Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

19 February, 2012

My "Other" Woman!

(Warning: Sexual innuendos ahead...frisk at your risk!)

Now before I tell you about the “other” woman in my life, we need to walk down our history first. Yes, it is flashback time folks. Let’s call her X kyonki naam loongi to badnaam ho jaayege na aur mein to general knowledge mein shareef hoon he. X and I are both kick-arse Punjaban kudis and we met post our weddings god was merciful on our husbands and nopes it does not mean that we’ve had multiple marriages. There were instant sparks (yes, an actual short circuit occurred at the venue) and roses smooched each other (we happened to be wearing floral print kurtas when we hugged). See, I might exaggerate but I neeeeever lie.

We were magnetic and bonded almost like Siamese twins-she is pretty, witty, oozing with oomph, flirty and fun okay, I stop complimenting myself here now. We got clicked while giving flying kisses that happened to hit our cheeks, she declared to the world how soft my arms were, which she refused to get her fingers off and whenever I wore a top that rose too up, she always HAD TO manually bring it a little down saying-have it, flaunt it.

Soon hugs became longer and lingering much to no one’s discomfort. Of course the women became bitchy, but then they do they ever need a reason to transform into being one? “How cheap can some people be!” was crooned a couple of times coming out of mouths with noses above them raised to the sky. While the men watching us weren’t complaining-in fact we were often encouraged to drink and get “more comfortable”. Tch, tch, how dumb can the horny man’s mind be for sure, imagining/praying that it might lead to us making out on the couch....sigh!

Soon gossip mongers began to set up their little ventures around our vicinity and at one late night get-together, we could actually see them flourish every time we whispered insane things in each other’s ears followed by teens-like giggles. Little did the guys realise that we were sizing them up all this while giving them blasphemous and mad ratings of their skills in bed based on their physical bearings and our assumptions of their interior possessions yes, we have self-proclaimed and publically defamed degrees in that...sign up for evaluation? We were just 23 years old then by the way just stating before you decide I am a wild child stillWe even marked our territories to avoid conflict of interests as some were ticked in both our lists-fetishes were being redefined. Although the next morning of course we realized it was not a wise idea to drink as though it were 21st December, 2012. Often we would let people think whatever they wanted just to enjoy their half amused, half aghast and half tongue lolling faces and please, there can be three halves in a hypothetical world just as there are threesomes for many of you in your imagination

Cut to the more placid present now: A little while back as an anniversary special week, a multiplex played movies of diverse genres for varied tastes. For women there was ‘Sex and the City-2’. Now I am a die-hard Carrie Bradshaw fan although the lesser mortal who missed it when it came the first time around sacrificing motherhood, thy name is Suruchi. Since dearly beloved thought it was too ‘womanly’ for his otherwise very woman-preferring tastes, I had to grab another of my species to take me to this paradise. Who else but X and just to clear the air I did not actually “grab” anything to lure her into this! Often I just need to ask and I get it.

We decided to go by ourselves trying to popularize the “Two is company and three is crowd” theory. However, mischief bound, we decided to upload it as a twisted status on our Facebook and BBMs just to create a little flutter. And boy, there was more action off-screen than on-screen since many of our close friends tease us about what's cooking between us, even after they know we suck at cooking-no puns intended.

In the home front with my beloved:
G: Really, why do you girls need to go alone? And that too for a movie that’s about SEX?
Me (in convincingly put-on anguish): Oh sweet lord...just because it has the word SEX in the title that does not mean there is going to be sex in it? (although I was secretly hoping there would be some sensuous stuff at least)
G: There won’t? Strange then, why would people want to go for it anyway?
Me: Grrrr...

G: Okay fine, at least tell me what all happened then and if possible, message me in between?
Me: You want to know what happens in the movie???????
G: No silly, what happened between YOU TWO-I mean there would be darkness, your winter shawls giving the right camouflage, not many in the audience and knowing how tharki both of you are....give me minute by minute detail, okay? Then I won’t feel too bad that I didn’t get to watch.....the movie that is! (And he actually did a holding-his-stomach-and-laugh).

Me (rolling my tongue over the upper lip, followed by a cute pout that muaahs, like I do when I see a KFC burger-this was like having the breast piece): If you want we can take the camera...live action? (a lusty wink)
G: Besharam, tum dono ka koi bharosa nahi waise-go and have fun!

