Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

24 June, 2010

Walking styles decoded!

For the longest time...my favourite source of amusement used to be walking-that is, till I discovered that indoors can be just as much fun as outdoors! ;-)
Walking is so enlightening*nope, not in the ‘Buddha getting it under the tree’ way but something as close as ‘Newton getting it under the tree’ way...pop drops an idea every now and then*


I am telling you...one of these days I would be world famous for some of my theories becoming established as certified facts...and my name taken with the ranks of Galileo, Einstein, Princess Diana, Columbus, Mother Teresa:
For example:
1. A man with big palms makes a great lover*not as in ‘on his feet mush’ lover but ‘in your sack n rack’ lover!
2. You can tell the strength of a man by his voice*yes, you can...a squeaky person can never have a larger than life persona...and look nobody ever told you that except good old Tumbling Thoughts...off-The lives we alter!*
3. A good kiss is as good as a good f@#$and can get you there where no man has gone before*no elucidation invited for this one -“at work” till further notice!*
4. Oho...never miiiiind...even in theories I can’t think straight:/
And I also think this post is not about my hypothesis, anyways!
Wtf...Why can’t you guys ever let me stay on one track! Fie! Fie!


Okay...so walking styles!
It’s no hidden truth that I go for my evening walk every...duh...it had to be evening only, right! Waise going for an ‘evening walk’ in the morning is very much possible considering some of the essays I check of my students...but then again...phew! Another track some other time!


So during my walking sojourns...my senses seem to be hyper active and I tend to notice things...or maybe I have no choice else except just walking and watching along....for there’s no one to hold hands with, or cling to...or crib saying ‘I can’t walk any further...please pick me up’*yes I know dear readers, it is anyways not possible to expect ANYONE to pick ME up...so stop giggling at this point n making a mental note of commenting about it later in my comment box*


Lately I seem to notice that people walk in many different ways!
Sure we all have the same hands and the same legs and the same stuff in between them all...ya, ya...that too...yet, yet, yet....


1. The Smooth Operator:
This one walks as though he is *mentally* gliding...I always imagine this ‘uncle’ just might someday raise his right hand Superman style and rise up in the sky after producing red underwear over his blue jeans...
But that thought requires so much of my concentration at his lower half, anticipating the development of the red ones anytime that I have chucked the idea of being the one to discover him altogether!


2. The Grasshopper:
Well, for why else but because he hops while he walks...so every time I adjust my eyes to keep him in one line of frame...in the next instant, he goes whoosh down, making me use all my energies in my already pent up body to lower my eyelids along with my eye lashes and some facial muscles, to notice him having gone down by a few centimetres!
Why do I bother to ‘look’ at him anyways, you ask?
Well, dodo...this is called taking multi-tasking at the next supreme level...
I am giving my eye lids an exercise along with the rest of the body!
*I am soooooooo brilliant...I scare myself sometimes ;-)*

3. The Break Dancer
:

This one has too much excitement to control in his not so tiny frame... so that when he walks you can actually see all his muscles flexing n shaking to keep pace! You will also notice*if you put the entire scene in slow motion format like in movies* how all the weight from the right side of his tummy would travel to the left side like a giant sea wave and then get back to its place before repeating the routine!
With due respect to fat people*for I belong to your clan*I always thought his paunch would reach a place ages before the rest of him followed! I mean it is a big wonder why this dude never loses any weight, for he gyrates like his life depends on it!
I also wonder if I play loud music on the street someday...would he break into a jive*sooo tempted to find out some day*!

4. The Hammer Man:

Nope...that’s not a new superhero my friends...This one walks as though he has a hammer tied up somewhere between his legs! I mean keeping aside the pun-ny implications that this might evoke...the Hammer Man walks precariously putting one foot before the other and settling the ‘things’ in between with each baby step! He could even give Tendulkar a run for his money, in adjusting his assets while in the act!
For heaven’s sake...but that’s one display of assets that we don’t want to see!
But no...He’d be walking up to you and leave you with no choice but to imagine the weirdest possibilities for his erratic walk! And the worst is, he sometimes has a wife walking with him*nope, that’s not the worst part to it* and she walks with her legs slightly more spread out than usual...
So God bless my hyper-active, fertile mind to derive at the potential prospects to lead to such a scenario!


