Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

18 May, 2010

My Childhood Goof-ups!



Okay this one goes in memory of how weird I was as a child...
That would kinda explain the way I am as an adult!
Thank you Mohit for the inspiration!

Picture this:
I am ten years old...sitting at a table in a restaurant having ordered my favourite chicken noodles soup...
I have besides me my parents, a handful of married couples and bunches of kids*yup family planning was not so much in action then or young couples my parents age were simply put-too horny*

Everyone was asked if they wanted soups and my dear papa had declined...
When my soup came...my eyes widened into little globes and mouth literally watered enough to create a farce that there can be no water scarcity till the world has me!
And my papa asked for tasting...
I scrunched my nose, took a long whiff of the aroma to make it stay with me while the bowl took a round and returned!

And I waited and waited...and waited...
Watching my father gulp down a spoonful and another and yet another...
*Just for the record, I was that kinda child, who would measure in a tray full of coke glasses which was closer to the brim or which plate looked more filled up with Maggie and then pick it up!*

So now my poor soup within the bowl was going deeper and deeper...when emptied by five spoonfuls, it was time to throw a fit!
Sitting hands folded on my chest and pouting like a kid*err...I was a kid then...anyways!*
I said firmly “Humph, I don’t want that soup...papa can have it all after saying he did not want soup!”
Everyone stopped dead at my comment n my father was red as a tomato!
Yup...I was born this dumb!

Now this is when I must be 5 years old and symptoms the symptoms were apparent till maybe 21*I know that does not categorise in “childhood” memories but my childhood got extended by a couple of decades*

This is about my mortal fear of lizards!
I just can’t stand *or even sit or lie* them!
No matter if it was my board paper the next day, I used to waste a complete hour in just looking by how many centimetres the wriggly character had budged! And if it won’t, I would scream at the top of my lungs for someone to enter the portals of my room and ‘shoo’ it out of the door! If I had to kiss a frog to turn him into Prince Charming, I could do so...but were it to be replaced by a lizzy, I’d rather never be kissed at all!



Again me in some blessed years when I was smaller*in age n width*. No matter where food was hidden I would find the way to reach it. I remember my grandma tugging the muffin box in between her clothes, in the ration shelf behind the pulses boxes, even in her undergarments drawers and I would find them, finish the contents and leave the empty box in exactly the same spot, to let her gloat for days in the belief that it is lying there untouched and safe! Till eventually we would hear a screech from her room one fine day and the theft was caught! I would have been a master at crime had those skills been aptly honed and encouraged in my tender years! Tch, what a waste!

How silly though I could get, does not really end here!
When my parents would go out for dinners n stuff, my sniffing would begin through in my mom’s cupboard too!
Now I was not a malicious or materialistic kid...just a perpetually hungry one, who seemed to think all the adults of the world have hoarded chocolates, dry fruits and the rest of the delicious sinful goodies in remote corners of their cupboards!

So I would get down to investigating, with my microscopic eyes and tong like fingers! And one day, just like that, my fingers groped upon a video cassette....

Now an ordinary kid would think that since it has been hidden in the piles of my mother’s suits, it is supposed to be untouched!

Naah! But not me!
Being all of fifteen and ALL of curious, I had to put it in the video player to realize that it was about what ‘adult’ people played when they applied the game of ‘hide and seek’ to the human body!



Ah! So this is what I am supposed to do when I grow up...I thought! Thankfully I soon got a bit scandalised and gave up on the idea of doing it all! Till of course better reasoning prevailed with maturity!

As a child I would get infatuated with every remotely interesting boy that came my way!
As a child, I would sing Michael Jackson songs holding the water pipe of our bath tub, blaring my lungs out and then suddenly switch to being a swimmer and make a dive full length in the poor 12 by 12 tub!
Needless to say, the poor tub suffered from having a big crack that never got repaired and it got transformed into a laundry basket thereafter!

As a child, I also wrote a little diary...but when it stopped being child like...I decided to stop at that too!

As children in our class rooms, we gang of girls would duck down while sitting on our school desks and take a peek n tease those behind us about the colour of undergarments they would be wearing or not be wearing at all! And then sit all glue-joined legs when we were at the receiving end!

