Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

15 February, 2009

Do we have the Balls to call a Spade..a Spade?

Well, in a fairly recent argument with a dear friend of mine...
We stumbled upon a few basic mind boggling queries encountered in relations by the human race...
It’s more about the games people play or perhaps the lack of it...

Do beautiful things really have a shelf life?
In the age of fragile equations, quick hopping, easy boredom, internet escapades, deceiving facades and identity crisis of sorts....how long can things remain beautiful in a relationship?
How long can we truly believe that the magical feeling would not end someday?
Well, I believe in that.
All said and done...I really do... like I had read in a poem:
“A thing of beauty is a joy forever...
Its loveliness would never fade...it would never pass into nothingness.”
Yup, the idea of a “shelf life” does not hold good in regard to things that truly matter...
A childhood crush that really crushed you...Does it has a shelf life too? Like a time period until which you remember it and thereafter forget....?
The love of a mother towards her child... no matter how far the child goes away...the giving tree is ready to provide shelter and fruit to it again....
Where the fuck is the shelf life here?
How do you explain the case of couples who have been together celebrating golden jubilees and still have the sheen in their eyes when they behold their spouse?

You argue dear friend...
That two people grow tired of each other in the course of passing years or even sometimes months and just days...
Those very two people who were termed as love birds once upon a time...
Well...let me ask you there...do we have the ability or the courage to look beyond the covers...?
Maybe the love birds phase was a facade as opposed to what seems to be the real state now...Who is to judge?
For here again, IF the fabric of a relation is strong...with time it just enriches and ripens....We all move towards our search of a soul mate...but we look at the wrong places or don’t spend enough time in cultivating and nurturing it to perfection...We get scarred by the rough edges and give up too soon.

Sure there may not be sparks popping as before...
The crazy and mad love to sweep you off your feet...but then as someone else rightly once said to me...
‘The crazy bit is actually the sexual part of it....’
Once the dust settles...there is pure contentment...
With time we are not driving to the end of things...
We are just journeying along....
Moving from one phase to another....
From the initial sparks of lust, to the settling down in security and eventually the peace of contentment that there is someone close by....
You may be alone...but never lonely....
That’s the essence of a true relation my friend....
But I guess to realize the depths of this, one must have the balls to be able to dive deep....the guts to take risks of being in company of the same person every day and still making the efforts to cherish and let it grow.
You have to give to get....that’s the universal phenomenon the world is propped upon.
It is easy standing on the shore and saying the storm at the seas would blow us down...get into the sea to realize if the storm would do that to you or you bloody well carry the potential to do that to yourself....!

Is everything just black or white?
There are no such things as black or white...
In fact I believe there are only greys and shades...
Greys tending towards black at one time or greys mixing with the white...
There is no such thing as constancy...like it is rightly said....change is the only thing constant...whether we take it to a positive one or pull in the negativities it is our own fabric...our own deep grounded and often unreasonable fears and notions.

So to say one thing is always right and the other is always wrong is the biggest blunder of human evaluation.
If we move with stuck up notions or pre-formed conceptions of people and relations, we are just waiting for disaster to happen....
Why can’t we be like the mirror... to swallow everything as it appears before us and reflect it accordingly?
Why do we have to have a misted human opinion about everything based on our likes and dislikes?
We start to see things not as they are but how we would like or believe them to be...

Sometimes it helps to give up on the inhibitions...
It helps to let go of the smokescreen and just experience the bliss of rain drops of unadulterated pleasure trickling down our face, with every moment soothing our senses to the core...forget who is watching...just experience!
The world is waiting with its arms wide open to embrace us with pure bliss...Why do we have to fold our arms in disdain and a scowl...with the belief that it is all a snare to trap us while we move unsuspectingly....!


Is it necessary to play games in a relation?
Here again I differ with the rest of the world....and either I am mad or the world is...
Often I have come across games people play to seemingly add to their worth.
Like girlfriends raising a proud eyebrow to the woeful ballad sung by the beloved... or emotional blackmailing to get the other to accept in which he or she has been hesitant.... or waiting before making that call we desperately want to make, because it might seem too desperate...or saying the right thing that we may or may not feel but feel that the other wants to hear from us...!

