Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

06 July, 2011

Ah, to travel with Mr. Right!


Amongst the many other things that form a part of my bucket list, is the deep urge to travel far and wide by myself and before I need spectacles and a walking stick to ensure my safety while doing so. Of course that is besides the point that I get a wee bit nervous when on a vehicle alone that is not a car and if it does not move on a road. And the wish list item does not end there. But before reaching to the crux, how on earth can you be on this page and be saved from the backdrop? *mad witch grin*

I can almost count the occasions when I have got the opportunity to take a trip alone, not just on one hand but perhaps on one finger. Yup, I am a sort of dhabba on the face of independent, do-it-all modern women in some things! When little, we did most of the travelling with parents, as in on holidays or as brother and sister, as in my two and a half years younger brother accompanied me whenever we were allowed to go by ourselves. Now the age gap of 2 to 3 years between siblings is the worst kind of gaps possible. I know it is convenient for the poor parents to ensure production before the machinery goes through wear and tear or the process becomes taxing; and also for children who are born some 8-10 years later after the first born, as lesser eyebrows are raised at the commendable horniness of the parents.

Anyways, the younger-“especially two years younger” brothers are the worst of the lot as kids-they aren’t old enough to be all commanding or young enough to be all obliging. Somewhere in between they become hopelessly demanding, nosey and also threatening with the one and only weapon in their arsenal, “Sunoge nahi to mummy ko bata donga”. And you know that even if the crime is trivial the opposition bench is so bloody cunning that a hanging is imperative. So please welcome the personal, unsolicited bodyguard who wants to tag along everywhere and wants to know everything otherwise he jumps on the blackmail wagon. You can well imagine how those trips minus the parents but with dadi-ma type younger brother could be.

A couple of times I did manage to journey by train alone during college days and each time I would step onto the compartment floor, a silent prayer would adorn my lips- God, please let this be the mother of all trips that I have envisaged in my mind over and over again: I would get inside, look for my seat and manage to find it somehow but with an occupant already. There would be a magazine covering the better part of his face and I would say, “Excuse me, sir, I think you are on my seat?” And he would in slow motion remove the magazine to reveal his handsome ‘Mr Darcy’ like countenance and be so apologetic that you almost begin to apologise for having checked him. The rest as they say would be history, cutting to the next scene of us being encircled by a big group of friends, after our return from the honeymoon and telling them how we met! *Sigh!* -There, now you know the complete wish. But like half the things that get shot and processed in my little mind but never see the daylight of development, this also seem to be going in the same archive box. 


On this first historic occasion, was an obnoxious aunty ji who was my fellow passenger and was travelling as it seemed after a more than generous lunch and refused to stop emitting its uncalled-for fragrance in the air that orbited me. I didn’t know what to pray for more: controlling the non-stop ranting coming from the top of her or the non- stop bombardment developing from her bottom. To top it all, the lady had the audacity to complain that someone in the compartment was “spilling gas” in the environment, to take suspicion from her. Ya, right, like I was born yesterday and as if smell from the “gas” travels like speed of light and fills remote corners first instead of the helpless corner of her adjacent seat. The non-stop firing continued till we reached Delhi despite me putting up my handkerchief as a white flag over my seat but fell on deaf ears or rather deaf butts till all its ammunition was exhausted and my sense of smell was damaged for a fortnight. I even considered going in for therapy to handle the trauma.

The next time the travel plan happened I allowed my parents to drop me earlier and settled on my seat. They stood at the window outside of the chair car compartment lingering around till the train budged so that they could give me the signatory “bye-bye” wave. I think this tradition emerged more from the fear of not wanting the jaane-waala to return than anything else. So now I also waited with baited breath for the seat beside me to be taken. I even bribed Bhagwan ji in my mind again with the promise of a prasad of Rs. 50 in his temple as soon as I returned back to the city and Rs 100, if things got a romantic twist. Terms and conditions must be clearly laid so that chances of follies are narrowed down and such a petty offering, because by my pocket money’s standard, it was a king’s ransom- okay, a stingy queen’s ransom may be. And with me whose solitary travelling possibility was even rarer than seeing a man give birth, I couldn’t allow it to be screwed, could I?

Aaaaand...in walked an Uncle ji who snored through the rest of the journey when he was not tearing the entrails of the food that was served and particles of the gravy on his plate also managed to find the white spaces of my dress. Why me God? Whyyyyyyyyyyy me?


