Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

27 March, 2010

Love Path Deviations!



About a month back I had written a fiction three part “love storyabout a couple hopelessly in love, but out of their wed-locks. It was supposed to be another take on a different and relatively less explored facet of love...the so called “extra-marital”, technically not allowed to be termed as love at all by social norms and the moral police, but then love nevertheless!
Out there I received some lambasting and some accolades for my interpretation-a few eyebrows raised in disdain or suspicion and a handful even hinted at a near heart attack!*wonder what would happen to those weaklings after this!*

But what struck me as obvious was a certain amount of public distaste for such a possible concoction!
I even received a comment saying that no love was evident there but just pure lust and infidelity!

Phew!
INFIDELITY!
A new age offering you’d say that we would have to get used to of seeing around, not so far away as on on-screen but in our very vicinity and sometimes even dealing with in-your-face threats of the same in our own little worlds!

But with the opening up of the globe, notions and minds, perhaps we need to open up also to the fact that “everlasting love” may also be edging towards the obsolete territory. We have to wake up to the idea that deviations in love may occur and hence gear up our defence mechanism and quaint little hearts for the same instead of pretending to exist in the land of oblivion. Ignorance is not always bliss. An ‘open view’ is a phenomenon that we need to understand first before scrunching our hoity noses or jumping onto the band wagon of self derived conclusions.

I hate mindless boxing and indexing of human beings...I hate branding of character without enough back up proof...I hate pre-conceived notions and judgements...and hence this!

1. Monogamy is great...but then it is a concept whose brunt has been largely borne by the weaker sex alone. Till she was largely monogamous, the world was said to be relatively moral no matter how much the male counterpart indulged even then! Those moral dos and don’ts were heralded by an era where women and men were more segregated and the former being confined within the four walls*for our ancient history is richer n bolder...somewhere down the line we developed the pseudo attitude*. No exposure means no realization of what she was missing and hence no strife to attempt to attain it!

2. Man on the other hand has been a wanderer from the initiation of history. He is the bread earner who must go out to seek it and in doing so, he many-a-times comes across that which he receives often without having sought! So if he strayed, he managed to cover his tracks...wear the garbs of a devoted husband...also enjoyed the strings of unabashed, on the side, wild love...and everyone lived happily ever after!

3. I am not defending or shredding either genders here...for the roles of the victim and the accused are easily interchangeable now, based on the universally accepted hypothesis that there is bound to be sufferings anyways!
There was recently a soppy serial on television that dealt with a couple in the dusk of their lives. She retires from her bank job with public declarations reeking of love and gratitude expressed to the “perfect” husband who had stood by her through the thick and thin of life. However just days later, she discovers he has another wife and a daughter in another town and suddenly the marriage she clung to, becomes a sham!
She feels all those years of matrimony which were hitherto bliss, were suddenly meaningless and make her feel dirty!
Oh come on now...I know this would be a natural reaction of most women, but then how can you possibly erase and ignore all good memories just because one blot has marked that sheet of your relationship?

You may be expected to be angry but why vindictive?
You ought to analyze his needs instead of raising fingers at his intensions or your worth! Reflect that a thing like this just happened or did he go out of his way to make it happen! Think woman, before going into the whole melodrama stance that sucks out the very life breathe of the relation, drench it in tears and gobbles up the smiles!

4. Most people would empathize with an infidel partner if the spouse is indifferent, abusive or family conditions incline towards being non-cordial. But there would be absolutely no dint of pity or attempt for understanding the reasons behind a cheating man/woman who walks out of line of a seemingly perfect union of two individuals. I remember watching the movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna...the Karan Johar-Shahrukh Khan flick, that bombed at the box office for it dealt with spouses who felt suffocated in marriages chosen by them out of love or motivated by security. I remember the flak of women in my gym for Rani Mukherjee for cheating upon the “perfect” husband played by Abhishek Bachchan. “What more could she ask for?” they reverberated in aghast horror!
It is still very difficult for us to understand the existence of an emotional void! There may be a loving husband, enough money, freedom, lifestyle...yet something may STILL be missing...a connect that the soul inconspicuously seeks!



5. Why does fulfilment of voids-emotional or otherwise tantamount to being selfish? We do have just one life to live and if we please ourselves, only then we remain pleasant for the outward show to the society.
I am not advocating wanton conduct, mind you! But I do believe in self help when in dire straits! It is okay to seek for happiness that we deserve, without crumpling someone’s feelings or sentiments!

We are taught to think bigger, aim higher, crave for the best...but then also in very tiny fonts below are given the limitations as to what such dictums apply on! They become evident and preached only after you falter!

We as a generation are an unsatisfied lot! We no longer depend on trains...we want to reach faster by planes, typewriters have been replaced by computers... we want high speed internet, multi tasking quicker gadgets, speedy home deliveries, reservations at the click of a button...

But if we want to attempt to elevate our mental disposition, remove the discontent in our emotional baggage, there are more ‘stop’ buttons than ‘enter’. There are just ‘backspaces’ and forced ‘deletes’ or ‘escapes’!
So while you deserve the best facial cream or are ‘worthy’ of the extravagant hair colour or motivated to imbibe the latest trend to project your outward prosperity, you are discouraged to do the same for your insides!
So much for our hypocritical thinking!



5. Who made the rules of our righteousness in our society?
Who can say for sure that ‘this’ is acceptable and ‘that’ is not?
Weren’t the rules made to facilitate discipline and not dictatorship?
Let’s say in the beginning of time when there was little understanding of things...man may have discovered sex!
He felt he liked it and wanted to try it more. Once explored with a certain partner, he may have been haunted by the query if it was the same with every other individual and he went on to experiment! He sauntered into new, pleasurable horizons with each, different experience.