On the social networking status front, here are some of the updates and inbox messages that kept pouring in through the two hours of the movie:
Mr As: Lucky you, I wish I could see ‘Sex and the City’ too in the same hall as you both and since I’ve seen the movie, I won’t need to make an excuse of watching you both instead.
Mr Fu: Wow, two hot women alone in a dark hall...I hope the men in the audience don’t come? Non-metaphorically speaking...
Mr Chu: You could have created less noise about it...now look what you’ve done to ordinary mortals who don’t get to watch “Sex...” and yet think about it!
Mr Ku: Did you get your hands on it finally-the tickets that is?
Mr Bc: I hope you haven’t been lured by those horny behind-the-counter guys to take straws-I hate it when people suck the drinks out in the middle of a quiet moment...
Beloved G: Mere Ganga maile to nahi ho gaye? Mooh kaala kar liya ki abhi naak baaki hain?
Mr Mc: There may be some biting moments in the movie...please keep your fingers and teeth to yourselves or at least don’t leave scratches.
X’s Husband: To kahan tak pahunche? Ache hain? Arre movie yaar!


Phew! Such wise brains all racking whatever little they have to make us rock the sack or rather the seats in this case. While we two seedhe saade Bharatiya pativrata pavitra naaris just had a ball-watching a fun film, hooting a little, taking a couple of cosy clicks for the kicks, sighing at the only proper single kiss on screen, discussing the men in our lives and making a promise that we’d go for an all girls trip too very soon...probably to Bangkok. As for some action between us-naah, we are too busy in being fixated with the male anatomy and attitude to get distracted just by a pair of good boobs-at least for now!

But then seriously, what is with you men and the craving to watch women together? Really! And just checked the newspaper-there is a new comedy flick up that goes by the name “A good old-fashioned orgy”. Hmmm, time to make X come again! ;-)

41 comments:

Spiritual Sinner said...

Ah ! The first thing I read on sunday ...mmmmmmm
The gossip column will feel so "feeka" now .
Hahhaahah !! Oh , you are so innocently ( actually scratch that ) candid :*
Brought back the memories of Indian Jones in PVR .
e were carrying our own whips and did an exploration project of our own ;-) :D

Anonymous said...

hehehehehehe pucca sirf movie hi dhekhi thi na :p

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

LOL through the post ! And about u and X, reminded me of an episode from F.R.I.E.N.D.S when Rachel says she once kissed a female friend, and Phoebe doesnt believe it..!lol...I expected more..!Too bad , Suruchi :D LOL !

Alka Gurha said...

Trust Suruchi to take the reader on a sensational perceptive journey where the demons are of our own making...

Nothing can beat girlie bonding. My good friend (at age 40)went to Bangkok with twelve other female friends and what fun they had....

Jenny said...

I lived with my roomie for 3 years. First in London, then came back to Pune together(fate or what?), then then back to london again and then back to pune again! phew!!

A LOT of people joked about our sharing beds and rooms! We added fuel to the fire, and started the rumor that we lived together :-))) But yes it always amused us, why men like to see 2 girls together!!!

Reminded me of FRIENDS, where Rachel and Monica kiss for a min, to win their apartment back!!
Hilarious post, and a great friend you have there :-))

bhupendra said...

Hu ha :) there must be reason, now a days females(who often hangout/stay with other females) like being the center of such extra girlie bonding talks and rumors , I have heard at least two such incidents from various sources :), and this really hurts men.

Mirage said...

Hahaha!!
One of my friends says that every girl has a lesbian inside of her. And yes, this statement has always been on me and my girlfriends. But after reading this post, I really can't stop myself from quoting the line AGAIN. :D

Bikramjit said...

OH mygod, Now what do i say to that tell me , I am speechless..

and WHat G had to reply..

anyway you know this might sound funny but there was a time in college when people thought me and my best mate were GAY.. can you believe that.. This reminded me of that , Now it jsut happened that what ever we did , we were together (and no Not there where your mind has gone to , I know you.. We had separate rooms he he hehe )...

Its funny how people make up their minds and start to think that way , so what did we do we sometimes went ot the canteen holding hands IT use to be fun watching the faces of some ...