As a child...okay a teenager, our gang would get together to make crank calls to hot looking dudes of the town! My friends were professionals at the task and would put any call centre bimbo to shame! The only time I tried it out, I was caught*I still don’t know how* and the boy ended up giving blank n crank calls to my house for months!

Again as a teenager, I was the gutsiest one in my gang and had gone to a video parlour alone to ask for a soft porn flick*this was prior to me discovering the one in my mom’s cupboard!*
That’s a different story that the parlour owner made me run for my dear life when he said, “Beta, pehle apne papa ka phone number dena...unse confirm kar loon!”

What else did I do as a kid?
Did I tell you I would pretend to be the latest n hottest actress of those times and stand before the mirror pretending to be talking to the hottest actor*yes, only talking...I was a kid then for Christ’s sake*?



Did I tell you I caught a friendly neighbour couple doing the act, one afternoon when we kids were supposed to be playing on their terrace?*I tell you some libidos*
Did I tell you I ran on the edge of a fountain pool in a public garden, thinking I was feather light and went thud into the algae infected water, much to the amusement of the throngs there?

Did I tell you I pricked a condom pack for my cousin brother’s wedding night, with a needle*although it left me miffed big time eventually as it didn’t materialize into a baby in exact nine months*?



Did I tell you...?

Oho...never mind if I did not!
These things aren’t worth telling either!
Some other time ;-)

60 comments:

HaRy!! said...

my my some one is doing big time confessions.... now i wonder how on earth the prank calls....! like a bunch of ppl like yu! :)!

Ria said...

ha ha!!this was such a cute post!! :) Loved it.

Anand M said...

*As children in our class rooms, we gang of girls would duck down while sitting on our school desks and take a peek n tease those behind us about the colour of undergarments they would be wearing or not be wearing at all! And then sit all glue-joined legs when we were at the receiving end!*

Gosh Its mean..gross..chheee..

Hope the video parlor wala din't know you or your Dad...

Well in my school time I and a friend of mine, we hid a book at his place in between the books..woh thodi "Dharmik type ki kitab" thi...unfortunately he had a whitewash at his place and his dad undid all his bookshelf finally to find a semi porn magazine..When asked he told my name to save his ass... When I went to his place after a few days, his dad made me listen to his Prawachan for an hour, poor me, I did not even know what was he talking about...he din't mention the book directly but talked about coming board exams,future, career and all..u know all papa talks..global gyan etc...Later when I got to know about this I stopped going to his place..went to his place last year after 10 years..

I still feel little awkward to talk to his dad..ha ha

suruchi said...

Hi Hary...
I always confess...I rarely hide...and what I hide is worth the revelation eventually...
Trust me;-)

What do you wonder about the prank calls?
Well, you know... "hello...I saw you there n there n I think you are very handsome...can we be friends" kinds...
He wouldn't know your number n you would, so you could call him up whenever the gang got together n then talk with the speaker phone on...

My, my...that is actually sooooooooo gurly...where are those days gone?;-)

I liked "we" too:-))

suruchi said...

Hi Ria...
Thanks...childhood is awesome na?
Oh, why did we grow up?:/

sobhit said...

???? am speechless... honestly.. am recollection wot an angel i ws as a kid n still am.. apne toh matlab american pie sort movies ko bhi peeche .. i mean u left all such flicks behind wid all ur acts... matlab adult movie in mom's room... ok no commnts der.... but looking under n discovering undergarmnts colrs?? n none at al?? yar kaha se aye ho aap ;p... shaitan bhi sharma jayega apke same toh... well dnt hv nothin 2 say here... ur jst out f dis world.. r u 4 real???

Sakshi said...

You naughty Naughty girl...!!! Man, I never did anything which was remotely naughty, of course, getting my butt long hair entangled either in a chewing gum, or in hair brushes is not naughty... It is stupid.

But really, I feel so shareef in front of you...;P

sobhit said...

btw d mangal pandey pose wid fork in hand is awesum.. shows ur true colors mayb :P :P cute

Cinderella said...

You female...are evil !!

Who the hell pricks a condom....LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

suruchi said...

