Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

20 December, 2011

And now Dirty is IN!

Okay, finally The Dirty Picture is done and although I am not a review person but this seems to be the third of its kind on popular demand if I may add. It is not about what I liked or disliked in the movie technically per se, as other and better reviewers already put it out there-much like a man, it is what the movie leaves you with, should be of paramount consequence to wish to reproduce it.

~While returning from the theatre, I was suddenly down a very horrible memory lane, hitherto buried in my heart. But like it is with volcanoes, things don’t come to the surface till their time is ripe. I was very young, barely into my teens I think when I was walking towards home by myself and a man on a cycle stopped me and asked for an address on a paper. Before I could read or explain, he unzipped himself and asked me in a half mocking way “Madam, pen chahiye kya?” and he guffawed and cycled off. I was shaken beyond belief, threw the paper and ran into my home, shivering and mute for the entire evening, going numb with fear. Years have passed and I still regret not having pulled his shirt and slapped him across his face or raised an alarm and someone would have come along to teach the bastard a lesson, never mind that he was twice my size. Such dirt-bags have ego balloons that need to be pierced lest they burst on someone.

I wish I had the spunk that Silk had!
It’s a dirty world and sometimes the only way to deal with it is to raise up your sleeves, dip into the muck and splash it across the face of him who wants to tarnish you instead.

~Having made that point, picture abhi baaki hain. My first encounter with ‘The Dirty Picture’ came about while I was generally shutting down my yahoo mail one late night and the yahoo news feed spoke about the just out first look of Vidya Balan’s bold shots. I checked out six of those pictures and some comments on them and suddenly felt the very urgent need to wake up my sleeping husband so that he could tease me for the rest of my life about my dubious tendencies. Phew!

~We are digressing...oh wtf-Balan is hot! I always found her so-elegance personified in a sari and what an amazing cross-over this is. She’s a gutsy girl to pull off something as bold as this and do it with such panache. She also proved that you could be fat and yet sexy alright you need boobs too but at least the tummy and thunder thighs were ignored I have hope! I have hope! She has such an amazing vulnerable confidence that catches you even in a guarded moment. Okay, to cut a long story short-I am just blabbering and justifying in case she becomes the target of my phantasy in dreams tonight, giving competition to the dudes already there vying for their turns. “Mujhe to chadhe aise zeher ki tarah ki paani bhi peeya to aag lag gaye!”

~So the movie brought me face to face rather jism to jism more aptly with my own dirty side-not that it was hitherto latent or anything, just draped a little modestly with the veil of sweetness and sophistication “It’s a curse really!” My god, I regretted not having coins to throw towards the screen and wish I knew how to put my fingers in my mouth...for that seete of course. I so wanted to laugh out loud at all the innuendos which is so me and clap like a rickshaw-waala at the scene where she takes out orgasmic sounds when the neighbour and his wife were hitting the sack. Of course I didn’t-stupid, silly couple sitting next to me and a horny group of guys in the rows in front deterred my chutzpah and also a husband who laughs the loudest on stupid Akshay Kumar humour but found me laughing here a little too voluble. Nobody loves me!

Man, she was rocking-also made me realize that there should be categories of orgasmic sounds too just as there are of positions and stuff. Sex is so underrated when it comes to being explored-so ironically that. And the scene where she practically makes love to herself in that red lingerie-I so wished I could sneak around carrying a torch and focus on what the guys were “up” to. Why should all the fun be on-screen?

Vidya is unapologetically brazen, Naseer-the man I so adore for his refinement that I wrote a post reeking of masked lust for  him a couple of years back after I had watched him enthral a vast audience in a theatre play; he does such a fine job in being disgusting here. And 500, really??????? I am still wondering if I should raise an eyebrow at it for underestimation or overestimation. Makes you speculate if you should keep a count too, you know for reference sake, even if it is with the same man for crying out loud and God help that man. “Har admi ki liye ek aurat bane hain, agar usse bach gaye to samjho zindagi bach gaye” Thank god they were less biased against women in such numbers by remaining mum about it.

Even Imraan Hashmi, whom I otherwise loathe, managed to look appealing or perhaps I was really on an overdrive of hormones.

So I liked Delhi Belly more than Zindagi Na milege Doobara and The Dirty Picture more than Rockstar-doesn’t sound too good as an announcement being made but then wtf! I am Desi sometimes and I like my “entertainment” that’s more in the face now than of the dreamy clouds.

