Life offers everyone life altering moments...
I have been waiting for mine...
Dreamt n enacted them...
Even happily lived ever after there!
These are images that don’t just come n go but stay with me as a deep down urge for life.
I know I have once before also enumerated my mad dreams...but this time my friends, I am dead serious*waise how on earth can someone be LIVE serious...beats me!*
I am walking along the road as a commoner and a speeding truck comes from the other side...vrooooooooooom!
An old man is walking along with his stick, oblivious to his almost approaching end...tak...tak...tak...goes his stick*abhi sound effects ke bina narration looks pheeka-pheeka nahi?*
I look at the two extremes*in slow motion for your picturization but in Rajnikant lightening speed* and without any fear for my own life I rush forward, ekdum filmy ishtyle se saying ‘NAAAHIIIINNNN’ n push the oldie to safety, after almost risking my own life in the procedure*yes, I can be duh sometimes and that, if happens, would qualify as one such moment*
But how is this life altering you may ask?
Hellooooooooooow sweeties...That old man is among Forbes’*you can alter that to any other magazine* richest NRI in the U.K. and is here in India because he has cancer*you can alter that to whatever other disease as long as it is fatally fatal* n he wanted to visit his native town...
Voila! He meets his life saviour*yours truly* and is so impressed by my Jhansi Ki Rani instincts. So him having no family back home, signs his 5000*I don’t mind more zeroes there*million dollars to me as gratitude inheritance and dies in ONE week* oye...here you canNOT alter the time frame...sab kuch thode na aapke marzi se chalega*
So there I am now drenched in riches and counted among bitches!
What a spoilt n wonderful life that would be!
Why aren’t there more oldies like him, stupid speeding trucks that only threaten n do not kill n stupid old me at the right moment n right time?
Unfair, I tell you!
This waking dream fulfilment wish has been with me since I have been with me...bole to since I have traversed the Mother Earth.
I am the girl next door that movies are made on.
The salwar kameez garbed seedhe saadhe kudi whom the hero bumps into n eventually takes home to his mom n never mind the vamps smouldering in the backdrop in their skimpy clothes n never mind if I don’t cook him parathe-sharathe n ghar ka khaana after that!
But now that I am no longer a girl-girl...as in married-sharried n old-shold...or rather older-sholder ho gaye...
So there’s an alteration to the hallucination.
Cut to the face-lifted scene:
I am a top writer...matlab not over the top waala but ‘Oh wow! What a top class writer she is!’ waala.
I write blogs that millions read*and that’s not the dream yet*
Somehow somewhere, there is this quiet anonymous admirer*yes, despite my stupid last post where I bashed the poor anonymous souls* who is a fanatic follower of all that I write and bowls me with his flattering comments...
I interact with him...beginning with harmless little coquettish conversations...and slowly he seems to be addicted to me!
He thinks I am the nicest person in the human race*now there I give you some semblance with reality*
Arre...don’t you dare look here n there or go to the bottom of the page...
Picture abhi baaki hain!
And then one fine day he reveals his identity to me...
He is Salman Khan...or Ranbir Kapoor...or Hrithik Roshan...
And has fallen madly, deeply, truly in love with MMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEE!
I am like no other woman he has come across*aisa mein nahi woh bolenge...mein kab apni taaref khud karte hoon?*
And he wants me to star in his film if not come into his life...
I tell him how mere paon mein baidiyaan bandhe hain...mangalsutra ki...
Er...I know gale mein bandhe hain should be more like it...but then it sounded more like a dog collar than a baide...so twisted the drama!
But somehow he comes to Kanpur with all the media*yes in Rakhi Sawaant tone...oh no the meddiyya*
And I agree to do a short film completed in ten days!
Voila...what do you know...in a month’s time I receive the National Award for Best Actress and Kareena n Priyanka n Katrina hate me coz all the eligible heroes want producers to cast me!
Ah! So there I am now again...
Being what posters are made of...what sells soaps n fans n juices...what twitters and breaks records of even Lady Gaga...what even Amit wants to act with romantically...arre, Amit bole to apna Amitabh Bachchan re!
Hehe...I guess I took Shahrukh uncle very seriously when he said...
Thoda aur wish karo!;-)
So koi oldie who is flithy...as in filthy rich n about to die...please do one kind deed before your end...inform me where you saunter about n let me oblige there with a truck taken from my father’s transport company!
Or if you are a celebrity n looking to fall in love...
Blush...blush...need I say more!