But some in the species were lazy and easily intimidated! They could muster the effort for just one catch and having attained it, concentrated just on that exploration! Soon their number outgrew to those who dared and as such came about the set standard as guidelines for everyone! Monogamy became a fad and soon came in fashion and stayed there for so long that any other options beyond it became inconceivable!

So does the rest of the race pay the price for standards set by such lazy bones? Hmm...the argument doesn’t make sense, I know! Has no factual back up to support it either...but interesting and quite probable line of thought, if you ask me!

So like a thousand things that we follow blindly...we continue to follow relationship notions also- elders can’t be wrong, good mothers must sacrifice for their children and married people do not experiment outside for physical pleasures no matter how bad the inside story is! Period!

6. The extent of what you would term as cheating is itself debatable!
Flirting in the office, eyeing someone, going to a strip club, getting massages, kissing, dirty dancing, a friendly grab of the butt, cyber sex, one night stands, intimate friendships, phone pals, dating, lying about being single, fantasizing during the act, living in, wife swapping, etc...
You would say it depends from person to person...
Then why not let the persons involved in it decide for themselves?
Who would set boundaries and guidelines here?
You can’t attempt to form a preamble and let the public draw its own constitution...and before forming one, you must question yourself if you are worthy of doing so...if you are as impeccable as you would want the world to see!
You can’t say it is okay for Tiger Woods to do so because he is in a temptation prone zone and not okay for the common man...
You can’t say it is okay for a man to do any/all of the above but not seemingly for a woman!
So much that we must introspect deeply before brandishing someone’s character!
You have to shed some double standards!



7. “If a man strays, he may have got tempted...if a woman strays, she may not have morals?” Being a Casanova is cool...but being indulgent for a girl is slutty!
We encourage our boys to have girlfriends but we warn our girls about boys wanting just one thing and hence not wanting boys at all!

Why is a woman’s dignity considered more at risk and hence supervised more ferociously than that of a man’s?
How does having been in a relationship before, raise a question on our integrity concerning every other aspect of our lives?
Why is a man easily forgiven...or relatively easily forgiven for digressing but not a woman?
It is generally true that once a flirt, always a flirt....once strayed, chances of doing so again remain comparatively higher...but then don’t bar the accused of basic rights and leading a guiltless life!

Despite all the progress gender discrimination still looms over our lives. A boy taking naughty is attractive and a girl talking naughty is easy! When will we manage to shatter the stereotypes? When would we be able to give our children the joy of feeling like conscientious adults... “Do what you want to but don’t make us ashamed and be ready to accept its responsibility.”

8. We need to stop the alert radars from rising high upon seeing a man and a woman together just having fun. Our growing voyeurism is a matter of serious concern!
So many men go to Bangkok very often. They have no qualms about having had “fun” there on flimsy pretexts like it was not in their own country, it was just once or because they paid for it; Stress levels and long intervals from home sometimes induce a slight deviation. But these men act all moral-full and become super irritating when they cook up a gossip story about another married man who was only just sighted in a car with a woman! The masala gets added spontaneously and soon the whole town is talking about a flamboyant, flaming love affair!


9. Physical betrayal Vs emotional attachment...

Ask most men if they are likely to forgive their partner for physical or emotional betrayal...and they would choose to ignore the emotional crap as long as the woman’s body is prestine!
With women it works in the opposite way...they don’t mind physical indulgence for their man, but to think that some other woman over powers his mind is unthinkable!
Now which is worse and which is not...if it is not, is it acceptable?

In this argument I would also like to raise more issues...but from here on, I only have questions. I have no answers for them...perhaps you might help me here:

Is it wrong for a man and a woman to get into friendship outside their wedded loop...just friends or even otherwise, if they remain committed to their duties and relations?

Why is the world likely to blame higher education or a vocation for motivating a woman to stray? Should we refrain our daughters from studying too much
?

Most articles I read on infidelity teach you what to do with the situation after the damage is done...
What about reasons...acceptance...motivations...empathy?
Why deviations are considered the end of a relationship and not a new opportunity to rethink things over for a better evolution?


I personally detest a man who would hop from one woman to another for satisfaction of physical urges! I absolutely abhor men who do not respect women and women who act trashy!
So have I made any sense above, without sounding as an advocate to extra marital flings?
Or in my bid to strike a balance between loyalty and self expression, I have screwed up this article?

After having read through the pointers I am sure you are pondering with conclusions...less so about the write up and more so about the author:
1. She is having an extra-marital affair for sure!
2. She leads too cushioned a mush life to realize the implication of the claims she is making and of such a betrayal...We’d ask, when it would come to her!
3. What the f@#$%! Did I just read all this long crap?

64 comments:

Vagabond said...

itnaaaaa vadddaaaaa blaauuugg posstt!!!!!!

i tried and tried and tried but scrolled down time and agian...nahin padha gaya =(


=P

will try again to read again and comment!! =)

suruchi said...

Boooooooo hooooooooo...
Kya VB...:-(
Itnaaaaaaaaaaaa vadddaaaaaaaa bhi nahi hain...for sure we've seen 'bigger' things than this;-)

Jo darr gaya...woh mar gaya...
Kaal kare so aaj kar...aaj kare so ab...
And that scroll button on ur keyboard...absolutely useless...let it rest in peace..;-)
Okay waiting for your return:-)

Vagabond said...

i read it and i vehemently deny all the conclusions in the end...

i adore you for writing such a post. very very practical and well things like that have crossed my mind too. i was in a relationship which had an emotional void. i walked out. i have frnds who call me names or said i-used-him shit.

i don't care actually. i wouldn't cheat if i had an emotional fulfillment and will walk out if i dnt. that is exactly why the show involved in the institute called marriage fails me.

kabhi alvida made complete sense to me.
hated all the overrated hamming of all the actors though, an anurag basu/kashyap would have done more justice i feel

no body can remain the same. as if marriage was like taking the ultimate test of endurance.

maybe i got a little too far, got a little off track


very well written...awesome points made.

suruchi said...

