Again thanks to a dear friend...I get the opportunity to use the little argumentative skills that I possess being racked upon a fresh food for thought.
This dear friend poked a very firm finger towards me and asked “Are you a true lover and if yes, can you possibly and in all humility say that you have never lied?” Oops, such a strong assault on my premise made me fumble for words with the thought that should I be brutally honest here or take an easy way out...that is...should I just lie instead?
And there... give me a reason to disagree and all my senses begin to work hyperactively...Although confession time again...often I have noticed this about myself that I may not have a decided opinion about the particular matter, but then I quickly jump to the inference of what is the expected right side in it and then viciously stick to and defend it.
Like here I told him outright that in true love there can never be lies...waah, waah...straight out of my world of utopia and confused ideals. My dear friend was not convinced and pulled my beloved into the deliberation. So now he was queried too “Do you really love her, who I am sure you do...can you cross your heart and say that you have never ever lied to her?”
There is a point...all lovers are actually liars, may be not as in a character assassination but in the mundane of everyday lives, don’t we really skip the little details just to avoid unnecessary confrontations or confusions?
But then... I don’t give up that easy, my wrangling continued... “My dear, aren’t all relations then suffering from this same hypothetical syndrome? This is the fabric of human associations. We do lie in all possible situations and to all possible people...Why should we single out the poor lovers who are already carrying the brunt of the world upon their fragile shoulders?”
Ah! My dear friend took a moment to ponder...
And I relished that sweet satisfaction so prized to the squabbling instincts of a woman who feels she has scored a point with a man...just the spoken point honey!
“Not really, like in the relation with a mother”, he said “I have known guys who never lie to their mothers...”
So then, I retorted, “These would also be the guys that do not tell the whole truth all the time and in all of cases”.
Keeping away the complete truth is a form of lies too...Just because you have not actually twisted the words, it does not release you from the guilt of being thoroughly honest in a foundation that is based on trust. However, in our present scenarios most of us have throttled any guilt pangs that may rise threateningly against us.
Well, are we wired in a weird sort of way to lie, sometimes even without realizing that we are doing so?
Is lying a basic tool of survival in the modern times or simply over hyped by a few who end up with it, to belie themselves and others?
Whatever happened to the paradigm of I speak the truth and nothing but the truth?
Is that the biggest of lies, deftly disguised and presented?
Whether we admit it or not, indulge in it regularly or not, deny it or confess to it...lies are common place now, so meticulously inbuilt in our system that we carry on our existence often without awareness or acknowledgement of it. What appears on the surface is mostly not how it is....and one must dive deep to rummage around for the pearls of truth. The calm surface of the stagnant lake just might have a ruffled depth within. There is so much chaff of superficiality that the pursuit for the real grain is like looking for the oasis in the desert. Often relations and confessions are really mirages tuned in to trap the unsuspecting souls. And goes without saying, words, written or spoken, are meant to conceal more than reveal.
Unquestioningly, little lies can be as fatal in a relationship as the big unforgivable ones...
Little blunders often build up to bigger catastrophe. While the humungous and sinful ones get faded with time, the simmering small issues that are unresolved continue to burn from within. And broken trust is the worst thing that nips it in the bud...
But then intensions they say are as good as the aim.
Shouldn’t we dissect the reasons behind such deviance from the honest path rather than molest the emotions of the user?
So is lying justified in such a context...the harmless ones that aim at causing less hurt than the whole truth would unnecessarily would?
I guess it is!
We have to realize the safety zones and set out limitations however, before attempting to venture into this uncharted territory. Some wise guy said...I would rather lie for the greater good than be honestly outspoken for just my own smug gratification. Oh that wise guy is moi only....at your constant service.
There is a concept of healthy lying, just as there is a healthy relationship, healthy interest, healthy outlook and all the bloody healthy rest. The reasoning is to evade hurt and not guise the truth, in order to cheat. The purpose it to have a conscious realization of having erred and not driven by the will to make it a habit... to take the easy way out of having to question our premise.
Also lying in itself becomes justifiable when we use it as our protection kit against the ruthless world...it is better to hide certain facades from the exploitative environs we live in than to reveal it all, inviting unsolicited massacres. Then it is advisable to keep bits of the whole truth safe with our own selves because most people are really not equipped to handle the stark candour even about those whom we love with all the possible passion. It doesn’t always help to bear our souls naked even to the one person to whom we have borne it all.
So like everything else in our confused era, here too...there are no blacks and no whites. What we do and how we do it, is and must be left completely to our jurisdiction and understanding and of those involved in it with us. Each one has to learn to mark one's own territory and learn to decipher those of others with the realization and maturity that not all truths are pleasing and not all lying is deceitful.