Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

04 January, 2012

To The Girl at 27!


My Dearest,
Ah the pleasure of writing on a paper again, almost matching with the pleasure of having you. ‘Having’ yes, I did but to say I “have” you though would be a blasphemy. And before you allow that frown saying there I go again and bring tiny anxious lines on your lustrous visage, let me just ask you-Who can have the rays of sunshine trapped in his fingers no matter how strong be his grip? Who can box the fragrance one senses standing in the midst of sandal trees?

For such are you-flowing like the river, warming like the rays, enticing like the scent of a rose, mysterious like the dark night, glorious like the white moon and out of reach like the stars that shine beyond. You sprinkled some of your sheen on me and made me bask in its sensation forgetting that I am trying to own the fabric of the infinite galaxy. The galaxy that I am going to fade into with my end and the galaxy that you have to tread on, leaving your nimble footsteps on everything untouched yet!

I want to tell you how much I love you, but for that I would have to assume that you are a separable part of me although so infused are you now that if I say, loving you is like self-love, it would not be digressing from the established truth I live with every day.

You know what debates ran in my mind between the good and the evil voices: “She is only 27, so what...he was also, once upon a time! He is 59, so what...won’t she be too someday? And he would love her the same. Ah, they would grimace....won’t he be tumbling in his grave by then?” But my time to go has come sooner than I wanted, sooner than I cared and sooner than allowing me to dare. I realize now that being with me would take too much from you and selfish that I am for you, I would hate to see you hate me ever.

My dearest, I want to remain an exultant reminiscence for you, not a dilapidated, old man shrivelling to ruins eventually too soon, wiping all joyous memories-of bearing you with all my strength, of making you shed your over-mature thoughts more than shedding what you wore, of turning many a sighs into heaving, of mingling two bodies in such an intoxicating fusion that it turns me giddy by just imagining the taste of it. It was not only a flight of fantasy, it was like the developing of wings of a young twittering brood that jumps off the cliff and realises soon that it can fly...high!

It was how you held me for hours and how I held you in those moments. It was how just a look of you gave me the adrenalin rush that I haven’t felt with one from your gender before, although my age justifies my calling me experienced. In all your vulnerable innocence, you have no realization how insane your after-effects can be! I would burn with desire just watching you move around the kitchen counter...seeing you untie the cascading hair and then brush them free with your slender fingers...how you ran your own palms over your arms when cold winds played truant or how your eyes lighted with fire and the edge of the lower lip was bitten with the teeth on the thought of new mischief contriving within. I would wonder how something so strongly physical could be just as enduringly emotional? See how you became the wonder woman for me.

But I leave you deserted now for such must be your eventual fate. I won’t be able to face you facing me as I would have to face or see you justifying to one and all that age is just a number. But I do want you to play against the world, face them as my dear girl who would fight all her battles and seek happiness even without me. Let me go while there is still redemption for you.
There would be many who would come your way. Your aura would ensure that a discerning eye would not let you flash past. Be careful my little one, but don’t build walls to protect yourself. Be on a watch but let not the watches watch you. There is no right time to fall in love and no right person-there is only the right feeling. Let not your ignorance or arrogance come in the way of testing those who might be your test. Love is worth a few adjustments, love is worth a few pains....but spending alone the rains, crumbling every time the cold breeze harshly jolts you, with no arms to wrap you snug in guard, is definitely not.

Let your heart be open and the mind not closed. Let the comparing eye be shut with force. Lower expectations but not your standards! Let doubts surface but also allow the soft waves of emotions to calm them down. Men are not perfect but that does not qualify them to be jerks either. Just don’t weigh too much like you do, before feelings also begin to take the pendulum way.

Be not afraid to express how you feel, it is always better to know where exactly you stand than to wriggle within in a hypothetical see-saw. You are very fragile my love and like the hesitant bud that knows not how splendid it looks when blooms. Allow yourself to take chances. It took me years to come close to you like I did, don’t try the patience of any other man. All are not me and with you just about any can’t be.