Wow..that's a pretty quick return...
And you've come n come how;-)
no puns intended:-)

Thanks for denying the conclusions...
Thanks for baring with the length...
N thanks for thumbing up the thesis...warna I would have thought mein over rebellious types ho gaye hoon:-)

The emotional void bit is bigger n very understated with us women...if only we were understood more there...material things rarely matter:-)

*agree with the over acting bit in KANK...*
U didn't go too far..u have reached home with the point n warmly welcomed:-)

Marriage though cannot be written off entirely...there are pros n cons to suit each one...the balance does it all:-)

buckingfastard said...

sympathies for you keyboard, who suffered multiple pokings to the verge of short circuiting!!! and if it survived all dis damage, lemme kno which brand it is of :P

now on point...well agreed on many point except... "monogamy is outcome of laziness"..wat!! cummon advocating polygamy as a adventure sport is not justified

and ahh well...cheating is overrated...women!!do it!! dont get caught!! coz dat hurts our big bad male ego...

and men!! do it!! get caught!! and apologize!! women luv to hav upper hand in relationship!! coz that satisfies their big sym"pathetic" heart

shikha said...

suruchi arora!!!! crappy conclusions!!!
its like i support breast cancer cos i have it !!!
dunno whether the example made any sense but who cares..m sure u understood
power packed article...n very well written..agree we live in a society of hypocrites and we all are at some stage in life..
hmmmmm lots of thots tumbling in my mind..
just this much that we are not living in a jungle...some commitments should not be broken just because he or she got"tempted"
lets not have relationships of convenience only...here today n there tomorrow..especially if u don't have a reason
don't agree wth ur take on the soppy serial bit..
then lets not forget "life in a metro"
totally agree wth u on emotional void and pristine bodies
kuch zyada bol diya na?

Wicked Witch of the West said...

Have only a minute because someone is waiting for the computer...but read this (yes, in its entirety, I couldn't stop reading) on my phone last night when doing the 'final check on facebook before bed'...great post, and so much my views (which I was telling TBG yesterday even :)), and so beautifully expressed...a subject dear to my heart, and so nice to see someone talking with logic...which us humans have lost in our blind adherence to rules, the origin of which we largely don't even understand, which are no longer there, or which were not logical to begin with.

And yes, definitely disagree with the conclusions :)

I haven't seen KANK but the title song is one of my 'soppy songs of choice'.

By the way, there was a study of over 1000 societies around the world, and it was found that only 20% had monogamy as the norm (and of course we know from what we see that this is only 'in appearance' in many cases). Animals are even less monogamous (even where they are socially monogamous they are not sexually monogamous, despite what we have believed about some breeds in the past).

Ok, will stop now before I get beaten up lol...and come back when I can give it more justice :)

Shady said...

good write , seems the post never intended to reach any conclusions but to let us think and rake our brain .

I had written many posts on controversial subjects and after every post being taken as controversy myself .


Lets ponder

malpani.!! said...

heavy topic.. infidelity..
but it turned out be more of a mars vs venus thing..!!
altho i loved pointers 6 and 7..!!

still atleast half a decade for me to start my marriage life.. may be i will fall back on this.. and make my wife read too.. :p

suruchi said...

Dear BF,
*You almost sound like BoyFriend there..instead of Bucking Fastard...sigh,sigh;-)*
Hmm...the keyboard survived...and most of the other things that I poke also anyways do...so brand of it u asked...kya karna hain...it’s brand “me”..lolzzzz;-)

And look who’s talking about the length...right after this I am flowing over to ur blog coz there’s a new post...*smile,smiles*...finally...
Please check out the awesome posts by this no-nonsense writer at:
http://buckinfastard.blogspot.com/

Now on point again*u say point but you give a line...hmm...okay, poor joke, agreed*....
N thank god you agreed with me for a change*yiyeee...yiyeee*
That take on monogamy being an adventure sport was just to add a dash of a possible weird angle of explanation...bade der se serious observations kar kar ke thak gaye the:-)
Justified nahi hain...but completely outrageous bhi nahi tha yaar:-)

Women don’t want to have any upper hands or anything...
It’s the men who want things handy...;-)
N as far as cheating is concerned...like I said...the roles of victim n accused are easily interchangeable...
Manly ego n womanly pathetic-ness...I guess some things always remain the same:-/

suruchi said...

Hellooooooooooo Shikhu...
I looooooooooooved your example....wow yaar...kahan you are wasting your time by not writing....
That one example almost made as much sense as my whole post:-(
Exactly summarized what I wanted to say in the end...
Thankssssssssss....you again prove to be my saving grace:-)

I am as against relationships of convenience...
Commitments are great...they hold the society together
But generally if broken there is always a reason...

Soppy serial bit waala angle was filled with melodrama...
The guy tried repeatedly to explain that what happened had happened under unavoidable circumstances...he had given her his undivided attention whenever in town...but she stretched it beyond weeks n months n sarcastic remarks, till the guy succumbed to a heart attack....
I thought she should have come around eventually seeing the genuineness of the husband...it’s not weakness...it’s part of acceptance...

N ooooooo... “Life in a metro” was goooooood too...
Zyaada nahi bola...sahi bola:-)

suruchi said...

Hey W3....my dear, dear Cat,
Thanks for agreeing with me...we all are within somewhere tired of mindless rules n behaviour patterns that we are expected to follow...but blind habit makes us succumb instead of resist...
I had read your post on infidelity...and many more on such issues too...
But often our stance here is that it causes all round sufferings and is selfish...
I feel if it is bringing a lot of happiness to two individuals concerned, who are otherwise not happy...then definitely we as spectators should just shut the f@#$ up!