It also brings to light what I always believe of life-Don’t judge and of women-Don’t make them go hush-hush about their sensuality and physical desires. Why can’t we be horny and yet not slutty like most of the guys anyways are? Women who use their charms to get things done are dubbed as “loose” but then those who have the brains, use them instead of their balls to carve their niche. What you have, you use it-is a good salesman’s rule!

I have always liked Mallika Sherawat too, despite her weird dumb-assness sometimes. She does not mince words. She does not pretend to be holier than thou-this is me, take it or leave it and don’t you dare try to take by force. She’s also a slap on women who change their colours like the weather- “film ke tarah jo interval ke baad badal jaayen!”

It is important to let the woman breathe, feel free and not handcuffed by the older mindset. Let her laugh the way she wants to and run around in pace with the wind-give her the head instead to stand tall in the face of it. Don’t make her cross the limits by insisting to mark them for her. Watch not how her bosom heaves outside, watch how her heart beats within. Men are meant to be analyzed, women just adored. We are meant to be loved and not understood. Just give us that minus the criss-cross of trickery to avoid the fuckry.

Jab zindagi ek baar milte hain to doosre baar kyon soche!”
Something that should stay with us for a long time.... 
And also this was the closest I could get to watch a 'Junglee Jawani' type flick in the yiy, yiy, yiy!


Rachit said...

A week ago I downloaded it and yet I'm half the midway completing it... I liked the dialogue in the first place but comparing it with Rockstar would insult the creative Rehman & innovative Imitiaz though.

Weakest LINK

sumitra said...

Wow, I had a whale of a time reading your review.

To tell you the truth, I was so mesmerized by Vidya's performance that I didn't even notice her skimpy clothes or the rolls of fat on her belly. I actually loved how they showed the gradual progression of her weight gain and the wrinkles under her eyes. It was one of the better commercial films I've watched.

Ashutosh said...

So finally i got to read ur view and thank God it was not another male bashing post in the name of review/view.
Movie is a big hit specially among women coz its very rare woman is potrayed so powerfully in our society...Woman who is comfortable with her skin/body is not treated with respect in our society which is sad...but still our cinema is in its puberty and need to get mature.

You know what the day when all suruchi will be able to clap and bajao seety watching scenes like this..our society will become better place to live but yes not all men are same..some only love women and not try to understand them :)
Great post...KUDOZ!!! where ever u wanna kudo :P

Sairam said...

Yet to watch the movie.
Somehow I have difficulty in fitting vidya balan in original silk smitha's place.

Writing Bee said...

Haven't seen the movie yet but I will watch it!! Someday :/!!
Your review was super awesome. Hats off to Vidya Balan for completely turning on a new leaf. I have been hearing about her guts at those bold shots from friends who have seen it!!
And I looooved the lines you said on women. Completely true!! We are not meant to be understood. We are meant to be accepted as we are and loved for who we are :D!!!

Sameera said...


I missed this movie somehow.. Had been away for a while.. Hope you missed me :(

I so badly wanted to watch this flick. And after you such amazing reviews, I have to see it.

Sameera said...

And, forgot to mention.. That "man on cycle case".. Exactly happened with me, when I was 17... I was standing outside my home. Somehow managed to scream "Papa" "Papa". :P

Though, he ran off by the time my dad came to me

Pria Rao said...

I am waiting to watch this. Noone gave me a wrong review on Vidya's role till now. And your review is a mixture of ACTUAL review and fun ofcourse :)
Rightly said - Women are meant to be loved, not understood!

Spaceman Spiff said...

You know, someone had once told me, within every woman, there is a dormant lesbian. I think mine came alive while watching The Dirty Picture. :/ Even with all those mounds of flesh on her, and the tyres, she still looked hot. And I admire her for having the guts to put on so much of weight, and actually showing it out. Hats off.

Hope said...

Hahaha! I had read quite a few of reviews about the movie but I still had to read your post on it. Coz I knew "Dirty picture, Suruchi's post" = Must Read. :D And , I wasn't disappointed. I wish there was an all girls' theater where girls cud go and enjoy such movies w/o thinking about the dumb-heads sitting around. It wud b sooo fun to whistle, to wink, to sigh at those Balan's moves and John's curves once-in-a-while :) :D

Jack said...