Laugh more and like there’s no tomorrow, let those little lines of sorrow evaporate in your mirth or the semblance of it. Be open to experiments for they eventually culminate into experiences. Allow men of mettle to first see your soul and then your body for it would pain me to see someone handle you without care. Let those who touch you, touch you! And make sure when you close the eye for his first kiss, you leave my moist imprints in some far away allay, never to be trudged there again.

No man can bear his woman closing on him for someone else. So don’t try to share me, bear me in your mind if you must, for even if you don’t, I won’t rust.

I leave now, to go I don’t know where. Our paths wouldn’t cross and even if they do, please pretend that you don’t know me, no matter how you see my pining in my mute appearance. Only you are blessed enough to look through me. Show me that this would all be worthwhile eventually. Walk away showing pity, for I was not man enough to say I would take care of you even if life took me away.

They say love stories are best which are left unended...some feelings-unattended...some gestures-unreturned...some laughters-unreciprocated...some tears-unvalued...and some couples-unbonded! We were not the usual love story, were we? So how could we have a usual end? Sometimes the lack of “happily ever after” is how ever after not so happily begins.

Not expecting you to understand, but accepting nevertheless,
Yours only.

45 comments:

TheBluntBlogger said...

Love lost, isn't love *ended*...sometimes not-so-consummated love stories are the best, there is a feel that lingers :)

This was a rather heavy post, I need to read again to absorb it more...

*hugs*

TheBluntBlogger said...

You know what, I think I love this post a lot....I read again...I loved the verse about touch, about the physical and emotional bit...

//I would wonder how something so strongly physical could be just as enduringly emotional?//

<3 Way to go <3

Dr Roshan R said...

I agree with Blunt Blogger... a lot of heavy thoughts in there.. a lot of quotable quotes... Great work.

maithili said...

Some very strong emotions and very kadak quotes! But this one had me applauding for some reason
"it is always better to know where exactly you stand than to wriggle within in a hypothetical see-saw"

Wonderful and I could not help but read it a second time.. This is one of your best works.. Jab bhi break lete ho koi zabardast post likte ho aap!

pygmalion said...

Such a piece of mind.. i loved it
specially the 'rust'!
What a love, the detached - beyond detached see-saw! not able to own or disown and yet truly own! Strongly Physical.. can it be un-emotional!

But somehow I wondered, why couldnt the ages be switched between them, and the woman penning this down? Is it impossible really?

Loved this.. and love you too!

Saru Singhal said...

Like Chintan and Roshan, even I would say it's heavy writing. And I loved it. You know when things are profound, you read a line or two and then take a pause to admire its beauty. That what happened while reading this post.

Love and love it is, as complex as it can be. A matrix within a matrix, hard to comprehend for a geek like me...

Amazing post...We need such heavy doses regularly...Keep posting

Jack said...

Suruchi,

WOW. Still recovering from heavy dose of love and sacrifice.

Take care

Ashutosh said...

"in sannaton mein aaj bhi..
teri aahat sunai deti hai..
chahat karu mein jiski bhi..
teri chahat dikhai deti hai.."

Awesomazing post!!!

☆ Rià ღ said...

Yes and i would not reiterate the fact that this was some heavy duty writing from u...a piece of art i would say. Nice piece of work dear.

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

I felt like I was in another era while reading this... the prose, the way you stringed words together, the poetic flow of lines.. its beautiful!
Very touching and also very sad.. oh the sacrifices one makes for the sake of love!
Loved the post! "They say love stories are best which are left unended.." I loved that whole para..!

Tanvi said...

Story of a broken heart! *sigh!* Beautifully written. Engulfed in emotions. You are so good with narration! Alternative career may be? :)

♡ from © tanvii.com

Bikramjit Singh Mann said...

WHY DID YOU NOT MEET ME a few years back.. could have saved a lot of thinks ...


Beautifullly put , I envy you when i read such lovely articles and so much emotion and so nicely put in words ..

Love ah well love Well its love yepp its love :)


Bikram's

Purba said...

The girl-woman...the eternal romantic...is always in her element when she bares her heart.

Letting go gracefully - not everyone can do that.

Rahul Bhatia said...

This was more a poetic verse than a labor of love!Beautifully penned!

Alka Gurha said...

