Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

26 August, 2011

Me and my Walking Adventures!


Okay, time again for putting my foot in my mouth so you all get to open yours -mouth, that is, for guffaws.

I go for evening walks is a wide known fact, almost just as wide as my rare rear end that is not being benefitted in the least by it. Such a big, fat HBTI campus that I traverse, teeming with boys and never has there been one treat for my tired eyes tired of looking and not tired by aging, mind you. If I had not known some super adorable engineers through the blogosphere, I would have given up on their fraternity long ago. Anyways, there is this one boy/man in his late twenties who often comes by the same route to walk his dogs. He is reasonably handsome, with a tad hint of mystery and thereby charm. So about a month ago, in a fit of imbalanced inspiration, I updated a Facebook status in his honour which went something like this:

“There’s a cute n very decent looking twenty something of a boy who comes many evenings to walk with his two ferocious dogs n his peon, in the same campus where I go. He was kinda hot till today when he came by himself, holding the leash of both dogs in each hand n a cigarette dangling in his mouth...Ah, the ciggy kinda killed it :/ ”


I wrote, people commented, we created general awareness on important social issues-like discussing the physical perfections of his taut body and how walking can lead to greater avenues especially for those who are single and we forgot about it.

After all, it is the least I thought I could do in lieu of public interest and support the government’s less hyped campaign of cigarette smoking being hazardous to health and add my innovative angle-injurious also in attaining female curiosity. I was serving my society and hence rested with a guilt free heart in peace. But then we don’t always let skeletons rest, do we?

Cut to yesterday evening- Seeya and I were sauntering in our usual manner-me on my legs and she on her pram being pushed around by her otherwise-not-pushy mother. The “Dish” appears again dressed in a chocolate brown t-shirt why is everything tempting all chocolaty? and black shorts covering half of his thighs and thankfully full of the rest of the stuff. The two dogs were snappier than usual, like they say bitches in heat and when a hormone driven motor-biker vroomed past very noisily, the bitches got wilder and barked the life out of me, being just a few steps behind us. It scared me so much that I gripped the pram tighter and almost faltered on the pavement from the main road, assuming I was about to be bitten. First that stupid biker who made me scrunch my nose and eyes with that screeching cacophony and clouded my instinctive actions and then the stupid dogs who barked as though they saw ‘bone in a suit’ in me and effected my sensible reactions! Seeya gave me the most flabbergasted of looks for never had she seen mommy scared of anything else but her.

The young man in question ventured ahead and apologized for I had turned around and given the dirtiest glare to the menagerie no, not the dirty, wild in bed waala dirty look but the dirty you-son-of-a-gun waala look-yes, I have many classifications of all my looks that I might enumerate some other day. Anyways, he came forward, muttering some hurried blah-blah and seeing me take steps further back, the dimwit realized that the object of my anti-affection was at the edges of his limbs-he handed the reins of the equally dumb dog to the equally amused peon.

Remember I spoke of some mystery in the initial paragraphs? Well, I just cracked it even without wearing my Ms. Homes-on-the-prowl hat. He opened his mouth and I saw bad teeth and heard poor diction and not so husky a voice as I had imagined for him. But worse still was when he opened his gap, he also revealed perfectly bad and ungentlemanly manners.

“I’m really sorry. These dogs are sometimes difficult to handle.... (Looking at Seeya)That’s such a sweet kid, waving to everyone every day.”I mumbled something with a smile on my face though heartbeats still sky rocketing due to the sudden and rude shock to my hitherto placid ambling.

“I think you would have noticed me around here, been walking with my dogs for a while.” I pretended surprise. Heeeellooo-what else can a helpless ambushed woman say-I have been checking out for your taut jaw line and the rippling calf muscles and also how your silky hair wave in the breeze, without really looking at you??????????

“And you also noticed that I smoke...” A very mischievous smile spread on his face which I am yet to decode fully. Oh god, now there was almost hot smoke coming out of my ears. I very badly need a leash for my mouth-velcro, zippers, quick fix...kuch bhi chalega.

“Yes, we know of your status. My chachi is on your friends list-Mrs. ABC and apparently I am the only one walking here with two dogs and this is the only place where I managed to smoke sometimes. But thanks to you now everyone at home knows that I do.” Why was there a grin on his face I don't know but my chote-mote se smile suddenly disappeared.

