonymous said...

***Will you please write comments with your own name***

tht wud defeat the purpose of being anonymous....... i quite like this cloak of anonymity.

Jack said...

Suruchi,

LOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL.......... . Good tongue in cheek humour. Keep it up, oh, that is for him. LOL.
Now on serious note, wish you all the best to have jolly good time in 2050 and afterwards too.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi Shayon...
Wow...I now work even as a reminder alarm clock...
Uff...mere kitne roop...
Hehe...but good good...we’ll wait for that satirical post...should be fun coming from you...

And imitated my husband to theek hain...
But in which part?;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Menkah
First...I think your name is awesome...
Reminded me of Vishwamitra n Menkah...
Till AG pointed to me there’s another Menkah...Madam Menkah Gandhi...
So the seductress image kinda dampened...

But one look at you n all the fun that you bring aboard...you justify it again:-)

And why get sappy...
Where is the time to crib, when there is so little time to love:-)

suruchi said...

Mr Anon
*hmphf...arms folded in front n pouting in the way to signify my dislike of the idea that my wish is not your command....hmphf X 1000*
:-(

suruchi said...

Hi Jack
LOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLL back to you...
Aise he hona chahiye na...give laughters to the world and they give it back to you...

I love this cycle:-)
Thank you for the best wishes...I always wish for you the same...waise I hope I inspired you enough there to take up matters seriously with Mrs. Jack tonight;-)

Anonymous said...

Ur wish be my command? Wht do u think, i am putz or a genie rather? I'm neither.. so hmphf back to u, humphf-ty dumpty...... :P

buckingfastard said...

god!! now i m stuck wid imagining 70 yrs old couple having sex...hmpf!!

chocolate cake with cherries for a couple in their seventies...run!!run!! ur future-old-husbad is trying to kill u!!

lolz stories before bed...is that a metaphor for role-playing o_0

suruchi said...

@Anon...
Uff...you have so much time to hmphf back to me again but not enough to write your name...as it is my little brain is racked with a million other issues...
Now it is also haunted by the idea of wondering who you are...

I have shortlisted about five names...yup FIVE..
So stop gloating in my misery...
Arre problem kya hain naam batane mein...it's not like you are a great Shakespearean believer quoting "what's in a name!"
:-(

I know even this recital would not move you...stay anonymous then...
Good for you!

suruchi said...

:-)
Hi Bf...
Another hmpf...
This must be the 'Hmpf Day' in blogosphere or 'Hmpf Festival' at My Tumbling Thoughts:-(

Who told ya to imagine the 70 years old having sex?
Couldn't u just imagine the conversation, the wrinkled skin, the sparse white hair, the crooked walk....err...okay...imagine the sex instead;-)

And my future old husband is not trying to kill me with that chocolate cake...I am chocolate-cake-death proof...
Was built that way...okay...so would remove the cherries just to please you...

And stories before bed...hehe...how do you hit the bull's eye always even without me showing the bull in any which way?;-)

P.S. I still have to crack the mystery on your name n you are not helping...how would we be friends like this?
How? How? HOOOOOOOOOOOW?:-)

Anonymous said...

U hv narrowed down to 5 names? Bt u dn't knw me.. so i m pretty sure i m not in d list.

why is it imp. to u to knw who i am? U dn't knw me.. i m new to this blog.. Saw d link on d blog i read. that it..... nuthin more nuthin less.

suruchi said...

Oh...k...
Thanks...that rests me in peace...
Then you are not Mr. Anon of earlier posts:-)

Chalo not in this list...
Kabhi kisse aur list mein sahi...
Thanks for answering n getting back again n again...
Stay around
:-)

Pavitra .... said...

Hahaha....thats hilarious..
Love your sense of humor and how the words just flow.....
Keep penning down such thoughts...

PS---still waiting for what happens next....is there a part 2 ??

suruchi said...