Here's wishing the best for the two of you, its seldom one finds a friend with whom you can click this much, cheers to the friendship and pssssstttt everything else tooooo :)

Have fun and enjoyyyyyyyyyy and yes do go for the movie and if you have a spare ticket make sure to invite me tooo , I promise I wont look at you both , I am sure there will be other women in the hall tooo :) main unse kaam chala loonga :)


Take care
Bikram's

Dr Roshan R said...

hehe.. your hubby must lead a very eventful life.. would love to see his "top 10" fantasy list. :)

As to why we love watching girl on girl... well, its twice the beauty... two of everything ( and even 4, of some parts :D )

jo said...

Haha! The Suruchi I've been missing is finally back. I'm wondering the names of all the misters on the fb front are randomly chosen or is there some pun intended ? :P
I don't know what is it with men not being able to handle the idea of two women together (without coming...out of their slumber that is :P )
Absolutely love it...Going to share it. :)
And hey! Whats wrong with still being a wild child ? ;)

jo said...

Haha! The Suruchi I've been missing is finally back.
I'm wondering whether the names of all the misters on the fb front were chosen randomly or is there some pun intended ? :P
I don't know what is it with men not being able to handle the idea of two women blissfully together (without 'coming'..out of their slumber that is :P ).
Absolutely loved it..going to share it :)
And hey! Whats wrong with still being a wild child ? ;)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Mr.Fu needs to refer to the dictionary when using words, he's contagious, the direct effect seen in the post, post that.

And, there can be better selection of Mr. (Names), these acronyms were too obvious like the fill in the blanks to put in the right preposition that we were given as school work. :P

BTW, how was the movie? I haven't seen any of them. :)

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Mishi said...

em here after so many days Suruchi..and I find your page the same! entertaining !! loved your description of this other woman...I wish I were your friend in real..you sound to be a fun friend! dammit..em so far..:-(

Rià said...

Lol@Anita's comment. And yes Suruchi i was certainly expecting more as well! ;)

R-A-J said...

I wonder if this post would have been as interesting if it were about two men that was being written about... ok, that'd be gross.. lets just stick to just women :)

But really a very nice post bout X n u.. truly XX!! :)

Lovely post, Suruchi!! :)

Rachit said...

Sex and the city making for sex in the city :P

Weakest LINK

Suruchi said...

@Spiritual Sinner,
I don’t even want to ask what whipping you did there Akshay....despite being almost immune to the shock of your escapades, I don’t want to take my chances;-)


@Anon,
Kya pata? :=p


@Anita,
Yeh lo, you join the list of those disappointed...let’s just say, the woods (halls) are lovely dark and deep...and miles to go before we sleep;-)

Suruchi said...

@Alks,
Haha...that’s such a beautiful way of putting it...and yes, I don’t create the demons, they take shape on their own:-) And this all women trip to Bangkok is becoming more common than I thought. This is the second I hear from you:-)


@Jenny,
So much fun na to keep people guessing...so what if the character assassination follows...they won’t spare anyone anyway:-)


@Bhupendra,
Awwwww....poor men-bandage or band aid? :-)

Suruchi said...

@Mirage,
Your friend is a wise person-I guess there is, for better or for worse:-)


@Biky,
You always seem to know where my mind goes off to even before it actually does-and you know actually, you take it there:-)
And how can anyone call aapke jaise baaka gabru jawan gay...mad people I tell you:-) And aapke generosity bhi-waah waah...kaam chalane ko tayyar hain:-)


@Roshan,
I would love to see his top ten fantasy list too, just that the top keps changing I suppose;-)

Suruchi said...

@Jo,
Thank you so much...I am almost afraid to venture into humour these days thinking I would fall with too great a thud being not in my earlier spirit...so very glad that you found semblance of the previous me here:-)
And nothing wrong with being the wild child-only if people stop taking it to the “wildest” references in their mind:-)


@BA,
You made me go back to read what Mr Fu has said and yes I think it “came” for too many times in the post. These type of mindless posts are not meant to be read by you Anshul...I almost pray the great deep writers don’t see this senseless side of me. But thanks for reading still:-)
The movie was totally girlie...I am not sure if you would like it.

Suruchi said...

@Mishi,
This was a funny post after a series of long deep ones...I am glad you came around at the right time:-)


@Ria,
Haha...expectations always lead to disappointments...is liye I have decided to be spontaneous;-)


@Raj,
Haha...yes, please stick to the women...you sticking to the men is not such a good idea anyway...thank you so much for reading.


