Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

15 June, 2011

Photo-holic!


I have always been fond of clicking...pictures, that is.
A saner part of me wanted to become a photographer, so in love have I been with the camera. But there are a 1000 other dubiously sane parts that want to be something else, so let’s not talk about my parts anyways! In the weirdest of hypothesis, one may not unearth cash in my handbag but fat chance of not retrieving a camera in it. You never know when life throws at you a frame-worthy moment and my friends, ‘It is better to be prepared now than sorry later’ is not just believed in by me, but even upheld by The Population Control Board of our country. I don’t mind being the butt of people’s jokes at get-togethers, when I take out my camera ala Rajnikant taking out a gun from some hidden corner; for these very people put a hand around my shoulder to get clicked too and later ask when am I uploading these pictures and I must tag them. Shoooo!

Longer before Facebook and Picassa happened, I have had humongous albums of every trip/event/random nothings that crossed my path in my barely there decades on Mother Earth. However since Facebook, I like to be more in front of the camera than behind for posterity’s sake. Fb and the blog domains have contributed to the uprising of subtle though excessive vanity and other syndromes in users amongst many more things-Like say The Comment Itch-every blogger has it...we itch till we don’t see comments awaiting moderation, working like a soothing balm for our narcissistic nerves and once clicked to publish, the itch surfaces again. The deadly You-scratch-my-back-and-I’ll-scratch-yours disorder that makes people visit your page and say “nice read” and leave, when in all probability they have not read beyond the first paragraph. And Facebook- well, there were good old times when we danced like the photo was not being “tagged”, loved like we were never “unfriended” and status updated like nobody is “liking”.

Vrooooooom...back to the topic, so I click now with a vengeance thinking these would be my trophies of old age, to show to my grandchildren how happening their daadi/naani was in her hay days, even though half the pictures may be cropped or taken at such an angle so that my big butt appears smaller (or does not appear at all) and my smiles, just about perfect. They weren’t around when these were being clicked...so they’d have no choice but to believe them and quote stories of how their granny could have been the next Aishwarya Rai, if only she had been to Mumbai long enough to be noticed. The shots, where my face looks all teeth or the lead in my pants is displayed obnoxiously, would never see the daylight-hehehohohohahaha *devilish laughter*.

It is anyways an established fact that no one looks half as bad as their driver’s license picture and half as good as their Facebook/blogger profile one. Now if only I had more idea about photo-shop or more sense to handle pictures apart from just cropping them, I would be giving sleepless nights to others than being subjected to them! My biggest woes on many days when I am looking super sexy for a change, is that I am not being shot like that I mean not with a bullet yaar, though God, please let me die presentable! I often pray that the day dear Death visits, let me be blessed to have my dying wish granted already-have my eyebrows and waxing in order and hair freshly washed and by that age include facial, face lifts, etc too! Otherwise it just might me the worst funeral I have ever attended.

When I look at fashion bloggers getting clicked away to glory looking so model-ish, my little heart aches a little more. Sigh! Wish I had great photographers in my life too and a decent camera that makes me look illegally beautiful-matlab so beautiful that it should be illegal to watch without desiring me. I am conveniently forgetting the third requisite of a figured body for the beautiful part to come true, but then I never claim to have the best of memories to figure out such nitty gritties. My only photographer is my husband, who when asked to do the honours, makes the saddest of yester years’ Rajendra Kumar face don’t ask me who he is-Google him and you’d know just how sad as though an inexplicable tragedy has occurred with his wife. I feel as if I am taking him round Hitler’s gallows, such a let’s-get-it-finished-fast expression he has.

In fact he would wear one of these looks:
1. Constipated and clenched angry and thereby making me reflect the same.
2. Lost Puppy who would fidget so much with the camera before clicking that my smile would slowly start transforming into a tired grimace.
3. Clumsy and clicking pictures without giving me a moment to decide how to pose, so that half the outcomes would have my one eye closed or lips open in a scream, giving unwarranted directions or hands half raised in air to settle that lock of hair strategically. Needless to say when I peer into the result and look up to him to express my dissatisfaction, I somehow paranormally behold an image of a volcano about to burst and let the urge pass! Point of this big fat paragraph-I look much better than what my pictures show or do I?

