Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

22 July, 2011

Have you ever got a Hair Spa?

“Have you ever got a hair spa?”

A year and a half back I was asked this same question and I had looked despairingly at the saloon owner thinking here she goes again, trying to push through another product/service that I don’t want and what is wrong with the world and spending on frivolities that we can definitely do without? I mean a ‘hair-spa’ sounded like another chochla of big people with bigger pockets and the biggest of vella time.

“Just get one,” she had said with eyes so full and assertive as though she was coaxing me to volunteer for a mission of world peace. Post that she began to enumerate how my hair was begging for moisture. “But I do wash them every second day with water,” I stressed, half wondering what these women wash theirs with. I was then explained to that my hair was dry and damaged and more blah-blah on some pollution crap. I wanted to tell her how my beloved still loved to hold them tenderly in his hands and not so tenderly when not so tender, but let the urge pass. Hitherto I had lived on the premise that pollution is only fatal for the lungs and breathing and glaciers. Apparently like most of my premises, this one too sucked and sucked my natural and otherwise eternal beauty.

She had already made some not-so-flattering remarks about my non-toned and sagging skin I can’t believe I just typed that and I am not even deleting it and bulging sides and age spots on my face-it was a fitness cum beauty centre and so what do you expect-the diversions from my face to the body were natural yes, I am trying now to salvage the damage done. I had finally begun to wonder-not about the so called flaws in my physicality but rather what the f@#$ was I still standing there and doing, listening to her rip me apart? My self esteem was wilting so low that we’d need cranes to lift it up again.

I told her point blank- ‘Lady, you are not helping your own cause if you are going to pick my faults even worse than my husband!’ And finally she got the jhatka, immediately realising that she had overdone it and then began a butter dipped little speech on how fair my skin is otherwise, and how fair-soft skin could LATER be prone to problems now she tells me and how my hair just needed a bit of pampering. She just saved herself from being crowned with the worst salesgirl tag and almost won the best one, for I gave in to a trial session. Okay hair spa me and this better be good!

I was led inside a chamber and little red lamps and candles were lit instead of the harsh glares of bulbs and tube-lights. Light instrumental music to the likeness of a flute being played near a waterfall with soft chirping bird almost made me look around. In walked a guy wearing an apron and asked me to change into a gown. I was suddenly alert-dim red lights, gown, guy-all seemed too red-light-y for my own good. But what the heck, my mom had got it done and survived it to praise it, so who am I to act all touch-me-not. Reasserted henceforth that wackiness runs in our ‘genes’, even when we wear a salwar kameez-okay, very poor joke, I know.

And there I sat on a plush, cushioned seat all set to be experimented on. Why do the thirties have to be so hyped everywhere as the warning knell to watch out for, just because they want to sell their stupid anti-wrinkle and age-defying creams and ‘you are worth it’ hollers...rather all a bunch of gobbledygook? I so love this word and wait to use it at the first hint of hinting at nonsense. Yes, I wrote this post just for it! So I was given the head wash and some cream was lavishly spread out on my strands and roots, enveloping just my head but giving me an overall feel good. My legs were placed in between an automatic mechanical massager that totally lightened them from knees to the toes, with soft squeezes and pressures so that I almost felt after a while as though I had no legs at all-and that was a good thing by the way.

So then began the unexplained aren’t you lucky that you are on a page where even ‘the unexplained’ is explained in such great lengths? The guy could create magic with the so right movements of his fingers. He used the pressures to unlock every tired and knotted vein running through my head and spine and the rest of the body took to the impulse and let me be free. It was the most relaxing head massage I ever got okay the most relaxing of the two official saloon massages in my lifespan and I think I even closed my eyes for long gaps in between as though I presumed I was being transported to the ethereal and I would open my eyes and ask, "Mein kahan hoon?" Of course the best was yet to come. The ‘hair’ spa then culminated into the disentangling of my neck, arms and shoulder build up and also of the back-over the gown of course! And I thought I’d died and gone to heaven and there Yamraj himself was welcoming me saying that the back massage is the heaven’s way of a shake hand and I am nodding in unadulterated pleasure wait, isn’t Yamraj supposed to be at the entrance of hell? Then who the hell guards heaven-damn, my mythology!