5. The Burster:
Nope...it does not say bust-er...there is an “r” there...
But yes, The Burster would be a woman! This dear lady walker wears clothes that would burst at the mere hint of an over stretching of her limbs!
So every time she takes a little longer stride, I go whoaaa with a hand on my heart...and then just as my heart beats drop to the point of relaxation, she raises her hand to stretch and I go wobbly again like walking on a rolling pole in air! I wonder what threads hold those hems and what efforts get her into those things she smears her body with*read that as clothes*
But unabashed, she walks like she’s the queen of the world...mast haathi ke chaal!

6. The Baby Stepper:

She walks with baby steps!
Okay, I know that’s not self explanatory so you are looking with a gaping mouth at the screen wondering ‘how’s that unusual?’
Well, imagine you have to go to pee as in reaallllllllllllyyyyyy badly and you can’t! You try harder*to control that is* but you can’t!
So what do you do...you scrunch your facial muscles and you squeeze your thighs together and walk, with your feet almost one in front of the other!
Yup...now you get the picture?
And she walks like THAT for almost an hour!
Makes me think of starting ‘Sulabh Shauchalaya’ in public gardens too*now that’s why I had added Mother Teresa to the list of examples above in the introduction to categorise me with*
 
So cases like these galore!
There’s an aunty who walks everyday belonging to one of the elitist families of my town...but one day*woe to that day*I discovered her kurta up *can’t say pants down here, can I?*and squatting facing the wall, obviously to attend nature’s call!


I have also seen a family friend- a dear old middle aged woman, who walks ahead of me sometimes with her kurta going inside the crack of her butt!
And her hips going in ‘one ball up and another ball down’ routine, jutting out oh-so-conspicuously from the rest of the body! OMG!*I run for dear life!*


Then, there are also couples behind bushes....of all sexes!


Phew! Walking! Walking!
Truly a catharsis experience!
I don’t know if I follow the ridiculous or the ridiculous follows me...
But I seem to have invisible antennas inbuilt somewhere that uncannily catch the frequency of the outrageous with stupefying precision!


And what do “I” do while walking?
Well, well...you’d just have to follow me around to find that out now, won’t you? ;-)




P.S. That picture of that awesome looking dame above...how I wish it was me...but alas it is not!
Just thought should let you guys know before my fan following rises due to misconceptions!;-)

66 comments:

The Bald Guy said...

I'm hurt. You don't even have a separate section for how bald men would walk. :P

P.S. I'm grinning. :D

Vagabond said...

aren't you the observer. i had so much fun reading this. i think i should do some funny stuff too. =D

Pavitra .... said...

Hahahaha....Hilarious post!

Lol @ the Hammer Man....Made my imagination run wild! :D

The Burster...well, I see a lot of them in my locality too!

And..the Baby Stepper....Hahaha...I would love to see her...
You should videotape them, you know! :)

Talking about mannerisms, I once had a professor who flapped her elbows like wings when she erased the board...I think thats what kept her class full!

And, as for "The Ridiculous"...
I think they follow you! :)

Ria said...

Interesting post....the grasshopper & break dancer was quite amusing. :P

Cinderella said...

Mwahaha....I so understand the bit about the burster females. LOL. They do not limit their burster outfits to just jogging honey....they're at it 24/7!!

Tanvi said...

Hahaha!!! Only you could come up with such observations! ... And you know what you are right ... all of this seems to be true ... I have seem one of each at some point or the other too! Also your theory about men with squeaky voice is absolutely in tune with mine. I too have many weird theories and I am absolutely certain that all of them are true ... will share with you sometimes! Stay Fabulous.

Tanvi said...

Hahaha!!! Only you could come up with such observations! ... And you know what you are right ... all of this seems to be true ... I have seem one of each at some point or the other too! Also your theory about men with squeaky voice is absolutely in tune with mine. I too have many weird theories and I am absolutely certain that all of them are true ... will share with you sometimes! Stay Fabulous.

Anand M said...

Now I know, why walking is so very special to you...Where the hell do you see such variety of people, Highly observant of you..!

I m sure the Hammer Man and the Kurta Lady and cracks would be good enough to drive you nuts..!

Shreya said...

Haha ..!! i laughed throughout :P walking seems like fun now ;)

So this is the fun that keeps you motivated to keep walking huh!!

nice one :)

Mr Happy said...

so u r back in ur usual avtar ;)..

hammer man must be a real cool person :P

And kaash hum bhi kanpuriye hote, aapki mast chaal ko dekhte aur yahan comment karte :P

Harsha said...

