30 April, 2009
Sexual Intimacy Vs. Physical Connect
The greatest mystery and wonder of the Almighty’s creations are not the cycles of seasons, the planetary organization or the geographical balance around us. It is undoubtedly the evolution of human relations and the affairs of the heart. The more you try to understand this, the deeper you feel you are being pulled into a bottomless pit! How similar yet varied are the instances from one individual to another! How simple love looks and how complicated it makes its existence! So when you see couples who have made it for countless years and still appear to have a spark in their eyes...it’s the greatest of enticement to resist asking them, what made them tick?
This comes in line also after it was revealed by a dear friend of mine, that in their many years of a relationship as in a marriage, it had been three years since they had actually “made love”. Yet they go on holidays, indulge in squabbles, raise children and get sucked in the humdrums of everyday routines of a life ‘together’! Another confided that the only times there had been physically coupled were when they had been trying to have their two babies...
Needless to say it quite shocked me out of my system and beliefs!
It made me question my own surmise for the same. Till now I conceded that men are sexually driven and more into physicalities than any other connect. The affairs of the heart for them were really the games of the body.
But this, here, seems to be a brand new ball game, a revelation much like ‘eureka’!
With no sexual intimacy what really keeps them together? Much to my embarrassment I would like to confess at this juncture that no matter how much I mock at my beloved’s desires to constantly be in the sack...I also know that make it a couple of days too many for me without my TLC –tender loving care and you’d find me to be glum, sulky and intolerable and ofcourse with an outpouring of pimples on my face. I think if I did not get my daily dose of hugs, pecks on the cheek, feel of the skin and occasional meeting of desires...I just might wither and succumb!
So when couples go on without this intimacy, yet smiling in each other’s triumphs or gloomy in their partner’s strives...Are they better or lesser connected than those who hit it most nights?
Agreed just physical intimacy does not last forever...but then can just an emotional connect minus even the touch equally pass the test? How long can the man and woman face the trials and temptations coming their way, without a physical bonding with the person they live with, round the clock?
And do the urges of the body die, become consoled elsewhere or are suppressed so deep that they lurk within but do not have the gumption to show that they exist?
It seems one can go on like that and that too for many, many years. It is perceived sadly though, that several lifetimes around us pass like this...when the smiles on the facade hide the truth beyond the surface. In such situations just men made of steel and women worth their mettle can either persist without a complain or resist straying from the socially correct paths meted out for our traverse. With infidelity on the rise, then why does it come to us as a surprise?
Gruelling schedules and outdoor agendas keep many couples from being together or at least not perpetually...As such even when they are, they are gladder to witness a smile on the countenance of their spouse, than hear him or her scream “harder, harder” in the bed!
So when we most need the other to vent out our pent up desires...the other just might not reckon or still feel that the smile she gave everyday would suffice even for the moment. But that moment of solitude and loneliness that could have been crushed by some real connectivity, leaves a burnt hole in the heart...that time works on, to enlarge and worsen.
Display of affection publically is perhaps as crucial as done privately. We were meant to love our beloveds not just for their heart and soul, but also for their bodies. While we appreciate the financial or emotional support, we ought to also acknowledge their physical desires and constantly make efforts to reach out. No matter how hard the doors are shut, constant knocking at the threshold would someday compel the other to throw down the defences. The key is not to stop trying. Maybe we ought to be a bit more experimental with ourselves...hey, with our own partners;) So let your hair down and get ready to surprise and also be taken off your guard. If we consider the relation worthwhile to continue living along with, it should also be valuable enough to transcend all mental blocks to stumble upon its true essence. May each one of us find our ways to the heart, body, mind and soul!