Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

13 December, 2009

Can you be in Love with more than One Person at a time?



If asked this question in 1987....
(When I was precisely 10 years in age)
My response: Huh? Love...what’s that? Of course I love my mum, pa, grandpa, bro...And the list would have gone on...tch, tch...the Mother Teresa view of love!

If asked in 1995...
(I am all of 18 now...a coy bud waiting to bloom...legally an adult and already having carved my mush sequence in the dream realm)
Me: Hmmm...Love...wow...what happens to the hero n heroine in the movies n they dance around the trees, right? My friends are doing it as a daily ritual....Let me fall soon and tell....

Ask me this in 2000...
(More grown up now...relatively...n stupid cupid has finally stricken)
Me again: Love only happens once...and no way can you love another person when you are hopelessly in love with some ONE...What a sinful bigamous thought! Ram! Ram!

And now...I am all of 32...
Older (I don’t like that word so much...let’s make it more mature, shall we?), wiser, more practical and also kinda been-there-done-that....

The glasses with which love was perceived seem to have changed or maybe the number has increased coz the earlier vision is getting hazier or rather broader!

No more is love about running around trees...holding hands and walking in the moonlight...love is not about fancy gifts or chocolates or roses (ok...it partly still is)
Like a dear friend used to remark...love is not a bloody Yash-Raj flick!
Love is not falling for the cutest girl around or the dude who’s pumped it all into his muscles...love hungers for a beautiful mind!
It is less visible now and more inherent!
I just don’t feel love now...I try to understand it!

Love is less fanatic, less conquering and more settled...less hitting like a bullet and more gradually scattering into the system even without professing...
Love is not staying together constantly; it’s about being connected even outside each other’s radar...
Love is not just a frenzied adrenalin rush (ok again...sometimes it still is)...it is more about the gentle, milder mingling of like minds and bodies may or may not follow....

I know I am still sounding dreamy about it all, right?
But then there is a sense of reality even in the dream here...
Fact to fiction...
Existence to fantasy...

Gawsh I am not making much sense here...
Let me start from where I began...the title...
Can you be in love with more than one person at a time?



Although when I began to understand the term love...I would have flatly and austerely said “no”...being in rank with the moral police who seem to have pre-decided bloody every move and attitude on this planet!
Now...when I am faced with it in ‘real’ life and relate to it...I may say here...why not?

A dear friend of mine had asked me this question and my delay had made me realize the implications of love....
Love is not Heer-Ranjha or Laila-Majnu or Romeo-Juliet...
Love is far beyond what the love stories in books and cinema disseminate....

There’s no ‘someone somewhere’ who’s made for you...
There’s no knight in shining armour who would gallop upon his horse and pick you with an outstretched hand and then trot away to live happily ever after...or a fairy like vision walking down the steps of heaven towards you...
Love is not giving your tan, man n dhan to one and expecting the same from him or her...for life!

Then what is love?
Why think love is only when your body and mind signal that you can’t live without a person?
Hellooooooooo...no one is anyways indispensible...
Even those in the zaniest of love clutches have managed to survive the pangs of separation...

Besides, why do we always have sexual connotation with love?
Who’s to say that if I am sexually attracted to a person is it love or until then it is not love at all?
So if I am very fond of a friend outside the realms of my commitment...I may or may not be physically drawn to him...how can I be so bloody certain that it is or is not love when I feel concerned for him or eager to hear his voice every day?

There are no alarms ringing anywhere that help you decide that you have officially fallen in love!
There would be no palpitation of heartbeats once you get in the comfort zone...heck no mush dreams either...
Then, then, then....

Love is ever changing...
In today’s world more than ever....love happens when two minds click...
And there’s no mandate on clicking just once or copyright issued when once the clicking’s been done...

My dear friend says...you can love one girl for her beauty...another one for her suave manners...a third someone with a sparkling wit may strike you...while a go-getter ambitious hottie may turn you on beyond control...You can’t manipulate your feelings...then why deny them even to or just yourself?
How do you know your deep admiration for a girl who’s devoted to community service and tags you along every time on her marathon is not so deep rooted to term it as affection...since you can’t refuse to go with her even when you really don’t want to?

How would you categorize these feelings?
Which one would you say is love and if that is not...then how’s that different from which you feel for that special someone...throwing aside all the soul mate crap that we’ve been duped to believe in!

In today’s scenario...it’s natural to have loads of friends of the opposite sex...
You love spending time with each one of them...they are all strong forces of attraction...yet not strong enough it seems to compel you from not straying from the orbit....You remain open to the idea of having more friends...and yet take out time for the previous ones!
You can’t become an island...you would meet personalities that repel or interest you...minds that may captivate you because they think similar or completely different!
And yet neither can you feel for them all!
Some associations get that twinge of speciality more than the others...It’s time that we opened our minds to acceptance!

