Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

04 January, 2010

Hello, how are you doing? I am doing it on the Road!


I was walking along on my signature evening walk...talking to bhagwan ji. “Kya dude...earlier you used to give me so many sights and incidents to go home and write about...stalker on my walk, me getting a lift for my walking (yup, you heard it right...I’ve been guilty of “walking” in a car for a few brief seconds), finding couples in bushes...actual healthy green leaves waale bushes here ok...please rest your dirty minds, etc, etc...
But from so many days, nothing writable has been coming about.”
(Wow, my computer didn’t check me on the word ‘writable’...matlab it’s an actual word!)

Anyways, I was in my muse and devout quest for issues to rant on...when in my reverie, I almost bumped into a man. Not like a normal man...not abnormal either...Well, a man who decided to unzip and relieve himself, right at the edge of the road and make the plants sulk big time for this uncalled for shower. Thankfully my steps came to a screeching halt before I could get in ‘touch’ with anything and would later get a chance to say “ewwwwwwwww”. I almost said that anyways...I think even aloud...or at least every ghastly expression on my face did and every pore within me was screeching it...like an echo in the mountains...ewwwww.....ewwww......ewww...
Ok, I’ll stop with these irritating sound effects...I am sure you get the idea and the picture...now please don’t ask me for sizes here!

I moved on...scrunching my nose and eyes big time, clenching my fists and daring not to look back to apologize to the man for almost walking into his personal moment or for courtesy’s sake ask, did I withhold the flow or make him wet? Wtf...His ‘personal’ moment was just a public issue. He should be the one apologizing for subjecting innocent souls to such a horrendous display that might later lead to even more appalling imaginations....ughhhhhh...
I know, I know I am stopping here before you start imagining gross things! Kya aap log bhi...kya kya sochte ho yaar!

So I moved on...I know I said that in the beginning of the previous paragraph...but hello...I am still moving....
A few steps later...another man doing the honours...this time leaving prints on the wall...No wonder the exterior walls in India never need drying after whitewash...they are subjected to the curse of a lifelong drench!

But what yaar???????????????
Is it the cold that is causing a hyper activity of excretion or is the greenery too tempting a proposition to resist? Someone please tell them, this is not what the environmentalists mean when the holler ‘Return back to nature’. Please keep your nature’s call for your abodes that are more used to of seeing your vital parts. Like an actress in a movie objected... “What vital parts? All my parts are vital!” So make better use of that hand and stay covered outdoors...they say you can catch the cold from ALMOST ANY point exposed these days!

I thought I wouldn’t get third time unlucky again that evening...but na na...mein kuch socho n uska ulta na ho...Aisa to mere itihaas mein hua nahi aaj tak!
There again...a kilometre later...another son of some mother...who perhaps forgot to give him toilet manners...was caught red handed in the act. Never mind now if his hand was actually red or not...would you stop asking for graphic and colourful details....Ain’t the post rangeen enough?

Anyways, at first I thought it was a gardener in the bushes...but his hands seemed too far away from his lower body as though holding the nozzle of a pipe...Excuse now my detailed descriptions dear readers but I do have to get this picture out of my mind by sharing it (kehte hain ghum baatne se ghat jaata hain) so that it does not haunt me for the next 24 hours...uske baad I would forget it anyways...and you may spread the good word! Hehe...

Ok where was I? On the nozzle...oops on the issue of the nozzle...but then as I walked closer I realized there was no rubber pipe following it....and the water shower was also a trickle and I almost held my head in despair....
Why me today...again and again...boo hoo!
Meine pechle janam mein kaun se ache waale paap kiye the jo itne mein he mujhe chodh rahe ho aap god ji?

I was wondering if I would be able to use the loo in peace again after today or not! And this obnoxious man...what was he doing with his hands stretched so far out? Is it a show? His proclamation that size does matter...but then to what audience? People like me who care a f@#$ about it?



Guys, phuleeeeeeeeeeze...we know you are blessed...knew it since the days of Adam grandpa and Eve daadi. But don’t go around smugly proving it on every street corner. Worse then, or go about shaking hands with whomsoever you meet...and worst still, me having the habit of shaking EVERYONE’S hand when I meet him...eeeeeeeeeewwwwww...eeeeeeeeekkkkkssssss....holy s@#$ or rather not so holy pee!

Please be a little more discreet...There’s a reason why they are called private parts...a reason why even Salman Khan or Brad Pitt no matter how much they reveal...keep their izzat covered...well mostly!
Please don’t spread out your legs and stand on edges of almost anything with orgasmic pleasure on your faces.
Please don’t let the world know how you do it...knowing that you do it at home...is enough of a small mercy for us!
May we all be in peace! Amen!

25 comments:

Hopeless Romantic said...

You should thank us, we are giving our best efforts in maintaining the environment green. we help in providing the required (salt) water for their nourishment....u shld b proud of our achievements :D

cheers,
Amit

suruchi said...

HR..thanks but no thanks to ur species..
And please don't tell me you are a part of this mad gang...
Oho..et tu Brutus...
Not to say that you are not a man..or could not be a man in need or nature doesn't come calling on you..;)hehe...mazaak...

As for the soil and its nourishment..well i guess too much salt spoils the broth..
is a twisted but good way of replying u back;-)

Cheers,
Suruchi

Rishi said...

just 3...

its better than what happens in mumbai..

I travel along the worlds longest toilet.. otherwise known as Western Railways (mumbai)

suruchi said...

