Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

08 December, 2009

The Quest for Prince Charming-The Frogs that I Kissed-Part 2



Alrity...for all those who were born here late...I am not enumerating my fetish for four legged croaky creatures...
I am just naturally assuming the character of a self proclaimed princess who went through the process of self display and mind churning encounters before she could land upon her prince charming...well, not literally ‘land-land’ for then my poor beloved would have been crushed before he could have had a chance to bloom...

In Part 1 of this hopefully two-part trial...I explained how the pear lump rejected me...
Lemme tell here now about a Delhi ke munda for whom I travelled again 440 kilometres in the hope of meeting my Raj, Rahul or Prem (you have to understand that Dilwaale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge had just released then...and all maidens worth their virginity...oops mettle...were dreaming of bumping into their Raj’s in some khet with a mandolin in hand...even a dumroo would have done...as long as he stretched his arms and did “aaaye...senorita” style! And they would run to him in slow motion with hair going left and right, up and down and a starched stark white duppatta lehrao-ing in the wind...running n running...till....they don’t run into his open arms but get a pat on their heads with a thick book, delivered just in time by their moms to remind them to straighten the upside down notebook and study). Gawsh...pardon me my dear readers for this digression....

Where the f@#$ were we or rather was I?
Acha...the Dilli ka munda...
So the mediators were the same...Le Meridian was declared inauspicious and a humbler abode...in this case a coffee house in Connaught Place was selected as the meeting point.
Same my father, same my mother, same brother n same little miss me...
The same salwaar suit...coz it had been barely a fortnight and such repetitions seemed reasonable!
I was so tempted to voice my opinion...Can’t we see them all in one go, in a day and get over with this? And by now you know that the world’s been saved big time because I’ve chosen to shut my gap at the strategically right moments. So needless to say...I decided to shut the f@#$ up and oblige!

Plus then I was getting a chance to come to Delhi and a whole lot of fuss was being created around me...which not surprisingly I always enjoy to the core!
But this time mediator aunty ji decided to intervene...
“Pinky bhabhi ji (that’s my mom...I know PINKY?????????? But that’s how or rather who she has been and that’s how my brother and I have lived with it....thank god they didn’t call me Rosy...despite the obvious similarities)
So.... “Pinky bhabhi ji...this suit...please don’t mind...but it’s screaming so UP!” (that’s not UP-market mind you...or raised Upper expectations....UP here stand for apna Uttar Pradesh...I could sense how she was aching to say it was “Kanpuriya” implying simple (phuleassssssss not Kanpuriya implying flashy). But then she must have thought that a state reference may be less or rather more affronting than a city one)
Oho somebody please stop me from bloody digressing!

Phew! Focus Suruchi, focus!
Anyways... “So bhabhi ji...I was thinking that since the last munda thought this was very simple...let’s go shopping for some new clothes”. “Oh ya aunty ji”, that’s me, by the way “What do you have in mind...a sexy halter top to match a-flirting-with-the-knees skirt?”
“Na na beta ji...it must be conservative still...but maybe a little more stylish salwaar suit...these metro boys, you know!”

So there....after that began a new torture as I might have tried around 50 salwaar suits to find the right one...as bad as kissing the frogs I’d say....coz when we came out of the stores we had purchased just two of them. So much for the bloody ratio 2:50...damn such statistics. Actually most of them didn’t have my size...thanks to my hereditary big butt where they’d usually get stuck...and then there were other classifications of rejections based on colour, creed n kind...whoever said racial discrimination does not exist...must empathize with the poor breeds of clothes that are mercilessly discarded just because a stupid tailor put orange buttons on a shocking pink outfit or decided to get spade n diamond shaped cuts on the edges of a suit.
Hey bhagwaan...why did you make the side tracks so bloody tempting for my vulnerable resistances?

So cut to the scene....
This Delhi munda comes with his mother and father...he has a sister too, married away somewhere in the country, not exposed to us yet till the discussions n deliberations reach the next level. Yup...SAARC summits beware...this was more controversial, confidential n crucial than all your damned meets put together!

The munda was again not very tall...wore spectacles and had a moustache adorning his almond shaped head. Mind you I said adorning as in actually a decorative piece...not in the least must you confuse it with another adjective “adorable”. Did I just feel that his hands were trembling or was he just fidgety or worse still an early Alzheimer’s case? He was bloody nervous alrite!

My modus operandi this time around had been altered keeping in mind the previous disaster!
“Beta ji...please don’t be quiet this time...speak something...we don’t want the munda to feel you are dumb...alright?” Show him that you are not a simple small towner...okkkkkkkk?”

And when someone tells me to show something....I often go all the way...Please don’t get ideas...what I mean is I go all the way to deliver what is demanded.