"how all the weight from the right side of his tummy would travel to the left side like a giant sea wave"

Man! oops.. woman! wat fun i had imagining that.. ROTFL.. incredibly hilarious.. i am passing on this post to some of my friends who want me to join them in their walks.. they call me to reduce my tummy.. No thanks, I say to them..

wanna read more such posts.. cheers!

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

tahaha!!you made my day complete! nice post!!good observations, huh! :D

voicefromadistantstar.blogspot.com

blunt edges said...

boy how much am i missing by just not going for evening walks in the...er...evening!

first the gym thing, now the walking routine...with all these exercises, how on earth do u include yourself in the "healthy" (the indian isshtyle) bracket?

PS: i do have big palms...buhahahaha :D

rainboy said...

I don't walk, I flow.

Madhu said...

so much insight! jeez! I am left with lots of choices..*wink*

Walking is fun..i had a post written on that..with the entire blogging land saying Walk? WTF?

Sovina said...

he he..what observations..i also feel that the walking style say a lot about the person but i surely couldn't have thought of all that :)
real good one

http://weddingonthecards.blogspot.com/

mohit said...

well well,u've got something there, haven't you ?

amazing write up, as always :D

buckingfastard said...

isnt it more logical to say man with big palms will be a good self satisfier rather dan lover!! :)

well what kind of walked are u!!

well ur not the smooth operator for sure!! u fell on street for god sake!!

not at all hammer man for obvious reasons!!

hmm baby stepper...tch tch!! maybe on emergency situation..else ur too excited to baby step!!

i m left with grasshopper and buster!!

i go with buster!! :P

Rishi said...

may be u can write a thesis on this... :)

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Do you go for walk or entertainment unlimited? But what you say does make a lot of sense as there are so many ways people walk or jog? Nice observation with a lot of tongue in cheek statements. Enjoyed reading and had or rather still having a good laugh.

Take care

Jarlin Paul said...

Yes, you did lot of research :)

Weirdo guy said...

lol @ the hammer couple ! i tell you you corrupt my mind so much that even i began to imagine all sorts of scenarios for them.


*sigh* hell here i come !

suruchi said...

Hey Tbg...
Thanks for the grin...been a while now since I was make-doing with your yawns;-)
By the way, I read in The Times of India today that yawning suggests sexual yearnings*I swear on Face book, it said these very words*
So take a quick rain check in there, will you?;-)

And there is NEVER a separate section for bald men for anything!
It’s not like you are walking head over heels!!!!!!!!!
Waise, with you...quite possible!
Show me how you do that...and I just might make vital edits here;-)

suruchi said...

Hey VB...
I am not the ‘Observer’...I’d rather be the ‘Times’ instead for it is more read and widely circulated and on the mooh of bachcha bachcha...
Ewww..poor joke...I know:/

Anyways...yup, you must do some funny stuff on your blog space...though we love you just the way you are...but then keeping in mind your versatility...anything would go;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Pavitra...
Now I would love to know how your imagination went wild on the Hammer Man...but then I’d suffice with my own for now!
Too much of wild imaginations coming together could be dangerous for the safety of the world!

And imagine me video-taping these walkers...
They’ll have a sign-board outside the park premises...
“Beware of Suruchi”:/

Yup...with no offence to my amazing followers...the ridiculous sometimes also do follow me;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Ria...
Thank you...I am glad you were as amused as I am of them!

Hiyya Cin...
I guess the Burster women do need a reality check!
I mean, I do understand the need to cling on to clothes that you spend many thousands on...but when they get clingy...it’s time to move out of them:-)

And the end part which asks... ‘I follow the ridiculous or the ridiculous follows me’ is inspired from what you’ve often asked me;-)

suruchi said...

Tanvii...
Weird theories!!!!????
You don’t give a peek into them and then conceal them altogether...
You must bear into consideration that curiosity kills the cat...
And I get as Caty as any could when it comes to scandalous revelations!:-)

I am glad you don’t find the classification as weird...
Though I have cunningly retained some of the more ridiculous ones for the fear that walking itself may become blasphemous!

suruchi said...

Anand ji...
Namashkar!:-)

Such a variety of people are all around!
For this you need to be thoroughly bored and out on a walk along with looking closely at the same people everyday...
Patterns emerge on their own...
Not just of walking but also of everything else;-)

The appearance of a person sometimes reveals more about him that what he is disclosing through his words!
Then walking becomes not so much a task...but a pleasure n leisure!
Thanks for stopping by!

suruchi said...