Your reaction was absolutely in keeping with your innocence at that age. Overall a good post bringing out a lot of pertinent points - specially about how her heart beats within.

Take care

Miles Of Style said...

I have so badly been wanting to watch the dirty picture...and now ur review has me lusting to see it NOW!! can u baby sit my lil one for 3 hrs please :)) hehe

xo, Persis.

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

Wow this makes me want 2 watch that movie so much...u know? However I cant...and when will the DVDs come out...!!!! I so badly want 2 watch it now !!!!!!
And I should say that your voice out every woman when u write stuff like this..!

nil said...

I'm yet to watch the movie but loving the review!
:) said...

the review ... as bold as the movie !! :)

Tanvi said...

I too felt the same way after watching the movie. Kudos to Vidya!!! P.S. I too had a similar experience while growing up and I too reacted the same way as you!

♡ from ©

☆ Rià ღ said...

That incident that happened to u yrs ago reminded me of one which happened to me when i was 14 yrs old, and I m glad that i had the guts to run behind the guy zipping away in his bicycle and pushing him down on to the road.

Kair chhodo, its gr8 to be unapologetic and i like that side of u. :) Its absolutely fine if u like DB more than ZNMD and DP more than Rockstar. We all have the right to have our own preferences and nobody has the right to question that.

I loved DP for its brazenness and the role was played to the T by Vidya. She's so versatile...who cud have imagined that a woman who played Lolita in Parineeta cud play the role of Silk in DP. If u ask me I found her sexy in Parineeta too, just that it was far more subtle. But in this one Vidya has broken all barriers. I want more such movies...and here's more to woman power!

Bikramjit said...

I am yet to watch this movie ..


Lady Whispers said...

I absolutely love your review :)
Now I need to watch this movie :)
You make me fall in love with you more and more with each post :D

Vinod Vyas said...

Sorry to hear abt that unpleasant incident.Now that u have told this may be the pain attached with it will reduce.

I watched Dirty Picture with biased mind and hence could not enjoy it as much as i should have.Indeed Vidya and Naseer have done tremendous job.

Men obivously receive kick in watching women in sexy avtar but it is surprising to know that even women love them the same way...Like one reader commented here every women have dormant lesbanian affinities.

U seem to have gala time watching closest to Jungli jawanee type movie.

U presented otherwise ignored side of womens feeling.Loved this "Watch not how her bosom heaves outside, watch how her heart beats within. Men are meant to be analyzed, women just adored. We are meant to be loved and not understood"

Red Handed said...

Loved yur review... My take on the movie is that the story and how it went on was boring and expected..We all knew how it would end. But you need guts to act the way she did. I dont think anyone ever can!!

Sharvani said...

I agree with you on everything -word to word!
I can't understand why we are ashamed to strut or praise the genetic but equally hard-earned gift of beauty and oomph but the genetic gift of intelligence and brains we can't stop admiring and commending.
For all such hypocrites,this one's a must read!!

kalpak n. said...

Har aadmi ke liye ek aurat bani hai, jab tak usse bache ho, zindagi bachi hai. i literally almost clapped at that dialogue.

This movie was awesome because of vidya's acting and emraans dialogue delivery yaar.

and you, you naught naught girl. u are one silk trapped inside a reshma. ;)

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

Ok i still dint watch the movie :/

And now am just all the more excited to watch it ;) Loved reading your review! And I sooooo agree with the last line! This is the closest I might get too... so definitely dont want to miss it.. hehe..

Saru Singhal said...

You know I like Rockstar only that it showed the longing so beautifully. I hated ZNMD and I think DP needed better editing.

Those movies apart, I loved reading your take on women. We are as bitchy and as sexy as we can ever be...

Vagabond said...

I did not think as highly of the movie as you did but I totally agree to what you have written here (I was literally nodding my head along when I was reading this).
Even though I liked Delhi Belly more than ZNMG I like Rockstar more than DirtyP, and I cannot stand a disgusting Naseer Shah, call it hero worship if you must.

PeeVee™ said...

Everything said and done, it all comes down to what people take back from The Dirty Picture and till now it has mostly been how scorching Vidya Balan's performance has been. She has always portrayed hatke roles, taking care to never fall into a trap of cliches, so this just really adds a feather to her already bhara kitty :)

Alka Gurha said...

