Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

05 November, 2011

The End!

All her life or whatever of it she could remember, Pranita had waited for her daughter’s distress to come to the brink. But today when her limp body lay so unresponsively in her arms, a peaceful pallor dispersing on the mute face, the hapless mother could sense the tears rolling down her own cheeks but a complete numbness within. She had thought she would be strong to face this whenever it would inevitably come-but what strength can tower a crumbling edifice? They say a peaceful death of a suffering soul is God’s way of justice-it conquers all. Why did it make Pranita feel shackled still and cheated yet again?

Her little baby was standing at the heaven’s edge that knew no bodies nor minds and the sufferings thereby created by the web of earthly life. She was now a soul that would no longer be stared at by the world that oscillated between crudely calling her ‘handicapped, retarded or paagal’ and more sophisticatedly ‘mentally challenged’. Her little Sonya, all of sixteen by years on the calendar and barely two by growth of mind, had passed to the oblivion, to the land of no return and today Pranita held her the tightest, like she had never before. 

She remembered the days when she had to, to calm the almost violent little body, rudely stirred by helplessness or fear. Sonya was born a beautiful, pink child to Pranita and Subodh after three years of their love marriage. She was troublesome and less responsive than most children but nothing that the doctors did not term “normal”. It would be difficult to pin down the exact moment in time when she traversed the “abnormal” genre. Some say it was the overdose of antibiotics by a "qualified" doctor that sealed the fate of the vulnerable child, others blame it on wrong vaccination and some more ‘enlightened’ ones raise fingers at the fact that her mother did not stretch out flat on her bed during the dreaded solar eclipse.

By the time Sonya became three what was just a speculation-a nagging fear, became an incorrigible verity that she was a “special” child. An epilepsy attack at the age of five worsened whatever minuscule evidence of progress was triggered, leaving her left side in paralysis and pushing her into a semi-coma for almost a year, frustrating the child who just lay staring at the ceiling. Thereafter she was out of school and cramped within the four walls as her physical deformity became more evident and her actions unsuitable for public bearing.

Pranita recalled every excruciating torment that she had faced in the last sixteen years-it was as though life had been churned out from her in slow doses. She had been used to of a fast-paced corporate vivacity and waiting for her toddler to grow up quickly so she could return to the mainstream and gather the remnants of her sagging career as a journo. Little did she know that the light of her life would remain at two forever-never would she tell if she wanted to pee and sometimes roam in her panties soiled with shit, soon making Pranita’s life one. The rounds to parlours and late night parties had slowly distorted into a series of doctor visits, getting check-up reports and medication and worst of all-controlling a girl who had the strength of a teenager and whims of an infant. She could barely leave the home or allow the doors to be left open for fear of the outsides coming in.

Pranita unwittingly felt the scar on her forehead again-a brutal cut made by the sharp edges of a flower vase that Sonya had hurled at her because she she was being made to get up after bed wetting. It was not just a blemish on her physical being but a pain that perhaps reached up till her entrails and gnawed every impulse, every instinct. It would never fade and disappear.

With teenage on the threshold had come newer problems-the girl began her periods and howled at the sight of blood. The doctors brought in more injections, poked into her plump frame, so that the monthly cycles were curbed. Her now persistent screams would reverberate through the almost dead corners of their flat, making even the neighbours shudder. Friends had trickled their associations, acquaintances made sure they remained just that and the relatively strangers could not help but wag their tongues and warn others to stay away from the “evil” house.

But Pranita had held strong-looked into the eyes of every stare she received and played dumb to every taunt that filtered through to her ears. Gossip vines were even abuzz that Subodh had a mistress in another town for which he remained on tours for two thirds of a month. He had been empathetic at first-after all it was his sperm that upshot it all. But such is the terrible countenance of diseases that it makes chickens of even the strongest. Before long statements like, “I can’t bear to see this, it breaks my heart” floated in the air and he would walk out to get a breather-the breathers that soon seemed to be found only outdoors and which slowly choked Pranita for often she felt the walls closing in and no one even to hold her hand. The father-the protector, the guardian had shown how spineless he was, taking the easy route out to let the mother wear the pants, not bothering if they constrained her spirits.

Pranita wiped the tears from her eyes that had just flashbacked the whole of her torture. Was it an hour or more since she held the dead body of what was once her life? She lifted Sonya with all the strength she could muster in her own fragile frame and rested her on the bed. In the almost ominous silence of the room, Pranita viewed herself in the mirror opposite the master-bed. Could she recognize the object staring back at her for she did not feel like a person anymore? What happened to her beauty that was once her pride? When was the last time she gazed at the mirror for so long? And those trickling strands of white hair around her forehead, did they develop this morning, born when Sonya stabbed her nurse’s arm with the scissors while the poor woman only tried to inject her with the medications? Oh boy, how the nurse had ran out for her dear life, the third one, in this quarter!

