Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

21 December, 2008

Suruchi went up the Stock Market hill and the hill came tumbling after....

Ok first things first...
This is not statistical or technical as it sounds....
Numbers, data and figures are scary imps for me that I steer clear from... lest they gobble me in their maze and thank god for calculators and computers that I am still surviving as an individual of some worth! A revelation here is not so required but I’d like to give an opportunity to my benevolent readers to have a nice laugh at my expense...
I still use the blocks inbuilt in our fingers for minor mathematics and therefore any number going beyond 30, is expectedly a mental challenge...
Now... feels much lighter after getting it off my chest and you can laugh those guts out!

What this is here then, is a ‘poignant for me and hilarious for some’ account of my entrĂ©e into the stock market world and what my ‘so-called’ friends would like to believe as the disaster that struck the fate of the Dalaal Street...

Sensex was for me for until a while ago....the elder, wilder brother of well...ahemmm...sex... cause the way they mentioned sensex went up and down and surged and peaked....god bless my dirty mind! Alright not until a while ago...this was when it was just a while that I had initiated into the outside world from my mother’s womb... (Now don’t ask me to be too bloody specific here)

Bottom line is that.... ‘Sensex...what sensex?’ I would say with the most dazed look on my face as though I was sleep walking...
This till when a couple of years back lady luck had a flirtish, girly interest in me (by the way, why do they call it lady luck and not a ‘gentleman luck’ cause I seem to be doing better with the men). Anyways, I was showered with loads of money and no suitable place to put them in a return worthy mode. So a dear friend here again came into the picture and guided me to give up on mutual funds and directly attack the bull.
Before I could fathom where and how I was to tackle the horns single-handedly, he cautioned me that a bear may also soon follow....

Hello! I squeaked...this is share market or a brutal circus out there where you are letting me lose? And the dear friend jeeringly and prophetically remarked that I needn’t fear the share market... as it was the share market that should be trembling by my uncalled-for entry in its domain.

So I got myself a pan-card made, signed a few documents to open a trading account and put in Rupees thirty thousand to begin with....piece of cake so far! Little did anyone trouble to inform me that the brownie cake walk could be slippery and the cream on top could damage my insides as does that wicked edible brownie that I try so hard to evade!
Upon the suggestion of my fund manager I began my early investments and purchased all cash worth of stocks. And now with bated breath, I waited for the graph to climb...my heart would flutter at the slightest movement of my shares without knowing any rhyme or reason behind its brand’s existence. I invested even because....well I liked the name of the company...is that so bloody unbelievable?

This was I think somewhere in early summers of 2006 and would you please believe it when I say that a hitherto safe and heaving share market crumbled in the very next couple of days....Within the first week of my sojourn, I was down by half my assets and worth (no pun intended).

I pulled up the sleeves of my ‘dear’ friend and the very pants of my fund manager (well not literally)...This is what I get for my blind faith...?
Et tu brute...yup, not this dramatic actually and I was consoled that the bears have risen....bloody hell would you please talk in Hindi or English or even a god forsaken sign language would do here to explain to me exactly what was happening....

Instead of a full-fledged explanation and profound apologies for gambling with my hard earned dough, all I was offered was a key....
And the key was of ...patience....
!#@$%^&^%$#@!@#$%

So I did....patiently waited for six months and on dumb suggestions even invested more....getting flirty with every rise and surge on the Nifty and the Sensex and transforming into the angry housewife who discovers her cheating husband at every downs and dips. Yes, I did recover my money and made profits, didn’t book them, thinking there’d be more...there's a bloody reason why 'greed' is included in the seven deadly sins....watched all the bloody stock market reviews on the idiot box and flaunted my knowledge among the lesser mortals... even got unsuspecting friends to open trading accounts....!

All was going so well...just then...fate intervened again...it was the day I signed out the biggest of my purchases into the most mammoth of stocks...
And lo! Just then, as it happened before, the economy tumbled and this time made a headlong crash and suruchi came tumbling down with it....the DLF I purchased for Rs. 450 and had gone till Rs. 1250 is now resting at Rs. 240....wow, and my dearies, this is just a preview because the rest of my portfolio is a full bloodied horror story on the loose with massacre and bloodsheds all over....

So what am I doing now...? well, the stock market channels are shut down, the fund manager has been given a kick in the butt (not literally again...please, non violence said the great Mahatma) and I’m holding tight to the key again... remember the key of patience....Amen!
As for the hundreds and thousands in the economy who suffered because of my liaisons here...my profoundest apologies and a promise that I shall not dare to cross their paths again (though I do dare to cross my fingers behind my back, all the same).

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

thanks for the sneak preview.
so just when i thought you could write something intelligent too you made it hilarious again.lol
should everyone fear like that when you walk into their domain?
food for thought,provided by you only.
dimso

unohu said...

commendable...be soft on the poor souls who make facebook active...by clicking everbody in site...

vishal said...

Its a nice way to feel good when you have just suffered a heart attack.God when will the sen and the sex go up together.Well sens meaning all the sens of film industry.

vishal said...

thank you !! you really made me feel nice after a heart attack.Oh God!!! when will the sen and sex go up again together.I hope it goes up otherwise i will go up

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