Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

23 April, 2012

From a Friend-zoned Lover


Dear love,
I write to you today in extreme pain-an unnamed ache, a recurring twinge that dreads breaking out in tears, an excruciating spasm running through my body for my insides have been jolted by the throbbing of the heart. Ah, heart! How condescending I have been towards you-mocking all those who allow you to rule the rest of the systems. And now you are all whose presence I feel inside as my blood rushes in frenzy.

Nobody notices but when with you, you are all I notice. It’s like the world relegates to a backdrop as a mumbling sound, emanating from miles away where the traffic honks in the by lanes and men and women of everyday life, yank their way into some bargain.

I see you and I see me. I feel you and I feel life. Every giggle that erupts from your beautiful mouth goes straight to find an echo in my head. Every twinkle in your eyes sparkles through my mind’s vision, when in my own solitude I rest. I can tell even without looking at you how each curve of your body bends. I have watched you from years going in and out of relationships with men who think you are an object of love. I wait for you to see how I deem you as love itself.

How many hours I spend looking at you telling me animatedly about the way your day went while in my psyche-I play with your twirling tresses as you in blissful oblivion vent out the mundane, lying your petite head on my chest; or run my eager fingers over your smooth, unblemished skin hoping to see your lips quiver and hands tremble in nervous excitement! 


How many times when you casually hold my arm as we edge our way through a buzzing market place and suddenly a veil of silence falls all around and hushes! Do you notice me freeze by your mere touch or the goose bumps that reveal what I have perhaps managed to conceal?

I have loved you from years now-from the day I met you and when we were seeing different people. From the day we broke up with them and each other were the first ones we saw again. I have desired you every time you called to cry those deep eyes out because foolish boys cause them to blur when they deserve to open up like blooms in spring time. I have hungered for you even when you kept falling in love again and again and I sat there a cruel witness to your enthusiasm, wishing with every atom in my body that it were me that had you so stirred.

Silly girl, can’t you see these men love you for your body? Don’t you get immune to the same kind of tricks of the smooth talkers who walk into your heart with base praise to walk all over you eventually? How random can a woman’s heart be to flutter with such inconsistency? I gave you time for that’s all you wanted from me perhaps. I gazed with bated breath for any signs that would tell I would be next and also may be the last one. I yearned for you to see how unconditional came the love I bottled in my frame and corked it up with permanence so that every drop can quench your insatiable thirst to be cherished with unrivalled passion.

You know how I feel. You know we are not joking when we indulge in mock pretending to be a couple for we are weary of finding the perfect ones. Yet you turn an indifferent eye every time we are so close that I can hear you breathe and feel you take my breath away. You don't want me to go like it pleases you...you don't allow me to stay like it pleases me. And when you embrace my body with such casualty, it cuts across whatever of me is left after being in your arms even so momentarily.

I want you now, not for a while, not to come and go but to stay. You leave me like the parched land that sees the sight of a frothy black, rain cloud but some wanton wind drives it away. I don’t want to be the shoulder you cry on but the chest that feels your heartbeat when you press into it with wild abandon. I am no longer going to be your daddy that you run to with your problems. 

And since you feel you can’t see me THAT way, I guess you should not see me in any way at all. Let me walk away while there is still hope for salvaging of whatever’s left of me. Let me go, while I still have to capacity to love again, someone who would have the audacity to love me back like I deserve to. This is the last good bye. I hope you find the love that your heart aspires for and I hope I find the strength to never turn back again.

In love with you always though not in you anymore,
The Friend-zoned Me.   

P.S. I have kinda lost it for writing and a little weary of the blogosphere. Forget reading you wonderful people, I haven't even been able to reply back to comments. I guess, I would drop in here whenever and if I have something really worthwhile to say or vent. I would understand if you do not comment. This post is also dedicated to a special friend who has been lovingly, generously poking me to write ever since I stopped. Thank you (.)

18 comments:

Jack said...

Suruchi,

I was wondering where you had vanished. Nice to see you back even with a post which is more of a rant. Thanks to that friend who made you come back.

