Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

13 January, 2012

Does the Sun shining on me make me Sunny?


Yesterday my dear beloved returned from a five days ka tour and very tired. We both unwind around midnight with a little time spent on the web on our respective phones before we curl each other instead and last night I finally got a peek at some sacred parts...of his phone that is, before you begin to question me about wtf was I doing with him for twelve years of our marriage then.

Now I am not a ‘Big Boss’ person or a television person per se but then Sunny Leone is as much a household name in India today as is perhaps Sonia Gandhi, for different reasons of course. Twitter went barmy with her entry and I felt compelled to watch the idiot box for an entire five minutes just to see who is firing the imagination faster than AK47 can ever dream of. But thankfully I soon lost interest in their loony tunes.

It has been ages since I watched porn yes, despite it, I am normal and not frustrated in life and she wasn’t going to make me do it, never mind her 'doing' reputation and whatever of mine too after my open declaration for my fixation with Vidya Balan in a previous post because I had opined she was drenching in hotness.

I see you raising an eyebrow at the “ages” and muttering under your breath, eh-‘Tch, tch, yes, of course, what would old people do with porn anyways?’ Phew! Narrow mindedness and prejudice would bring an end to this country faster than the upcoming elections could. Baby, why would I need outside help when I have a more than eager and flourishing help desk right here on the bed? We don’t help ourselves, we get helped all the time #perksofbeingmarried

So, yes, we are talking porn again!
At the risk of sounding old sacrifices I make for your enlightenment, I belong to the generation when porn was not downloadable my god, the auto correct did not check me, you mean to say that really is a word? We had to manually go up to a stupid CD shop and rent it out. My escapades with a group of friends to go out and rent porn have already been enumerated on some post before but then a quick recap does not harm once a teacher, always a teacher.

Those who’ve been around would recall my telling how I found video porn in my parents’ cupboard, securely tucked under a pile of clothes. That was like sher ke mooh mein khoon lagna. Nopes, that does not mean I developed a compulsive disorder for watching porn else I would succumb to forces unknown; it just fuelled the curious cat in me to want more-get to the bottom of it no puns intended. I went out like on an invisible Noah’s ark to ascertain whether the absurd things done on that video cassette were done on a regular basis in all of them or were my janam-dattas just plain lucky to have found some unique stuff. Needless to say, I now know how easy it was and maybe still is to please my simple set of parents.

Anyway, we digress!
So last night after five nights of almost lambi judai, beloved was extra kind with me and on his own, without me having to plead and trade-bargain for it, decided to show me Sunny Leone on his phone. And obviously we are not talking about her strutting around, looking all innocent and cute like two big fat buttons on Big Boss.

“Aha, she is hot and looks less dumb without clothes” is what I said before he nodded his head in agreement. I am sure he just heard the hot part and nodded too soon and didn’t bother about the dumb bit. Hot and dumb are two adjectives that men don’t mind as long as they come in combination. There were just still pictures, though I know somewhere well concealed in some stupid passwords would be the moving ones too-not those moving you to actual tears but those moving you to wetness for sure.

So I eyed some shots with my gaping mouth till beloved had to manually close it with a push of his fore-finger from under my jaw and then we judge how men cheaply open their gaps at the sight of sexy women. “Please don’t tell me you are turned on again” is what his tired face managed to mouth for now. Isshhh thank god no one heard that or saw those harrowed expressions or else they’d think what a torture the poor guy goes through in bed.

“Don’t worry, I don’t find her thaaaaat hot to give up on men altogether or emotionally blackmail you into creeping into my blanket” is what I said to console. I looked back in slow motion at beloved, whose handsome visage was marked with some concern. “I am not worried about that, though doubtful of it....but then see how unfair, such a sweet and nice and pretty girl na, I wonder why she came in this business....” Had he used any more adjectives of the ‘nicer’ kinds, I would have really done something horrible to him under that blanket. Ya, right, the next you would say that she’s so homely and I would inform you that homely does not mean one whom you want to bring home to your bed.

Poor dear beloved, sometimes I wonder why God clubbed me with such a noble, innocent soul while he was at his pairing trip. Perhaps to show the beauty of equilibrium in action! “Really! She’s too pretty for porn? Would you want to watch ugly girls in the act instead? Please don’t tell me that you would for it would make me doubt myself at having turned you on for all these years like I do?”

During the first few years of my marriage we used to rent porn at every blue moon. There was a fat, middle-aged man in our vicinity who ran a grocery store and lent pirated CDs for a side income. Needless to say with a boys hostel just outside his shop, there was more business out of “woh waale CDs hain?” than any yeh ya koi aur waale. Dear beloved also got a whiff of it post his matrimonial status. I am sure that fat ass must have thrown not-so-subtle suggestions as he was grossly suggestive even without the slightest of provocation on a general basis.