Pranita removed the vial and the injections from the side table and threw them in the dustbin. Those things looked ugly whether they were wrapped in polythenes signifying their purity or discarded in the bin with tainted, twisted tips. The doctor had given those with extremely specific instructions- “Not more than 5 ml to calm her down and only in emergencies, Pranita. Anything more and it could be fatal.” Pranita had injected 5 ml down Sonya’s body-not once, but thrice, emptying all the three emergency packs and kissed Sonya as she became drowsy and then went to sleep. She had held her tightly to her breast feeling the heart beat fainting as the minutes passed and soon there was no sound-none what so ever, reverberating in her ears or mind. Silence so strong that if it were a sword it could pierce through the air slicing it irrevocably!

Now that the action was done the reaction took over like greedy hounds chomping the limelight-Have I done it for her or have I done it for me? Did I want her to be released from her mind numbing fears or was I placating my own soul jarred by the cacophony of her perpetual screams? While she lived like the dead each hour, her mother died like the living each day! Am I fit to be called a mother-was I ever?  She picked up her mobile to call Subodh, in a meeting yet again at 11 pm, to tell him that Sonya's ailment finally got the better of her. She was removing the garbs of responsibility but little did she know that garbs of guilt were waiting on the aisle to wrap her tight-had perhaps already become her second skin! Were the noises finally over or have they only just begun?

P.S. This is a work of fiction based on the case facts of a brave young woman whose daughter is undergoing such a sad condition by a cruel twist of fate. It is absolutely shuddering for me to think what she goes through each hour and every day. Let’s pray that no mother should face such such an endless pain ever.


TheBluntBlogger said...

Suru.....when I was in school dad's cilleague's son was given the wrong medicine and it reacted. his growth was fine,he was handsome but not in his best mental state. it May as well have been some other reason but that is what was told. they suffered but we moved rather soon to another city...and all i remember is playing with him and having him in our gang.....

my mum too sat straight during eclipse...what weird logics we have..she had heard horror stories and did not want her daughter to be such....

My prayers and love for the lady and the daughter.....

Vinod Vyas said...

My elder brother was mentally underdeveloped from birth time.Doctors predicted maximum life of 18 years.He was my mothers first child.From the time i remember i always saw her attending to all his needs,as time passed his physique grew but mental growth remained as that of a 2 year old kid.Violent convulsions become more frequent.After every such attack my mom would slip in depression.Its extremely painful for any woman to watch her child in agony.Did she wish for his end? I would say yes but when he finally passed away at age of 15 she was inconsolable for many days.

27 years have passed,myself and my other siblings have completely forgotten him but even today my mom remembers him and celebrates his birthday.

After reading this post,for the first time in my life i have spared some time to think what actually my mother would have felt/faced in those 15 years.

Paanipuri Lover said...

Suruchi, it was such a nerve-touching story! Gave me goosebumps! Maybe Pranita bid goodbye to Sonya for Sonya's better! A mother can never be selfish and who'd understand it better than you! You're a mother as well! I think that whatever Pranita did, she did it for good!

Amazing! :)

Bikramjit said...

Oh my .. This is sad heart touching story ..
God bless the person and as you say I pray too for both the mother and the daughter ...

SOmetimes god works in mysterious and HARSH ways ..

sad story I dont want to say anything about the mother and the little one .. what they go through they know we can only say things ...

I dont know what to say


maithili said...

You know this story actually brought me to tears and I m not exaggerating while I say this because there are very few writings that make me cry.. I have known such people very closely and yes I too shudder at their plight..

I had a friend when I was like only 1 year old and we were growing perfectly normal.. But slowly he started showing physical weakness (slow walking and then difficulty getting up) but still he was growing in height and weight.. Now he is bed ridden(none of his limbs work) and he is mentally sound but this plight of his has made him so frustrated that he now behaves like a kid even though he is mentally normal.. I feel guilty of not visiting him often because I just can't look at his condition.. his mom is in the same situation although I m glad he has a loving father who did not shirk his responsibilities..

In this story even though the end might be questioned I have known of 2 women who are in similar situation as Pranita (not my friend's mom) who would rather kill their child before they die because they know their child would be anyhow killed by the world if their mom is not there...

Shreya said...

Only a mother can understand the pain when she has to take such a step. I don't know for whose better the step was I am just feeling bad for the ways of God. Sometimes life makes you wonder if it is justified at all.
May God offer strength to the lady and her daughter.

GeetS said...

liked it :) touched me hmm

Hair Hair Hair

Sakshi said...

You know, this something that only a parent who faces it can really understand. And, I pray that this never EVER happens to any one..

Very beautifully written!

Anuranjani said...

I will pray for the mother and daughter.
I can say nothing else except that I could relate with this coz I have a close relative who's in a similar situation.

Keirthana said...

Heart-gripping Suruchi.
No mother should ever go through this. *crossing fingers*
Your narration made it ever more moving, awesome writing you did there.

PeeVee™ said...

Maybe Sonya wasn't what she was concerned about, she thinks about her sagging career, her white hair and herself too much for it to have been completely for Sonya. The mother in her did her duty faithfully, unquestionably for all those years but the woman in her rebelled and the end result, Sonya bears.