Last year after some enlightenment that-it is not the person being clicked that’s important for a good image rather the camera is, I managed to summon my hitherto latent courage to argue with my beloved over why we need a more expensive camera with better megapixels and zoom yes, I sounded all techie because whenever I do that, it is so much more scary than global warming that he almost always gives in sooner than usual for obvious reasons. Simply put-our 3.2 megapixels is not doing justice to our appearance. I managed to make him dish out some thousands to get a Sony DSC-WX1 with 10.2 megapixels, G lens and 5 optical zoom yes, they dupe you with such high sounding stuff that while signing the cheque, you feel you just bought the camera that is fit for the red carpet alone.

I returned home all smug and bubbly holding in both my hands the camera box as lovingly as one would hold his newly born. However, after the pictures were clicked and I saw them on my laptop my disappointed countenance probably resulted in me getting my first worry wrinkle.

“But it is making me look the same????????” I partly whined and partly shrieked.  
“What did you expect, it would suck out ten kilos from your frame, diminish the tired lines, blur the pimple spots, turn the grey on your head into black and even your teeth?”
Offended I got defensive, “Haaaaw, that’s not fair...I have no grey yet.”
“Huh, is that ALL you noticed in my question? I give up. No new camera now for ten years hence.”
I hate it when beloved gets all honest-y, minus diplomacy.
Needless to say, I make him pay for it too with a Touch-me-not issued, so that he quotes from thereafter, “Honesty is the costliest policy!”

Alas, now I have stopped practising my surreal O-that is making a Rekha like...er...Kareena like O with my lips to signify the oomph factor or having one hand raising my ruffled hair up and the other on my waist look. I know I badly need better/tolerable poses, but at least get me these two materialized first and rest my childhood aspirations to peace. Philhaal, I can see another O forming on my beloved’s face-more like OMG as I am relating to him what I am writing! Sigh!

So I am stuck with my older but not old enough camera, something just like me! Please pray for me- that someone somewhere reading this gets inspired to do a photo shoot with his own paid make-up artist and inspired enough to not charge me for it, except just ask for my smile. I am already giving the biggest monkey grin to him. Amen!


48 comments:

nOt anyone you know said...

why is that guy in your header picture looking like chetan bhagat? i will read the story after you answer this =/

Bikramjit said...

hmmm hmmmm and more hmmmmmm .. Camera main kuch problem hai , we need to invent one that clicks you in the best way not that i am saying otherwise ...

and hey when you get that photo shoot mere ko bhi bhejna pictures theek hai na ..

what you need is to learn photo enhancer program, that can be used to make the already beautiful poctures MORE BEAUTIFUL :) wink wink I hope you get the jest of what i am saying he he he he

and dont worry the grandkids will love there dadi/nani howsoever she looks :) and do put some UNCROPPED pictures let us also see what you saying is that true of aven hi ..

I jsut put some pics of mine , oh god maybe i shud go and CROP them .. do you know how to ahhhhhhhhhhh now you made me worried
Bikram's

Tanvi said...

Hawww! You made me feel guilty of being a fashion blogger (almost!) ... I think everything matters in the picture - Camera, Photographer, Backdrop, Lighting, and of course the 'subject' ;)

One this I am sure is that your pretty face can be captured through any camera! If Mr. Suruchi doesn't oblige then you must visit me .. We will make that photo shoot happen! :)

♥ from © tanvii.com

Dishita said...

Touch me not.hahaha.
Laughed my lungs out reading this one.

Your notes on addiction to fb pics and blogging is so apt.

For clicks, i would suggest getting a tripod and a blank sheet: a ready to go studio.Assuming your camera allows self timed shots.