Hi Anand...
Gross nahi hain yaar...tab chote mote the...so akal kam the;-)

And big lolzzzzzzzz to the adventure that you’ve described here..bechaara dhaarmik friend...
And poor you for listening to that prawachan:-)

suruchi said...

Hi sakshi...
You had butt long hair...
And you still did not do any mischief with that!!!!!!!!!!!

Koi na...thode shareef log bhi chahiye...warna too much mischief in the world would backfire:-)

Glad I made you feel shareef...waise you are shareef...

Shayon...please do something about it or just tell us that she is not SO shareef with you so that I rest in peace;-)

The Bald Guy said...

Why am I not surprised?

suruchi said...

Hey Sobhit...
You n angel...whoa...now I am wondering....meine yahan kuch zyaada to nahi bol diya*scratching my head*:/
And kahan aapne mere tulna American pie se kar de...
Kahan mein zameen...kahan woh aasman;-)

Hahaa...I so like all your questions... “kahan se aaye ho aap?” lolzzzzzzzzzzz
“Are you for real?” Yes I am...pinch n find out;-)

N woh Mangal Pandey pose...
Shows mein bachpan se he aise the...bole to cute...just a little more covered up now as I have grown up;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Cin...
I am evil but with a halo;-)

N who the hell pricks condoms se zyaada important question hona chahiye tha 'how did I get hold of those condoms'...but never mind...

Call me at your wedding...keep me in charge of things n u'd soon find out who the hell pricks condoms;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Tbg...
Now you are leaving me with a very tempting thought...
The need and desire to surprise you!;-)

blunt edges said...

u found a porn movie in your mom's cupboard? would u believe the exact oppsoite thing happened 2 me! yup she found a porno flick (or was it a collection) in my cupboard!!! not a good memory that ;)

LMAO at the soup sharing n condom pricking incidents!! wonderful post, but then what's new, right? :D

WarmSunshine said...

that was a star in the making LOL!
made me laugh... especially the last one :D

Madhu said...

Uve been awarded on my blog.Before i forget..

wiase what musings wre they.Condom pricking,chicken soup? Super cute girl...:)

Well u confessed so much.Anything left?

Mr Happy said...

sharam aani chahiye tumhe,bechara cousin brother :P :P :P

i always believe girls are more mischievious and they can do things which guys cant imagine :)

in my class too my friends ( girls of course) used to give hints as to where we guys have to duck so that we can have a peek ;)...

And we shameless creatures used to see and blush like hell ,And my friends used to laugh seeing our red blush faces....:)

school days...nostalgic:(

suruchi said...

Hi Blunts....
Yes, I would believe that the exact opposite happened with you for generally what happens with the world, its exact opposite happens with me:/

You have a collection of porn flicks....hmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Hehe...now, now...haven’t you left me with a big fat cloud of thoughts!
;-)

And woh soup sharing bit...I am still the same...
Unless you are my flirt interest...I do not share!

N awww...for “what’s new, right?”
You are such a sweetheart:-)

suruchi said...

Hi WS...
Hmmm...star to pata nahi...
But definitely something weird in making:-)
Glad to have brought you laughter!
Keep that intact there on your pretty face!

suruchi said...

Hi Mady,
I know...I’ve been awarded...yiyeeee....
I checked it out last night...was away the whole of last week for a wedding in Mumbai...n hence slowly catching up with everyone...

Thank you...you are a lovely darling too:-)
Confessed a lot...still much more is left...
Didn’t want to bore you guys with too long adventures...so left it at that:-)
Hugs to you my kumbh-mela-sis...
Keep rocking:-)

suruchi said...

Yeh lo...Mr Happy...
Sharam mujhe aane chahiye????????
Seems like you over used all the sharam ka quota:/

Even when girls would tell u themselves, where to duck...you would just blush n smile...
Uffffffffffffff!;-)

Good boy:-)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

this is such a nice way of remembering our childhood days :D

(p.s. check out my latest post if you have time,,.thanks :3)

Shayon said...

And ohh, welcome back, from the vacation. How was it?

Shayon said...

Funny that I had recently narrated one incident I had to go through, on my blog. Check out It was one hell of a night!