Take care

Sourav said...

"Every giggle that erupts from your beautiful mouth goes straight to find an echo in my head. Every twinkle in your eyes sparkles through my mind’s vision, when in my own solitude I rest. I can tell even without looking at you how each curve of your body bends."

And you think you lost your touch? Stay lost, I'd say. Pain can never be described so beautifully!

Thank YOU(.)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

The dirty games in the neon shows,
This is the world he knows,
Watching the stars satisfies my soul,
Thinking of him makes me feel so cold.

The fancy cars and the restaurants,
You´re just so fond of the man,
Sometimes I wonder if you are blind,
Can´t you see he´s got dirt on his mind!

I'm not an actor I'm not a star,
And I don´t even have my own car,
But I'm hoping so much you''ll stay,
That you will love me anyway

~MLTR


Lovely read!
:D

Blasphemous Aesthete

Arpit Rastogi said...

This is Like Awesome.. :)

Feel aa gyi padhke.. ^_^

Happy Life Friend! :)

Alka Gurha said...

Poetic prose...beautiful.
And I thought only i was feeling disappointed from blogosphere. At least someone cajoled u to write. No luck here. Commenting is all about back scratching. My best posts got least comments. There is a sense of disillusionment.

shikha said...

Whoa !!!!!
Suruchi,you have left me speechless...
Let me walk away while there is still hope for salvaging of whatever’s left of me. Let me go, while I still have to capacity to love again, someone who would have the audacity to love me back like I deserve to. This is the last good bye. I hope you find the love that your heart aspires for and I hope I find the strength to never turn back again.
the despair,the pain n the love so well portrayed in ur words !!!
likhiye madam likhiye

RiĆ  said...

U write so beautifully...I wonder why do u say that u dont feel like writing anymore. Pls do continue. I love reading ur posts.

Bikramjit said...

main kya boloon ..
will come back to read this once again .. as this brought some memories

Bikram's

Tanvi said...

I know what you mean. Good to see a post from you on my reader though! :)

Amazing as always!!!

∞ © tanvii.com ∞

pygmalion said...

very nice read suru, stroked those strings again ..

its a low zone, for many of us these days

tc and when u r back, i m here for sure, again and again:)

blunt edges said...

Once in a while you read a write-up that spells out everything in your mind. I guess every friend-zoned guy would identify with this post. Beautiful, yet saddening :)

sulagna ™ said...

areyy yaa..havent we all bloody gone through this friend zone phase..but only you can bring out the pain and the hurt, even in such a simple and easy manner..
and what made you loose your mojo ? m kinda in d same boat !

Anonymous said...

A Man can never completely forget a woman he loved,If he does then he never loved her in first place.Women can move on completely rather easily.

Wonderfully written.

jo said...

" I wait for you to see how I deem you as love itself. " Beautiful!!
Its like you jumped into his heart and dissected out every single feeling.
"it cuts across whatever of me is left after being in your arms even so momentarily." passion and surrender...total masaala read..Suruchi style! Love it :)

Manu Katyaayan said...

Lovely rant, but I think it's true for many these days. I notice myself and many others not enjoying or I'd say unwilling to write these days. I wonder what's the reason ? Hope you'll start again... :D

kenztar said...

Words cannot describe how much you've touched me with this article and other articles relating to this. It is the perfect time for me as I am nursing a broken heart myself :( there are sooo many lines in this that just gave chills all over my body. I say if this is how you write when you're not in the groove, I wish it stays like this coz you're just fantabulous. Please keep pouring in your thoughts coz there's so much that you express in mere words! Lots of love! xxo

Jenny said...

Great to see this post. You write so beautifully, please don't discontinue.

on the friendship zoned guy, haha, i have been the friendshipzoned girl couple of times, and its feel like crap. You cant let go the friend and you cant forget those feeling you have for him. Die die situation!

-*-Poonam-*- said...

"I hope I find the strength to never turn back again" ...beautiful lines.

This is the best blog post I have ever read anywhere.

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