Sadiya Merchant said...

hehe. dis is exctlyyyyy how it is at my end. my official photographer bein my brother n d nakhra's he does...oh God!
always always taunts of dideeeee ur soooo vain, ab kitna modellin karoge...blah blah.
bt i mus tel u i like low resolution cams better. no ajeeb ajeeb se face mrks...wich btw im almost sure dont even appear in d mirror unless u turn on d bigggg white light abov or sumthin!
faaltu ka kharcha :o

suruchi said...

Hi NAYK,
The sketch that was there was done by a friend and liked the conspiring look and put it up...abhi why he looks like Chetan Bhagat-I have no idea. But don't you worry, I will GET IDEA;-)

Now you can read...lol:-)

suruchi said...

Biky ji,
I get exactly what you are saying...matlab jab tak aap hain to kya gum hain:-)

And woh photo enhancer program...hmmm, please pass the tips. And woh uncropped pics bhi Facebook pe bhare hue hain..sach kab tak chup sakta hain, hain na;-)

And please don't crop your pics...the world needs to see sme dole-shole;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Tanvi,
Hehe...I loved the "haaaaw":-)
Par koi na...I love seeing you on your page and feel chalo koi to hain, whose doing it the way I would want to...not discounting the fact that doing it with such panache n poise:-)

And Mr Suruchi will never oblige Mrs Suruchi and Mr Fabulous can't be tortured to make this happen for he is so used to of your perfection...so the prayers continue:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Dishita,
A tripod and blank sheet, eh?
Looks like the saying,
"The biggest helping hand that you would find in this world is at the end of your end-YOU"

:-)But that's a brilliant tip...but akele mein nakhre nahi ho payenge..woh super model types waale;-)

Thanks for visiting:-)

suruchi said...

Saadiya,
My kinda gal...kharcha karne mein to aise protective elderly sister attitude comes when it concerns money...hehe...and low resolution camera zindaabad.

Better than having something than nothing*thinking back of days when we used the non-digital cameras and had to wait for photos to develop...tab to retake bhi possible nahi tha:-)*

A said...

Suruchi,

I have keen interest in photography. Click on my Photo Log tab on my blog and you will see all picture related posts. A lot of my friends say I take good pictures. Of course friends always encourage. I wrote one post on photography too...'Learning to click'. May be you missed it. But here is the gist, three important factors for a good picture - Subject, Subject & Subject. Haha :))) I have an expensive camera and might spend some more money on some additional stuff..is not that irony. But I cannot be dishonest with you.

For a good picture:- Subject=50%; Composition=40%; Camera=10%

Subject and composition are related = basically what angle, what parts of subject you want to capture. So it is basically subject.

Photoshop CANNOT improve pictures. You may get satisfaction that picture has improved.

I also took classes but figured out 'Perfection cannot be improved' even with classes.

Rachit said...

hehe.. good one and I read all your post completely before commenting Nice read :P

Prateek said...

I heard this from a photographer, "The sad truth is now every lad standing right next to me calls himself a photographer with mobile equipped with camera in hand."
I purposely put my phone in my bag to evade his rants and raves.

Sameera said...

"You-scratch-my-back-and-I’ll-scratch-yours disorder"
hahaha.. And, that devilish laughter reminded me of some Rakshas from Ramayan/ Mahabharat.

It was mind-blowing. After reading some fashion blogs, I too had an itch to get my pictures clicked. But, alas.. No one did the honor's (read I am not photogenic);)

Akshay singh said...

in the end ..it's all about inner sexiness , outer fashion and the middle-somewhere satisfaction if clicking .
The good point is ,with FB people have a new platform to showcase their talents .I know such talented and gyaani people when it comes to photography , sometimes I feel stupid calling one of my photos a masterpiece .
And your self photos ...darling , look at the right , you have an entire slideshow ( no modesty ..n I LOVE u for that ! :-D )

ps- do not take camera advice from 'someone' .They can gloat about their camera for hours together

"Tasveeron mein kaid kaise kare aapko
aapki aankhon ka nasha kisi rang mein dhaLta hi nahi " ;-)
H.O.T.T.Y :*

Alka Gurha said...

