Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

04 September, 2010

Statutory Warning:Laughing at others can be injurious to health!

Arre...don’t look at the screen with disbelief!
Yes really...it is!
Okay...lemme take you down my own memory n history lane to help you understand the true import of it!
You guys don’t really get it, till you see me ridiculed, do you?

Cut to my childhood:
I almost raised my eyebrow of disdain at my cousin who had her first baby at the age of 33...
Within my *then*limited knowledge n *then*immature brain, I presumed it was too late to be a mother...
*Oh sweet lord...why does common sense not come commonly early?*
Well...Look at me now!
All of 32, gearing to be 33 soon and just bestowed with Seeya!
*funny sense of justice haan, bhagwaan ji?*

I had this real funny neighbour with an even funnier butt!
And when I happened to walk behind her, I always amused myself with the way her left one would go up and then the right would fight to take its breathing space, like two water melons squeezed into a limited vibrating room n hence juggling to fit in!
I smirked to no end with unabashed amusement within my *then*tiny frame thinking ‘wtf is THAT following behind her?’
As I grew up, I realized much to my horror that if not water melons...there were some breed of musk melons at least developing behind my back...er...under it rather!
Don’t ask me my dread at the idea of a hot dude watching me go past with his eyes opened wide at the prospect of my so called ‘derriere’!
*If you are a “hot dude” ...kindly note, the writer here is prone to bouts of exaggeration n in reality ‘things’ don’t LOOK as bad as they are made to be*


Damn you Kareena Kapoor and some Kim ‘with-a-weird-surname’ for your super sexy bottoms that makes all the rest of us so pressurized that we often sit over it for hours...literally n otherwise!
Whoa...do u think names that begin with K lead by default to super sexy butts? How about Kuruchi, then...?
Naaaaah...will manage with whatever’s there of mine to turn heads...for whatever reasons!

I have always been super n magnetically prone to open my gyan ka pitaara...my generous, enlightment box*read that as the infinite grey advisory cells of my brain* for couples who spend rather limited time in the sack in doing....you know what!
Haaaaaw hai- n I would smile vainly in vanity of course!
And there would be delivered a speech on the importance of relations in bed for a happily ever after marital bliss!
Never mind if there are kids, it is the moral duty of a wife to help her man unwind*yes, you can sue me for my super duh principles and take some of these stupid grey cells as the penalty*
For cut to now...our browbeaten average in one month of having a baby has dipped worse than any sen‘sex’ crash!
I am not complaining though...but you can imagine who is doing so n that too big time with all the drama attached!
*if only someone had told me to keep my gap shut when it was most needed! Sigh!*

I used to be a snooty, judgemental bitch of kinds when I would see ill-mannered toddlers with their parents who’d provide the child with anything he demanded, just because he’d raise his voice to a scream or modulate it into a dramatic cry for it, even though there was no hint of any actual tear being formed! ‘What spoilt brats! Mom n dad ne kuch nahi sikhaya lagta hain’-my mind would reverberate...



And now, my dear Seeya is my all time test of patience n perseverance...
For when she wants something that is not handed over with complete obeisance to her....there is a thunder war cry like rolling of drums to proclaim the wrath of the heavens!
If she screams back at me...I consider it less painful to hand over the object of dispute than to give her a moral lecture on why she should not have it!
*thinking of course that there’s a lifetime left for that...let me survive first to manage it eventually!*

I once laughed my guts out when I saw a man toppling over on a scooter because he was maaro-ing style to screech it to a halt to impress a couple of prospective flirt interests in teeny weenie clothes!
I have mentioned this before and let me not leave another chance of self humiliation...how in my days of thunder*read that as when I was unmarried...any reference to me being super hot or sexy is coincidental and the writer takes no liability for it*...
Okay...so I fell in a ditch of the busiest street of my town, with a thud louder than the thunder, when it was pouring cats n dogs n even the rest of their families, right in front of two hot objects of my desire*in masculine gender of course*
Thadham I went into an open main hole, half floating in dirty water, with these two idiots of human forms laughing their guts out instead of being chivalrous enough to lend a helping hand and start a love story!
Anyways...my toss became their loss!