N no...you would not be beaten up...you’d be given a big fat love dipped hug for being sooooooooo awesome...
Thanks for sharing the post on your facebook id too...
U make me feel kinda proud n kicked about the post now...
Thanks baby...wish u all the very best always:-)
P.S. She should be read people at
http://geminievil.blogspot.com/

suruchi said...

Hi shady
Things like these never do reach to a conclusion...if they did...how would we be better than the moral police whom we fight against?

I love your bindaas posts and feel you should...ought to...MUST write again...now if only you’d oblige...we would have so much sense made out of all the nonsense...:-)

From your write ups I have learnt to understand that it is not necessary that one should be experiencing a particular emotion or process to be writing about it*if that were true...we would have our very own Indian Casanova...The Shady Man...clap,clap*

So while we ponder...dear readers can check him out too at:
http://o3.indiatimes.com/shady
Satisfaction guaranteed ;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Malpani...
Hmm...heavy topic indeed...
But half a decade????????Isn't it a little tooooooooo much...
Tab tak to the world might end too...remember 2012 theory*don't believe in them but just throwing the bait to tempt u...why should the married half of the world suffer only syndrome!*

And I had almost thought of deleting points 6,7 n 8 coz I thought they did not match with the rest of the content...phew! Thank god I did not...otherwise there would have been nothing left to comment on;-)

"Hello...welcome ji"...that's for your wife by the way...whenever she comes along here with u again;-)

The Bald Guy said...

I read it all, in one go, and I loved it so much that the first thing I'm going to do is to blog roll you on my blog. Right away.

:)

The Bald Guy said...

Thanks Cathy for sending me here.

Sakshi said...

Hi Suruchi,
Tumbled here thanks to TBG. I dunno what to really say here.
I have been bought up looking at loves which have been life long. Love stories that have been forever.
And, I also have always believed in a love a that lasts forever.

But, I also agree with you when you say that we stay in a society with double standards. And, well, it is a difficult thing to really talk about falling in love out side a relationship.
I have a question for you, reading your post... I have been pondering, thinking, if you say,
"Is it wrong for a man and a woman to get into friendship outside their wedded loop...just friends or even otherwise, if they remain committed to their duties and relations? "
Is it is really possible that a person is able to love two people in the same frame of time?
Is it possible to keep those two in your heart, without hurting either of them?

Like in KANK itself, could there have been another ending, had Rani not gone and told Abhishek about SRK?
Or that, She remained dutiful to her marriage, like she was anyways before SRK came into the picture, could that have worked out?
Just wondering here, just wondering... I hope that you answer me on this one.

Loved the way you put your thoughts out on this topic. Just awesome. It is great to know that there are people who think beyond the so called morals of the society.
Thank you. :)

Anand M said...

Read a bit..thought about it
again Read a bit..thought about it again Read a bit..thought about it...(well no that it was art movie kinds that u gotta watch it a few times over again to understand neither do I suffer from Dyslexia)..but it just reminded me of a conversation i recently had with a friend of mine..incidentally she is also belonged to the fairer sex...


moreover..love, relationships, solace, commitment, infidelity, monogamy or polygamy are just too subjective topics to discuss and comprehend... as for me at this point n time...I feel relationships are more complex than we can possibly fathom...Speaking in Munna Bhai's lingo...there is too much of "Chemical Locha" that happens before some-one embarks upon a route which is often considered morally wrong...we tend to see it objectively, but probably fail to understand the fact that these emotions are also human...another facet of our character...

Nice topic, well I sincerely assume, you as a writer are not jumping onto the conclusion if it is right or not...leave it onto the readers interpretation and judgment...As for KANK.. i dint like the movie, the characters didn't have depth as required by the theme, that too bundled with super overacting...

Suruchi, looking at the words i left here,adding a few more would have made it a post on my blog..Lolzzz..

Shayon said...

Hi,

I had posted a comment on this post of yours. Was wondering if you got it.

Shayon said...

After reading Sakshi's comment, I felt I should I had missed another scenario while answering to your question "Is it wrong for a man and a woman to get into friendship outside their wedded loop...just friends or even otherwise, if they remain committed to their duties and relations?"

There could also be a situation where there is absolutely nothing wrong in a relationship and yet a person gets into another relationship. Yes, perfectly possible.

If it's purely physical, it is hardly tough to get out of that "mess".

If it's emotional too, then either all the stakeholders of the relationship decide to follow a polygamous (or polyandrous) lifestyle, or it's time for the person, involved in both the relationship, to choose.

Am I leaving out any other scenario?

unohu said...

nice one....
spelling "intentions"...para 3....u hv a thing fer the sss of it...

r u justifying ur own thought process....which is wyy..the final 3 lines....if not..thn fear naught...

a hole lot of womenzz lib too....in synch wid ur thot process....lol

ciao...n as usual..don't post it

suruchi said...

Hey TBG...
Hi..great to see you on my page...
I have been following your blog from a while n so impressed by the chain of varied thoughts there...
I just have to get down to commenting:-)

Boo hoo*kicks herself again for being technically duh* :-(
Wish I knew what blog rolling means...but it sounds very flattering nevertheless...hehe...Thanks:-)
N thanks to Cats too for sending you here:-)

suruchi said...

Dear Sakshi,
Thanks for tumbling down...n thanks to TBG again:-)
I too live in an environment of love marriages*not necessarily love stories*that go on n on*n thank god for it*
It’s a small town and hence yet not so open to the notions mentioned here, as a big town-er may be...
Perhaps that is why there is always a struggle of ideas in my mind and the persistent questioning through “What if....?”

As far as answering your question is concerned and at the risk of sounding on a self promotional trip...
I wrote a post on ‘Can you love two people at the same time?’ last December...
Click on this...
http://mytumblingthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/12/can-you-be-in-love-with-more-than-one.html
Maybe it helps sort some queries or just might add to the confusions...

