I was having an interesting conversation with a dear friend the other day when a kind of hypothesis or premise appeared quite conspicuously to the fore!
I was generally cribbing about the odious tasks pertaining to motherhood*I swear I have not cribbed so much in 32 years of my existence on Mother Earth as I have in the last 32 days...Motherhood makes you a cribbing pot, dear folks...so beware n please bear*
Okay...so I was generally ranting n doing waa-waa*sob, sob* when this friend pointed out to me that maybe I was not made for motherhood!
It struck me as a thunderbolt for in my subconscious I was always afraid of the same!
You know how people beam post having a child in their arms...
A smile is like a permanent fixture and could put even Monalisa to shame...
My countenance is often the display of exasperation n tiredness!
And if there is anything that I am sure of on this planet, it is this that I would have felt the very same had Seeya been born of my own womb!
After entertaining my daughter for an odd three-four hours at an end and anyways being 24/7 around her*she hardly sleeps* and for lack of other expected sources doing the needful, I am at a loss for more means or energy to amuse her any further!
I mean I can engross an adult for hours at a stretch...but a one sided communication...I wondered what makes mothers go on n on...
So I did what I thought was sensible...becoming Ms. Sherlock Homes again!
I enquired of other women if they actually had any similar tendencies or am I the only weird one on this planet...
Thankfully many of them report of having gone through severe bouts of depressions, PMS that got extended to months*ouch* and some even saying that they were so tired of the constant yelling n bawling of the child that they did not want to see his face for a while*omg*!
Thankfully, things have not gone down that road!
But sometime or the other...I miss my old life that I had been used to of, since ten years of my married life!
Being responsible for no one else really but yourself!
Having the whole day n often night also to do anything n everything you liked!
Gyming...long walks...happy times with your beloved when you talked about each other and other F-words instead of farex and fever...
Coffee with friends...random dinners...parties...a movie every Sunday...
Blogging my guts out...flirting my heart out...making new friends...giggles over the phone...
Teaching for six hours a day n loving the interaction with kids!
Shopping whenever discounts hit the market...parlour visits...dressing up...occasional holiday trips...n more blah blah...
Basically leading a pointless, self-centred life and so busy enjoying it to the core that not even getting bored or apologetic about it!
I loved my life despite also the constant and crushing struggle to have a baby!
Cut to now...it’s been some one n half months with Seeya!
I have hardly moved out of the house...not tasted any outside food apart from ghar ka khaana...no gym, no walk...teaching now for only a couple of hours a day!
Not left Seeya alone or away from me except for two hours just this Sunday when we went for a movie...
Not much of my mad blogging since the inspiration sources are not around!
Been generally cut off from friends for the fear that I’d just be cribbing again and bore the life out of them...
No time to even get threading done...not worn a lipstick in these days, forget about dressing up!
So there...I go on my whining trip again!
However, thanks to my infinite amount of innate sense of justice-a Libran trait...I know I would do all my duties to the best of a person’s abilities...
And also have a hunch that in all probability and god being kind, I might even win a ‘Best-mommy’ award in future...
Every day my hyper active kid*certified by the doc* smiles at me with her eight teeth now or clings to me in the biggest of hugs and I melt faster than ice cream in sunlight!
But yet, I would never be half as good as my mom...or half as ready to sacrifice all my happiness altogether and never feel even a twinge of pain about it!
Isn’t that what motherhood is really about-the epitome of selfless sacrifice?
Anyways...what premise I reached on was...that we are all programmed in a certain way to be or not to be!
We are cut out for certain tasks and not for others, regardless of the fact that we may perform them with immaculate perfection!
Deep within each one of us knows what constitutes us and what can make us happy or less happy if not!
Like many people are not cut out for marriages!
They may have lived with their spouses for life n celebrated jubilees with much gusto. But to themselves, they know they were meant to be wanderers or free spirits...or they were meant to love more than one person in life...they were destined to be alone to be true to their intrinsic nature and inner satisfaction! They were so given in to introspection and mood swinging aloofness that often people around either did not understand or bother about them too much!
So some day they look out from the window and ‘sigh’ which nobody hears!
Like this friend pointedly n often asserts that he shall never marry!
He’s in his early twenties and I often dissuade him with my utopian ideas that marriages are good!
I quote my own example and enumerate compelling benefits of a happy matrimony that could turn the worst of detractors into believers*you know how relentless I can be*!
But with time I realize that maybe he is actually not!
He has a roving eye, is extremely cynical about good marriages, having seen some bad ones around him...is more of a loner and hence gets either too carried away by company or rather soon bored of it and countless other reasons!
My point is...
Just because it is a social norm followed through ages, it does not mean that it is supposed to be extended by one n all with a blindfold!
We must think twice before advising someone that ‘you’d get used to of that life in time’!
Let the person decide with his own subconscious in counsel.
It is not necessary for girls to get married at an early age...or marry at all till they do not feel ready and yearning for it!
I still have unmarried girlfriends I went to school with, who have rocking careers and good lives and no hurry still to walk down the aisle!
Why should we judge them...or give unsolicited advice of its after effects in later life?
If they are old enough to vote, aren’t they old enough to accept responsibility for their liabilities?
Neither should it be a matter of compulsion to have kids because you are “supposed” to have them!
Most people often look at kids as a retirement ensurance plan...
‘I want kids so that there would be someone to look after me in my old age’
Little do they realize that most kids now-a-days go away for further studies or better prospects of life n seldom return!
Want kids for ‘kids’ themselves...not for yourself!
Whatever life throws my way, I must adorn it in such a way that no finger can be raised against me!
People still quote my G n me, when they talk of an exemplary marriage!
But how many of us feel trapped in roles assigned to us?
Jobs that we detest!
Spouses that we care two hoots for!
Cities that cram our creativity!
A public image that we must live in even if it slowly makes us die?
Any landmark step of life...that can alter the way you are n how you live...must be given thorough consideration, deliberation n motivation before realization to remain truly happy in your skin!
Understand what is your true calling and if you are being moulded in the role that you may not be fitted for, would you do justice to it?
Know what you are programmed for and strive to fuse that in your life or realize what you truly are and hence at least banish some clouds of baffling doubts n uncalled for struggle!
Okay enough Gyan from Suruchi maata....hopefully a more cheerful post next time!
What have I realized through this vomit of my thoughts above?
-It is time to put a complete end to any trace of cribbing from today!
Full stop for full good! Phew!
I need a BIIIIIIIG hug now....time to wake Seeya up for that! :-)