Havent watched the movie...but agree that Vidya and Mallika have balls...And kudos to them.
Many women witness shocking incidents like the one you have narrated here and the incident stays as an ugly indelible mark on the psyche. I am sure you regret not hitting the pervert....
Once again a wonderful review Suruchi Style...Fun yet meaningful.

Sakshi said...

You know what my mom told me about the movie- Beta, you should NOT see it!
And ironically, my bua took my dadi and dadi's sister to watch that movie!

♪♪Happy Go Lucky♪♪ said...

I absolutely love Vidya balan!
I've not seen dirty picture yet, but i will. Soon :P

I really liked the way you reviewed it. You should write more reviews. :)

Suruchi said...

The first half is the better half-and it is not like per se that Rockstar failed was the enjoyment factor-I enjoyed this more:-)

Yes, the gradual degradation of body and face was amazing-you almost felt as though there was something wrong there...thank you for having a whale of a time...makes me happy to hear:-)

Suruchi said...

You almost made me want to write one with all those comments on twitter!
And though there was a teeny weenie bit of male bashing-I am on either sides always:-)
And yes, pray that the day comes soon when I can kudo n maro seete without raising eyebrows!

I thought so too...Silk was more voluptuous and fuller lips...but not knowing much beyond that about the woman helped in accepting Vidya, besides she really is brilliant in the flick! Watch it:-)

Suruchi said...

@Writing Bee, Anita, Nil and Biky,
Thank you and hope you watch it soon....the first half at least keeps you on the edge of your seat with a smile intact:-)

Sure I missed you-you are the sunshine in this space...always shining on me. But I guess you had your reasons....
And looks like the man on the cycle case is a common cheap thrill with weirdos...glad to know you had more sense than me:-)

Suruchi said...

It should always be fun-whatever it is:-)

@Spaceman Spiff,
Haha...I so love you for this comment-you make me feel less weird about myself!:-)

Exactly my sentiments...this was supposed to be one of those all-girls/women film where we could have gone and hooted and had a whale of a time...and thank you so much for making “Suruchi post” sound so big-yiy, yiy, yiy:-)

Suruchi said...

@Uncle Jack,
Thank you-I guess some children learn it the hard way:-)

@Miles of Style,
Persis, I hope you get someone to babysit Armaan and I wish we were in teh same town for me to do the honours:-),
I liked the comment:-)

Suruchi said...

I guess we all go through stupid jerks on cycles and here I thought this was weird innovation of one deranged man!

Three cheers for you show that there is hope! I loved Vidya in Parineeta too...she was so hot in the Indian avtaar...I want more such movies too:-)

Awwww...fall in love with me? Thank you:-)

Suruchi said...

Why did you watch it with a biased mind? And yes, women do like other women too contrary to the popular myth:-) Thank you for all the appreciation :-)

We are applauding her guts-the second half did make it a drab...but the first half was as exciting as it gets:-)

You said it so well-brains are flaunted and oomph is concealed-such is human perspective-totally sucky!

A.T.Raghu Nandan said...

Bold and beautiful. Other than my blog, yours is the only blog i visit regularly...nice!

jo said...

I loved the movie...especially the dialogues. It was all bout 'entertainment' and of course Vidya Balan was more than just 'entertainment'. It was somehow very liberating kinda experience.
Simone Beauvoir once said, "One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."
Loved the last part where you so passionately make a case for letting women to be women. :)
With every post you are getting better at these post movie musings :)

Vinod Vyas said...

I was expecting a movie on life of was bit disappointed.Dirty Picture was loosely based on life of silk smitha.Otherwise i should have enjoyed double meaning dialogues,generous skin show by Vidya.When i expressed my displeasure to my wife,she said "You are not watching documentary on life of silk smitha on history channel but a movie ultimate aim of which was Entertainment,Entertainment,Entertainment"

Gargi Gupta said...

You already knows how much I have loved the movie...felt good to read your feelings/reactions :-)

TheBluntBlogger said...

You know how I felt about the movie!

I have slapped a man who tried acting fresh, so there :) Got to beat them up so that they don't tease any other girl. I am tiny, but am happy for what was done to the asshole.

As far as Mallika is concerned, now when you mention her, it got me thinking, what if they featured her instead of Vidya? I totally love her in Pyar ke Side Effects.


animesh said...