Thereafter there was hot steam treatment, some equally hot coffee with yummy nachos along with a mayonnaise cream dip nopes, I don’t go there for the free food, a hair wash again and conditioning and a very well pampered me. Two hours of such indulgence that I almost felt spoilt. My tresses caressed my top like Solomon’s silk! I thought the hair clip would fall off, it became so soft and smelt and felt so sexy.

Okay, I have been trying very hard to evade using this word but I think if I do not I shall explode (with no puns intended) and the essence of the feeling would not be conveyed just as well. The experience can be defined as good as being orgasmic! Phew! There! Said it!

And you know what else did I say, which I can’t believe till now that I actually said it that day to the hair spa guy- “Your wife is a lucky woman if she gets this kinda massage!” Yes, extreme gratification tends to cloud my thinking and vocal abilities. And he just smiled shyly in response, interpreting it god knows how and showing his tobacco stained teeth in his own version of a gratified expression.

When I returned home and told my beloved how unbelievable was the experience, he mocked me saying that I only loved it so because I got close to an actual massage by a guy although it was just in my head-literally and otherwise. And also was added that since I had got it done, he should also be fairly given the freedom to get a massage from a woman whenever we go to Thailand. Alright I said and then mumbling under my breath, as long as I get to pick the woman and praying in the next breath that the sexed up country also has obnoxious and ugly women available for these stupid services instead of the just-out-of-magazine-cover models, using whom they have spoilt the imagination of half the Indian men! And as soon as I agreed, his suspicious eyebrows now got raised even higher wondering what exactly happened that got me convinced so quick.

Ewwwww! I retorted almost offended, not because he had raised scepticism at my Ganga ki tarah pavitra intentions and actions but because he still didn’t trust me to have a good taste. The massage guy was half balding, married and ugly I said, although those hands and their skills didn’t tally with the rest of his body. I also slowly added that I had shed a few grands in taking a package of 15 hair spas at such a heavy discount that he would be super proud of me as a thrifty and prudent home-maker and not to add the hot hair one.  

This was prior to Seeya happening and while I took 10 of those in the next six months, I have managed to avail just three in the last year. The second last just happened today and hence the nostalgia and the super feel good. If you have already got it done, you know what I am saying and certain 'chochlas' come guilt free. If not, try it once and preferably by a man, for sorry my genderkinds but this requires a certain amount of strength and knowing a woman’s head-all puns intended!


Tanvi said...

I TOTALLY know what you are talking about!!! Keep it up! :) haha

♡ from ©

☆ Rià ღ said...

Sigh...reminds me of the time back in India when i used to get a hair spa every 2 weeks..but everything has changed post marriage. :( And the sky high rates of London aren't helping either.

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

The punchlines in between were hilarious. Your hubby is still insisting on going there just for that burger sandwich massages' sake? He's got quite a memory for remembering little wishes. :P

Nice read.

Blasphemous Aesthete

suruchi said...

I thought you would;-)
And exactly what are we keeping UP here? Hehe:-)

Yes, marriage has a transforming effect...the series of Transformers should actually be based on wedding matters. And koi na if London has sky high rates-naya naya husbands are always more eager to oblige than otherwise;-)

suruchi said...

Yes, and I am glad someone else remembers how stuck up he is when it comes to burger, sandwich and pizza massages and the likes-and to top it all he then complains about me being a junk-addict! Sigh!

And you've got quite a memory too;-)
Thanks for the punchlines and thank god for them too:-)

Shady said...

that's a hard headed post with soft silky result

Miles Of Style said...

i love getting a hair spa every now and then...but mine never come with coffee and i feel shortchanged ! :x haha

Priya said...

i think you meant salon not saloon ...

Sakshi said...

Oh trust me its AWESOME! And, now you've just made me look fwd to this SPA session that I have bought.
Now I have to avail that ASAP!

suruchi said...