The KANK reference...Rani would have perhaps continued in the same situation...walking out of a seemingly perfect marriage is difficult when you carry fear of guilt baggage and a conscience up your sleeves...but years of existing just the same would sooner or later have a toll on her...and then it would erupt probably in worst repercussions...who knows?

I feel really kicked when you say that i belong to the clan of people who think beyond the so-called morals...because many-a-times I have felt I deliberately beat about the bush for fear coming to inferences to avoid raised eyebrows*as vouched for by the conclusion points I gave in the end of this post*
But I am working on it...n I see light at the other end of the tunnel...:-)
I wish u’d come again:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Anand,
Hahaha...so cute a comment...
Well to tell you the truth...this particular post took me about a day*in breaks* to write...normally i just sit down and cook something up on the screen a couple of hours...
So this meant that I read n re-read again n again...
By the end of this process I almost thought that this had some spark somewhere n had lost it big time at some other points...
So I actually sent it as an email to a couple of dear friends to tell me if I am making any sense here or sounding too outrageous...
Uff...sooooooo much background...when u didn’t even ask for it*someone’s got to stop me one of these days*

I so agree with what you say...thank god u mentioned chemical lotcha...agar technical lotcha bola hota then it would have gone whoosh over my head again;-)
I have not jumped, hopped or jived my way to any conclusions except those raised about me...
Like I said...each one is to his own n I for one would constantly check myself from being judgemental...
So may god help us all:-)
Thanks for the words left here...n I am sure there are plenty more there for posts on ur own;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Shayon...
I am afraid I didn’t get the previous comment*damn...does that kind of thing happen often? No wonder I never get 100-200 comments here...they all must be getting lost...lolzzzzzz*

So please see where it is...the earlier comment that is...for I’d love to read what u said...
Once the relations are out in the open...I guess there has to be a choice...very few can live up to the idea of a polygamous lifestyle...n that’s not really fair either if all parties concerned are not agreeable with it*whoosh...look at how I am sounding...I am glad I don’t run the policy framing body of my country...bechare India ka kya hota phir*
Thanks for stopping by:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Unohu...
Waah waah...
Great to see ya back again...
I have this thing with ssss n u have this thing with checking my spelling mistakes which even the computer ji seem to have ignored;-)

Acha hain...
Keep checking...
Like checking me out;-)

Thanks for being in sync with the thoughts there...
Women's lib nahi re...
just women coming out of the closet to breathe free for a change...

And the last few lines...yup...trying to find out where I stand in this actually:-)
Stay around...

As usual...posted it...hehe...sorry can't resis:-)

Shayon said...

Well... fear not. I have reposted my comments on my own blog, since it skipped your comment section. In case you are still interested, you can check out this url
http://www.shayonpal.com/my-blog/my-reply-to-the-post-love-path-deviations/

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Navigated from Shayon's space. Read this post. I will visit you again to read rest of the posts.

Interesting read. I agree that as we advance there need to be some changes in our outlook to life. Enjoyed reading your thesis about LAZY BONES. Here may I ask you what wrong do you find in couple being faithful both emotionally and physically? Do you suggest that to keep with our need to lead fast life by traveling in planes, using computers or getting things at click of the mouse gives us right to be promiscuous too? Would you like to see MIGHT IS RIGHT RULE where one who can use muscles can have as many women as he feels like? Would you like to see your daughter being taken by many such strong men as they like her? Sorry, for being personal.

I too write on relationships and advocate that women need to be given more respect and treated as equals. I always maintained that girls have same rights as boys to live life as they wish to. But unfortunately girls are always on the receiving end, biologically as well as emotionally. But this does not mean that they live confined withing four walls but need to exercise caution for whatever they do. I will be more than glad if you kindly give your views on my posts. We have two children, a girl and a boy. We treated them both equally. They are both married now and have children.

Take care

Sakshi said...

Hi Suruchi, tagged this post in my latest post on my blog, drop by. Thanks.

Lincoln said...

surely it was too long.....But only u can write it and make lazy ppl like me to read every word of it, otherwise i will just scam thru big posts and cmnt :)

First about ur conclusions u r a big nautanki ;) , i dont think any sane person will adjudged in this way although there are equally insane ppl in this world ....


Finally on ur post : I fully agree with ur views , i think the relationship is not relationship if the soul is not there so if any personj if feeling suffocated , he/she should move out of relationship rather than being infidel.

Its not necessary that two persons will feel same towards each other all the life....

PS : Wish more indian ppl think like you :) , our society can evolve a lot faster....

suruchi said...

Dear Jack,
Hi...
I do not find anything wrong with monogamy...that’s how I would like my relationship to be with my husband...
But then I would not like to raise a blaming finger either on someone who is into a relationship outside the set confines...I must know the entire history which provoked such a walking out of the limitations before putting myself on the judgemental chair...and since that is not possible, I try to refrain from boxing the accused n the victim...

The ‘lazy bones’ theory was just for fun- trying to look for a probability in the outrageous!
Modernity and a fast paced life do not give us the right to be promiscuous...but then when there are certain essentials *varying from person to person* which we deem necessary for our complete development, is it very wrong to look for them?
A would be happy with a rich guy, B would look for wit, C craves for a person who can make her laugh, D wants a noble person who respects women...
We may/may not find it all in one partner....

Traditionally....we compromised on that...we stayed mum and accepted whatever we got...this lead to secret pining within!
To go extremely radical on the same...we opt for divorces in a haste n keep hopping in this search...this leads to greater emptiness and getting tired of running about!

A mid way path is a friendship within our confines*which is pure in intentions* that helps release the discontent particles in bits n parts...it is just an outlet...how serious or otherwise it gets again depends on the person! There has to be a point for each one of us, beyond which we say “enough...this is about as much as I can run...away from as well as toward things.”