So again we-the proposed ‘couple in question’ were told to go and take a walk...
By now I was more relaxed in my skin...being one boy-seeing- ceremony down...but I think that was the virgin attempt of the poor boy, this time around. And this time around, as was decided, I yakked my guts outs...I had to show him Kanpur gals can be hip n happening too...I spoke n he fidgeted...I blabbered and he became more nervous...I used my hands and expressions till he almost became expressionless....
And after the rest of the nitty gritties...
What are my hobbies...what do I like to do...how much and what I have studied...part 2 ordeal also got over! Phew!
Result time: 2 hours later
Verdict: F again...not the f@#$ yaar...big Fail...
Reason: “The gal is too bold for our seedha saadha munda”
Ji, ji...NOW is the F-time beta....WHAT THE BLOODY F@#$!

Needless to say my counsellors sucked!
And when a kingdom has courtiers like that...you can be sure of its doom...I had almost resigned to the fact that probably I would die a frustrated spinster if I followed my so-called well wishers.
But a drowning (wo)man catches at every straw....
I continued to kiss the frogs and feel my mouth turn bitter with every kiss and tell episode...thankfully most continued to be rejected at the sorting table only!

The third munda came along from Pune...
Tall, handsome, some odd 8-10 years older to me...and a Casanova in his hay days...knew it as we knew him through family friends...
This time I thought to take matters in my hands...
And just coz I was rejected two times for no fault of mine...I rejected the poor fellow for no fault of his! Come on...I was 19 then...and entitled to show little traces of dumbness that have blown up with age in my case! Actually I getting to voice my opinion here was anyways a sham as the family had already decided upon disregarding the proposal due to too wide an age gap!
Confession time: His suave manners made me a bit insecure...he was perhaps too good for me...so I backed out! Sigh! Sigh!

Then I remember another cute hottie I was being fixed up with, belonging to my own town...This guy came with almost his whole pind to my school where I was teaching (after passing out from there just a year before) and broke all laws of subtlety...as the news spread like wild fire that someone’s come to “dekho” Suruchi ma’m! He was having a smouldering affair at that time which the whole town knew of, except of course my beloved parents. Besides I knew he’d prove to be too much of a dish to be handled after marriage so that he’s not man handled by the fairer sex in the long run. So though there was a lot of hungama around this one...and everyone thought is baar to sangam hoga he...I kept mum and waited for the next grand rejection. Why rub your fingers in mud when someone else was eager to do the dirty job for you? And so the rejection came and went! We all lived happily ever after for a while!

Finally the fifth time proved lucky as my prince charming managed to find me and released me from this frog kissing spree before it would have become addictive and I might have decided to continue it for a couple of years! More on the drama there for some other time!
Enough for now...all’s well that ends well!
And in my case...by god’s grace...the ends have justified the means...no gains without pains!
And what an awesome gain it has been!
Sorry frogs...another time in another life!

26 comments:

Hopeless Romantic said...

“What do you have in mind...a sexy halter top to match a-flirting-with-the-knees skirt?”

hehehe

i am noting down all points, arrange marriages suck :D

sulagna said...

sorry frogs...another life time :) :)

good going girl...you definitely have had a good countdown...m waitignt o read more..jaldi plz jaldi plz

suruchi said...

@HR...Amit...
Yaar arranged marriages don't suck...so sorry for screwing ur perceptions...It's actually a great way to come together...the mystery..the gradual revelation...the sans expectations development...Ask me..I have great first hand experience (though no gyan there on my "handy" activities;)
Phir kabhi I'd give u more gyan on the beauty of arranged marriages...
For now...hope u get to see more of sexy halter tops to match with a flirting with the knees skirts;)

suruchi said...

Sulagna...Hi gurl...
Thankssssssss as always for being around:)
Groom hunting countdown over ho gaye yaar...
Lemme find some more interesting countdowns and get back on this space...U dare not move ur butt from here...hehe...;)

Rishi said...

why do call ppl fruits ...

plumb , almond (dry fruit)

wonder what am i??

PS: 5th frog description ... asap.. plz :)

suruchi said...

Hmm...u want a fruity name?
Arrey fruity he acha hain Rishi for u...fresh n juicy...hahahaha...
Now please don't ask me how I came to this conclusion...;)

Waise u could pass off as chikoo too...or maybe....wtf...abhi fruit names yaad nahi aa rahe...
Fruity is perrrrrrrrrrrfect;)

P.S.5th frog to mere "woh" he hue na...who got hooked n booked...n now-a-days is cooked...abhi uska kya bataaon,,he's all over my fb bakwaas;)?

Weirdo guy said...

*blinks*


O-H M-Y G-O-D.... man this marriage business is TORTURE !

No marriage for me definitely. I can get along just fine with 2 servant maids (for cleaning) and 2 dogs for company.



on second thoughts: make that 3 dogs !

Anjali said...

Suruchi, U are actuallly awesome. Each post of yours brings a smile to even the most crappiest days. Keep up the good work. Btw was soooo looking forward to meeting u again at Karan's wedding so do plan a visit here soon.
Anjali (Dimpi Maasi's friend in Kol)

suruchi said...