So on some Sundays a CD would be rented for a puny Rs 10 and returned back on Mondays. And on some days if beloved left in a hurry and forgot to do so or I needed some general items from his store and reached his door step, I would be greeted with a horrendous grin from the bastard as though he was running in his mind a re-run of “I know what you did last summer” with a different allusion to summer here. But then thankfully came the era of the downloadable and his unbearable grins rested in peace happily ever after.

God, I digress once more.
What were we talking again...ah, Sunny Leone!
Haven’t I spoken enough today already?
Okay, 'she’s hot' is what I muttered to some of my friends today too but apparently not or at least not so much as some Priya Rai-and here I thought my education days were done. All those really dumb jokes of Leone Vs Dharam paaji’s son Sunny had barely done a rest than the ones on Jism-2 starring madam have started doing the rounds. I guess won’t be able to resist her entry in my bedroom for long, will I?

Pardon me but it is midnight once again. Let me see if I could lure beloved into showing me some video clips and lemme play some music in the backdrop to set the mood....#Nowplaying: I’ve got a feeling-that tonight’s gonna be a good night, that tonight’s gonna be a BIG good night!

P.S. Imagine my torture now to have to go through Google images to search for a suitable picture of her to upload with this post #lifeisabitch

39 comments:

Arpit Rastogi said...

HA HA..
Sunny Leone. Bechari kinni cute hain na.. :P

Iss Sunny ke chakkar me itna Big Boss dekha ki pucho mat or finally pareshan hokar Sunny ko download karke jee bhar ke dekhna pada.. ;)

Funtoosh Post.. :)

Or yar apko apne pati parmeshwar ka majak udate sharam ni aati.. hayein??

Happy Blogging! :)

Tanvi said...

Can you believe I have not "goggled" her yet You post reminded me, I better go do that now so that I better understand the contents of the post ;) Hehe

♡ from © tanvii.com

Rahul Bhatia said...

I agree with Tanvi, as I have yet to see Sunny on TV/ net. After, your inspiring post, I need to find time for a 'dekko' :)

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

Okay i thought i was the only one who hasn't googled her yet! I dint watch her in big boss either.. but i know her whole story thanks to all my guy friends..! lol!
Hilarious post Suruchi!

Vinz said...

Atleast Sunny could make you go back to some memories..

:)

Hope said...

I sometimes wonder how is it, or why is it, that all the guys you meet before marriage are so up-to-date with everything going in the world, but the ones you get to marry, are so innocent and naive?!!!? Sunny Leone- "Nice"???? Who would say that?
Loved the post. Esp #perksofbeingmarried. hahaha!

Sakshi said...

That is some thesis on Sunny aunty!

Vinod Vyas said...

Funny,naughty post :-)

I laughed heartily imagining about helplessness of ur hubby who was pleading you not to be turned on "again"...

Sunny Leone was the reason i got hooked upto Bigboss..Had to bear rantings of mentally retarded person like Sky,Sid,Mehak..Big price i must say to watch Sunny....

Sunny Leone was also the reason for resuming of my porn viewing....Having watched her in all type of actions i can say that she looks better with clothes on.

Yes,that bastard shopkeeper must have derived immense pleasure in giving u feelers like he knows what u did last summer :-))

Finally its good that u guys dont need help of porn...

Alka Gurha said...

Have to watch her now....she is the new Savita Bhabhi in town.

Vinod Vyas said...

U chose perfect picture of Sunny..Did u modify it to make it suitable

☆ Rià ღ said...

Omg the last line, and this post was epic! My best sentence in the whole post *Hot and dumb are two adjectives that men don’t mind as long as they come in combination* so true!
And I bow down in front of u...coz only u can write posts of such nature without making it sound cheap or crass. :)

Dr Roshan R said...

To all those silly Priya Rai fans, pffhhhtt.. Sunny Leone rules.
Sincerely,
OneManSunnyFanclub.

P.S. Uh, mom... I thought Sunny referred to Sunny Gavaskar !!

Bikramjit said...

can you ask ur hubby to EMAIL me the pics please .. I have to see this one for srue whats the hype ..

porn cds , my friend had a Video shop where he rented and it was funny you know, we would sit at his shop OBVIOUSLY helping our friend, giving him a hand so his shops runs fine.. so we would sit to know which girls in the neighbourhood would come to RENT the Cd's oooh . Had some good times in that shop ...


wow she has done one good thing taking you back to those memories and making sure you peek at some SACRED parts .. ahmm yeah i know the PHONE i too meant ...


Bikram's

Jack said...

Suruchi,

You and your frankness with wit. Admirable.

Take care

KHOJ said...

LMAO... hilarious :)

i wonder why should one watch stupid big boss to watch Sunny??? she is there in net unplugged!!! and she is damn cute :)

pygmalion said...

Laughed and chuckled through out
enjoyed every bit!
Hilarious my dear and so very naughty... so much of humour in you.. adore u ... love

Mirage said...

See, I read the whole thread with all my heart(and sweat). But hey, that doesn't make me an ardent fan of Ms. Leone. So don't let those doubts dance in your head. :P
You know I haven't yet watched a single episode of Bigg Boss. That clears all my charges. Alright?