Alrite then...another important aspect here that needs mentioning....
Being in love with more than a person at a time...
Does that mean we can do justice to each relation? Can we possibly be more or less in love with one than the other?
We can...
We do...
We love our parents don’t we?
Do we love our mother more than our father or less than our spouse and that too in all the situations and at all times?
How much easier it would have been if we had a love gauging machine!
But since there is none...we are answerable only to ourselves...thankfully!

Commitment level can certainly not be ascertained on the yard sticks of how many people there are with whom you are sharing your feelings!
You may be loving all souls around you with the spark that makes them wait for your sunshine and also be loving just one who feels that you are not giving enough!
All a matter of relativity then!

More questions for you here my dear friend...
If you say ‘I love you’ to your girlfriend (I am assuming you are a gal reader or else kindly apply it suitably to your gender) you are deemed to be teeming with love and such a nice soul...
But you would be socially constrained to say the same to a guy friend or run the risk to be termed slutty or with slippery virtues.
Who the bloody f@#$ has demarcated these lines?
And why the bloody f@#$ do we follow them blindly?

I don’t know if I have managed to state something worthwhile here or raised moral questions against my own sensibilities...
Just want to conclude...
Love is fun...So enjoy it however you can...for nothing calms our wandering souls more than the gentle sweeps of love!
Love is not serious...let’s not take it too seriously!
Have a LOVEly life, my friends!

P.S. A friend recently commented...The phrase ‘I love you’ is overused and overrated...maybe ‘you’ll do’ is better!
;)Just a thought!

29 comments:

Hopeless Romantic said...

Di,

You are 32, you sound like 22 freshly fallen in love :D

For a second i thought, the hopeless romantic in me was writing this post...

awesome, one word, keep writing!

Love,
Amit

PS: yes, you can fall in love with different people at the same time, only they both should not know about each other ;-)

Rahul Khatri said...

So in a nutshell, theres no definition to love, eh!!! But here, i wud just like to express my feeling onto it, that, I believe, u can love n no. of ppl at a time, but loving someone, and being in love are slightly different too, u can love number of ppl or things, but stay committed to one, coz thats the special "One", and after all the love shudnt be dependent on nethin, as in, if u r loving someone, somethin, so let it be, but do not expect more and enjoy the feeling, coz spreading love to the world is not a sin but a great virtue, which can never be bad, just know ur limits and dont cross that line, and all shall be fine!!:)

Love to u,
A peaceful soul^__^

unohu said...

facade..........despite a well written "opinion".......u haven't committed ur personal viewpoint anywhere.....

getting brighter..k

priya said...

hey Suruchi..I agree completely!And must confess that being 32 has something to do with this.Its only now that I realize that love isnt what most people make it out to be.As you grow older and wiser you fall for people who stimulate your mind(sometimes other parts of anatomy too..let me not digress though)and you do love different people for the various things they bring to your life..

suruchi said...

Hi Amit...
I mentioned this earlier also somewhere that I stopped growing mentally at the age of 22...I am glad that u noticed it here...:)
N freshly fallen in love...
The act of falling is always fresh..
U just keep falling n falling...:)

Thanks for the ultimate compliment if u found traces of the hopeless romantic in u here...yippieeeeee...

I wish though u'd write again buddy...
And loved ur P.S.
Keep reading:)

P.S. What should be the strategy though if they are more than 2 to handle?;)

suruchi said...

hey priya...
Yup, it's like 'the mind affair'..nothing stimulates more now than a witty repartee with someone special...:)

Makes u keep on turning n returning to him or her...
Thank god for some benefits of our maturity to make us realize this boon:)

P.S. Please digress...it would be heartening to know someone else besides me is also capable of it;)

suruchi said...

Unohu ji...
Not a facade yaar...
Remember how we had this discussion once?;)
I then said it's not too possible...

But now I think differently n I have decidedly mentioned many times in the post that now I feel one can...
And lemme reassert here it's very much possible to be equally n passionately in love with more than one person at a time...

Well...getting brighter am I?
Damn...have to stop taking a bath with Nirma washing powder...safeedi ke chamkaar kuch zyaada he ho rahe hain...;)
Bad joke..
Thanks for the comment...
Hugs:)

suruchi said...

Rahul jiiiiiiiiiiiii:)
Loving someone and being in love are not different...just phrases that we have created to convince ourselves...

They are just stages...
You fall in love, continue to love n then stay loving...

Commitment is of course important yaar...but then love can be bidden but never hidden:)

There is absolutely no definition of love...
It's either there or just not
Big hugs n love
SC:)

oRange* said...

well, firstly i think the word 'love' is highly misused today!
i dont know what this love feels like and i have no clue when one gets to know that he/she is in love. all i know is that i want to fall in 'love' one day :P
and i know it exists.

and yes, i think u can fall in love twice. simply because 2 people give u 2 different things. u share a unique bond with every individual. so ya i guess

and that 'pyar sirk ek hi baar hota hain' just doesnt make sense.

nice blog suruchi!

sulagna said...