Well, you found an adult video tape in your mother's cupboard? Here, my father found gigabytes of porn on my computer, and even deleted them! *how atrocious, considering I had never stopped him from watching them*

I had even caught my father change the channel when I entered the living room, at 2 in the morning, because he was watching FTV, all alone :-p

Pricking the condom thingy is a common prank, and I am sure your newly wed sister-in-law was aware of the phenomenon ;-) As for me, I doubt if I'd even have any energy to 'do it', after all the so-called rituals are taken care of. How about you? Did you? ;-)

Well, although Sakshi hadn't had much mischief with her 'butt-length' hair, it has surely been the butt of couple of my problems during you-don't-know-what :-)

As for being 'shareef', I choose to stay silent :-p

Pesto Sauce said...

That is some childhood...

I had seen a porn flick as a kid and still remember those scenes!!

suruchi said...

Hi Ayu...
Thanks...
Childhood ought to be remembered always nicely...
It’s not just for the heck of it, that it is said...
Childhood is the best period of a person’s life:-)

suruchi said...

Hellooooooo Shayon,
Your father deleted your porn?
And you find his deleting it atrocious n not the idea of him watching it eventually with or without you...
Waah waah...
Aapke charan kahan hain?
Aap to merese bhi param hain!;-)

Hahaha...and oldies*with due respect to your father* watching Ftv is a common sight in almost all households...
I guess we’d be doing something on similar lines when we grow to old for “real” fun!

And remind me to wish you loads of energy on your marriage to “just do it”;-) 30 plus ka pack chalega?;-)

And also my consolations with you for the butt hair being a problem in I-know-what! Waise “what” is “that” exactly....lemme know what so that I know what I am thinking is what you had in mind;-)

And silence is considered as an affirmation...:-)
So if you stay silent now on being a shareef...you’d have to hold that breath for ever;-)

P.S. My trip was good fun...a whole lot of dressing up and less of dressing down:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Pesto Sauce...
Hmm...that sounds...well...err...saucy, I suppose:-)

You find my childhood as “some childhood” when you end up remembering scenes of the porn seen in childhood!
Now THAT is some memory;-)

Weirdo guy said...

all i remember is that i was pretty popular with the ladies as a kid... apparently girls in 1st and 2nd standard used to ask my mum when would i grow up so that they could marry me.

all this while i would be sitting in my diapers digging through my nose :P

sulagna ™ said...

tumne bachpan mein kisiska condowm prick kia tha..how how??? i mean wasnt it just an object of pure fun to you,,seeing it :) :) okii i will restrict my comments here, knowing you Su, i can very well imagine what you were..does G knw all this,,the man must be beaming with pride on having such a charmer :)

and oh my G absolutely loved reading your birthday wishes..it really made our day so special..thanks a bunch Su :)

suruchi said...

Hi Weirdo...
Hmmm...I guess some things don’t change huh?
Earlier it was girls in 1st and 2nd standard, now it is girls in 1st and 2nd year college...lolz:-)
Would you please grow up now and get married;-)

You just made me imagine you in your diapers and digging through your nose...thank god some things change!:-)

P.S. You are still hugely popular with the ladies...ask me;-)

suruchi said...

Hey there Su,
Yaar...it was just that the groom’s mom told us sisters to pack his n the bride’s bag to be taken along to the hotel, where they would be spending their first night!
So while we were rummaging through the things, we found the condom pack... rather discovered it...so we slashed open the covering n inspected and just out of fun made holes in one of them...

Course we knew they’d find out that the pack had been tampered with!
I guess, it went straight into the bin n all our designs went kaput!
So as adventurous as it sounds...it wasn’t really in the end!

And best wishes are always there for both of you yaar...you deserve them as well as anyone should!
:-)

Niraj said...

I can say you are the perfect example for the guyz who don't change according to the time...its now prove you were as witty and humorous in your childhood days...It make made my mind go nuts seeing these instances of your childhood days...must say by reading your post I found you are the person who can I find small instances of happiness in large trashes of sadness..Way to go..On the lighter side I must say you have terrific teen age working like scientist to experiment on anything and everything... Pricking the Condom pack is the ultimate maestro..Hatts off to your brain which think such an innovative way of being Devil..he he he..Way to go...IF such things are to continue the stock price of the blog will soar high to its maximum value which makes this blog a more feasible option...