I was about to ask if she told him that I also made “everyone” know that he was kinda hot and cute, but seeing the not-so-friendly demeanour I resisted the urge. What’s with men, they only pick up those words of mine that suit them and what about all my hidden implications?

I didn’t know what to say or do now. How was I supposed to know that people pay so much attention to my stupid statuses and also lagao so much dimaag on them to lead to stupider inferences? Mental notes to myself:
1. Do not add students’ moms to my Fb account.
2. Think of self interest before public interest.
3. Don’t stop to talk to strangers on walks even if they are cute...you never know how you may have unknowingly rubbed them.
4. Speak something to someone while he is looking at you for a retort instead of making mental notes.

So as he stood there waiting for some kind of explanation, I managed to word just an aaaa....mmmm....Though what I did manage to do very inconspicuously was, give a slight kick of my toe from the bottom on to the seat on which rested Seeya’s bums so that she grew restless and began to holler -that always works my friends-beloved in a horny mood post your putting baby to sleep and thou art not: fear not, just give a nudge with the feet to the cot and watch the baby wake and beloved sleep and you rest in peace!

“I am sorry too then and I really must go.” I whisked past leaving him saying something, I couldn’t hear and didn’t care. I soon realized that those dogs were not snappier naturally but perhaps made to be just so that he would find a suitable intro line to vent out. Though this would go down as the worst opening ever made-Omg! What revengeful streaks for someone trying to do good to the society! Ram, Ram! Ghor Kalyug!

Phew! One more flirt interest crossed off from my already flagging list. I need a new muse and so badly. Someday the dumb head would come and thank me when his cigarette smoking friends would rot in lung wards and his family would give him the most unspoilt munda tag. It was all due to one harmless little status that a beautiful woman updated one evening.

P.S. In case I was missed in the first half of the month, I had gone holidaying with beloved and Seeya to Goa and this was my first proper holiday after almost three years...yiy yiy yiy...Here are some pictures of the same though put up in such a haphazard way coz of my inability to put them up in a better way, read that as any other way!:(
Happy weekend! :-)





 

45 comments:

maithili said...

:P :P The naughtiness is back!! :)
Guys who smoke are a great turn off!! So yes you are did a good thing..However his relative reading your status and coming to the conclusion that he is the guy.. it really amazed me :) Facebook has made everyone only a status away :D :D

The last snap is sooo adorable!!

p.S I dont think you are that fat as you profess or believe to be!!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

OMG, maybe you should have mouthed those words rather than saying it with eyes, 'Son ofa Gun'.

Look at her, isn't Seeya a cutie pie :D

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Pythoroshan said...

me thinks he's gonna be reading this one next :)
you better find a different route to walk..or else get a karate dog which'll kick his dogs butts !!!

Shreya said...

" give a slight kick of my toe from the bottom on to the seat on which rested Seeya’s bums so that she grew restless and began to holler. "


I dont believe you did this .. Ha ha :)) rotf Oh God !! Suruchi you and your adventures with men. lol
You should think of writing a book specially dedicated to this subject.
:)

jo said...

I feel sorry for the poor guy, but then I feel very sorry for you. I hope your tired eyes find a new ray of hope very soon.
And nice pics btw..looks like someone had lots of fun...especially loved the last one. God bless the three of you !

sahrish shamim said...

very nice post ... l love to read your daily home task and i like your family pics ...:-)
http://fashionstyle-pk.blogspot.com/

Chintan said...

goog god....somehow when i started reading i had a feeling that the guy has read the facebook status...its scary how people exploit facebook to death....sigh!

i am here for the first time and a very good read indeed..

Live2cherish said...

Don't you just attract men, all sorts ;) and then you talk about your figure, no way!!!!

Spiritual Sinner said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA ....
no , wait ...


HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA ! :-D

suruchi said...

@Maithili,
The naughtiness never went anywhere...it’s just me who meanders;-)
Actually many of my students are from my own locality which is right opposite to the campus...and many of the walkers here just walk in here from their homes...so I should have realised that there are chances of someone knowing me, knowing him:/

And trust me I am not as not-fat as the pics show me...here you see the best seven of a hundred clicked!:-)

suruchi said...

