Arre...don’t look at the screen with disbelief!
Yes really...it is!
Okay...lemme take you down my own memory n history lane to help you understand the true import of it!
You guys don’t really get it, till you see me ridiculed, do you?
Cut to my childhood:
I almost raised my eyebrow of disdain at my cousin who had her first baby at the age of 33...
Within my *then*limited knowledge n *then*immature brain, I presumed it was too late to be a mother...
*Oh sweet lord...why does common sense not come commonly early?*
Well...Look at me now!
All of 32, gearing to be 33 soon and just bestowed with Seeya!
*funny sense of justice haan, bhagwaan ji?*
I had this real funny neighbour with an even funnier butt!
And when I happened to walk behind her, I always amused myself with the way her left one would go up and then the right would fight to take its breathing space, like two water melons squeezed into a limited vibrating room n hence juggling to fit in!
I smirked to no end with unabashed amusement within my *then*tiny frame thinking ‘wtf is THAT following behind her?’
As I grew up, I realized much to my horror that if not water melons...there were some breed of musk melons at least developing behind my back...er...under it rather!
Don’t ask me my dread at the idea of a hot dude watching me go past with his eyes opened wide at the prospect of my so called ‘derriere’!
*If you are a “hot dude” ...kindly note, the writer here is prone to bouts of exaggeration n in reality ‘things’ don’t LOOK as bad as they are made to be*
Damn you Kareena Kapoor and some Kim ‘with-a-weird-surname’ for your super sexy bottoms that makes all the rest of us so pressurized that we often sit over it for hours...literally n otherwise!
Whoa...do u think names that begin with K lead by default to super sexy butts? How about Kuruchi, then...?
Naaaaah...will manage with whatever’s there of mine to turn heads...for whatever reasons!
I have always been super n magnetically prone to open my gyan ka pitaara...my generous, enlightment box*read that as the infinite grey advisory cells of my brain* for couples who spend rather limited time in the sack in doing....you know what!
Haaaaaw hai- n I would smile vainly in vanity of course!
And there would be delivered a speech on the importance of relations in bed for a happily ever after marital bliss!
Never mind if there are kids, it is the moral duty of a wife to help her man unwind*yes, you can sue me for my super duh principles and take some of these stupid grey cells as the penalty*
For cut to now...our browbeaten average in one month of having a baby has dipped worse than any sen‘sex’ crash!
I am not complaining though...but you can imagine who is doing so n that too big time with all the drama attached!
*if only someone had told me to keep my gap shut when it was most needed! Sigh!*
I used to be a snooty, judgemental bitch of kinds when I would see ill-mannered toddlers with their parents who’d provide the child with anything he demanded, just because he’d raise his voice to a scream or modulate it into a dramatic cry for it, even though there was no hint of any actual tear being formed! ‘What spoilt brats! Mom n dad ne kuch nahi sikhaya lagta hain’-my mind would reverberate...
And now, my dear Seeya is my all time test of patience n perseverance...
For when she wants something that is not handed over with complete obeisance to her....there is a thunder war cry like rolling of drums to proclaim the wrath of the heavens!
If she screams back at me...I consider it less painful to hand over the object of dispute than to give her a moral lecture on why she should not have it!
*thinking of course that there’s a lifetime left for that...let me survive first to manage it eventually!*
I once laughed my guts out when I saw a man toppling over on a scooter because he was maaro-ing style to screech it to a halt to impress a couple of prospective flirt interests in teeny weenie clothes!
I have mentioned this before and let me not leave another chance of self humiliation...how in my days of thunder*read that as when I was unmarried...any reference to me being super hot or sexy is coincidental and the writer takes no liability for it*...
Okay...so I fell in a ditch of the busiest street of my town, with a thud louder than the thunder, when it was pouring cats n dogs n even the rest of their families, right in front of two hot objects of my desire*in masculine gender of course*
Thadham I went into an open main hole, half floating in dirty water, with these two idiots of human forms laughing their guts out instead of being chivalrous enough to lend a helping hand and start a love story!
Anyways...my toss became their loss!
So I guess point made...
Next time, you feel the urge to spread the corners of your mouth into a monkey grin at someone else’s cost...please do remember that there is someone up there watching, as though He has no other work in this world n He’s got a funny sense of humour to get back to you in a way that would make you go ‘ouch!’
Issued in public interest!