Hi Pavitra...
I guess the part 2 would be from the grave...shaayad wahan bhi I would not know how to rest in peace or let others be:-))

Glad you enjoyed the read:-))

Niraj said...

You know after reading this post....I definitely need to invest on your blog and will be transferring the fund as well (soon)... he he he but before that I want to ask a question...how you think these things??? I must say its outstanding and out of the box...keep going...

Vintage Obsession said...

hilarious as always :) and hats of to you women for writing about forbidden topics and how well you right :) you really are talented with words and sentences:)

Cinderella said...

Mwahahaha.....I couldn't identify more with this one babe! Beats me how people can stay with people night and day with someone. I mean I aint the sorta people who make this statement by taking the someone from the sentence out and putting 'one person' instead of that. Just the idea, cz humans are so different, one from the other. And its one helluva job to try and keep up! Beats the shit outta me.

I am still trying to figure that thing called 'marraige' out.

Oh and I think you bagged some ample naughty business over the weekend to put this up didnt you? :P :P :P

rainboy said...

lmao... :D

this was funny...lol


take care n be good

Madhu said...

This is super funny and super cute..:) :)

P.S Ur DP is awesome..!

suruchi said...

Hi Niraj
Yes, yes, yes...the most sensible decision taken there:-)
Tumbling thoughts is waiting now for the transfer;-)

And regarding how do I think of these things?
Pata nahi yaar....
Thankfully zyaada sochna nahi padta to write here...
Something or the other inspires or sparks of a thought process...
Like when everyone was wishing us on our anniversary...someone casually mentioned “you two would remain the same...chilled out n mush even at your 50th anniversary”....

So there unconsciously he made my imagination horses run...
As for the leg pull...that’s a part of me...if I am not pulling your leg...there’s something seriously wrong out there;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Smrithi...
My very dear Vantage Obsession...:-)

The forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter...:-)
I made my hubby read this after I had posted n he said... “My god, you have even written how many times we do it? I am almost scared to think what next would come there!”

As long as it is not vulgar or hurting someone’s sentiments...I guess we should think out of the box n get out of the closet...
Just like you do with your style and fashion sense...
Let’s continue to do the best with whatever we know of:-)
Thanks for stopping by:-)

suruchi said...

Hiyya Cin,
You know before marriage...all of us think like that...because there is an ocean of options and temptations beckoning us...
With marriage, the first few years you kinda not notice what’s on offer because you are so busy making things work and settling down....
By the time you do that, you get so addicted to the spouse that it becomes like an integral part of your fabric...


So it’s no longer the matter of ‘how can I love just one person every day and night?’
It is more like I have this one person to love every day and night and be loved back in the same way....

Of course the temptations then raise their heads and your eyes do turn...but then the automatically return too...
That’s the magic of marriage....
You have to get into it to know what it is!

And you my dearie have nothing to worry...
You’d make an awesome wife and loving just you for the rest of his life would come naturally to your guy:-)

P.S. Naughty business over the weekend....hushhhhhhhh;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Rainboy...
Thanks for the laughter...

I do take care to be good...
But when I can’t...I just be careful
;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Madhu...
Super thanks...
Dp says the same:-))

Glad you liked it:-)

Lincoln said...

hmmpf hmmpf , u r the only one who can write like this :P and have the flavour to make me read every sentence of such a long post.:)

suruchi said...

Hi Lincoln...
Thanks...it means so much to me when people take out time to read my long posts...:-)

And you my dear always take out time for me:-))
Thank u

Sorcerer said...

hahaha...Totally hilarious..

:)

Re-reading it again..for another wave effect!

suruchi said...

Thanks Sorcerer...
And by the time you re-read and return...you'd find your comment has been published and so is a reaction from my end to it...
*I swear I have better things to do than sitting glued to the net and refreshing my page to publish comments as soon as they come...I just happened to be online n hence the quickness*

Oh great...now I actually do sound like a good for nothing...
hehe...
Thanks:-)

Anand M said...