Hi Shreya...
I always maintain that work would not seem boring if you find ways of enjoying it...
Hence they introduced music to gym-ing
Weekends to offices
Breaks to schedules...
Whatever breaks the monotony is good!
And so is walking for me!

I am glad you enjoyed the post!

suruchi said...

Haha...Mr Happy...
Agar aap Kanpuriye hote to aap bhi wahin kahin Mr Hammer Man ke aaju baaju mein apne aap ko paate ;-)

And mere taraf shaayad palat ke bhi na dekhte!

The wonderful world of “what-if”...endless possibilities! :-)
Aap mujhe man ke aankhon se dekh kar he yahan comment kar lo...tan ke aankhein to waise bhi dhoka kha jaate hain;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Harsha...
Wow...so somebody finally appreciates my ‘giant wave’ creativity...
Thank you ji!
I thought it was brilliant too...not just my description...but the actual happening of it!

But please do walk...all jokes aside...it is the most relaxing form of exercise...
Some good music in the earphones...comfy shoes...a cool wind...plush green environment around...and some cartoons around to decipher...
Walk becomes bliss :-)

Welcome to the blog n hope to see you around :-)

suruchi said...

Hi Ayu...
Thank you for the appreciation :-)
A good laugh is all we need!

suruchi said...

Hey Blunts,
Boy, how much you ARE missing by missing walks...
Also the Miss’s that come there too!
So before all the ‘Miss’ becomes ‘Mrs’...go out there n grab them*the walking shoes that is* and perform*on the walking track that is again*

N the gym thing n the walk thing both are being combined now...
It was hoped they would produce deadly result....but so far only ‘dud’ consequences are more like that!

Ah...I think I would suffice being well-endowed...no however you take that!:-)

And you have big palms....hmmmmmmmm....hahaha...*what can I say to that now except admire all doe-eyed*:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Rainboy..
Keep flowing:-)
Wow though...that must be quite a flow-walk then
*switching off hyper n one track minded imagination plugs;-)*

suruchi said...

Hellowwwwww Mady,
The insight is okay....but choices...naaaah!
If pick you must...the walking arena is not the playfield my dear for someone as cute as you!
I am sure you’d find a better spectrum!

But otherwise...walking is a great booster...
N wtf was the problem of the blogging land against walk?
Especially when you can walk n talk now too...thanks to cell phones!
Sometimes I talk through an hour of walking....and feel sooooooo satisfied;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sovina....
Thank you girl...
Walking, talking , sitting, standing, eating...
Everything that we do, screams something or the other about us!
We just need to get a little more observant and voila...opens the door of amusement!
:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Mohit...
I always have something there...
Where exactly is the biiiiiiiiiiiiiig question;-)

Thank you...as always...for giving me your weekend time:-)

rainboy said...

hehe You'll see if you get lucky ;D

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

I can visualise you sitting there with pen and Paper noting down each style and then harassing the people to know how or what they do :)

I cant stp laughing now i got to make sure i pass some mirrors to see MY WALK ...

Sovina said...

hey pretty lady

thanks for your lovely lovely comments on my blog..you really kicked started that this day for me. as the first comment i read was yours..i am all smiles :)

thanku so much for following too...
have a wonderful week ahead..
love
sovina
http://weddingonthecards.blogspot.com

suruchi said...

Hey Bucking....
Just when I thought you can’t be meaner with me...you go out and break all records:/

I fell on the ground JUST ONCE...once in 10 years of ‘on again off again’ walking:/
Shakespeare uncle ne theek kaha tha...
“the good a man does is often buried with his bones and the follies continue to live on”*sob, sob*

And hellooooooo...how do you know “I am too excited to baby step”?
And woh “buster” nahi hain baba... “buRster” hain!
Chalo as long as you agree to “go” with burster...I am ready to burst;-)

suruchi said...

Hello Jack...
I go for walk only...it turns into entertainment unlimited by default!:/
And thank you for noticing the ‘tongue-in-cheek’ side of me
Otherwise I generally get perceived for my ‘foot-in-the-mouth’ skilss
;-)

Glad to have you laughing...
Thank you and you take care too:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Jarlin,
Welcome to my blog!
Nope...did no research infact...
Went more by my instincts and observation and an empty mind being the devil’s workshop!