Gawsh...what a bloody complicated world this is!
If you express your feelings as they surface in your heart, you are falling over the other or coming too strong.
If you give in too soon when being courted, you are easy and if you take too much time for the same...you are snooty.
If you go beyond expected social behaviour and let your hair down once in a while...you are immoral.
If you give they have a problem, if you resist they have a bloody problem again...
What the bloody fuck! Can’t you let me just be?
Like a dear friend of mine says... “You cannot make everyone happy every time...in fact you cannot make even one person happy all the time...is liye meine apne dukaan he band kar le hain...”
So true...it’s best to get down the shutters of giving at places where it is useless to expect any reciprocal...
Where there are games, there is nothing genuine...
Maybe there exists the shelf life that my friend mentioned.
True feelings need to be expressed without fear or hesitance...
And if the other person cannot handle it...too bad...move on for he is not worth the effort....games are best played where they are supposed to be...on courts...not in lives.
Let him be stuck in his games for when the game would be over...it has to be someday...it would be just that...over!

Do relations require space?
Hmm...Seems like my gyan and sermons have no end today...
I’ll keep this one short I promise...
Let’s first just see what is space?
Open free surroundings where we can exist and run around even perhaps deviate...to encompass the freedom...nothing dearer than freedom, is there?
But then have you ever come across a space that did not end in a boundary...
The vastest of fields end in a river...
The widest of rivers are limited by the sandy shore...
The greatest stretches of sandy deserts are confined by cities rising onto their edges...

Spaces are good...to have the realization in the sub conscience that I am free like the wind to scatter and buoyant like the bird to rise...
But with the conscientiousness that I have to return to my nest...or have to settle in my course eventually...
Spaces are important to provide breathing...
Confines are important to limit wantonness.
Spaces provide us the creative outburst...
Confines provide us the rooting to our grounding.
The world thrives on right balancing in nature...
Let’s attempt to derive that in our relations.
To let go when it is tremulous to escape...
And to slightly pull back just when you feel the elasticity might break.

I read this piece by Swami Vivekananda which I really liked...
It’s simple yet profound:
Two close friends sat by a pool. She filled the palm of her hand with some water, held it before him and said:
“You see the water in my hand, it symbolizes love.”
As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there.
However, if you close your fingers around it to possess it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.
The greatest mistake people make in love is that they try to possess it, they demand, they expect...
And just like the latter spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you.
For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature.
If there are people you love, free them.
Give...don’t expect.
Advice...don’t order.
Ask...never demand.

Phew...so much for my Valentine’s Day special....
Don’t know how much I have succeeded in maintaining relations or am I experienced enough to vomit my thoughts on the world...?
But at the end of the day...
I’m just glad that I have the balls to call a spade a spade...without tending towards just black or just white of it;
To express and speak out my mind without fear of repercussions...
To believe and hope that I create beautiful things and relations around me, where the term shelf life does not exist!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

hey, this was nice. a lot of it is stuff i think about as well, and, we agree on so many things! this is why we are STILL friends :)

g

Ashraf said...

Wow!! beautiful article... its great to see you growing as a thinking writer!!! keep it up...

A Neophyte said...

Hi, this is my first comment on ur blog. Have been reading ur blogs for some time now. I am just surprised how this post has only 2 comments. The post was beautiful and profound. Did you experience an epiphany before this ? :P

suruchi said...

Gauri...u sweetie are my best-est of friends...We agree just as much as we love to disagree...we shall always remain friends..touchwood:)

Ashraf...thanks... I owe a lot of this to you:)

A Neophyte...thanks for being around...feels great to be appreciated...and most of the times the subtle grain of truth remains hidden:)
What I have written here is what I have experienced and felt...and thank god for such epiphanies that enrichen my life:)
Thanks for the comment...hope to see more of you here, there and everywhere:)

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