@Anshul,
Heeeey,
‘Son of a gun’ jab mann mein socha na...tab Shotgun Morgun jaise mann mein gun bhi nikala tha...but mann mein usko load karna bhool gaye:(
Is liye avoided the mouthing...hehe:-)

And yes, Seeya is a cutie pie..thank you...ma pe gaye hain:-)

suruchi said...

@Rosh,
Thank you for the concern...but I don’t think the chachi can bear reading an entire post-she managed to gather so much from the status was quite a surprise*looking now for not just a new route to walk but also a new city to live in before I get exiled from here*
:-)

P.S. I thought there was only a Karate Jackie Chan...when did Karate doggie happen?

suruchi said...

@Shreya,
MY ADVENTURES WITH MEN?????????? My god, as much as you made my day with that line..I also have to return back to reality to announce that it is not even half as glamorous as it sounds! Sigh!

Misadventures are more like it...I somehow always miss catching them;-)


@Jo,
Thank you for sympathising with my eyes...they are fluttering in gratitude:-)
Thanks for the blessings and wishes....here’s wishing you truckloads of it too:-)

suruchi said...

@Sahrish shamim,
Thank you so much:-)


@Chintan,
I know, right! Matlab Facebook ko social network ke jagah social web bana diya hain n poor flying n hopping about creatures like me get caught! Lol!
Thank you and hope to see you around:-)

suruchi said...

@Live2cherish,
Haaaaaaaaaaaw...I don’t attract men...THAT is the problem! And no figure yaar...na mera na attracted men ka...I told you I suck at Maths!
;-)


@Spiritual Sinner,
What did you do to Akshay? And that laughter...very infectious, like I know it;-)

Rachit said...

unto all over it again :P And seeya.. ohh beautiful kid :)

Weakest LINK

Soumyadeep said...

your posts are always riveting...they bring about something new...interesting.....

Rachit Aggarwal said...

Nice post.

Amit Gupta said...

nice Goa pics :)

Love to seeya

Sairam said...

Oh! you have a fb stalker.
great! you are on your way to becoming a rock star.

your goa photos look gr8

Sameera said...

Awesome pics :)

And, thank you so much for your gyaan.. I have got some commendable tips from you, which will definitely help me in after-marriage phase (just give a nudge with the feet to the cot and watch the baby wake and beloved sleep)

And, that handsome hunk.. Poor you Suruchi.. Problems now know their permanent address ;)

Sadiya Merchant said...

rotfl.
hav u thot wat d guy is goin to tel his frns abt u? ;)

suruchi said...

@Rachit, Rachit Aggarwal n Amit,
Thanks yaar...she is a cutie pie:-)


@Soumyadeep,
Thank you...I liked the “riveting” part:-)


@Sairam,
Arre Fb stalker nahi hain...koi bhi stalker nahi hain:(
For all you know, he’ll be telling HE was being stalked!:/
So no rock star re...thanks!:-)

Anonymous said...

Suruchi, how do you deal with your students reading your blog and knowing whats on your mind ?

suruchi said...

@Sameera,
Oh you are most welcome...chalo kisse ne to gyan pakda!
Problems definitely know my address and face by heart:-)


@Sadiya,
Kya karna hain yaar soch kar...waise he life mein kam problems hain!:(
And did the guy ever think what would I tell my bloggers about him-chalo even phir. And like they say, ‘ignorance is bliss’:-)

suruchi said...

@Anon,
Most of my posts are for fun-suffering from exaggeration to generate humour-my students do not read my posts...or at least no one has ever commented to an extent that I know. And then, what’s on my mind you comment...I am not stripping people with every passing second, if that’s what you meant to ask. So relax, people are relatively safe around me!


I can talk so freely because I know people in real life know how I am and what's really on my mind:-)

Sovina said...

hey! Thanks for your lovely comment on the blog:) Good to see you are still here and up and running. How has life been? You guys look adorable in all the photos. I will be back again to read your posts in more detail.

- S

Anwesa said...

Oh ! People with great looks and bad habits(read:smoking) are "fantasy-shattering material" ( Just invented the term in quotes :P )

P.S. : Nice pics. Seeya has grown up :)

P.P.S. : I blog at "My Life and Times". Here's the link : http://anwesananda.blogspot.com/

TaNmAy :) said...