So I guess point made...
Next time, you feel the urge to spread the corners of your mouth into a monkey grin at someone else’s cost...please do remember that there is someone up there watching, as though He has no other work in this world n He’s got a funny sense of humour to get back to you in a way that would make you go ‘ouch!’

Issued in public interest!
Suruchi! :-)

56 comments:

Nipun said...

"Kim ‘with-a-weird-surname’..."

It's Kim 'The BIG Bum' Kardashian.

"Next time, you feel the urge to spread the corners of your mouth into a monkey grin at someone else’s cost...please do remember that there is someone up there watching..."

Even after reading this post, I'd continue to "monkey grin" at others (read: you). I do not bother about someone "up there" trying to get back at me for laughing at other's (read: your) expense. I'll balance it out by laughing doubly hard when I'm the statue and someone else is the pigeon.

P.S. When can I have the pleasure to watch you fall into a ditch? Don't worry, I won't just stand there laughing at you like those two unchivalrous "idiots of human forms". I'd laugh at your misery and help you at the same time; I can manage multi-tasking in matters such as these.

P.P.S. Isn't it 'manhole' instead of 'main hole'?

Take Care, Chips! :)

Cinderella said...

I just noticed you finish every sentence with an exclamation mark instead of a period! LOL!

Tanvi said...

You are sooo funny! You are! Well I guess everyone goes through the same phases until they have walk in someone else shoes!!

WarmSunshine said...

hehe yes you are funny indeed... wish i could write as fluently as that and i assume you like to talk a lot in real life too :P let's meet over a cup of coffee soon... i need a frnd i can bitch and gossip with... hehe

and hey seeya's looking great :) how old is she now?

tc hun!

Anand Madhav said...

well let me know if you have a younger sister or some friend who intends to fall in the main-hole, I would be more than happy to rescue her...n 'ass' far 'ass' 'bumpies' are concerned, here in Delhi, 'butt naturally' they come in all the sizes, imaginable and unimaginables.

Sidrah said...

=D

your blog is so much fun!

Growing up scares me =/ all the hormonal n whtsoever changes -___-

cute baby you have got there ^^ Yay!

hearts

A said...

Very true

The Bald Guy said...

Kids are never a test to patience and perseverance. Parents are.

Time. You'll see.

Ria said...

Yeah so true!! And as always ur post is hilarious. :P :D Whenever i read ur posts i cant help but smile.

Life Unleashed said...

lol...dat was nice...i really like to mix the expressions and put em together in words..nice post

Nipun said...

Quite funny..
Dont test kids..

Cheers

Nuts

Pavitra .... said...

Hahahahaha....that was so hilarious....
I loved everything...
the melons...
your crying kid...
the scooter..
Damn funny....I'll surely think twice before I laugh....
And come to think of it....I bet the big guy above has already made a long rap sheet for me...I don't wanna add anything more... :)

Bikramjit said...

I have been waiting for your next article and what a rib tickler this has been he hehe cant stop laughing ...

Well hey I shud stop laughing cause as you have said it maycome back to me .. and you all may laugh at me now :(

why would you say that 32 and a child aree they say life starts at 40 madam ji, aage aage dekho hota hai kya.... naughty 40's oooh yesss wink wink...

and ok now make sure you walk in front of that neighbour he he eheh give her some what they say motivation of doing somethign about her ha ha haah OK OK btw this is in you favour the comment cause of what you wrote to the HOT DUDE.. I just saw myself in the mirror hence i wrote it ... I am sure "THINGS" dont look as bad as you made them to be he he heh e

yeah i am with you on damning these clebrities Damn you Stallone, Damn you Arnold, even Damn you Sunny paaji HOW COULD YOU... How dare they have the broad shoulders , the chest and bulging biceps.. OH MAn i have been at it for years , each time i manage to get my chest a few millimeters pumped the stomach seems to think its lost the race so it explodes and makes sure it STEPS forward.. cant win CAN I

and here we go again about the relations in bed.. i cant beleive you mentioned it again.. Rememebr those ladies you were with and there replies Think about them again.. you are on the right track ha ha haa ha ha .. .