Rishi..
Hmm..3 were enough for one hour..
Oho..now I don't know what to say...and this is a new kinda feeling for me...:/
So lemme think more on this n come back here later..ok?
But then..never mind...

Rishi said...

i really wouldn't like to think abt it...

it being so smelly and so filled with ammonia and so much of ewwwwwwww associated wid it.. instead y not write a post abt something else...

suruchi said...

@Rishi..Hmmm...
Abhi mein dharam sankat mein hoon...aapko bolonge ke cute ho...to bologe mujhe line mat maaro...and azaadi meri dulhan hain, etc,etc...

But is par to cute bolne ke bante hain yaar...acha shhhhhhhh...no cute ok...;-)

And I would write a post on something not ewwwww-worthy now...
Hmmm....how about...
"Why do men not like being called cute...associating it with puppies...and prefer to be perceived as smelly n rugged instead?"

Amrit said...

:) Nice write

I liked ".. another son of some mother.." es se pehle sirf punjabi version hi suna tha english pehli baar dekha hai..

First time here. Adding your blog to my favorite list and will be regular from now.

suruchi said...

Hi Amrit...
Hey I didn't realize I was mentally translating here...
So observant...wow!

Welcome ji n would be great to have you as a regular here...
And like they taught us in school...regularity in life pays;-)

Anonymous said...

Writers Block eh!!! naah u have gained some style

suruchi said...

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn...
waise he comments nahi aate n I deleted two comments by mistake...
Wtbloodyf....

:-(...pubish ke jagah reject button dabaaya...

Mera kuch nahi ho sakta..I've given up on me..:-(

suruchi said...

Hey Mr. Anon
I think I know who u are...and if u are whom I think who u are, then why are u anon:-(
Hehe...
Coz only one person could know if I have gained style or not..I hope I am not wrong here:-)
Thanks...
Good to know I am still read Dods:-)

Anonymous said...

Dods u ur abba ur khandaan...how is our belanwa...
guilt bebe its makes u invisible... write something burning

suruchi said...

Hahaha...bingo
Bulls eye...yippieee...hehe
U know what I did...like always..the duh me...I was supposed to leave an anonymous comment on ur blog too..but just as I clicked I realized oh crap...I didn't cancel out my name...so do that ok..

Everything good here..and write something burning...hellooooooo..is se zyaada mein my screen would demand for a fire extinguisher...
Congrats on the wedding;)
Mast hain ab zindagi?

Anonymous said...

Shaadi na Jannat hai na dhoka bebe...theeke thaak hai... aur kiya bolti aapki fan following... ok karta hoon :) hey you really kept your blog going ... good girl hain aap bahut good girl!!

suruchi said...

Good good...acha hain jo hain...

Ok karte hoon...karo...
And gurudev...u helped me in the inception of this all..
So get going ka thoda bahut credit le lo yaar...;-)
Good gal nahi hoon...
I'm the best:-)

Rishi said...

I'd like that kind of a post..

suruchi said...

@Rishi...lo phir kaam pe laga diya...I'll be glad to oblige:-)

sobhit said...

LOL ...nice title 2d post.... seems ur taken d idea of thu thu n su su kumars in blogsphere :P :P... went thru few post.. i like d humour tadka in dem.. wud try 2 catch up few odr posts 2...

buckingfastard said...

da quote goes, "wid gr8 nozzles comes gr8 responsibilities"

dunt blame us fr showing off....its just natural order of things!!

btw peeing is a bliss....da adventure is only retained in open surroundings!!

Weirdo guy said...

LOL ... That was funny without being vulgar !

And btw you've been tagged- http://weirdoguysblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/poop-part-2.html

suruchi said...

@Sobhit...thanks...thanks for coming around...I'll make sure the tadka keeps coming too...steaming n hot;-)

@Buckingfastard...hmm...'natural'ly great hain...ur name n the nature's order of things:-)
Lolz to u guys n your love for adventure of doing things in open...Keep the freshness coming:-)

@Weirdo guy...thanks for getting the whole idea here n the tag...:-)

Amnn.......//1! said...

loll....!!!
this can happen onli in india
sometimes i imagine wat if even gals start peeing on the streets someday ...
how wud tat be ...
wud tat be gross or wud tat be ohh mai GOWD ...!!!

n then i think .. it wud be gross it wud be definately be grosss errhh ]

but u know if u have ever used the public urinals u wud know .. its so much more of a luxury peeing in open as compared to public sauchalyas ,,,!!!

n on tat cute thingi ..!!
calling a guy cute is just like calling him ur brother ,,
its is like a slap on the face ,,,,

suruchi said...

OMG Amn...if gals start peeing on the road...
That would be more funny than gross...u just made me picture a line of semi sitting women by the road side...hehe...
OHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!

N oh god again..for if calling cute is like calling one a brother...OMG time to banta hain yahan...for I have sinned...I don't know how many of my siblings then are wandering on the face of mother earth right this moment...coz I am just surrounded by cute guys...god's grace...n I keep reminding them how cute they are...

U two...Rishi n u...watch out for that post..hehe;-)

Sorcerer said...

first time here

and they do it all the time on there...i mean on the roads and things

nice post :)
thanks for the nice read!

suruchi said...

Glad to know Sorcerer that ur first time here was a pleasurable experience;-)

And wherever else u do it..I hope it's pleasurable there too;-)

u are most welcome...n thanks to u..
keep coming:-)

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