Using muscles or mind games to get as many women purely for physical gratification is a sin...
Such men n their acts can never be justified...
But there are others too...who are morally upright yet helpless for there is a void within their hearts that compels them to deviate...not intentionally to hurt sentiments...but with the drive for providing solace to their own restlessness....
These are not compulsive flirts...they don’t hop with ‘wham, bam thank u ma’m’ attitude...they just sometimes give in to the flow instead of swimming against it!

When it comes to maybe my own daughter in future...
I would for sure not like her being “taken” by as many “strong” men as may like her....I would for sure give her the sense to understand life before reaching out to experience it...
Like I mentioned there in the post...
I would tell her what is considered righteous n what is blasphemous by our social standards...after that it is your decision of what you want...but be ready to accept the responsibility along with the rights provided to u...
That’s how my mum dealt with me...
And that’s how I learnt things by my own experience n not through someone’s will enforced on my life...whether or not I found any justification in there....

Phew! This is endless....
I appreciate and understand your concern for wanting things to go on in the manner that they have so far for your children...
I am sorry if my views offended you in some way...
But then certain things really are beyond our control after a point of time...
Thanks for the comment...
I’d surely visit your posts soon:-)

suruchi said...

@Sakshi n Shayon...
Thanks guys...I am now tumbling down to your posts:-)
Great to have you guys appreciate me in your domains...
*Makes me do my famous yippie dance on the bed n even raise my long nose in a bit of pride...just a bit;-)*

suruchi said...

Dear Lincoln...
Thanks for bearing with long things that I come up with....
And if you term yourself among the lazy people...beware coz lazy people on this post are almost being held virtuous;-)

N hahaha...about the nautanki bit...
Yaar...pata nahi what I do...but I often...always...end up hearing this tag...n best part is that my nautanki is tax free;-)
A lot of people..sane/insane often read posts on blog associating the writer with the fact that they are personally experiencing the stated phenomenon...this may or may not happen...I just wanted to clear the air*so my dear, dear in-laws...if u have tumbled here by chance...my husband is in the safe hands of a good wife*

Finally moving to the comment: thanks for agreeing...walking out of relationships is not always easy for everyone...like I said there...often infidelity is the first step towards the ultimate walk out...
You need to sometimes test the waters before deciding to climb down entirely in it...
Not that I am advocating wild behaviour again...
I am just saying go more in depth...is there something really missing or it’s just out of boredom that u turn to experimenting...
The ends justify the means:-)

P.S. If more Indian people thought like me...then whom would I think like? Hehe...just a joke;-)

Lincoln said...

Nautanki has to be tax free nahin to koi dekhega nahin :P..

If i want to be infidel in my life i will come and read this post again with my infidel companion ;) :P saying that see its not tat bad :)

suruchi said...

Hahaha...and u say "I" do the Nautanki Lincoln...??:-)
U just took the cherry off the cake from right under my pretty nose;-)

Please do come with ur partner...
*no puns intended*;-)

Jack said...

Suruchi,

I am so glad that you took time to give such a detailed reply. I am not offended at all but on the contrary am so happy to share thinking of a girl on this subject. If you read my posts, you will find that I strongly advocate equality. It is true we should not lable someone villian without knowing all facts.

Take care

PS : I will read rest of your posts soon, may be tomorrow.

Rahul Khatri said...

hmm...well well...nice post sc...and pata hai...i read it at one go..yippieee!! he he...btw post to read kar liya...but this time...its almost impossible to read comments than the post!! i mean some comments themselves are like post...so yup somethings definitely abt this, something that makes people think. I loved the unabashed attitude towards the sensitive topic of *Infidelity*. somehow it also has shades of man-woman hypocrisy...a try to find out the reason and not the results...somewhat like "Prevention is better than cure" *duh, bad one, i know* he he...hmmm and your conclusions well... i think would be in a better position to comment about it in future, and for now i'll just let my mind churn it!!lolz..

Nipun said...

Some people who cheat may have a problem committing to a monogamous relationship. In that case, the odds are fairly good that they will leave their partner for someone else, and then, the "new" partner for someone else, and maybe, it continues. Someone once said (I guess, Dr. McGraw), "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." However, it's not always the case. It is possible for people to change, but for that, they must be willing to change. It has been said, "a person will change if the cost of changing is less painful than the cost of remaining the same." There's a beautiful passage in the Bible that I really like: The Pharisees brought a woman before Jesus who had been caught in the act of adultery. According to the law, the woman had to be stoned to death. Jesus said, "If any of you are without sin, let him cast the first stone at her." The Pharisees stepped back because they too were guilty of sin. Jesus told the woman to depart and sin not more.

In the end, I do not know honestly, whether you can forgive infidelity, as I've never been in any relationship. I can't really know, as of now. I certainly hope to never try to put this theory to test, though. I hope, someone will truly love me, but much more than that, I hope, that I can truly love someone.

I better stop now, as it has really become more of a post in itself, when my intentions were just to comment. But this is what good writing does to me, it takes me on a roller coaster ride. (and I LOVE roller coasters!):P

Ciao...

Nipun said...

It's a beautiful and thought provoking post. But, much more than that, it's challenging. I've always believed that good writing should challenge its readers. It should take them out of their comfort zone, or even better, make them WANT TO get out of their comfort zone, and expand their realms of imagination and understanding. It should take them to places that they'd otherwise don't/won't want to go. But most importantly, it should make them ask questions, even to the extent of questioning their own (and others') questions. This is what this post did to me. So, good job, Chips! :)

Infidelity is one of the biggest reasons that couples split apart. Some people cheat on their spouse/partner because of their "physical needs", some people cheat because they just want more "options", some people cheat because their partner cheated on them (or that's what they suspect) and they just want to "get back" at them, some people cheat because there's an emotional void, and many more scenarios and possibilities. But in the end, it always boils down to what your intentions are, dear. You always know what your intentions are when you do something... ALWAYS! If you don't, then you are either living in denial, and fooling yourself that you don't know the reason behind your "acts and adventures" or, you're simply a stupid person who does things without knowing why you are doing them in the first place. Ignorance, in matters such as these is a cop out. It's an excuse, a refuge. To me, ignorance is bliss, as long as one is ignorant (unaware) about one's ignorance. You cannot intentionally ignore something and then when it all goes wrong, plead innocence because of your ignorance. It's just a sham, then. An excuse to rid yourself of the responsibility and the consequences that come with it.