@Shady-that's a very well churned and blended concoction of words:-)

Ah-they don't serve coffee and nachos-sue them girl or better still, shift to Kanpur and we can go to my place together;-)

Yes, you think right and thank god at least someone thinks here:-)
I wrote like I pronounce...and I realized that now!:-)

Bikramjit said...

I can understand .. Before 2009 I had t ocome to india almost 2 -3 times a year and I remmeber each time I would have the massage and I must say they were heaven ,, especially at Mayfair in bhubhneshwar.. and other hotels ..

CHOCHLE :) heard that word after ages we use to use it so much back home ..

The little font lines make me smile always.. and its good to pamper oneself every now and then after thatw why we work so hard..

and the way you have specified the experience with ONE WORD .. hmmm Really .. acha I need to check up on that .. then i will say or believe you and say yes or no he he eh ehe :)

I am sure G is proud of the HOT HAIR ONE for sure .. Lucky man :)


Scribbling Gal said...

Wow now i want a head spa after reading u...and i so need it :)

jo said...

I can't believe it either what you told the hair spa guy. Lol
Super fun read. :)
I guess chonchlas are totally fine..we totally deserve them :P
Enjoy the feel of your hair and I'll go get a hair spa. :)

Sudha said...

Just have time to say that your I loved your post. I have to rush out now for my own hair spa session.

Alka Gurha said...

Not tonight dear... i d rather go to a hair what women are going say after this post.

I plan to indulge in one soon.... At times chochlas are great stress busters.

Anita :) said...

Okay so now that I have read this, nothing is gonna stop me from going to a hair spa ! My poor husband and his credit card :D

Sameera said...

Well.. Before reading this post.. I was also one of those who considered it as a big time 'Chochla'. But now, I think I should give it a shot ;)

At least I'll be in a position to explain my would-be how to give some awesome massage ;)

Priya said...

Tell me , does G read all your posts ? Just curious ! Bet you keep him amused 24/7 . Really enjoyed the post and you sure inspired me to get a hair spa !

Arpit Rastogi said...

Loved the post.. bery phunny.. :P :D

Megha Sarin said...

I completely agree. It is such a bliss. I love to pamper myself and indulge once in a while.

suruchi said...

@Sakshi, Sudha, Scribbling Gal and Anita,
Great going-wish you all loads of fun in the spa sessions

@Jo, I said my reasoning does get clouded once in a while too often...and chonchlas would be happy to hear you say so:-)

@Alks, hair spa is the new headache?:-)
And wish we’d get more resources and time for chonchle baazi...sigh!:-)

suruchi said...

Abhi massages ki yaad dila kar dukhte rag pe haath pher diya yaar:(
Soooooooooooo long since I got a massage hoo...motherhood should be easier yaar!

Cute word hain na chonchle?:-)

And G ka to pata nahi proud hain ya nahi-I am super proud of you for saying so:-)

suruchi said...

Ahem, ahem- so we are now talking of positions, eh?;-)
Give it a shot and I will pray that would-be would anyways be expert in giving the perfect massage without your guidelines or narrations!:-0

Very occasionally-more like when I threaten him at gun point!:-)
Hehe...but he knows about whet all am I writing when:-)

Bery thankas hain ji:-)

@Megha Sarin
Happy pampering to you too!:-)

Raam Pyari said...

lols! i totally get your drift!

Raam Pyari said...

also following your blog now. Hope that is ok :)

suruchi said...

@Ram Pyari,
Thank you and what is superb that you are following my blog ji:-)

Blognostic said...

I love getting my hair drenched with sweat. Nature is my Spa. :)

suruchi said...

Wow, that's a new one...I love it too when it is after a good work out in the gym but not after an hour over the gas in the kitchen in Indian summers:-)

Tanvi said...

We are keeping up the 'trips to the spa' Suruchi ji! :)

♡ from ©

Jack said...


Wonderful honest confession. Enjoy it. Have nice spa whenever you wish to.

Take care

suruchi said...

@Tanvi n Uncle J,
We surely do and will:-)

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