It was revelation time again. I realised that all those things they show on screen or write in books are complete crap:
  • You never meet a Greek god or even an Indian god on a train or plane-geek god-yes may be!
  • There is never a hijack where you and yummy ‘dish’ get stranded in the luggage cabin for hours so that a mush story takes a pre-mature birth.
  • There is never the train being missed so that you get to travel in a car instead, crossing beautiful locales and singing songs in valleys amidst "friendly" cattle. I know I have to see lesser movies but they also ought to make lesser movies like these-there’s a thing called social responsibility for heaven’s sake.
  • You never fall asleep over a handsome shoulder and wake up all embarrassed on the surface and bursting with joy within.

What happens instead:
  • There would be a good looking face though not at a seat next to yours but at a distance and with family or a super good looking wife and no matter how many times you pass him by to go the washroom, he won’t consider raising his eyes to you, while the rest of the co-passengers would stare at you suspiciously with raised eyebrows.
  • The head on the shoulders would be of a little boy with a flowing nose or an aunty ji with flowing saliva or a whole brood of wailing babies with ice-creams or something equally smeary that almost every time would miss spilling on your clothes, till they eventually do!

After marriage I have travelled alone just twice without my husband. On the first occasion I was returning from Delhi and he had to tour further so he came to the station to see me off. As I boarded the train I expressed my anxiety that I was travelling alone after seven years-what if I keep sleeping and reach Lucknow ahead instead of getting down at Kanpur? Who would look after my luggage in case I would want to go to the wash room? What if I slept and the people around took my luggage and got down at some platform in between? And what did the gabru jawan of my husband do: he asked the aunty ji yes, aunty ji again-I think I have some magnetic connection to them-I seem to attract them all on the birth next, “Please take care of her, she’s travelling alone for the first time.” The aunty ji checked me out with one long look up and down my frame wondering if I was really in twenties or just looked so. He even gave me a call just before Kanpur Central was expected to arrive, with instructions to take my suitcase and stand near the door to avoid the rush. Okay-okay, now we didn’t have to take things this far!  

The next time I was travelling alone was post my first ever going solo trip to meet up my ‘still single’ friends last year and really indulged in fun before motherhood called in. I had a fabulous time visiting lounges, meeting new people and going clubbing and four days just whisked past. On my return journey there was a pleasant seeming Sardar ji sitting next to me. My fun and fantasy quota had brimmed by then and anyways I had given up hope on ever writing a post on ‘Love Story on a train’. However, there did materialize a story of sorts.

Have you ever come across a child who has say never been to any fun park but just returned from Disneyland and thereby just can’t stop raving about it? I was a similar excited buffoon. All through the way I took phone calls from friends whom I had left as well as of those whom I was going to reach to, telling them animatedly the gist of all our little escapades. I came back to the arms of my beloved a very happy woman but later an embarrassed one for the Sardar ji turned out to be one of my husband’s business dealers. Needless to say he expressed his uncontrollable bliss on the fact that ‘bhabhiji’ seemed to have had so much fun and also pointing the details as though to prove what a good listener he could be!

I wished again like I have on so many occasions that my mouth should come with a zip lock or an inbuilt backspace key! Also was proved that no one listens to me unless I make a mistake. I had to explain to my beloved with never before conviction that how I am not totally useless-I can be used as a bad example. And since stupidity is not a crime, I manage to go scot-free every time. Now in the pipeline is an idea to take a break again soon and travel alone to Delhi, with Seeya of course. Let’s see how this one fares, though all my expectations generally leave me with lesser inclination to join the gym- for I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!    

35 comments:

☆ Rià ღ said...

Ha ha hilarious as always!! And yes ur observations are so so true. :D Poor us.

Sadiya Merchant said...

to add to d frst point of ur 'what happens instead list', id like to say dat sumtyms d wowwiee guy is actually on d seat nex to wich u turned down durin online chek in. lifetime ka regret :(
n nothin ruins d prospect of a grt journey more dan wailin babies!
grttt post. i soooo connected wid it :D

Tanvi said...

hahha!! You are too funny Su! Of course nothing remotely as 'interesting' has ever happened to me ... but I have a 2 years younger brother as well... but I love travelling with him ... We are always on the same wave length about most things and give each other break a lot of times too ... in fact since I got married we have about 2 times gone for a trip ... It has been fun! :) Though I do hope your travel adventures come true!