She can't be blamed for society doesn't leave her a choice. She is smothered under the weight of the responsibility and the jackass husband is of no use. The woman ceases to be and nobody wants to know what she wants.

Beautiful story, Su. I loved the honesty in it. No mother should ever have to face such pain for herself or her child.

Anonymous said...

Pls read arun shouris latest is along the same lines ie the suffering of the parent

hot girl said...


Purba said...

You poured your heart out in this story Suruchi.

Beautiful, poignant, touching...I am running out of adjectives!

Sameera said...

This one was a heavy dose of sentiments. Touching and forced me to think. Please please a mad act in the next one.

Harsha said...

Brilliantly weaved! Highly effective and touching. I agree with the above comment (Purba). You just poured your heart out.

Suruchi said...

Hi Chints,
It is sad how God can be so unfair to do things that we have no control over-I mean it is understandable if not acceptable that we suffer due to our mistake-but like this-it’s just so damn unfair!

And the eclipse part I added from my side-there are many who believe that deformities occur thereby-again completely outlandish. It is one thing to stay indoors but then lie flat and don’t move for hours???????
Thank you for the prayers:-)

Suruchi said...

I am so deeply touched by your comment...and feel this post became totally worthwhile. If there is anything in the world that scares me to death-it is illnesses. I respect people who live with such illnesses in the house, for it can so crumble all joys. Thank you for sharing your life experience.

Suruchi said...

@Paanipuri Lover,
Yes, mother is a word synonymous with sacrifice and selflessness but then there is also always a limit to how long even the strongest of towers can stand before crushing blows made at them to break them down. Being a mother now, I feel all the more for such mothers-nothing kills you worse than seeing your children suffer. Thank you for reading:-)

Suruchi said...

Yes, sometimes God does work in mysterious ways and so harsh that you begin to wonder at the entire concept of God’s fairness...paying for sins committed in previous life cycle in this birth and stuff is totally crap-Time God rethinks his systems!
And I understand how unable we are of saying things sometimes, you don’t have to...

Suruchi said...

Thank you Maiths for what you said...the entire mercy killing concept should be reconsidered. There should be a way out of it all for both such children and their mothers-who die a hundred deaths each day. And I can relate to you feeling guilty-it made me feel actually choked-even when G or Seeya would fall sick, I would have such a terrible time watching them bear pain even for those couple of days-god bless each one!

Suruchi said...

Yes, it does make us wonder-what a grind each one of us is in!
And when we feel our problems are too much to bear, we should for a moment, stop to realize the pain like is here.

Thank you:-)

Suruchi said...

It is amazing that how we feel snug in our safe environments thinking that such problems happen with far away people and others; while so many readers here have commented about knowing such people around them! Thank you for your prayers.

Thank you so much and hope to see you around.

Suruchi said...

@Pee Vee,
Thank you for such a clear cut opinion-I believed too that Pranita as a mother should not give up and when she did, it was n a fit of unreasonableness-the maid was attacked and she left, may be the gossips grew harsh, maybe it was an exceptionally bad day that led to it all. Yes, the woman rebels but then after sixteen years of suffering-I really am not able to decide whether to blame or side with her!

Suruchi said...

Thank you and yes, it tore my heart while writing it-and reading it over made me cringe as though I was living with it. It’s not that the writing was so gripping but the issue is so heart wrenching.

Thank you-would try to check it out. Although re-reading my own post had a somewhat sad effect on me-don't know if I can bear to read more.

Suruchi said...

Thank you:-)

I will bring out a funny post next Sam-back to back heavy or sans humour posts make me just as much gloomy as you:-)

Thank you so much:-)

Red Handed said...

A choice a mother never wants to take. She wud prefer dying. But it had to done. Tragic ways of GOD. His games sometimes!
What can I say, You brought tears.
I m sorry for commenting late!

Cinderella said...

I actually have a family member who is going thru this, the girl is 13, and they are struggling with keeping her alive. There was a war to keep her alive when she was born, with some wanting to you know pull the plug on the infant. Its very painful. For everybody.

Suruchi said...

Thank you for reading and late-shate commenting is okay yaar!
We all have a life...Making choices sometimes is worse than the decision taken eventually:-)

It is a painful situation not just for the one going through it, but also for those around him/her watching the pain and dying a slow death each day.
Diseases harm the infected less and his family more!
I wish all gets well for the girl

Shagun said...

This was soul-stirring and gut-wrenching and gave me goosebumps. Very nicely written.

aakash said...

I don't deny by any means, the pain and the constant struggle that parents go through, but having a special child needs a perspective beyond the stereotyped societal view. That's where we fail and the Western countries show a way of life. We hide, we despise and they cherish. You know special children study in 'normal' schools in Europe and they are treated with care and love by everyone.
And they connect to you in a way that we the normal, adulterated world would never do. I have gone past my phase of being depressed about it, and I'll make sure, I change the outlook in others, as much as I can.


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