Hope to see you around:-)

suruchi said...

Hi WG...
As if YOU need anyone to corrupt you?
And I can only imagine all sorts of scenarios that you would have imagined with your hyper active imagination;-)

*sigh* hell...here WE come!;-)

Persis Shah said...

hahaha dear Suruchi, your posts never disappoint and guarantee full throttle of laughter always!

i was MIA of late from the blogsophere but it's good to be back and catching up with ur posts now. hope ur doing well sweetie.

have a great day!

Persis.

Cinderella said...

Ah. Somebody's back full throttle!

A. K. said...

NEver knew that i was a grass hopper until today! Great post!

suruchi said...

Hi Bikramjit,
Haaaaaaaaaw...me n harass?
Kya mein aapko aise lagte hoon?
*making an innocent face*

And that paper n pen is inbuilt in my system...when I see something amusing once...it generally gets stuck there till it translates into words in my blogspot:-)

And please don’t pass by mirrors...pass by me;-)
“Mein hoon na”;-)

suruchi said...

Hello Sovina...
Great to know you are all smiles...
A pretty face without a smile anyways looks a misfit:-)

I was dazzled by all the colour n beauty on your page...
So just HAD to follow:-)
We’ll see each other around:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Persis...
Loooooooooong time!
Great to see you back...with somebody becoming super stylish n popular these days...the MIA was kinda expected...
So when you bounce back after that...
This becomes a great, great surprise:-)

Keep up the laughter n be around...it’s great to have pretty people for company:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Cindy...
Yup...back n how...
It takes me a couple of hours to write a post n a couple of days at the least to reply to comments...:/
In fact a friend of mine teases me that my comment box is like going through mini posts in themselves:/

I guess kuch kutta’s ke poonchs remain teedhe n I am one of them;-)

suruchi said...

Hello A.K
Wow...never knew I would have people analysing their walks after my dumb interpretations!
I am sure you are a cute Grass hopper...so we don’t mind if you go slightly up or down the frame...as long as you remain IN the frame;-)

libys11 said...

such an interesting read.. now, you're gonna make me observe walkers from now on.. hahaha!

Animated Confessions

MinnieRunner said...

Interesting! But I don't belong to any of your classifications. All I know is that I walk fast.. as in fast.. as if chasing somebody :)

Sovina said...

you know suruchi,...when i was a teenager i had this fascination with all things chanel and then once i went to bangkok and even got a fake chanel vaporizer bcoz i didn't have so much money to spend on perfume..in fact i have very recently about 2-3 years back started using it..after coming to US...and olay facial wipes are really good..i always carry them specially during summers...

have a great weekend sweets :)

Karan said...

I actually read it twice. Nice share !! Still thinking where I fit in ...

WarmSunshine said...

you are such an observer suruchi :D and you had me laughing!... and frankly girl, i got a little carried away at the mention of a man with big, warm hands and the good kisser ;)

... dropped u a message on the email id you have given in ur profile. plz do reply :)

Nipun said...

Your powers of observation continue to serve you well. Nice read.

Haddock said...

Liked that Grasshopper one.
Yes nothing like walking and keeping yourself fit.

suruchi said...

Hi Libys11,
It’s good to be observant!
You never know what you may stumble upon!;-)

Just be sure that whatever you are observing and how you are observing does not land u in trouble...like it does with me sometimes;-)
Glad you enjoyed it!

suruchi said...

Hi MinnieRunner...
Wow...I have yet to see “The Chaser”
Perhaps that’s why I missed it!
Chalo partly The Smooth Operator keh dete hain!
Now gliding n being on a chase...that would be something to watch!
;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sovi...
Wow...this is nice!
To reply to comments on the reader’s blog!
Though that Chanel No.5 stays on my mind now;-)

You too have a superb week!

suruchi said...

Hi Karan...
Hmm... “where you” fit in is a tough question to handle depending upon what we are fitting n what’s being fitted into;-)
Lolsssss...kidding...couldn’t resist the pun!

Well...I am open to further observation...you can walk by n I’d oblige with my analysis ;-)

suruchi said...

Hi WS...
Just “a little” carried away?;-)
Ask me how my “little” goes a “long” way;-)

Checked the mail...following you on the cause:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Nips...
Thank you...
Alas! They serve me not when it comes to you!;-)
And before you say “Daffa ho jao”...out of here:-)
Glad you enjoyed this!

ASHISH said...

wow!!!

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