Sometimes, even good people make horrible mistakes. To err is human, as they say. When we make a mistake, we generally tend to forgive ourselves, and give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Why is it difficult to do the same when it comes to others, then?

If you are in a relationship, and you have thoughts of infidelity, it's a sign that something is wrong. Before submitting to your urge, one should try to learn to deal with such thoughts. One should try to find out what one can do before it's too late, and in the end, cost you your relationship. Seek the cause/reason for such thoughts before embarking on a journey that quite possibly can end your relationship. Try to figure out what's making you have such thoughts, what is it that you are missing in your relationship, and reassess your relationship with your partner. Try to be honest with yourself, and try to think about the ramifications of your decision. Is it really worth the risk, is the juice really worth the squeeze?

Cinderella said...

I come here after ages and my Suruchi's making waves!!!

Well you certainly have made a couple of strong points. I agree with Bhavna/Vagabond (I cant help but boast she's my college Juni and I delighted to see her here! :P).

If you are not happy with a relationship you always have the option of walking out. I feel a relationship is like a job, its up to you to seek what you want and settle for what you find will make you happy. And if it doesn't you can always go for something better.

Any which way, commitment is a tough cookie. You never cease to find someone who charms you up and youfind yourself thinking of what ifs and if at alls...but thats intermittent and ppl always know what to do.

I completely oppose cheating on your spouse. I just had a nightmare of the same a couple of days back and no amount of tears or questions seemed to make me look at him the way I used to. I just kept thinking over why would he do smth like that when it was just casual! I woke up wailing n kept at it ( Just could not stop, that effin nightmare was brutal)until my brother rang him up n reached my place at 5 am in the dawn.

Ppl cheat, n then make up too after profuse apologising-labelling the whole thing as casual n stuff but I dont really buy it. I guess, those two ppl have slept with so many ppl in their lives that they can pass it off as that n put it behind.

Perhaps I am being utterly orthodox, but I believe what they did in KANK was wrong. If I'da been there I'd have walked out first n then gotten into bed.

Love dies just like love is born...theres no more explanation to that n no one is to be blamed. But cheating is inexcusable.

IMHO anybody who thinks its justified is just trying to say that I would love to bang around if only my spouse thought the same way or just that my pants are too hot to handle for me n I don't mind being an animal. Maybe there's nothing wrong with it, who are we to judge. To each one his own.

Very thought provoking post. I am tired,phew!

Madhu said...

this is effinf big for a small girl like me to read..:P:D But i get ur point u shud be a relationship counsellor in any mag.Will do u great>>:)

suruchi said...

Hi Jack...
Thank u so much for the appreciation...

I did some reading on your page n I am glad I did it...n detailed replies is a genetic disorder of sorts with me...I just don’t know when to shut up...

I was so impressed by one of your posts that I think I have written a mini post in itself in reply..:-)
I’ll be honoured sir if you return here to read more of me...I so feel like giving you a statutory warning...but then...we all learn by our won experiences, don’t we?
:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Rahul,
Hahaha...ek baar mein...wow...am I getting you to be a reader now...look at the progress ladder DC...you started as an artist...graduated to being a writer and now I have pushed you to be a reader of long posts too;-)
So it’s my yippiee moment actually:-)

I did try to attack the hypocrisy of the masses...
And also restrict the over working wandering minds...
If it gets one to think things over...I am glad...
Not advocating anything...not saying either to prevent or to cure...just telling here to live n let live...n make sure living does not tantamount to just breathing or living is not equated with jumping in n out of the sack...

Hmm...and mind churn kar diya meine? Awwww....:-)

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Read all posts Just Another Love Story onwards and scanned some older ones. Loved Death Bed, Sachin and Leggy ones. Your write good poems too. Love is blind is so true about how we jump to conclusions. You have bold mind capturing style of writing. Hope to read you for a long long time.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hiya Nipun...
I am so glad at least some post of mine has enabled you to think and think this hard...warna u always tell ME to think before I write... “haan, theek hain” is all i get from u...

So this...here...is great!
*yippie dance again...itne baar kar liya ab..n still no weight loss...darn:-(!!*
U make complete sense in all you say...n when u say...n say like this...no one in her right mind would disagree...
While writing this post...I underwent the questioning phase myself...n since I ended up getting more confused than convinced...u came to my rescue:-)
Thanks:-)

“You always know what your intentions are when you do something... ALWAYS!”
So true...and such a revelation!
“ignorance is bliss, as long as one is ignorant (unaware) about one's ignorance.”
Wow...and then you say “I” have written things well?????????

And for this, I want to stand up n give u an ovation:
“When we make a mistake, we generally tend to forgive ourselves, and give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. Why is it difficult to do the same when it comes to others, then?”

You are super cool...n the best part is...u know it;-)
“Is it really worth the risk, is the juice really worth the squeeze?”
Yeh to aapka he likha hoga?
Hmm...but then what’s the use of the juice if you don’t squeeze?
*Bad joke..I know..stop grinning*

The two quotes by Dr.Mcgraw n the one on the cost of change...outstanding...they almost inspire me to write pages on them!
Whenever the time comes Nips for u to get into a relationship...it is going to be a truly lucky n blessed girl at the receiving end..
Thanks...n hugsssssssssss

suruchi said...