Allow men of mettle to first see your soul and then your body for it would pain me to see someone handle you without care.
Beautiful tender lines, poetic prose and compelling style. And I thought what more can be said about love? Stupid me!

Lady Whispers said...

I have already read this 3 times and am still short of words to express what I feel...

Emotions are filled inside to say anything....

This line say it best-->"I would wonder how something so strongly physical could be just as enduringly emotional?"

Sigh...girl ur magic thats it I can say :)

Vinod Vyas said...

Guess what ..u understand men better than men.Behind the veil of sturdy physique lies the real man..more emotionally vulnerable than women.Words cannot describe what one feels what reading this post.

The feeling of letting loved one go is overwhelming.You have worded beautifully all the feelings of that man-be it his guilt conscious of age difference,his pain of leaving early than his loved one,his lustful love,his loveful lust,his happiness in seeing her happy.

You gave given words to something that everyone feels but unable to express

Sadiya Merchant said...

u kno wattt!
i read dis yesterday n i jus din kno wat to say!
so sooo very senti n frnkly made me quite sad.
i dont like d guy. i do not like dat he decides fr d both of dem.
i do not like dat he makes it sound so gud n all- knowing dat d poor grl wud think he is absolutely rite :(
aaaaaaah i hate sad stories. n so much more wen dey hav dis amazing hard hitting impact :o

Keirthana said...

I am not sure if I have the right words to appreciate your post!

So, I will just say I loved it!! Awesome Suruchi.. I could so relate to your post!

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Madame, I bow to thee.

I'd want to do something to this post, I might do it and let you know.

I love this post.

You know, I read somewhere that handpicking elements and praising them in their individuality from the features of a woman is an indication that the compliments are forced. First the woman is loved as a whole and then the songs are written on her ruby lips and ruddy cheeks.

I dare not single out a line and quote it without the rest of the piece saying that I loved it the most. For if I did that, I did not read it at all.

I'd not say a word tonight.

Best regards,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Suruchi said...

@Chints,
Thank you and love that does not culminate in completion by way of togetherness often has lesser chances of ending:-)


@Roshan,
Thank you...even I kinda liked some of the lines that eventually came out here:-)

Suruchi said...

@Maiths,
Wow, to call it one of my best works-HUGE! Thanks gurl...you made my day:-)


@Pygy,
I almost began to write with the age bracket reversed between the genders, but thought it would indirectly refer to a personal situation that readers might deem I am going through...so didn’t have the balls to do it and switched!
Thank you...and you know I love you for this very reason I mention here:-)

Suruchi said...

@Saru,
My god, “to take a pause and admire the beauty of the lines”-I expected parts of this to strike a chord with some people, but not like. Thank you...and you are not alone in being lost for comprehension, we all are...:-)


@Jack,
It is not sacrifice per se Uncle Jack...more like selfish thinking-I don’t want her to hate me ever so root out the reason that eventually will!
Thank you:-)

Suruchi said...

@Ria,
“A piece of art”...awww....I love you:-)


@Chandana,
I published the comment yesterday and since then your words kept reverberating in my mind “I felt like I was in another era...”
Thank you so much...you made me rethink about my own post that yes, it is timeless...it could be of any era per se:-)

Suruchi said...

@Ashu,
Beautiful lines:-)
Thank you...I am glad!


@Tanvi,
You say I am good with narration and I feel love is the only think I can talk of with some authority and ambiguity...otherwise I am clueless when it comes to fiction:-) Thank you!

Suruchi said...

@Biky,
What would I have done even a few years back? And I wonder what you think :-) Please don’t envy me-I am very ordinary-really!


@Purba,
I love how you singularly pick this out in me-yes, eternally romantic although discarding any notion of endless love! Yup, that’s me:-)

Suruchi said...

@Rahul,
Thank you so much:-)


@Alka,
Oh, I can go on about love, just as you and Purba can about politics...that’s the only domain where I have racked my little brain enough to fathom and to imagine about:-)
When I have nothing else to write about, love always comes to my rescue!

Suruchi said...

@Lady Whispers,
Thank you so much...you give me way too much credit:-)
I read this like a twenty times before putting it up...and strangely I felt very heavy after it all!