♡ from © tanvii.com

Rachit said...

Who could better relate to your post then me:D In three years I took around 68 the great Indian Railway journeys. And, yeah the beautiful girl won't be ever sitting near your berth :(. Also, to all the bachelors like me, if you wanna have a pleasant journey sitting with a beautiful sensuous girl near you then always go by the AC compartments. Use sleeper class only if you wanna live with the Indian-ness feeling. A great post :)

Weakest Link.

Fatima said...

haha...that was a total hilarious post at least to me..I mean all my life ok till now...not that old also :P I've never come across someone whom I could at least if not more fantasize about...but yes the fun you have on a train journey is amazing at least far more better than the boring air travel... :D

Nice one...and babies can be fun too if they are all mastikhor and less crying types like I was...:P

Take Care.

thebrokennib said...

:( "Love on the Train" or any other mode of transport (bus, taxi, auto, riksha anything will do) has been a dream that I have nurtured since childhood. And everytime I have boarded the plane all by mysel I have always prayed for a cute and handsome co-passenger. But my prayers have always gone unanswered :( Anyway, I have not given up hope :)

Purba said...

Just loved this post Suruchi....

Btw this fantasy of doing a solo vacation - is it a woman thing? I keep making such plans with my friends(they never materialize) and end up giving sleepless nights to the husband!

And you should have given the farty Aunty a one way ticket to Australia- she would have felt at home there.

Shreya said...

Something mad has to happen when you are around lol :P aunty ji :) btw i have never traveled even once alone :P you count it on one finger i count it as one finger :)

Hope next time around you and seeya have lotsa fun traveling around :D

Namita said...

HE HE.. may the travel fairy pour the luck on you someday..

can totally relate to your story. Travelling by plane is never exciting as it is while on a train,,we never communicate while on a plane with fellow strangers except for a faint hello!!.. but while travelling by train is what turns out to be episodes of sweet-sour memories.

this post makes me wanna travel by train again as it has been 3 yrs since i boarded one..

my train travel companions (co passengers) have been (none bothered to make a healthy friendly conversation):

1. italiano girls holidayin in India
2. bengali families knowing no hindi, no english.
3. north east girls, heads deeply into phoren magazines
4. oh so stupid company officials with their data sheets :p
5. pujabi puttars n puttaris munching entire 14 hr journey
to name a few...
never ever ever ever had a decent conversation ever ever never ever.

:p

Alka Gurha said...

What we imagine and what actually happens is so so so true....

I have traveled alone twice and met ahmmm...decent looking men on a flight but both turned out to be cheapos and started sending lewd messages on FB.That was long time back. No such luck now.

Sameera said...

Ditto Ditto Ditto!!!

It was so true. every word.. (You touched my heart ;))

Still a long way to go, I'll pray that u get a chance of an adventurous journey ;)

jo said...

Confession: I dint notice the background until you mentioned it :P
And I think you share this dream with almost every female on this earth. I wish to travel through Europe all by myself someday. But as you said, DDLJ or Jab We Met, never actually happens. *sigh*
Seriously! Social responsibility bhi koi cheez hai yaar! :P
I've never had the opportunity of traveling alone by a train. But I've had a few Bus mini-Adventures. However, none of them involved a Greek God or Indian God or any God for that matter :P
Loved the post :)

suruchi said...

@Ria,
I know right..koi samajhta nahi hain yaar!:-)


@Sadiya,
Haaaaaw...don’t you wanna kick yourself at the backside on times like this...I have wanted to do so soooo many times that my kicks could have ranked with the top football scorers had they materialised:-)


@Tanvi,
My brother is also fun now Tanvi...loads of it...but to begin with he was a pain and sometimes reverts back to it even now...hehe
Seriously speaking though-he is super cool now..in fact he introduced me to my biggest crush after I had expressed my desire to meet him...some things evolve for the better in life:-)

Anonymous said...

must say you are v prolific....churning out posts dharadhar ! very good one, actually liked this one much more than the previous few. this kinda writing is your forte : write as you say it. would love to meet you in person someday so see if you have the same chutzpah in real life as well.

suruchi said...