and to hell with those parents who keep telling of fthe child, LEt them loose they are children for GOD SAKE... when are they supposed to be brats , when they are 13-16 hell no better be brats now then at that age.. you wont know what hit you then.. believe me I SEE IT REGULARLY... I am gonna tell my kids go and be the brats get it out when they are young not when they are in teens ...

awww you fell ooops offcourse its there fault to have lost on that eye contact, on the touch of the hands oooh the touching moment .. barsaat , bheegi huin aap.. and thats romantic moment ok cut cut cut .. you did mention jsut above about some exaggereted stuff about urself .. do you think thats what stopped them oooooooooooopppps :)

I will make sure i have grins when i see the hunks, and i have grins when a super cool kid is there , or make fun of people who got super cool cars and physiques .. Shayad bhagwan ji can see and do the honours of teaching me a lesson by giving all that to me tooooo :)

you know i must say i have throughly enjoyed reading your articles thank you so much for making us laugh like that it helps .. THANK YOU

Bikramjit said...

I am going to stop writing such big comments .. they fail everytime

Hey BTW how are you. .. did you get hurt or somethign when you fell .. were you on a scooter or what ... I thought after making fun let me get a bit serious and ask you :)

Mr. "Niraj" Lemon said...

he he he...finaaly u r back with ur dark humor....it was hilarious....omg should i laugh or it will revert back to me? he he he...nice one...

I agree with you we should never laugh on anybody when life through lemon on them coz in shorter span of time its ur turn budyy!

Madhu said...

OMG! watte fun that was!! I know kareena and kim SHARMA have awesome butts! I always wonder,where do they get such toned butts from..:P

Lucky u that seeya is teaching u patience else i can imagine where exactly ur train of thoughts would have ended!

Mr Happy said...

well so true :))))))

funny as always:)

kiran said...

hilarious! A different yet amusing style of writing. great work!

suruchi said...

Hey Cin...
Yup...now that u mention...
I am really fond of the exclamation mark...
What’s life without sudden outbursts of expressions, what say?;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Tanvi...
Looooooong time!
Thanks babes...!
I am glad it is only in words and not in the way I look;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Mehreen...
Thanks for spreading the warm sunshine:-)
You wish u could write as fluently as me????????
Are u kidding me?
U write even better baby....
Wish I could be half as inspirational as u are!

In real life though I am more of a listener than a talker*tabhi to masala milta hain kuch likhne ke liye;-)*
But yup..that cup of coffee for sure...
Kab? Kahan? Kaise?
U decide...

Seeya is going to be nine months old now on 11th Sept!
N two months with me:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Anand,
Naaah....younger sis to nahi hain...merese he kaam chala lo...
I keep doing these gire pade kaam on a regular basis;-)

And but...butt...aren’t u having fun then in delhi...but naturally;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sidrah,
Wow...no one told me that my blog was fun...
Thank u so much...please hear me doing yiy yiy yiy to that!
:-)

Growing up scares me too....
That’s why I have been postponing it from 32 years now;-)
Cute baby says thanks too...
Hope to see ya around!
:-)

suruchi said...

Hey A...
True bola na?
Thanks for the brief but strong approval...
Now dare anyone disagree:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Tbg...
Bade din baad hamare gale aana hua...
Feel like singing that song...
Yeh galiyan yeh chaubaara...yahan aana phir doobara..
Hum na bhaye pardesi;-)

I guess you are right...
It’s a big fat circle of patience n perseverance:-)

suruchi said...

Hello Ria...
Please keep smiling...
I am sure it looks gorgeous on u...
:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Life Unleashed,
Thank u...
:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Nipun,
Not testing kids yaar...
Kid testing me!
:-)

Thanks for visiting!

suruchi said...

