03 May, 2009
A Spectator at an All Boys' Hang out...
Mmmm...What a great predicament for a girl to be in!
However if a girl were given admittance to such an arrangement, wouldn’t it defy the very purpose and definition of such a night out?
So the best that we females can do to satisfy our curious antennas on such a time, is by jumping upon inferences made after an ‘I-am-sure-it’s-edited’ recital of the happening event by our beloveds or attune our own sensory perceptions of the “man”kind to come up with a James Bond-ish take on what may have transpired there!
However before indulging upon the humour of it, let us first classify the men into categories prior to the assassination and post mortem...for God in all his magnanimity as well as in his mischievous designs did not make all men similar.
Thank you God for the small mercies...we would have been happier had ‘they’ been bigger...but then you being a man when we asked for ‘big’ you conspired to give these men ‘big egos’...so now we rest in peace with our list of wishes!
A group of teenage boys together:
Flashing their mobiles, muscles and machines...showing text messages of the girls they got hooked to their charms...talking about who is the latest exchange students programme entrant in the school...How short was Sakshi’s skirt or how Ayaana was caught smoking in the girl’s locker room...Discussing their first experiences with porn or first inhibitions and hiccups about going all the way...Talking about the new booze or the occasional tasting of drugs...or then just simply making one of the boys a victim to pull his leg and eventually flaunting how many gals they have slept with....Little men are simple and structural.
Teenage boys are not so complicated in design...it is when they move up the hierarchy that they learn the games!
Of course there would also be a geeky group that would simply study and discuss the gravitational forces and law of opposites attracting, without any even coincidental reference or relation to the physicality of it all.
A band of twenty-something’s:
These are the fresh escapists out of schools and colleges...struggling to make a bang in the career world and a conquest in the love lane...What would they discuss on a typical night out?
How many gals they got hooked to their charms (...some things don’t really change with time, evolution or understanding)...how hot is the boss’s wife...Who is the b@#$%& who snatched away your girl from right under your nose and how you have to now teach him a lesson...How parents and their expectations from you completely suck...How manly-man you really are and yet the parlour that handles manicure to facials to waxing for men! A step by step manual of how to ‘patao’ girls, as intricately as how to ditch a gal you are done with....How to date a married woman...and how to make sure you don’t run into unwanted risks after you’ve been there and done that!
Do I hear the boys scream of this being not fair- “We don’t always and only talk about women!”
Oh yeah...you don’t? And I am the queen of England....yaar jab aap itne lambi lambi phenkoge then I have to retaliate too with an equally pompous assumption!
To keep up with the modern change of preferences, quite possible if some of these meets are testing waters to seek like-minded gay guys, who may be ready to mingle! Possible hain yaar....
And then of course is the geeky group...which has by now taken up the status of being the “intelligentsia”, the ‘driven’ gang...They would be discussing budgets, banking, recession, cut throat competition, ambition and where they see themselves five years from hence...never mind if their adrenalin is pumped in just one direction...their boring bakwaas continues to haunt each other.
The freshly married lot on a bachelor’s night out:
Oho...these are the excited lots...They’ve just been given the adult lollipop to suck and they are bursting with enthusiasm to spill the beans about it...Like how well did they suck and what tricks get you to enjoy it to the peaks of satisfaction...Some discuss the experience of the newly achieved husband-hood....others lament it and form a ‘patni-pedhet’ society...yup even this soon.
Suddenly many of these young men who were erstwhile knowledge seekers turn into experienced prophets and eager to distribute their ‘gyan’ to enlighten the world...And at the drop of the hat they would turn into disciples again to learn how to make your wife try out kinky stuff that she scowls at so far...
Some would pull legs about other macho men turning into hen pecked husbands, never mind if they themselves shudder when the mobile rings and they read “jaanu” is calling to find out what time they would reach home...
Some would empathise with those of their species who are still actual bachelors and others would lure them to have that ‘shaadi ka ladoo’ sadistically thinking that if I suffer why shouldn’t thou?
Whereas the so called intelligentsia clan continue with their business banter even now...Will someone please tell these nerds that it is important to leave the office where it belongs to...in the office! Yawn, yawn...still on, on!
The night out of those who have traversed the seven years’ itch and lived to tell:
Hmm...this lot still discusses women...but not as objects of desire...but as objects that gulp down greedily all your freedoms to subject you to eternal slavery...The emotional blackmail and how to counter it...when u should give in and when you should stand up for your rights? How the beauty at the time of marriage has strangely turned into a beast! Wives seem good, as long as they are not your own!
They have just one work...to go down the memory lane to remember the days that have gone... ‘Jab hum bhi kabhi sher the’ types!
They sit before LCD screens in boring clubs watching matches, drinking scotch, all curious when they hear of a place where they can find a ‘session’ of peace...
They talk of their children and ya sometimes even their children’s friends’ mothers!
They discuss how drastic the teenage gals have gone in their dressing sense and manage to ogle when they feel they are not being noticed...
Whichever husband would not be there...his wife would invariably enter the Chinese whispers game that they still play...as they used to when they were little kids...But of course the gossip doing the rounds now are how temptingly low was Mrs. Xyz’s blouse and do u think Mrs. Abc is happy with her husband? And when that’s done...let them have a round of cheap jokes on which they can laugh their bellies off...!
They turn into worse than gossipy women when they get away from their wives even for a short while!
Some expend their energies on useless and too-late-cultivated hobbies like playing poker, pool, billiards, some sport or simply getting together to exchange the new porn clips via the blue tooth on the mobile for those moments of solitude in the loo...
Anything to escape the banter at home....!
Grow up guys...at least bear in mind the indications of what those strands of white hair...on your own dim heads are pointing to- behave like grown-ups at least now! By the way, the intelligentsia now gets mingled into the common crowd...for all differences begin to fade.
The oldies gang of boys...oops men...oops...uncles:
Whenever I see a band of oldies together at a club, restaurant or bar...I think...never mind what I think...
Means even till now these guys are on the look out...on the hunt?
Don’t you people ever give up?
The paunches are bigger than water balloons filled to the hilt...
The bold and the beautiful have turned to the bald and the dutiful...
The spectacles on the eyes and the swagger in the unbalanced walk...nothing daunts their indomitable spirit to do the ‘guy’s thing’...
It is amazing...
What would they talk? Honestly...I have no clue!
I mean at that age...can they talk really...?
This group I have nothing much to comment on purely out of lack of interest and a simple perception...men would remain men...even after years of grooming and development...they’d be, talk, get excited about the very issues as they did before...!
So next time women, when you feel the need to stop your man from that all-craved night out just with the guys...yaar let them be!
Let them vent out their hopes, aspirations, dreams and disappointments to their buddies...people sailing in the same boat...
Let them perk up and return so that they think they have done something worthwhile and ready to oblige you for allowing them to do so...
Tch, tch...and they say ‘it’s a man’s world’ and we surely agree;)