@Vinod,
I am so overwhelmed to read your comment...I don’t understand men per se, just understand or trying to understand the psyche of love! Thank you so much:-)

Suruchi said...

@Sadiya,
You know what...after writing this post, I read it several times (I anyways always do) before posting it. And strange that it is, I was left with s funny kind of heaviness all evening after that. Though it is not really sad, but I don’t know why. I guess the effect trickled to you too.
Sometimes may be we do not realize that words hit some hidden corners of our own hearts:-)
I am sooooo glad you liked it. This would be your ONLY comment perhaps that is marked with no humour but all seriousness:-)


@Keirthana,
Thank you so much...sometimes no right words are required:-)

Suruchi said...

@BA,
Anshul, I was dying for you to read this post...but couldn’t ask you because of my own stupid advice to be careful about all that you read. You are a precious reader for any writer for you manage to sift through the words to seek the essence. And only you are gifted with this...that is why you were sorely missed when away by one and all. This was your kind of post and a couple of other people I know who like the twist and turns of deep complications.

I absolutely loved your comment...more than perhaps as much as you loved this post. There is a sense of great satisfaction now and the iota of doubt that this might not be as good as I am supposing it to be, rests in peace. Yes, we can be vain sometimes. Thank you and I would so eagerly wait to see what you might do with this post-it's all yours:-)

Live2cherish said...

This post reminded me a pic i had come across few years ago about old man loving young girl.

You always amaze me with your posts.

Bikramjit said...

you could have taught me all about this "love stories are best which are left unended...some feelings-unattended...some gestures-unreturned...some laughters-unreciprocated...some tears-unvalued...and some couples-unbonded! We were not the usual love story, were we? So how could we have a usual end? Sometimes the lack of “happily ever after” is how ever after not so happily begins."

well ok a ordinary person you say .. but then this ordinary person is much better then millions - trillions ..

Suruchi said...

@Live2cherish,
Thank you:-)


@Biky,
Some things are just not meant to be, does that make them any lesser? I don't think so...Should that make us sadder? Never, there were happy times, weren't there? Imagine not having experienced them at all:-)

And you find me better than millions and trillions coz of your biased love for me and your basic super niceness:-)

Ameena said...

Your insights are always so original, and your writing spot on. Thank you for sharing this!

Hope your 2012 is off to a great start my friend!

Me said...

This post is for keeps :) I want to come back to this and read this again and again.. whenever there is a dilemma I face..

Thanks for sharing... You already know how wonderful you are.. right?

Anonymous said...

Pls read my post www.memoriesofaworldelsewhere.blogspot.com

Suruchi said...

@Ameena,
Thanks:-)


@Me,
No, I don't know how wonderful I am...and even after you'll tell me, I would suffer from short term memory loss and want to hear it again:-)
Thank you...this was meant to be like a word of advice to girls hesitant about falling in love:-)

Bikramjit said...

You been Tagged :)

Bikram's

Jenny said...

Lovely Suruchi.. Had to read it a couple of times..to get the words to sink in the completely..have never known such love!! So poetic and so lovely.. Loved it totally!!!!!

Anita Jeyan Sandeep said...

I got lost in between the lines and re-read from the beginning at least three times. You are no simple and light writer. You r one of those incomprehensible types u know that? The thought provoking type. I love u ! And this post is heavy - and weighs us down as we go through it. Brilliant.

Sakshi said...

This is BY far the best that I have read.
Su, you have surpassed yourself.
There are so many lines that I can just pick and quote.. and I am going to.. too!

LOVED it!

-*-Poonam-*- said...

you are brilliant!!! i could feel the pain of that man...u narrate so well...ab kuchh comedy dekhni padegi mood achchha karne ke liye :'(
sachchi mein kamaal ho tussi :)

- ur new fan and new facebook friend

-*-Poonam-*- said...

you are brilliant!!! i could feel the pain of that man...u narrate so well...ab kuchh comedy dekhni padegi mood achchha karne ke liye :'(
sachchi mein kamaal ho tussi :)

- your new fan and new facebook friend

-*-Poonam-*- said...

mera comment kahan gaya

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