How many hidden facets do you have dear? ..I love you as a blogger.

Nikita said...

Suruchi Beta

I guessed that the moment i saw your pics on blogger,Professional Photographer..han..

Me enjoy getting clicked too...I loved it more as a kid and it seems to be getting lesser...

aakash said...

Hehe.. wry humor all through the post. Umm.. I guess photography more than the camera or even model, depends on how a photographer visualizes and brings out the beauty in the subject. And I think you would make a great subject for any good photographer.. :)

aJ

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Why do I see my kind of comments being taken up in defense of the ones who never read it beyond the first para? :P

Even with the FB evolution, I still like being behind the lenses, most of the time.
And natural photography is the best for the people who did not try to be models, because you look best when you don't pretend.

And cliched it might be, but, Nice read. :P

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Your knack of making a mundane topic so spicy at its best. Laughed many time with your wit interjected in small print. Hope your wish is fulfilled for photo shoot.

Take care

☆ Rià ღ said...

I so totally agree with Jack above. U r so good at writing posts on these little things which we may never think of in this way. :)

moonlite:D said...

suruchi, u r sooo soooo sooooo good writer,,
loved it :)

suruchi said...

Hi A,
Aap bhi G ki tarah he ho:(
Honesty without diplomacy is like a rose without khushboo:(
Mereko pata hain “subject” is important...is liye meine apna Enlish “subject” bahut ache se study kiya hain...can you now please take up my free portfolio? ;-)

And I know you are an awesome photographer-no encouragement n no bribes...just plain honesty like you minus diplomacy:-)



Rachit,
Thank you ji...for going through it all:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Prateek,
I know right...these wanna-bes...tch, inke wajah se hum jaise rare talents kabhi discover he nahi ho pate...lol!:-)

And take your phone out of your bag...we never know who’s the best, till it is proved otherwise:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Sameera,
Woh rakshas waale he laughter the...you know when I was smaller, funny people called my family used to make me laugh before guests for my laughter then was like ravan’s-loud, ringing n boisterous:/
Abhi manners se kuch change hua...but I guess traces abhi baaki hain;-)

And you are super photogenic kiddo...just not found the right eye to see you rightly:-)

suruchi said...

@Akshay,
Awwww...I am sending G to you for some classes...unko mein aise chikni chupdi baatein sikha do yaar...ke mein phir se fisal jaon...though don’t over do it, I might fislo too much n break the wrong bones;-)

And that slide show remark...and that sher...
*suddenly rose to cloud 9...waiting for condensation to happen soon, to bring me down n then hug ya;-)*

rainboy said...

hmmm

Tanvi is right , the camera is not the only thing that matters.

just so that you know... Mr.V is landing in Malvia Nagar ,Delhi in July for a long long time ;)

Make-up artist arrange ker lo haha

suruchi said...

@Alks,
Thank you and I love you too as a blogger and a sweet heart:-)
Koi hidden facets nahi hain yaar...hidden fat hain:(


@Nikita,
Wow.. “beta” sun kar mere aankhon mein aanson aa gaye:-)
And professional photography isko nahi kehte..
These are 10 best pictures in 1000 clicked..boo hoo:(
:-)

suruchi said...

@Anshul,
Baby, you are not being called in court.
Your “nice read” (for me at least) is always genuine...hehe

On a serious note-you are one of the few people who actually reads throgh each n everyone’s each n every blog post and manage to comment comprehensively or accurately on what should be mentioned(I will forever remain a fan it seems)

And with your kinda looks, get in front of the camera ji...warna aap bahuuuuuuuut nainsaafi kar rahe ho:-)

suruchi said...