@Rachit,
So much sex there that I am left wondering:-)

Bikramjit said...

yessss tyaar hain :)

Bikram's

shooting star said...

hmmmmmmmmmm...............no words, just thinking!!!


http://sushmita-smile.blogspot.in

pygmalion said...

Too catchy a title .. and finally hehehe .. the solemn acknowledgement of better anatomy distractions .. hahaha enjoyed :-)
None like you Suru!

Red Handed said...

Hhahahahaha!
I was staying over at a friends place and thr happened to be her cousin sister. She started saying that she is bisexual and that she is a boob person. I only know how I survived the night with her gawking at my you-know-what. Men are always so protective no matter who you are with. Now are they protctive or curious is a totally different point.
As always sexy post!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Su,

You have completely altered my perception of tier 2 cities in India. I'm just amazed that a mArried woman in her mid thirties with a child living in a joint family ( a business family too ), part time teAcher can write posts with sexual connotations /innuendoes
and get away with it ! Hats off to you , Suruchi !

Keep writing ...your posts are funny. But do fill us in with how cope with the reactions of people in your day to day life.

Purba said...

Haw...you naughty girls...doing shaughty stuff. And you are such a tease. No wonder the men went into a tizzy!

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Trust you to arouse curiosity. Lucky you both are to have such supporting soulmates.

Take care

KHOJ said...

lol...your posts always leaves me smiling :)

Tanvi said...

LOL ... Anything is possible with you! One never knows ;) Heheh

♡ from © tanvii.com

BlogwatiG said...

LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and oh yeah been there....done that with my hold your breath............not one....but two bff's..............and the JOEY in all our husbands' minds just seems to be making mental notes. Loved your wild whacky style.........def a follower :)

Suruchi said...

@Shooting Star,
That was one long hmmmmm:-)


@Pygmalion,
Thanks Pygmy...you are as always super duper good for my ego :-)


@Red,
What fun would there be in life if we didn’t confuse the men a bit? :-)

Suruchi said...

@Anon,
Thank you for the hats off and also a lot of parameters that you defined for me...but before I could fill up on how I cope, I would definitely like you to have to balls to come out of the anonymous garbs and ask me. Let’s be fair, shall we?


@Purba,
Hehe...kabhi kabhi life mein thoda tease zaroori hota hain to save it from the monotony:-)


@Jack,
I don’t know what you mean b “supporting” soulmates...it’s not like they are supporting something they ought not to :-)

Suruchi said...

@KHOJ,
Thank you:-)


@Tanvi,
It used to be the scenario long time back-I used to walk right into troubles, but not anymore I think...now such madness comes and goes:-)


@BlogwatiG,
Welcome to my space-loved yours to the core. And wow, not one but two...the more the merrier;-) Thank you!

Anu said...

Suruchi...I'm Anu Kumar ...and I think the name means nothing to you. We are just fellow bloggers and not sure where the identity issue comes in.

Take care and all the best.

Anu said...

Suruchi...I'm Anu Kumar ...and I think the name means nothing to you. We are just fellow bloggers and not sure where the identity issue comes in.

Take care and all the best.

Suruchi said...

Dear Anu,
I am sorry...I guess my crappy mode trickled down to answering the comments yesterday. It is just that a lot of cheeky men find some silly kind of pleasure in asking some really personal questions here and even in silly emails. So the anonymity made me suspect and squeak. I did not mean to offend. Thank you for reading n appreciating.

Anu Kumar said...

Suruchi, I'm sure that what you mentioned must happen ....which is why I asked you how you cope ! It's not easy to be so open in the net world and it is always awkward to be questioned or judged about what one has expressed online. I balk when anybody I know suddenly brings up something I have written when we are meeting socially ! the reference is usually out of context and very embarrassing.

Also, there is something else I would like to say to you. Being so open is your choice and kudos to you for that. But if somebody chooses to be anonymous in the blogosphere that is a choice too ! I think it is a perfectly acceptable choice to make and don't see why it should be a problem . Do ponder over what I have said, Anu

Anu said...

Hi again ! Just thought I'd let you know that there is an option whereby you can disable comments from anonymous people . Maybe you want to exercise that option if you are being harassed too much. Regards, A

Manu Katyaayan said...

Ha ha ha... Loved it and I remember how mean people can be to two self-indulged girlfriends. Fun to Read.. you are missy.

banti said...

-Good piece of information.

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