This post took me to nostalgic moments where Mr. Lemon and his 3 friends use to do stuff like this (not upto this level)..

By the way..In my recent post I try to figure out which type of fruit we are..do check...

Pavitra .... said...

Hahahaha...this one was hilarious...
You made me look like a saint...
Loved all the stories...esp the video ones...the needle pricking one..
Boy were you curious..! :)

Vagabond said...

lolzies you are something else!! =D
had so much fun...what did i do as a kid?? i remember only one thing : i ate ketchup and rice, nothing beyond in the restaurant!!

=P

love you!
hugs =)

Tanvi said...

Hahaha! You are soooo funny! You childhood definitely was rocking ... Are you sure you are telling the truth when you say you are a teacher now? :P ... Not a very good example we are setting here, are we? OKay partially kidding ;) hehe .. I have so many of my own weird memories. My mom thinks I exaggerate my childhood stories. But I do not. I would share my mental nuggets too but then I think way too many of my family members read my blog... but your post was HILARIOUS!!!

suruchi said...

Hi Niraj,
Thank u, thank u...
Kya karon...control nahi hota...
Bahuuuuuuuuuut koshish kare is wit ko sambhalne ke...apne aap overflow ho jaate hain...hehe...and uske saath vanity bhi...;-)

Well...it has to...coz you are always super generous with your praise..
Thanks a ton
It is very important to look for happiness...it plays little games of hide n seek with us...it would remain hidden if we don’t attempt to find it...
Rarely is happiness like a butterfly that would come n sit on your nose on it’s own...n even if it does...it is likely to fly away in a jiffy if we do not do anything to keep it there...

Phew!
Kuch zyaada philosophical ho gaya:-)
Would love to know what Mr Lemon used to be up to...never mind the level:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Pavitra...
Yup...I like being the devil...being saintly has too much pressures of having to live up to it....devils get away with anything;-)

And boy...it’s not that I WERE curious...
I still am...
Looking for ways to vent it just as constructively;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Vb...
Eating ketchup n rice is not for kids...it is for everyone!

Koi na...
Abhi aur bhi bahut zindagi hain...
Kuch na kuch khuraafat karne ke liye abhi der nahi hue;-)

Love you too...
Hugs by default:-)
Muwaaaaaaaaah:-)

suruchi said...

Hello gorgeous Tanvi...
I was out last week attending a wedding n my god what a treat awaits me on your blog..so much to read n feast the eyes on...
Would mark my presence there soon:-)

N yup...I am a teacher for sure...and thankfully the parents of my kids love me just as much as the kids*thank u lord for being so kind*
In real life we end up being more decent n coy than we really are to prevent shock waves;-)

You won’t believe how many of my ‘pind’ are here as well as on my face book...from my maternal, paternal n in-laws side...
But theek hain yaar....what’s life without a little masti somewhere!
:-)
Thanks for all the praise!

Shayon said...

@Su
Well, porn is supposed to be used for watching, and a means to 'cheer' you up, if needed. They aren't really meant to be deleted, unless you are bored of it and already have more collection to replenish it with. Simple, ain't it? :-)

Erm...as for my marriage night, if you wish 'loads of energy' only to me, then doncha think the night's gonna be all the more frustrating? *common sense, eh?* ;-)

I think you didn't read it right. I said "it has surely been the butt of couple of my problems during you-don't-know-what" ;-)

You know something? Actions always speak louder than words. Hence, I prefer to stay silent.

Ahaan... so a trip that involves less of dressing down is fun for you, eh? ;-)

विवेक Call me Vish !! said...

superb writting ....yaar great jo !! ooops let me tell u abt me ...Hi I M Dr. Vish i m Doing Ph.D. in Mass Comm. ...i love to make my kind of friends love writting, Danceing and reading !!
i really like ur writting skills ....great job yaar !!

JAi HO Mangalmay hO

विवेक Call me Vish !! said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jack said...

Suruchi,

You really had a wonderful time. And enjoy those memories. Waiting for the sequel.