@Rachit,
Awww...68 times...my 4 times ki disappointment suddenly seems bearable:)
Next time you n me can travel together..we both would be a tad less disappointed I guess:-)

And AC compartments are no guarantee either...families have taken over the entire world it seems:(


@Fatima,
Yiy yiy yiy...someone’s up for a train travel like me Vs the silly air travel...I hate travelling by air, for reasons beyond Mr. Right or lack of it:-)
And babies are never less crying types..or else they’d be toddlers!
Thank you...and here’s hoping our dream comes true:-)

suruchi said...

@thebrokennib,
Great going gal...don’t give up hope-may be you set the precedent for a million others like me:-)


@Purba,
The fantasy of solo vacation...ah...that’s another one on that ever growing bucket list...and sadly another one that never materialises :-)
Haha...Australians are fart experts, eh?
I guess we finally find similar grounds with some other nationals:-)


@Shreya,
Oye koi na...miles to go before we sleep-the travelling alone would follow and some lucky guy someday would look at you and thank his lucky stars:-)
All the best!:-)

Bikramjit said...

ditto thoughtrs never met a hot girl on either of my travels and I have travelled far and wide ..

maybe something wrong with my face no one likes me .. I think ..

I have had the oppurtunity to travel and i love trvelling been to a few good places but what i have managed ot do is make some very good friends some those i met on a flight or train have become part of family now..

I remember meeting a guy on my flight from mumbai to bhubhneshwar and this guy was also coming from UK, he is my best mate here now :) he also tried all his luck to patao the air hostess did all sorts of things but he did not have luck ...

and oh the lucky sardar ji, had a pleasant trip with a sohni kudi like you i bet he enjoyed and felt happy .. :)

next time when you travel alone na .. let me know in advance ... wink wink wink :) he he hehe

funny article as usual had me smiling :)

Bikram's

suruchi said...

@Namita,
Is there a travel fairy?????????Really????????
Tabhi my luck here sucks so much...my own gender’s never been so great with me...hehe:-)

And ooooooh...that sad list, makes me feel a little less grieved that I am not alone in my misery...we are all together when shit happens:-)
May the ‘never ever’ soon change to always and forever:-)



@Alks,
Oye hoye...decent looking men turned cheapos...that’s even sadder!:(
What’s with men not being fairy-tale-ish these days?:(

suruchi said...

@Sameera,
Thank you honey...and so cute to say I touched your heart...matlab mere dukh bhari dastaan ke takers hain:-)


@Jo,
Talk about social responsibilty...bhagwan ne good looking hunk bana diya to iska matlab yeh thode ki trains pe travel karna he band kar do...lol!:-)

And these stupid DDLJ’s and JAB WE MET’’s...inka kuch karna padega!
Here’s wishing you a gods ki baarish:-)


@Anonymous,
Thank you
Would love to meet you to someday...hopefully not as "anonymous" then:-)

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

LOL, I bit the cup in search of tea which I had started sipping moments ago when I started to read this. And where did time fly, I don't know. But all the while I was expecting a 'Kuch kuch hota hai' or maybe some love story on moving wheels to start. Perhaps, that was on some other train, or maybe that is in store for some other day. :)

And it was quite clever of your husband to say that you're travelling for the first time alone. Did Auntyji handle you carefully as if you were a toddler? :D

I wonder if Seeya would remember her first train travel, alone with her mother.

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

Mishi said...

haha Suruchi..it was great..I agree with every word of it...I used to go back home via train for 5 long yearz from hostel.....and trust me..aik dafa bhi koi kam ki chez nai dhikhi:-(

instead I had worst experiences there....good work keep going girl:-)

moonlite:D said...

story teller :D :P

Jack said...

Suruchi,

I have serious doubts if anyone can match your skills in keeping readers engrossed till the post is over. Did you start bribing God right from the time you decided to reach Mother Earth? All the fun seems to have been put into your basket. Looking forward to meeting Seeya and you in Delhi. Hope you will find some time.

Take care

SUB said...

lol....that was hilarious... journeys, i should say...either way they are always interesting...

Cheers!
SUB

suruchi said...

Hi Anshul,
Awww...sympathies for the poor cup:-)
And about the expectations of the love story on moving wheels-sigh, tell me about it!
And when you give me hope for it on some other day and on some other train, I wanna so hug you for it:-)

Aunty ji did not handle me as a toddler-she turned around and slept on her birth and I had to wake her up to ask her to remove her school boyish over sized water bottle as it was leaking...so much for over thirsty travellers!