You and your crazy experiences always makes me smile :)

I told you one day earlier remember that people get to know more about you through fb these days then actual life :P

Will hope you have more crazy experiences. .so that you can share more happenings :)

Stay blessed!
PS: Seeya has become more cute and sweet! And search for more safer and better options than the dog walker Su! :P

A said...

Nice family pictures you shared. Beautiful family.

About your experience, it is crazy. I agree about FB. But sometimes you can speak with strangers...:))))

Purba said...

Baby before you give away your "dirty" secrets on FB, remember Vasudheva Kutumbakam.

And you should have updated your status to...Gosh he opened his mouth and my world came crashing down!

Delightful read.

suruchi said...

@Sovina,
Hi and welcome back and hope to see you around...
And yes, up and running we are:-)


@Anwesa,
I liiiiiiiiiiiiike the “fantasy shattering material” just as much as I like “fantasy creating material”;-)
And Seeya is growing up fast, hope she’ll soon grow up good too...as in to be a good, obedient girl:-)

suruchi said...

@A,
Thank you but speaking with strangers can be strange unless the strangers are not strange and strangely that strange coincidence rarely happens!:-)


@Purba,
Haha...as it is I create such a storm with my statuses Purba, agar woh aapka waale update kiya hota to definitely some weak hearted would have fainted;-)
And Vasudheva Kutumbakam...u made me google for it and sigh at my lack of general awareness all over again:(

Thanks for visiting:-)

suruchi said...

@Tan,
Hellooooooooo...great to see you here:-)
I remember how you had cautioned me...however the social networking sites n all are mainly a one-sides affair as far as projections of a person go-the world sees only what you want them to see...and real life aids you in “knowing” someone actually...although even there there can be limitations...oh whatever!:-)

And don’t u worry, we are safe and sound..thanks a bunch for being concerned:-)

Sovina said...

Now that I have read this post..I almost feel bad for the poor guy..bechara cigarette hi to pita hai ;)

-S

Bikramjit said...

well sorry I did not get time to read the article But i checked the pictures .. Beautiful family suruchi .. touch wood and Seeya is growing up .. hana .. she looks adorable ..

I will come back to the article .. and hey so what is he smokes we can alsways get him to stop smoking :)

Bikram's

Miles Of Style said...

hahaha OMG...that is so funny and embarassing...these things never happen to me...maybe coz im not as well equipped to handle them as you are :)

glad you had a lovely holiday...me i've forgotten what that is and the baby is not even here yet!! :O

blunt edges said...

*Puts his hand up for the new muse slot* ;)

And the incident reminds me of one of my fav movie quotes: "Duniya gol hai, aur har paap ka double role hai" :P

PS: Nice pics ji :D

Alka Gurha said...

First things first..your pic with Seeya on the swing is brilliant.

What you need is a bodygurad...cause I am not sure whether adventure chases Suru or the other way round.
Engrossing read and fun as always.

suruchi said...

@Sovina,
Haaaaw...matlab woh bechaara and mein bechaari nahi?
And then, piyo yaar...but ghar pe bata ki peeyo na...coz otherwise it becomes a double sin-you add the lying part too*ah, what would the world be without my sense of morals*
Hehe:-)

suruchi said...

@Biky,
Where the F are you btw?
Gaayab like gadhe ki sar se poonch and no cho-cha to say where you are going n when you’ll be back! My page shed so many ‘miss you’ sighs:-)

Come back soon...and what’s keeping you so busy? Someone pretty in the neighbourhood, kya?;-)

suruchi said...

@Persis,
It’s not that you are not well equipped...it’s just that you are more sensible than to not anticipate and walk into such traps:/

And koi na...I’ll repeat that very dumb statement I would hear so often from well meaning people-koi na, bade saal aish kar le..ab 1-2 saal ki baat hain!
Phew...sorry baby, but then soon it would get better:-)

suruchi said...

@Blunty,
Arre aapko “new” muse slot nahi milega...aap n mein to puraane ek thaali ki chate-bate hain;-)
*Shakes hands nevertheless kya pata aap peeche kheech lo...doobte ko tinke ka sahara hota hain;-)*

Thank you ji...aur “paap”...abhi to meine koi paap kiya bhi nahi hain...mein Ganga ki tarah pavitra hoon ji...offoooooooo, I really need to cut down the drama!

suruchi said...

@Alks,
Thank you:-)
And bodyguard I need for sure...but he should look like Salman and not act like him;-)

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