Naughty and hillarious... I Have been travelling for a few weeks and to far off places...I did read all your posts on my cell but was unable to leave a comment...Somehow got a chance to drop a comment here..

Here it goes...

Superb and splendid...Keep rocking!

suruchi said...

Hi Anand...
That's so sweet...
I can imagine how tough it is to read my long posts on the computer screen...doing it on the cell...I am so flattered:-))

N I would continue to rock for sure:-)
Thank u...I promise to do that if you promise to keep doing this

Riddhiculuos said...

:D A long long post...hehe But indeed funny. case of bizarre imagination..

Good one.. waiting for more.

:) Keep them coming

Shady said...

O Boy O boy O boy

FOCL

Hmmm

I still want details :P

weirdo guy said...

*starts laughing*

*realises it might also be his story when he grows up*


*Shuts the hell up and goes to study for the finals*

suruchi said...

Hi Shady...
Girl O girl O girl;-)

FOCL matlab?

And details...psssttt...
The blog still does not have an A-certificate;-)

suruchi said...

Hahaha...Weirdo...
You taught me how to speak my mind in those*....*
And you do that best;-)

Won't be your story when you grow up...I'm sure you'd cook up better tales;-)

And all the very best for your finals...study hard;-)

sulagna ™ said...

Su...you are the original laughter riot...does G get the privilege to read this???

ouucchh my cheeks are hurting with all the laughin !!

suruchi said...

Hi Riddhi..
Thank you...
Bizarre it is!
Not just the conversation but also life...how we wish for the future and how future remains uncertain:-)

Thanks for reading n appreciating...
Stay around:-)

suruchi said...

Heelooooooooo Sulagna:-)
Yup...G got to read it...told him things better be like this in 2050...
Warna I'd make sure there'd be a handsome n naughty widower next door by then;-)

Tell your G to fix a nice little kiss on those cheeks that are hurting...I'm sure that would do the trick;-)

blunt edges said...

omg...i so so so remember typing out a comment here...what happened 2 that? :o

steamy? at 70? who u kidding? :P

n read your reply 2 my comment 4 the previous post...BLUNT EDGES IS A VERY VERY MACHO NAME!!! how on earth could u mistake it 4 a female name??? :o

Tamanna A. Shaikh said...

Oh my gosh!! Hahaha Suruchi that was utter hilarious!! Love it! You write really well! I'm glad I ran into your blog...following you for more!:)

Rishi said...

that's one funky dory aged couple... hope it happens.. u know with lil less of cribbing

http://theparanormalguy.blogspot.com/

suruchi said...

Omg Blunts...
I so not remember you having posted anything on this one...
I would coz I look forward to your comments...they are as funny as my post*that’s extracting a compliment for myself btw*:-)

N well, well...I fully plan to be steamy at 70...
It better be oozing out of my body than my mind:-(

Okay, okay...BLUNT EDGES IS A VERY, VERY, VERY MACHO NAME!!!!
I don’t know how I assumed otherwise...
But then ‘blunt’ to matlab ‘not hurting’ hua...
SHARP EDGES would be MACHO!
BLUNT EDGES would be MILD...!
*oh god...please don’t lemme lose a cute follower like Bluntu with my stupid reasoning...I have sinned here only to let him come out with his real name...jo abhi bhi nahi bataaya...hehe...that’s my evil trapping laugh...get trapped quickly:-)*

suruchi said...

Hey Tamanna....
Thanks n welcome to my blog:-)
I am glad you ran into me too:-)
Hope to see u around...

N thanks for following:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Rishi,
I hope it happens too...I have told G to gear up for it...warna time to look for better future-old-companions;-)

And what is life without cribbing....a boring, sweet, old song!!
Thanks for dropping by:-)

Rishi said...

i'll try to drop by more often but still a busy schedule...
:|

suruchi said...

Yup...Thanks Rishi:-)

renu said...

loved your post :) n enjoyed every bit of it .. .. keep writing !

renu

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