Hey Cin...
First badeeeeeeeeeee waale hugs for that “my suruchi” bit
mmm...love u for this...
N u are my dear dear Cin:-)

So where were u all this while...irrelevant...now that u are back*need more posts at ur end though*

N Vagabond is quite something of a girl...completely boast-worthy:-) *we are facebook pals too now...so maybe i get to know her even better...hey find me there too*

Okay...now to the comment*why do we women take so much time to come to the point...never mind...we’ll continue to do the same;)*

If someone has the option of walking out of a crappy relation...great...life is so much easier...but sadly though it’s possible in an affair but very difficult in a marriage...i have seen loads of women trapped in marriages but fear from parental side or lack of self confidence due to which they can’t walk out...so they remain unloved or indifferent or in rare cases seek what they miss without ruffling any surfaces!

For men..the same may apply too...as long as they don’t prove to be slaves to their libidos!
I completely oppose cheating on spouse too!
But then again conditions apply here...the circumstances must tower around before we get into the judgemental arena...

I am so sorry about the nightmare though...
Without knowing details..i take the liberty here to ask you to reconsider the entire relation coz doing something like that and terming it “casual” is sheer disregard for a good thing he might have had with u...

“love dies just like love is born”
So beautifully said...and sums it all up..in favour as well as against the arguement...
You are not being orthodox sweetheart...you are being sensible...
I wish u all the strength to stay as lively and wonderful as you are always
Hugsssssssss....and don’t keep going away too often!
:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Madhu...
Hmmm...but no one’s hiring me:-(
I don’t even charge much...
I accept payments in kinds...
Just hugs do it all for me...
Lemme know if there are any takers;-)

suruchi said...

Awww...thanks Jack...
U made my day by actually returning back to read more...
Thankssssssssss:-)

mohit said...

The role of the wanderer might not be so well defined in today's society

" Physical betrayal Vs emotional attachment"

I think that's the bottomline that we need to explore now.

I would say it depends on each individual ..which one he/she is able to come to terms with...if any

suruchi said...

Hey Mohit...
Any roles in our society are different to define..
Moulds are changing and so is the adaptation to them...
The war is not really physical or emotional in the end...it really is the war of egos n finding ourselves in them...

May each one of us come to terms with that, which suits our sensibilities best:-)

Thanks for the visit:-)

Vintage Obsession said...

Kudos to you for being able to write about sensitive things so well and not many of them do a good job like the way you do . Whistles whistles :)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

hi..finally i am able to visit your blog..ill read your post soon :)

Vagabond said...

ama taaarrriiifff!!! =D

*blushes*
*takes a bow*
*blushes some more*

@cindrealla/pallavini di: =D glad that you remember me... and thank you so much for thinking i was boast worthy...glad to see you here too!!
P.S. you lost out on the name though... Bhavika Chauhan naam hai mera =P


@ suruchi: something of a girl!! hmm...=P
thnks a ton for the compliments =P

suruchi said...

Hiyya VO...
Awww...the whistles whistles made me blush, blush...
Those were my first whistles ever:-(
Chalo I guess the male gender woud take the cues from here;-)

Thanks...I guess we need to address sensitive issues for everyone seems to be sensitive about them:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Ayu...
Thanks for stopping by...
Btw..I love ur name n loads of fun stuff that u do on ur page:-)

suruchi said...

@VB...Yup taareeeeef...
U made it sound like a tarrif we had to pay for that...*scratched my head...read again...realized...it is tareeef* Chal koi na...kaun se Hindi to English conversion mein humne award jeetna hain;-)

So now I know Cin's name too...yiyee yiyee....
N VB I had caught the name mistake there...but mereko laga ke
"mein ek mere roop anek" waala syndrome hain...

Ab aage se sab yaad rakhna...
"Bhavika Chauhaan naame hain mera"...Amitabh waala 'haaiyen' tha after this or was it Shahrukh saying "naame to suna hoga"...whatever...;-)
*oye..u just revealed the Vagabond to the world...hawww haaaii...ab kya hoga?*

N u are boast worthy n note worthy...talk worthy n hug worthy too...so smile smile:-)n stay the same:-))

Prithwish....... said...

hey suruchi,
by far the lenghthiest post i have ever read till now...but to ur credit, kept me engrossed throughout..
loved the way u rite...especially the lazy bones one..
wont give a detailed comment, bec i simply loved it..:)
cheers,

Shayon said...

Oh my! This one is the 58th comment? Amazing!! Care to share a couple of your followers my way too? :-p

suruchi said...

Hey Prithwish...
Thanks...
That is so sweet...so glad you were engrossed...
N detailed comments nahi to kya hua...I am glad you always drop by.
Always a pleasure:-)

suruchi said...

Hellooooooo Shayon...
This is the first 60 actually*yiyee yiyeee*
So I am thrilled myself..though if u noticed...half of this is me only...:-(
Care to take me as a follower?
I promise to do my best;-)

P.S. stop being modest...u are being followed enough I see:-))
Anything more n we'd have to term it as stalked:-))

Shayon said...

Hehehe! Yes, I can see that you write one comment while replying to one single person, while we normally use '@' to reply to multiple people, on the same comment. :-)

And well, being "stalked' by people you like is hardly categorized as "stalking" :-) Or would it?

suruchi said...

Shayon, my one comment is often as big as the post itself:-(
*I know, I know...how long can I deny that?:(*
So there, I save the dear readers of getting lost in the crowd...

Plus I am great one to one;-)
Doing things personally n one at a time is kinda my forte;-)

Persis Shah said...

hi Suruchi,
this is a great post and makes so much sense in the Indian context.

thanks for following, i am too now.

Persis.

suruchi said...

Hi Persis...
Welcome here...with those sexy legs:-)

Thanks for agreeing n yup, let's stalk each other together;-)

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