A student of mine recently came up to me with a very big and sad broken heart...yup I moonlight as an agony aunt...and do not take this as an occupational hazard but the strings benefits of my profession.
She had been in a relationship twice before.
Please don’t ask me her age and thou shalt not hear any lies.
In recent years there has been an increasing inclination of youngsters in all age and class groups to get into the ‘couple’ status with someone...anyone!
Almost all my student batches boast of cute ‘little’ couples and I’d be blind if I said I do not notice such things.
Anyways, this girl had again been dumped by her boyfriend who had sought up another pretty young thing. Hopping is the culture amongst teenagers now and commitment is a foreign word. And as I asked her more, she spilt the beans on her past... about how even previously her boyfriend had hooked up with another classmate of hers.
I would have dismissed it off as just another case of teenage bugle and confusion reigning supreme...but for the fact that I noticed there was a pattern there. The more she told me, the more it became clearer that this poor young thing fell for guys with super self-confidence and over whom gals threw themselves. It thrilled her to no ends to know what a conquest it had been for her. She herself lacked in it terribly, but was a ‘looker’ and so naive that cassanova-kinda guys easily fell for her...till they were poked by the need to stray and moved on. She then looked for another popular hot stuff who would uphold her esteem above others for a while. Till the others admired her for being with him...she basked in the glory, the moment they mentioned someone else on the scene, her esteem would plummet and drive her to the break up.
Are all of us consciously or unconsciously dating the same disastrous guy over and over again...? Call it a relationship fetish that often keeps driving us to those very qualities which we detest eventually in a man. Some get turned on by anger that might ultimately turn them mad...but at that moment fills them with irresistible urges; for many others the ability to make you laugh is the prime concern or preference...and when the laughter is gone...so does the man...and the search for another joker commences again...till the jokes become so redundant that they get on to your nerves.
We are driven towards qualities that complement us or are in striking contrast to our own character...a mediocre path would not do...extremes are the forces...well, whatever works for us....!
So while the faces are changing...please take not the man is the same...!
We may often justify it calling it the basic characteristics we want in a man,blah,blah,blah...but the fact is we always ogle, admire and look for the same guy or gal, what our body has been conditioned to draw us to.
Ok, not physically so much...but do a post-mortem of your beloved’s character and the grains of truth would be staring at you...in your face!
And just as it is easy to form a pattern, equally easy it is to break free from it...
Just the recognition is the key...!
Our subconscious mind takes over us as long as it remains that...the subconscious...allow it to surface at the conscious level and you get back in terms to what exactly are you venturing into...
Once the limitations and negativities are spotted, they can be suitably targeted.
It is necessary to experiment before coming upon an invention, necessary to search before lapping a discovery, necessary to err before finding our own epitome of love and contentment. Almost equally necessary perhaps is to break the shackles of detrimental patterns...to walk into the horizon of what we really...REALLY want!