And you never know...soon she might turn from a 'nice' person to miss 'sati savitri' in the eyes of many. XD

Red Handed said...

Tussi bade Wo ho!! Naughty Naughty :D

"We dont help ourselves, we get helped" :P...gahahahahahahahahah
I like this Sunny and I think she is any day prettier than Katrina Kaif :D

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

LOL LOL what a post !!! Yes Sunny is good looking...I thought she would have better scope in Bollywood...I think Simi of Zoom tv was saying that her acting skills are not good...may be she dint see how Nargis acted like a robot in rockstar. Anyway.
Then a joke about Sunny Leone on twitter...that if she married Sunny Deol there would be two Sunny Deols. :D And lot of other jokes ! Twitter is absolute fun :D But not as fun as your blog !

Jenny said...

omigod!! I am yet to watch anything(photo or video) of her!! Even Shobha de seems to have written about her on her page!! Now I have got to watch :-))

And about the old days where downloading didn't exist and renting from the kirana wala had to be done: was a total rofl!!!

Miles Of Style said...

i honestly dont see wat all d fuss is about sunny leone...she's good but not that good na?

Chintan Gupta said...

I haven't watched her yet and I may not either....

It's all hype is how I see it...

Rachit said...

Hot and dumb combination :P and Sunny's becoming my favorite :D

Weakest LINK

Raghu said...

rofl..!!! good one.. poor bloke, u r hubby..;-)

Lady Whispers said...

The P.S. was the stealer :P
And man what a thesis on her :D
But was fun :D :D

Spiritual Sinner said...

Sunny Leone can never be as sacksy as youuuuuuu :-D

Period .

Suruchi said...

@Arpit,
Aap aur aapka “hayein” and pati ka mazaak nahi udaya-yeh bhi tareeke hote hain pyar jatane ke:-)


@Tanvi,
Haha...I am sure her google count has not suffered thereby, but why take chances;-)


@Rahul,
Dekho dekho-yeh hain jalwa:-)


@Chandana,
I guess guy friends need to be thanked for something now:-)

Suruchi said...

@Vinz,
And Sunny I thought helped you “come” apparently also helps you “go” :-)


@Hope,
Haha-men will be men...we’d soon be hearing sob stories about here too:-)


@Sakshi,
It is thesis yaar-just a stupid attempt to wriggle out of a writer’s block!


@Vinod,
Thanks for sharing your own little details-big price, I must say for bigger things in life:-) And I chose the picture from the net-no modifying!:-)

Suruchi said...

@Ria,
Thank you so much-I needed to hear from someone that this was not cheap or crass or just for the heck of it...though partly it was really for the heck of it!


@Roshan,
Oye hoye-Sunny Fan club and all, eh?;-) now we know what the doc prefers!


@Biky,
My god-how mean of you guys to sit at the CD rental shops and then run little movies of your own in your minds-haaaaaaaaaaaw, but so much fun! Why don’t I have such friends doing such jobs?

Suruchi said...

@Uncle Jack,
I know no other way of being:-)


@Khoj,
Arre waah, one more “like” and “thumbs up” for Sunny ji:-)


@Pygy,
Thank you so much...and humour keeps me alive or the deep thinking would have killed me:-)


@Mirage,
Sati savitri-lol:-) And good you don’t watch Big Boss, I don’t understand people who do!

Suruchi said...

@Red,
Wow, Katrina Kaif is anyways not on my fav list-so I join you with an ahoy:-)


@Anita,
Awww...you are such a sweetheart Ani:-)And couldn’t agree more on Nargis and her robotic acting...need to trace you on twitter though:-)


@Jenny,
My god, Shobha De followed suit-shoot, nothing is sacred anymore or what? Not even Sunny Leone:-)


@Persis,
Not all that good but then good enough considering some very limited Indian porn that I have suffered though:-)

Suruchi said...

@Chints,
So it is-all smoke and no fire-at least no fire to warm the hands so intent on going near the heat:-)


@Rachit,
Lol-all the best with such favourites:-)


@Raghu,
My hubby manages to get the best of the lot by being what he is! I guess a lesson for mankind!


@Lady Whispers,
Thank you:-)


@Spiritual Sinner,
Aye haye...thanku thanku:-)

Arpit Rastogi said...

By Gawd.. Aap or Apke Tareeke! :P

Manu Katyaayan said...

Can't believe Sunny has risen in the East, times have changed. But kudos to you for admitting on renting porn, people just deny it.

magiceye said...

lol! loved the way you write! fun reading! thank you!

banti said...

-very informative blog you have there.cheers

Suruchi said...

@Arpit,
By god na...abhi mere tareeke dekhe he kahan hain aapne;-)


@Manu,
Haha...I have admitted to worse things and god knows how...it just flows out like this:-)


@Magiceye n Banti,
Thank you so much:-)

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