@Aakash,
Hello:-)
And to me making a great subject...yiy yiy yiy
Wohi to.koi visualise he nahi karta;-)



@Uncle Jack n Ria,
Thank you so much...I hope my wish comes true also so I can wrap up these “tumbling thoughts” and start up a “shot hot thoughts” pic blog...hahaha:-)

suruchi said...

@Moonlite,
You are soooooo sooooooo sooooo sweet...
Love your presence here too:-)


@Rainboy,
Finally jiske liye post likha woh yahan aa he gaye...lol!
Just kidding in case I scare you away with that little proposal you made...photo shoot ka he! Sigh!:-)

Mr V phir September tak rukna na wahan Ms S might just come to Delhi at that time to catch up with friends and bump into u:-)
Waise just think I should mention after all said n done:
I THINK I AM HUGELY CAMERA SHY:(

rainboy said...

mujhe laga tha ki shayad mere liye kiya ho :P

Hopefully Mr.V might be there till September , would love to click you...we can go for a sunrise or sunset shoot to Qutub , there are so many places...

No one is camera shy it just that they haven't seen how good they look in my camera's eye ;D

hahah take care

suruchi said...

@Rainboy,
Hain na...laga na...zor se to nahi laga na?:-)
Wow, more than being clicked part, clicking with you at the sunset n sunrise just set me fluttering...oooooh:-)

Thanks you are wonderful...just as perfect as your shots*pehenne waale nahi..though I am sure, they'd be awesome too;-)*

rainboy said...

lol we will definitely have fun , we can do a shoot with You and your family,what say ? All candid shots :D

take care

Pavitra .... said...

Hahahahaha....i laughed so much reading your post....
Loved the way you explained facebook and blogger.....waiting for a comment....I find myself there so many times....waiting to be validated....
"Touch-me-not" hahahhaha...aptly written :))

Amazing post..!!!
take care sweetie..Cheers!!

P.S: I am in my early 20's....you guessed right....They used to air Small Wonder and I Dream of Jeanie every weekday evening...never used to miss it... :))

suruchi said...

@Rainboy..candid and family don't go very well together, na?:-)
Thanks a ton...hope to catch up with you!


@Pavitra,
Helloooo!:-)
Thanks for confirming that my guess was right...and also for being around:-)

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♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

Lol I jusst did a post on how people are so obsessed with their photos and how fb is making it worse :P
But yeah im normal too. I like pictures of myself and yeah I like changing my dp and everything, but when i saw people around me go insane, I don't crib about not having enough good pictures of me. So when u mentioned the show your grandchildren how pretty you are theory, I realised i should get more pics of myself clicked.
Yes i pray you get a new, better camera :) :)

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Namita said...

Hie Suruchi :)

Hope ur doin well...very well written post :)

just "tumbled" upon ur blog yesterday and spent a good time reading it,,,rather i should say enjoying it..i did subscribe yesterday bt couldnt comment or just say hi to you at that time..
anyways.. hi suruchi... :D

and the fact that you added my blog in ur reading list made me so happy :) thanks allot.

keep writing... your work is amazing

thanks

Namita
:)

Anonymous said...

Good Article

Zeba said...

Aw. It made for a great read but now I am a little sad. Fingers crossed though.ALSO, I know that feeling. :-)

suruchi said...

@Web Hosting India,
Thank you:-)


@samecookiesdifferent,
I share the feeling, thank you:-)


@anonymous,
Thank you:-)


@Mitr-all the best for your 99th post giveaway:-)

suruchi said...

@Harini,
Hi gurl...I loved your post...it was hilarious. And things here are not THAT bad, really...but jab tak thoda drama na kar lo...maza nahi aata:-)
And thank you for the prayers...may be together we can do something;-)


@Namita,
Hi n welcome to my blog:-)
Thank you for the generous praise and spending time here...
Hope to see you around!:-)



@Zeba,
Thank you...but why are you sad...yehi hain life, sab chalta hain:-)

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