What a coincidence, I was talking with my wife about this movie when Chintan's twit brought me to this post. Even more coincidence, I was explaining why Vidya did the right thing by doing this role and it was not for cheap popularity but for the role that she must have accepted it. First, I am really amazed if Silksmita was really like that, if yes, I bow to her. Next, the way Vidya has lived that role, no one else could. Thanks for this review.
Story in pieces

Purba said...

Was Silk Smitha the poster girl for feminism? I doubt that! She simply pandered to the male fantasies, was put on a pedestal yet rejected by society.

Vidya Balan is different for all the right reasons and is gusty enough to take risks. But her sophisticated diction in the movie struck a jarring note.

Me, I'm still hungover Smita Patil :)) She was a class apart.

Rahul Bhatia said...

A very good review of the movie! Liked your comparison with Mallika! At least they have courage to play roles which are different!

bemoneyaware said...

Wow..beautifully reviewed the Dirty Picture...I liked the reference to "Junglee Jawani" I still prefer Vidya Balan from Parinita..

Satish Mutatkar said...

Extremely well written....if you care do read my satire piece on 'SRK to Star In The Dirteier Picture':)

Rajlakshmi said...

I just loved the way you have reviewed the movie with your personal experience ... Dirty picture is way better than Rockstar is what i feel :D

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Balan was bold and beautiful in the movie. And so were you while airing your thoughts.
Us aadmi ko ghuma ke dena chahiye tha, thappad, or better, kick him in the place he was indirectly speaking from and also the place which hurts the most, his balls.

par ab to beet gayi so baat gayi.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Suruchi said...

Good then since you are in safe zone:-)
Haha...I laughed for so long reading your idea of me being a Silk trapped in a Reshma:-)

Go, go, go-watch the next best thing to Junglee Jawani, or at least for lesser mortals like us:-)

Suruchi said...

Thank you and you are the first one to use hate so categorically for

Haha...poor Naseer-he’s very stylish in real life and you must hear hi speak...he simply floors you with his words and charm-abhi age should be kept in consideration, na?:-)

Suruchi said...

So right, you think we should ask her to pay me some that all of us have spoken so much about her here?:)

Thank you...and yes, we seem to be bound by the weirdness that we encounter...I had thought I was being bold in coming out of the closet about it, here are many who liked to say that I was not alone:-)

Suruchi said...

Haha...go and see it...though I am not so sure if it is as good for your dadi and her sister’s health:-)

@Happy Go Lucky,
Thank you and considering how few movies I get to see now, I just might:-)

Suruchi said...

Thank you so much-that’s a huge compliment:-)

I so remember your comment even after a day of reading it...yes, it was a “liberating experience”..the more I pondered over what you said, the more I realized that I loved the first half coz I wanted to be like that-a free bird to do what I want and say things left, right and centre...

Ah well-we’ll have to suffice with blogging-lol:-)
Thank you so much for being around n so wonderful!

Suruchi said...

I know goes to show how the sensible women have reacted positively to the movie...I know of a few hoity toity types who thought ‘arre bahut downmarket movie the’...

Chints, you have guts that I wish I had too...even now I don’t...not like you:-)
And Mallika in place of Vidya...I don’t think so, Vidya has an acting prowess that Mallika still needs to work on:)

Suruchi said...

It’s not about feminism-more about being comfortable in your skin and being how you are which clicked with most of the women who struggle to feel a sense of ownership over their own selves! I was so thinking of mentioning you in this post for while watching the movie I remembered your tweet of how her accent marred an otherwise faultless performance-so true:-)

@Rahul, Satish, Rajlakshmi,
Thank you:-)

Suruchi said...

Haha...I guess wives are smarter than husbands now;-)

Exactly my point-she was really snubbed for going the skin show way-but she does it with such finess! I totally agree:-)

Suruchi said...

Thank you and Parineeta was a classic, this was for masses:-)

@B A,
Anshul, thank you and yes ghuma ke dene ka he mann hua, but a little to late to have reached to him:-)
Welcome were sorely missed!

CutePriya said...

Thanks for this post which has persuaded me enough - 'Go watch that movie girl' .... The way you have written I was overwhelmed. Simply loved the lines "Watch not how her bosom heaves outside, watch how her heart beats within. Men are meant to be analyzed, women just adored. We are meant to be loved and not understood"

Suruchi said...

Welcome back...long break, eh?
And yes, I felt it is a must watch...go check it out yourself!
Thank you for being overwhelmed:-)

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