Hey Pavitra,
Is it really that so many of you are visiting me again after such a long time or am I being dumbly observant?
Where have u been baby?

Hehe...that big guy...
Do u think we can smile instead of laughing n bribe him or rather lure him into some under the table benefits?
Ram, ram...ghor kalyug...!
*still wondering though*
;-)

suruchi said...

Arre Bicky ji...
Your looooooooooooong comments make my day!
Make me feel chalo koi to hain who is ACTUALLY reading me through in through...bole to reading my post;-)

40 n naughty to theek hain...
Pehle 30 n sexy to enjoy kar loon;-)
N yup...that mirror u checked yourself out in...is absolutely correct...
You are a hot dude...
To pehle saamne se milte hain;-)
*no puns intended*

And LOLed big time on the battle u mentioned between your stomach n chest...
A funny n witty n sensible guy...all in one...kahan the tussi abhi tak?;-)

N yup...those relations in bed...u think I am over NOW with mentioning it?
Hehe...:-)

Hope ur kids are brats n that serves u well...

And when I fell...woh touching moment...bilkul touchless ho gaya:-(
And nope...my THINGS then were submerged in water...so I guess that wasn’t the deterrent for those dumb asses:-)

And thank you so much for showering me with attention here...
Regards,
Bheegi hue mein*attention mein*
;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Niraj,
Arre dark humour nahi hain yaar...
Just a bit shaded from the shady me:-)

mohit said...

hey Su....

I'm not quite sure why u wrote the title, cuz I'm grinning anyway !

Be a good mom....give her what she wants....something to eat now...perhaps jewellery when she grows up
;)

hope the fall wasn't too bad..

Shady said...

Ok , I have been laughing my guts out watching all those skinny guys so i am sure i will loose my 1000Kg soon ?

WarmSunshine said...

just read ur comment on my blog... next post is gona be a fiction :)

was gona post at night, but was too sleepy to complete it... i hope u like it. iv imported all my fiction from my previous blog into another one "once upon a timeless moment". its there in my blogger profile. you're most welcome to come and read :)

take care hun!

suruchi said...

Hey Mady,
Kareena theek hain...that Kim babe is a firangan...Kirdhashiayan or something...
And where do they get such toned butts...obviously..bhagwaan ji se...
And when he was giving us ours...he was too busy looking at theirs:/

Hehe...and I can trust u kumbh-mela sis to imagine where my train smokes n pipes n ends;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Mr Happy...
Thanks as always!
Funny maanga tha na aapne...so try maara hain:-)





Hellow Kiran...
Thanks a lot!

suruchi said...

Hi Mo...
*coz u called me Su so I called u Mo...imagine u n me together would make SUMO...offooooo...super poor joke*

Anywaaaysss.....
Yes...now my secret is open to the world..
I am a sadist!
I want people to grin so that the circle takes it toll n returns the dose to them;-)

Trust me I am trying every nerve in my not so little frame to be the best mother that can be found around!
So I guess that would qualify for a lot:-)
And I do give her what she wants...as long as she wants all I want her to want;-)

Nope the fall was not so bad...the rising was even better;-)
If u get what I mean!:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Shady...
Trust u to comment something absolutely insane that makes me read the comment twice n my own post thrice to get where that came from...
Acha exaggeration ho gaya!
:-)

U would not lose those 1000 kgs aise he...
And stop watching those skinny guys before u end up shedding other things than the weight!
:-)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

hahaha!very amusing!:D i missed your blog..sorry for not being here too much..midterm exams suck >.<

RE:thank you for the lovely comment~! XD

Aparana Pitale said...

ha ha... that was funny... enjoyed a lot... it reminded me some such funny incidents in my life.. :)

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Read 2 posts now. I fully agree with you on previous one. We should let grown ups decide what they want from life unless it is something against law or harmful to them. Each to his or her own. This one though in lighter vein has a lot of undercurrents.