Take care

Cinderella said...

Oh not a problem, you wont find any! Mere ghar me mujhe hi cheezein nahi milti, tumhe kya milengi!

LOL.

Cinderella said...

Oh but if you get one your self n prick it up n then give it to me...then well....I hereby decided, I'm gonna flush down the toilet anu form of contraception thats given to me that day, including the ones that exists only in the head...LOL !!

suruchi said...

Hi Shayon...
Since u made me Su...I am going to make you Sha or Yony...
Hmm...this needs greater deliberation before jumping to conclusions;-)

Wow..thank you for the gyan on porn!
How do you not get bored of it????
Okay, don’t answer...I am so tempted to write a full-fledged post on this, but then...as it is I am turning blasphemous on this space...I better deliberate this too before jumping on the wagon:-)

And as for your marriage night...
*can I get a sneak preview...I mean I would be very comfortable even behind the couch...what’s a little discomfort for enlightment’s sake;-)*
I wish both of you loads of energy...soooooo that there are no frustrations!

N lol...yup...a trip that involves less of dressing down is fun for me;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Vish...
Thank you for the praise...
Hope to see you around:-)

suruchi said...

Hello Jack...
Thank you, I did...
No sequel though...
Childhood sadly does not return to allow that...
And what all I have done there in just those couple of decades, is enough for a lifetime!

You take care too:-)

Sakshi said...

@Su & @ Sha-yony
Ahem, well.. outrageous.

suruchi said...

Hi Cin...
Yeh lo...but mere ghar mein shaadi se pehle mujhe bhi condoms nahi milte the...so expected ke u won’t find any in your home either;-)

But where there is a will, there is a way...hehe:-)
I always tell people that my favourite place to be is behind a couch in a room which is teeming with action n passion...
However, I never end up reaching there:(

So I make do with my second best place to be in...that’s a hug:-)
And won’t do that with you promise...
With friends I am less blasphemous...
That reminds me...the wackiest wedding gift I gave to a friend of mine were books on the Kamasutra...of course, I guess they were appreciated for the couple have never been admitted to any hospital for non-explanatory reasons ;-)

suruchi said...

@Sakshi...
Ahem...well...
I know...
Mein kab se Sha ko samjha rahi hoon...
"Chup kar...chup kar..."
Samajhta nahi hain yaar;-)

Amnn.......//1! said...

ohh so sad ,,,!!!u have grown up we have lost one of u ,,,!!we r a rare breed as it is ..!!!!
loll......
btw ...!!1the video cassttee in ur moms closet ,,!!!!omg ...ya tat didnt happen with me eva ..though if i wud have found one i wud have done the same thing tat our curious litlle mind can think off
n theek hai story alag baat hai obviously u wont kiss a lizard but a frog .. u wud kiss a frog ..??realli ??

dude loved the post ,,i think u r my inspiration to writing now ..

CyberSquatter said...

You were really mischievous as a child, but then... what's childhood without mischief!

suruchi said...

Hi Amn...
Looooooooong time no see?
Okay okay...I know you were busy with the exams...
All the best now for the results:-)

I have not grown up and got lost!
I was always lost and now grown up*did that make sense...err...never mind...I anyways don't half of the time;-)*

I would perhaps kiss a frog if it was promised that he would turn into the cutest*please note not handsome*, wittiest, richest, most romantic prince...
But before doing so I would give him anesthesia...like they used to give to the frogs in our lab experiments in school..;-)

N then just a quick brush!
Now no where did the dumb fairy tale specify that it had to be a full blown lip lock!!!!!!!
:(

Please write n thank you for being inspired!:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Nips...
What the f@#$ is CyberSquatter?
I liked 'Nipun' better!

Chalo koi na...
Aap aaye hamare blog pe..kabhi hum aapke photwa..kabhi aapke namewa...n kabhi commentwa ko dekhte hain;-)

Yup...still mischievous...
Wanna try?;-)

Persis Shah said...

haha...such a cool post. just goes to show that you were cute then and you are cute now =)

Persis.

suruchi said...

Awww....thanks Persis..
Though things like me should not be encouraged...
But you just did a good job of it:-)

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