25 November, 2010
Here’s a quick update*okay, I know you are wondering...since when is “quick” four pages long...but then you know me by now...I hate briefs*;-)
My bundle of joy has now turned 11 months n a half n still a mini tornado in the making!
All my life I have detested mothers who have nothing better to do than rant hysterically about their kids activities that helloooo we just might not be interested in listening. So to save my ass from being a pain for all those around me, I hereby tell you guys about her sweet nothings and get it off my chest.
Item numbers seem to be the flavour of the season...
Why I feel so...my daughter’s favourite songs at this time of the year are ‘Munni badnaam hue’ n now ‘Shiela ki jawani’
A wee bit restless at the development...I frown at her each time she watches these songs on the idiot box with rapt attention that could put even the best of my focused students to shame.
And when I say ‘Seeya...’-ignored.
‘Seeeeeyyaaaaa...’-deaf for all she cares.
‘Seeya, Seeya, Seeyaaaa...’
I finally get her to turn her head at me...but look at me with complete contempt as though thinking,
‘What mom...you made my eyes turn from THAT to YOU?’
And so she returns back shaking her bums on the beats or jerking her head in a surprisingly professional attempt of being the next hip hop star!
She just has to hear music and her lower half breaks into something that tells us that with time she’s going to break some bones in dancing her guts out.
I have been teaching her new words n actions n generally a whole lot of stuff so that I can flaunt her off to interested onlookers at how much she knows.
You know how automatically the class begins for the poor little ones, in front of family n friends because selfish parents want to beam with pride when people watch all amazed at the antics...our very own monkey show, that’s free of cost!
I do that too*sue me, judge me*
She can say a ‘Ram, Ram’ to you with folded hands*do I see a raised eyebrow in admiration?*
She says “Jai” in front of the temples n raises her hands high asking god ji to make her itnaaaaaaaaaaa bada!
*Not still impressed, are you? Where are my arsenals?*
Seeya has learnt how to nod her head in a ‘yes’ n not just once but at least three to four times in one go to make sure what she demands is presented to her at once or send her mommy to the deathly gallows or feed her to the hungry tiger types!
She also does a “no” movement with that same little head, but that comes at the misappropriate time when we ask her to eat and sleep or when we tell her to still sit or mum for a while.
She does a pat on her head to show “offo”
And a palm on her mouth to indicate “haaaw”*don’t ask on seeing what!*
*I am so loving this shameless display of my teaching skills*
She can tell you where her eyes n nose n ears n tummy n bums are*okay, no Einstein here, but try teaching something to an eleven months old...phew! I’d rather teach Shakespeare to my class 10th students*
And no one taught her to but she can put her hand in the ladies kurtas to look for I don’t know what! We’ll just have to wait her to grow up and unlock the mystery.
I had been teaching her from a while to put a finger on her lips and say “chup”.
But in vain...
Cut to last Sunday when we took her to a children’s zone called ‘Fun City’ and there she had a blast looking at the swings n rides n teddies n generally all the stuff that makes you feel ‘wtf did we do as children, without these’...
After almost an hour plus of the gallivanting there I asked my mini beloved,
“Seeya, ghar chalen?”
And she glares at me n with some split second Lara Croft jerky action says “chup” to me and looks away...
Omg...the nerve of you one footer n even less...
No one’s ever raised so much as a finger at her, but ask her mummy kaise pitai karte hain n she’d hit her head with her little palms...
Et tu brute...ah...never mind...yeh moh maya ke sansaar mein aur expect bhi kya kar sakte hain na!
She has the ability to watch the television non-stop without blinking her eyes for almost one minute...
Do you think I should contact Limca Book of Records?
Maybe she’s the youngest to do that the longest...
And I am sure if we push her with advertisement of teddies n 9XN ke really dumb promo cartoons...who knows, we might have a genius in the making!
Only this genius would be a little misinterpreted...
No one other than the mum would interpret her as one!
She’s not interested in dolls...they get their heads sloshed off by her.
She prefers animals instead...never mind if she eats up their tails or breaks their limbs.
Give her a toy with light n sound n see her smile.
Look away for a second n return to find her opening the back side to look for batteries n wires*omg, do you think she would carry forward the torch of technical brilliance that her mom enlightened the world with?
Okay, wishful thinking time over*
She’s a smart cookie too.
She knows when she is being forcefully made to put to sleep, as I curl her tight in my arms and swing her from side to side...
At that time, she would repeatedly croon “mumma” or smile at me or trace my nose with her tiny fingers to distract my lullaby*maybe the lullaby is so horribly pitched that it keeps her from sleeping...should look into that*
She would call “papa” or “mumma” again n again if she feels you are not giving her the attention that she deserves*that is keep all your eyes on her and talk to her or do some clowning around to entertain Her Highness without flinching even for a second*
She likes to put her hand in the powder puff box n spread it...
She likes to put her mouth into the baby cream nozzle n devour the extracts...
She loves the newspaper which she can tear into bits n parts suitable enough to go in her mouth.
If she meets a new kid, her way of greeting him or her is by putting her fingers in his eyes...whoa, some fixations! I need to remind her the upteenth time then that he is a living human being n not one of her blinking stuff toys.
I guess I still need to teach her the right usage of body parts and their functions.
I scolded her once*just once* with the maximum of a little raised tone when she was creating foam of spit in her mouth repeatedly..
Maharani ji went over to the pillows on the side of the bed and sprawled there tummy down and looked away from me with a hint of tear mixed with wrath in her eyes...
The modern day “kop bhawan” people!
Did I tell you how she has the habit if getting up at odd hours of the night for her rejuvenation is over and her batteries now need an hour of playing with her, no matter if the hands of the clock are stuck somewhere between 3 and 4 o’clock?
And please do not bring her within striking distance of dogs...
She might be injurious to their health...yes, even the most ferocious ones, for she might just cuddle them to death.
And beg n plead n groan as much as you may...she might give you a hugggy only if it suits her fancy or you have promised her to take her out for “ghoomy ghoomy” that is for an outing!
She views sleep as a waste of precious time as though she’ll miss some action n so at the first hint of a wake up time, she would not waste time in slowly opening her eyes or taking an angdai aka Hindi film heroines, but sit upright on her cot or stand in a jiffy holding her cot as though some Major of the army somewhere shouted “attention”!
That’s my Seeya, Ladies n Gentlemen, boys n girls...
She has the softest of cheeks
And the cutest of melting smiles.
She can do enough drama to make Shakespeare proud n befool us all.
She is the apple, cherry, banana n the entire fruit basket of our life.
So until further developments, watch this space!