Take care

Miles Of Style said...

hahaha you said it Suruchi. it's true. the more you look down in disdain and say "i would/could never do this/live with that" ...it is precisely what life dishes out at you. i have hands on experience when it comes to these situtions. i guess that is what they call "karma" after all...

xo. persis.

buckingfastard said...

ohh the conspiracy...nw i cant even laugh at u..coz by ur logic i will suffer henceforth!!

on second thought!! all kind of sufferings are worth the laugh...so hahahahahaha!!

i love the monkey!! but i guess a drama-queen kid and 2 melons behind u..isnt the end of world!!its near end i guess...but not end!! sagging skins...and fake dentures are to follow so u can be happy :D

and ONCE A MONTH!! i m officially vouching for no kids!!

A S said...

hii

hehe! nice post.. laugh with other , never laugh on them.. :)

Nipun said...

Even after reading this post, I'd continue to "monkey grin" at other's (read: your) expense. Laughter is good for one's health; it's even more beneficial when someone else is the 'center of attraction'. I'm not worried about the fact that someone "up there" would try to get back at me for being an inconsiderate prick. I'd compensate it by laughing doubly hard when I'm the staue and somone else is the pigeon. So, I'm least bothered about 'divine justice' being meted out to me, and would carry on with my feelings of shameless ecstasy brought about by other's (read: your) agony.

BTW, when can I have the pleasure to watch you fall in a ditch? Oh boy, what a site it would be! Don't worry, I won't be unchivalrous like those 'two idiots of human forms'. I'd laugh my guts out, but would still be courteous enough to call a crane to lend you a "helping hand"; you can start your love story with the crane operator, then. It would be so romantic!

On second thoughts, I'd call the media, instead. Not only would you get publicity, but you might just get rich like that Prince kid who fell in a ditch some years ago. Believe me, the sole purpose of open pits/manholes in our country is to make people rich; it's a less publicized government scheme, but it's an OPEN lottery ticket nonetheless. I have tried this on 'yours truly', but the problem is: instead of helping me or calling the media, people tend to fill the ditch with dirt so that I don't come out and stay put. I guess, you being a woman would automatically make people sentimental and attract their atention in a more positive way. But then again, I don't think there would be a ditch big enough to fit you in. So, start dieting and gyming sincerely, and we may just have a chance to rake in some moolah, baby. We'd divide the money 60-40; what do you say? Don't worry, I'm ready to negotiate. Don't DITCH me by executing this idea of falling into a ditch alone or with someone else; just remember, it was this poor friend of yours who concoted it. Think about it, and let me know ASAP.

Issued in your interest!

~ Yours truly ~

P.S. It's a 'manhole' and not 'main hole'. :) :P ;D

* Running like a mad monkey with ass on fire. Just got hit by a lightning bolt from "up there". *

Nipun said...

Even after reading this post, I'd continue to "monkey grin" at other's (read: your) expense. Laughter is good for one's health; it's even more beneficial when someone else is the 'center of attraction'. I'm not worried about the fact that someone "up there" would try to get back at me for being an inconsiderate prick. I'd compensate it by laughing doubly hard when I'm the staue and somone else is the pigeon. So, I'm least bothered about 'divine justice' being meted out to me, and would carry on with my feelings of shameless ecstasy brought about by other's (read: your) agony.

BTW, when can I have the pleasure to watch you fall in a ditch? Oh boy, what a site it would be! Don't worry, I won't be unchivalrous like those 'two idiots of human forms'. I'd laugh my guts out, but would still be courteous enough to call a crane to lend you a "helping hand"; you can start your love story with the crane operator, then. It would be so romantic!