I wonder if Seeya’s mom would be able to forget her first train travel with Seeya- I am expecting big time trouble for all concerned!:-)

suruchi said...

@Mishi,
“kaam ki cheez”-lol!
Cheez he dikh jaaye yaar-kaam hum nikal lenge;-)


@Moonlite-:-)


@Uncle Jack,
I did not bribe god, in fact I think I need to do so now...there is not just fun put in my basket, I just manage to pick out the right fruits:-)
I hope that Delhi trip can materialize and we can meet you:-)


@SUB-:-)
What would life be without journeys right?:-)

zephyr said...

Alka told me about your blog and that it is great and I can see why :) Loved the post and could go back (much longer back than you guys would have to :) ) to the times when I used to travel by train as a teenager and then as a young adult. And yes, the breathless expectation was always there. I don't remember any memorable meeting though. :(

zephyr said...

And thanks for visiting my blog and leaving a comment, albeit following the link from Alka's. :) do visit again.

Sorcerer said...

hilarious post..
journeys are at times really interesting..
:)

Miles Of Style said...

hahaha! so true! i'd always want the hottie on the airport lounge to sit next to me on the flight but i'd invariably be stuck next to someone with a noisy kid or someone with an unbearable body odour... :P

Am In Trance said...

Awesome Post... These are the things I always face..
I have been traveling Alone from 10 years or so.. & Now I married Finally..!

Ek baar, kuch 3-4 saal pehle, mujhe ek Greek Queen toh nehi but Meerut ki Raani mili thi.. I was in side Lower & She had taken a seat facing me (Lower).. with all her relatives doing taandav Leela all the way...
Hamari nazre mili, Kuch Ishare huye, Murjhaye huye mere dil ki kaliyan khili... Ah.. Kya ehsaas they woh..!
Usse dekhte dekhte pata nehin mein kab so gaya.. Subah aankh khuli toh sab khali..! Bas ek white paper pada tha uske seat pe, uska pata likha tha...!
We are the best Pen-Pals today too..!!

Kabhi kabhi kuch kuch hota hai Suruchi.. Tum nehi samjhogi..!
LOL..!! ;)

This time madame ko mayke bhej kar mein akela hi lauta.. Socha tha AC compartment mein aaraam se so so ke journey beet jayegi.. Lekin 3 bachhon ke jhund ne mere hosh uda diye.. Mere PSP ke saare battery kha gaye, Magazines faad diye, Mere white T shirt ko rangeela kar diya, aur pata nehi kya kya... Side mein baithi aunty boli, "Bachhe Hein beta, Shaitaani toh karenge hi.."
HADH HO GAYEE BACHPANE KI..!
:(

Thousif Raza said...

sweet sweet sweet sa post tha :).... so cute... and i agree with the filmy situations.. they are never true... maybe if we hire someone to imitate those scenes... only then can we have somnething remotelyu close to what they show in films...

i am sorry i have not been reading ur blogs... busy tha... u know lazy ho kar :P... but now that i am in banglore... i have all the free internet i can get :) :D... so muhuhahaha... get ready for crazy comments and posts once in a while...

i have missed reading ur posts and i am glad i am reading them again...hope u be happy and make us smile like this always :)

take care and keep writing..........

suruchi said...

@Zephyr,
Thank you for the praise and yes Alks is super good for my ego and now also apparently for my blog page:-)We all are in the same boat of Great Expectations:-)


@Sorcerer,
Thank you:-)


@Persis,
Likewise, eh? Aisa hamare saath he kyon hota hain:(

suruchi said...

@AIT,
My god-that is the most awesomest story ever:-)
Aisa mere saath kyon nahi hota...probably I would have to leave that paper na for this:-)
But that was such a big risk on her part...maybe your niceness led to the promptness:-)

And get used to having bachpane waale kids around...a brat is on its way via madam ji:-)
Waise you brought a new hope for me that I must not give up...kabhi kabhi kuch kuch ho sakta hain:-)

suruchi said...

@Thousif,
You are such a cute heart...you make me feel like I am some big gift to blogosphere:-)
Glad to have you back, as always-if only you did not take so many and so frequent sabbaticals, we’d make one big happy family:-)

Thank you and let’s hope all our luck changes!

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