Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

11 January, 2009

The Varieties to the Breed of 'Man'kind

This one comes like a bolt from the blue.
Sudden brain wave and hopefully some sense would come out of it.
My lack of experience, well first hand hard core experience I mean, should not be a deterrent in this evaluation.
My observation skills coupled with, what some dear friends of mine say, my ‘wordsmith’ type ability...might clear the picture though.

While essentially all men bear the same one set of eyes, one nose, one set of ears and many other sets and ones....yet bhagwaan ka karishma dekhiye ji....
Sab ke sab alag...all of them are so bloody different that you could juggle and rattle your head and say....arrey yeh kaisa insaan hain?....By the way, this can be taken to mean...what kind of a man he is, as well as, is he a man?
Well, to each one his own.

So then....how do we recognize a man?
Ok, before you give me the bloody dumb and obvious answer to this...
Sweeties...not outwardly...
...And hey, hey man, keep those pants on....That’s not what I meant!
There you see, the first two quintessential traits...dumbness and ready to take off pants at the slightest of provocation...hell provocation is a bloody exaggeration...just a look at the hind side would suffice.

Like a dear friend pointed out to me recently...
Friend: How do you find out if a man is thinking of sex?
And before I could come up with my own inane, over brainy answers, the enlightment came along...
Friend: Put your finger near his nose and if he is breathing, he is thinking of sex....
Waah waah! I said thoroughly convinced that I am not the only one being tortured here by my dearly beloved and I don’t need to show us to a doctor...Well, he is just a man and behaving like one...!
Oh god, this is not my story...so pardon that digression and let me return to the men...men talk that is.
These below are first impressions that we women may form of guys after the first few encounters and before really unveiling the depths to their many facets...if he qualifies these first quarters that is...!


1. I-Love-Myself Variety
You’ll find this breed sprawling everywhere and ready to blurt before you ask and ready to flirt before you even look at them. They know it all, their own versions that is. But beyond themselves, they draw a blank. Their conversation goes like this...blah, blah, blah and me, me, me and blah, blah and I, I, I, and then blah myself, myself....oh my bloody blah god!!!!!!!!!

2. The Momma’s Boy
He’s there in every man...but thankfully in some makes guest appearances and in others mercilessly makes a perennial home. You can never get passed in that I-cook-better-than –your-momma test... ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach’... must have been coined by a momma. Within a few minutes of interacting with them, you’d realize that they even talk like their mommas... ewwwww....

3. The Huffing and Panting Dude
Hey I thought all men came in this category...but surprise, surprise...there are some who talk, brag, look, feel, think sex but at the day of the final performance...just fall flat...on the ground that is.
But keeping aside these exceptions...most men exist primarily for the purpose of being able to copulate...sex is their religion and passion is their mantra and the only state they desire to live in, is of huffing and puffing! They can’t hide giving you a glimpse of that, even if it’s like the second time they see you.

4. The Tease or the Twister
This one is the hopelessly one track mind, boy-next-door who is always ready to open the mind of his door and if you are not watchful, will even slam it on your face. He thrives on the mind games. Give him any bloody harmless word and he would somehow get it to the primeval state of human kind...of the bare essentials. He is the amuser, hilariously funny and I don’t mean in his appearance... He brings in little miss sunshine to the foggiest of days...you would hardly realize that he has just swept you off your feet and does a good business of sweeping you all the time.

5. The Great Thinker
Oh this is the rare one...the government of India specially should put these guys in the endangered species domain because most others in ‘man’ kind have lost their thinking caps...for good. So if you do find one, who can articulate charmingly what he wants to express and expresses that so often....hey wrap him up in a box to keep away from prying eyes of the vixens who are forever ready to gobble such dishes.
Well not really...to be fair to our masculine counterparts...not all women have the discerning abilities to know a gem when they see one! Yaar... I had to give a compliment to me too...it’s been so long I did that...and it was an underhand one...so shut that gap!

6. The Work-o-holic
Hey, for these guys...I would just like to say...chill man or you’d get frozen and be sent to Antarctica. Food, clothing, shelter (and branded ones to boot here) are the aspirations of this man. Want to spot him at a party...? Look for the man who is the farthest from the woman kind...flashing his new Swiss watch, stashed in a corner and going on and on about the government, taxes, laws and many other such bizarre words...
Just one word guys...early to bed and early to rise, makes your girl go out with other guys...and board room games make you a sucker sometimes on our popularity ladder.

7. The Smooth Talker
This man has the gift of the gab....and he can talk himself into or out of any situation, even before you bat an eyelid and realize that he just did. Well, words work overtime and with passionate madness for this one...He is the master and makes them dance on his middle finger...isn’t that supposed to be the little finger...oops...it is...words, words...What a sad dry world it would be without them! Be wary with this one, because he makes you say ‘yes’ when you’ve decided to say no...And the no gets transformed into his ‘no way’ anytime. Anyways, he always begins well, with promise of hope.

8. The Oxymoron
Hey it’s oxymoron and not moron guys....and women, it does not mean the same. The oxymoron is a contradiction in itself...like I say...I am oh so hot at times and then also perfectly cool...hey ok, I won’t say it...you may take that opportunity. Point is...these guys have the ability to change like the chameleon...positively of course...one minute he plays hard to get, then a helpless lost child, then a burning furnace of desires or a roaring tiger blazing with anger...keeping the weaker sex at their wit’s end to know what’s next in store for them.

9. The Gives-less-and-wants-more Variety
Hey this guy personifies boredom...he reveals less but wants to see more...he would answer in monosyllables and frown if you do the same...and there’s more to his audacity...he would answer as if he’s obliging the lesser mortals with his pearls of wisdom. Listen guys, contrary to popular opinion...women don’t like to talk so much as listen....ok not most women...ok it’s just me...I’d rather like you talking...I do a shit load of crap producing here on my blog to satisfy those urges...
So when you put me through the ordeal of divulging about myself first...I just yawn and skip and hop away. Bare it all...your heart and soul that is... and get the woman for keeps...but play hard to get and bloody harder to decipher...oho...thank you very much sir...see you some other day...in a galaxy very, very far away.

10. Oye bas karo yaar....you still need more...I haven’t done a bloody Ph.D. in ‘man’ science...aur mere paas aur kaam bhi hain....so eeeeeeeeenough of it for now...before I receive shots and volleys of my own self appraisal in comments here...
Oye kuch to khud kar lo...sab jagah mein he direction doon....!

6 comments:

amit chaudhary said...

i'm still trying to figure out which category i would belong to!
hmmm...i'm sure you have a mental manual somehwere.this is one place i wont mind being classfied and typified.
lets wait for your take on this one.

swati sharma said...

you know i feel like doing a matching thing here....putting the names of all the men around in one column n matching them to their respective catogories...waise kaafi interesting game ho sakta hai!

unohu said...

haha....all men read and want to be placed smwhere..........and preferably in the one wher u praised mankind.......wat abt one on womenkind.....give us a chance too....

dimso said...

oye....here i thought i would ask you where i fit....but yahan to line lage hain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
teacher ji...mera number kab aayega?lol:)

ashez said...

I wonder which category you will classify your hubby in ..I am sure he also want be aware of it
Ashwin

Vemuri said...

baap re .. it was well researched I must admit.. and like wise even I m trying to fig where I fit in but i must say this.. men mix and match with their own set of masks so you cannot generalise any one for one trait....

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