On second thoughts, I'd call the media, instead. Not only would you get publicity, but you might just get rich like that Prince kid who fell in a ditch some years ago. Believe me, the sole purpose of open pits/manholes in our country is to make people rich; it's a less publicized government scheme, but it's an OPEN lottery ticket nonetheless. I have tried this on 'yours truly', but the problem is: instead of helping me or calling the media, people tend to fill the ditch with dirt so that I don't come out and stay put. I guess, you being a woman would automatically make people sentimental and attract their atention in a more positive way. But then again, I don't think there would be a ditch big enough to fit you in. So, start dieting and gyming sincerely, and we may just have a chance to rake in some moolah, baby. We'd divide the money 60-40; what do you say? Don't worry, I'm ready to negotiate. Don't DITCH me by executing this idea of falling into a ditch alone or with someone else; just remember, it was this poor friend of yours who concoted it. Think about it, and let me know ASAP.

Issued in your interest!

~ Yours truly ~

P.S. It's a 'manhole' and not 'main hole'. :) :P ;D

* Running like a mad monkey with ass on fire. Just got hit by a lightning bolt from "up there". *

Tamanna A. Shaikh said...

I agree with PErsis totally!

Happens to me too! But shameless I don;t stop lauighing! :P Kya karein, for the time being toh itna maza aata hai na! :P :D

But I know how the sad truths also hit us. I try not to be judgmental at most times because the grass is either always greener on other side or it is not. So no commenting till I know much about it. :)

pRasad said...

Why does this sentence still lingering in my mind? ** it is the moral duty of a wife to help her man unwind** ..lollzz :)

Abt the post, I am very much sure Tit For Tat is even followed by nature :)

suruchi said...

Hi Ayu..
Aww...never mind for not being around...exams do suck;-)
And no thanks for the comment...
I actually thought they were super cute pics...made me miss my school days:-)



Hi APARANA...
Thanks sweetie...
Though I’d love to hear the funny incidents...
It is a weird kinda consolation to know that you are not the only one on the receiving end;-)

suruchi said...

Hello Uncle Jack,
Thank you for taking out time for me so often
And also for agreeing with me...
Feels good to have someone more experienced nodding at most of what I write...
U almost give me a motivation to go on:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Persis,
Exactly my point...
I am very cautious of using the word “NEVER” in my sentences...
Whenever I blurt I would NEVER do this...somehow I end up landing in a situation where I am doing it...
Funny thing this life is, isn’t it?;-)

suruchi said...

Hello Bucking,
Yes, yes, yes...this conspiracy was dished out especially keeping you in mind...
Ab has lo...jee bhar ke...buckets bhar ke...
Mera bhi number aayega;-)

And thank you so much for loving the monkey...
At least someone’s pic on this page gets your approval, Your Highness*bows down in all solemnity*

And thank you again for making me wait with bated breath for what future holds for me!
Btw...please don’t vouch for ‘no kids’...
The principle holds good for people like me...for u...you’d be so pent up by the time u walk the aisle that probably your wife would have to crib like my hubby*hinting at your astounding popularity with the female gender:-)*

suruchi said...

Dear Nips...
Gawsh kitne royally mere sab baaton ko screw kiya!!!!!!!!!
Torch leke sahi path dikha rahe the..magar mand buddhi, samajh mein nahi aaya...jao phir..bhogo apne karmo ka phal;-)

And u can have the pleasure of watching me fall...when u have the pleasure of watching me at all...
Arre waah...yeh to poetry ho gaye...I am tooooooo good!
Aur woh crane waala joke...aapke words mein...bahut tuchcha tha!:-)

And I don’t need to get into a ditch to attract attention...
I pretty much breathe and do that...it’s just that I am too modest to accept it;-)

And all that “running” would not save u from my clutches;-)

suruchi said...

Hi AS...
Yes...learnt it the hard way...
Thank u:-)



Hi Tammy...
Haha...laugh yaar...the post was just in a light vein...
Kal kisne dekha...
Hasso n baaki sab ko bhi hasne do:-)



Hi pRasad...
Hehe...I know why that sentence lingers in your mind!
You want to recite it to your wife on the sacred day of your holy matrimony...please remember to credit me there for all the direct n fringe benefits accrued thereby;-)

Nipun said...

"And I don’t need to get into a ditch to attract attention... I pretty much breathe and do that"

Er... bad breath?

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