Hey Weirdo...
OMG...marriage business sucks but marriage itself is blissful n nice if u get it right...
Basic science logic yaar...u've got to experiment till u land on the right principle and then your world...tan,man n dhan happily lives ever after;)

P.S. n more important...wtf do TWO maid servants clean man? n u need a THIRD dog too...hmmm...now that gets some wild thinking horses galloping;)

suruchi said...

Hi Anjali maasi…
Wow…soooooooooooo sweet of u to take out time for me…and then u say “I” make u smile…I am still grinning by the way..n it’s been sometime since I read ur comment;)
Thanks for the encouragement….waise how come you have crappy days with my sweetheart maasi around…Everyone says she’s gone on me…hehe;)
So there….she should bring in all the sunshine…:)
Missed Karan’s wedding….damn…now that was Crappy with a capital C…but somethings are out of our hands…though would visit Kol soon….need a break desperately n all u chilled out people…make it seem extremely possible:)
Big hugs n love:)

Amnn.......//1! said...

so 5 th time lucky then haaan nice arrange marriages r fun to hear about ...!!! (tats y i loved '2 states' so much )
n btw 2 :50 tats it ..
i thought gals r capable of much more
my frns they go window shoppin they try all the drees in the whole mall n don buy a thing ...!! obviously i stand aside , look at the shop keeper who is already lossin his pateince n say "i m not with them "

suruchi said...

I loved '2 States' too Amn for the simple flow of the scenes and how just about anyone could relate to it....U n I are born with an eye for genius...that's why I guess we like each other's blogs so much;)

N that ratio...hmm..was probably an exaggeration...I would faint after 10..I guess that's my limit of venturing in n out of the trail rooms;)

n ur friends...if u are paying for those clothes...acha hain na phir...stand aside n watch them glow without a penny spend...n if they are paying...go ahead n buy something for urself too;)

Priya said...

gr 8 post,and a long awaited one..do we get an epilogue-the happily ever after types?And cant help asking,isnt 19 a bit too young for marriage,love or arranged?I got married at 25,and was one of the first in my class to get married.So nineteen sounds like child marriage..almost :)

Tan said...

read once... loved the last line.. I think I should come back and read the first part first and then re-read this :)

... good post!!

suruchi said...

Hi Priya...
Thanks u've been so sweet...
N it's an ultimate compliment to ask for an epilogue...I am somewhere on cloud 9 for now...will surely descend soon n get down to it;)

Btwn...the circus to get me married started when I turned 18...but thankfully came about to its finale when I was 22 n a half...So child marriage claims have to be given up...though my hubby can still sue me for being a child at 32;)

suruchi said...

Hi Tan...
Loved ur blog..great to see u here...
Please do come back n read more...
n lemme know more too;)
Thanksssssssss

Rahul Khatri said...

hey suruchi...sry for being too late..arre yaar...need a relaxed mind and peaceful state to read ur post, after all, size does matter...he he...and this week sucked at wrk actually!!...he he..so thnx for bringing that smiles to me after reading this....he he...what was this yaar suruchi...its no less than a script of YR films...why dont u become a script writer he he....ur chronicles are no less exciting than that of Narnia:P;):D...so keep writing and spreading smiles....cheers to u Suruchi ma'am;):)

mohit said...

hahahahaha.... I LOVE the way you write suruchi !
btw..my best friend is frm kanpur...and so I know how "seedha saada" they are :P

hope to keep reading more from you :D

suruchi said...

Hey Rahul...
Like they say-better late than never....:)
Arrey yaar...even if u don't comment..I know u are reading n following me...bas, good enough hain...
To get u to read my loooooooong posts is an achievement in itself
cheers to u too sir...
Waise aapke love story ke script tayyar hain...kabhi itmenaan se sunaaonge;)

suruchi said...

Hey Mohit...
Thanksssssssssss...the feeling's mutual...just briefed through your blog n would keep returning:)
Hmm...the best friend from Kanpur...chalo we now have something in common;)
Hope to see ya around
Cheers:)

Rishi said...

note to self: 1) never asked to be named a fruit

2) go check ur fb all over

3) do not write notes to self on someone else's blog comments... DOH!

suruchi said...

Hahaha...Rishi...my god you are cute....
So stop saying that you are not...
Yes I am absolutely insisting on it....:)

N please omit the third point there n add another instead:
3)Stay Suruchi's friend n be around always:)
Big hugs cutie fruity;)

Vemuri said...

interwonven fabric of a great screen play - so real as if we were watching it with you - great narration teacher - I repeat you should think of a book and loved the UP waala tag :) how much we stereo type people with their dresses and with their names - awesome

suruchi said...

Hey Sri...thanks...
It's awesome to know that my commentary could help u visualize the entire encounter...that was actually the whole idea;)

Chalo..mission accomplished...
We do stereo type sri..n perhaps sometimes it is quite acceptable n justified:-)

Anjuli said...

U write so well! I am laughing here sitting at my work station at my office!

:)

suruchi said...

Thanks Anjuli...
You must laugh anywhere and anytime...especially at the work station..coz most of the time we sulk there anyways;)

Glad to have contributed to your smiles..let it stay:-)

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