"Love is less fanatic, less conquering and more settled"

perfect suruchi..perfect!!!

suruchi said...

oRange....hi...
I hope you do fall in love someday...n again n again...hehe...
Basically saying...hope u are surrounded by love...:)

N understanding love comes with time I guess...also with experience...as is true with every other thing;)

Thanks for visiting...keep returning:)
The word 'love' is certainly misused when we don't understand the implications or import of it...otherwise it's a great great feeling n the way to be:)

suruchi said...

Sulagna...:-):-)
Feels great to be so perfectly understood n related...
Thanksssssssss...u are awesome for my writer's ego within:-):-)

Rishi said...

okay no big comments on this thingy... something i rarely have a clue about... all i can say is.. I Love the blog...

PS: may i suggest another substitue which would go good with women and gals alike...
I WOVE You...

suruchi said...

Rishi...
Hellooooooooo...
Ooooooooooh..."no big comments":-(
Awwwwwwwwww..."I love the blog":-)

P.S.I need to understand the "wove" part a little more better...
Is it as simple to understand as it is seeming or does it spring from something deeper?:)

Thanksssssssssss for the wove by the way:)

sulagna said...

writers ego???hello..its not ego..every beautiful,witty,funny,smart,eloquent woman HAS TO HAVE AN EGO!!!

has to has to!!
i am here just to make yours bigger :) :)

suruchi said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...Sulagna...
Soooooooooooooo cute is that...
Just made my day...
n you have to, have to be accept all these qualities in u too...
Let's get egoistic then n balls to the world;)

And the bigger the better it is...coz eventually size does matter;)

Anonymous said...

It's easy reading as usual and has all the qualities that make reading you a pleasant experience.
I would more or less fall in line with the main skeleton of the essay. We do usually have friend 'circles'. You relish each for their own individual approaches and styles.

People are not tailor-made to your specification and neither can you 'distill' them into purer forms for your liking (and people, especially spouses, who do attempt this impossible feat court serious relationship troubles).

Following the concept of monogamy, you choose a partner who most suits you. Though you will always run into people who have qualities that you miss in a mate.

Here a pundit says, 'So what? Big deal.....a perfect match is to be aspired for and not necessarily achieved....get real....'.
A Scandinavian, however, would quietly differ.....lol.

Jokes apart....its normal to be impressed by people but you cannot actually have a harem, can you?

The take home message: Commit to one, appreciate everyone

suruchi said...

Dear Anonymous...
U floored me again with the simplicity with which u bring out your view...it is at once emphatic yet gentle...sure yet not sounding too conclusive...letting me take the final call though you have pretty much surmised the inference for me...

Agree 100% n more:)

Amnn.......//1! said...

love is too complicated ..if it happenes its good .. if it doean happen its the best
if it happens with more than one person at a time it the bestest....

n if u love everyone .. then thers nothing more bettr then that ... then u don have to move on when someone dumps . u don even have to hate tat person u can still love the person keep loving everyone else ,,,
tats how we men r .. we love all women .....

suruchi said...

Hmmm...Amn, despite the "in"famous wavering male tendency streaking across there in your comment...I kinda liked what u said...:-)
Makes a whole lot of sense to me...
So bottom line...
Stay n keep loving everyone...the more the merrier;)

Fighter Jet said...

Loving and liking are two entirely diffrent issues..u can like more than 1 person at a time..but love..humm..thats surely debatable,becasue,the defination of love itself is undefined..than what one says depends on his/her understanding of LOVE.

suruchi said...

Hmm..Fighter Jet...
That's a nice name;)

There's a very thin line yaar between loving n liking..often we live our lives in false sense of beliefs n taking one for another...

Love sure is debatable...but then I am sure not a "eureka" like feeling that makes u jump up someday n disclose to the world that u've fallen right here n right now...
Liking leads to love...
n then loads of liking?
What would be call that?

Just some more food for thought..there was anyways too much on my platter...I thought I'd share;)

rohit said...

Fantastic sense and views as expressed in the ideas regarding this partially controversial word LOVE....
Speechless and totally agreed to the aspects the way it has been defined in words.....i thought nothing much is left to learn in this world as the state of mind people have does`nt match often to the other human.
Hats off....and i`ll have to follow up with ur blogs now with the thoughts you share coz it increases so many things in me....

suruchi said...

Hi Rohit,
Wow...u made me feel so good with this comment...
And also glad that my opinion finds consent with others...
There's ALWAYS scope to learn more...in fact our own belief processes undergo a change everyday as we learn more and more about life and relations and things around us...

Thank you for feeling that my words increased something in you...I would love to know what and more...
Keep coming:-)

bee!!! said...

Hii .. reading the post let me hv a quick recap ...niceee

suruchi said...

Hi bee...
Lemme just quickly say...
Thanks:-)

raghvendra said...

Awesome!!!!
Fantastic!!!!!
Beautiful!!!!!!!
Pl keep it up.....Kanpur gal doing wonders...
:)

suruchi said...

Thank u!!!
Thank u!!!!!
Thank u!!!!!!!!
Raghvendra, please keep reading:-)

Sakshi said...

I have blogrolled you too. And I am officially more confused now. Thanks.

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