Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

20 April, 2010

For you Dear Pimples...So that you feel flattered and Get Lost!


This is in dedication to pimples!

Yes you read it right-those fat, ugly outpourings through the skin which seem like over enthusiast nosey characters bursting out from confinement to seek what’s happening outside, for how dare we not include them in all the action! Those very thingies who are never welcome anywhere yet are touched most gently to ascertain if they are still there!
Those very bloody pimples!

And why am I bothering to dedicate my blog space to them?
Because they have bothered my skin space and encroached upon my once-upon-a-time-beautiful, flawless skin!
I am angry, vindictive, helpless and hence this outpour of my own!

In any case study, one must know the background before venturing into the present scenario...so let me trace my pimple history!

Cut to school:
One or two pimples every one or two months and mom getting frantic with all the home made recipes to experiment with on my face. So I’d be smelling of neem or cinnamon or sandalwood or multani mitti*no wonder I didn’t end up with a boyfriend then...the aromatic flavours caused by eventual intimacy with me, would have reminded anyone of the sweltering...as in hot n not hawwwwt environment of his mother’s kitchen*

Cut to college:
Tell my ears/body of a big club night or about gatherings where teenagers accumulate in large numbers to flirt or like hungry predators pick a possible prey for gobbling...and my subconscious mind would immediately get down to havoc!
Just before the big night would pop out one in the most strategic of places. You don’t believe me...let you have a pimple at the very end of your nose where the two nostrils conspire to meet and then I’ll ask you!

Cut to after marriage:

My marriage period went off uneventfully*that is to say without any skin outbursts so as to trap the unsuspecting poor soul...my beloved, into believing that I am actually flawless in more ways than one*

Maybe finally the gods up there decided to let me be!
Or maybe finally all that excessive ‘release of heat’ from within my insides cooled down the pimples into believing that yes, I have grown up now so just f@#$ off!

Thereby for nine years, I managed without them...all glowing and soft n touch me and I’d get dirty types...my beloved says I am like makkhan or butter, for his fingers would slide down on their own*of course now I realize it’s not just sliding DOWN to the cheeks, is what he meant*

Till last year more revelation came on this issue!
My dearly beloved and I were separated from each other for a period of one month due to unavoidable circumstances and soon popped out three of them in proof of the fact that I missed him!
I was getting more n more convinced now that sex...err...love and pimples are directly co-related!
Sex is like a mistress whose presence excites the husband=pimples, to stay in control...and the lack of it makes them all grrr-y and eruptive!
*Of course when he returned back from the travel, he had no pimples to give evidence of me being missed and that raised all my suspicious antennas while settling down the flare-up!*

Cut to now:
Three days before my ten years wedding celebrations...I was given the company of three pimples again, screwing up my Regular-Sex-Causes-No-Pimples theory! Anyways that is not meant for teenagers, so all you little ones...okay little ones by brain n not by size...kindly don’t experiment at home! These actions are performed by experts and can be highly dangerous if done without proper adult*that could be me* supervision!

So I panicked!

My party...my 80 odd guests...out of which 40 are full bloodied males, who have spent the last ten years admiring the glow of my skin!
This was not happening! Oh someone pinch me back to reality! *Okay okay...don’t get too excited by the pinching bit there!*

I uploaded a status on my face book account:

“Do or die situation just three days before the big day...outbreak of three monster pimples*two little peas and one big white ugly ball* Suggest disaster recovery programme ASAP”

And my well meaning friends and followers came up with some 45 comments on that one...
I was suggested everything from toothpaste application to ice packs, Clearasil to Saafi, neem water wash to coconut water flush, own spit applying to cucumber drying...
I got down to a little experimenting but the three refused to budge!
Like stubborn guests who nibble slowly on all that yours!

The D day arrived...and I survived...thanks to a ‘first time in ten years’ parlour visit that concealed with make-up, those obnoxious titbits*I still mean pimples, by the way*
I glowed again, eyes settled on my little dimples instead of pimples and I danced the night away in the intoxication of my triumph of still looking worth a head turn!

Cut to the next day of the D-day:
Three more came to give company to the first three ones*I fear it’s some kind of sex racket here...the three male pimples called upon three female ones and together they are f@#$ing (on) my face...and you wonder now...how do I know the gender differentiation...three were fat and reddish and standing erect while other three are curvier, whitish and dumpy...



So now the countdown had reached six...
The highest so far at a time!
My dearly beloved begged me to let him burst one. Now, I have always had the suspicion that he was some fierce violent African tribe chief in his previous birth, judging by his super excitement at the prospect of the appearance of a pimple on my face and he getting consent to burst them with his fingers.
Yup, you can even imagine him doing the jhinga-lala dance with a spear in his hand after I succumbed to his pleading in my own desperation*well, actually it was a rip off of my own yippee dance...but when done my me, it looks kinda sexy and when done by him...well, he got on to my nerves for a change, instead of on me!*

I dreaded watching myself in the mirror and sped up the antiseptic application...the day passed in silent sighs...
And the next day I slipped out of the bed hoping to see the subsided remains on my surface....
And voila!
They have bloody reproduced*Nothing can be done about the Indian mentality...even the damned Indian pimples can’t keep their libidos in check!*

Now there are FOUR MORE adorning my surface*one couple must have had twins*!

My dearly beloved is now teasing me to find one inch of skin space on my face to kiss and even suggests keeping a cloth over my face when we get into the act...you should hear him guffaw after such obnoxious suggestions and me doubt why am I tolerating this man from ten years!:-(

In conclusion, I would leave you with a note...nope it’s not a 1000 rupees note, so stop copying my yippee dance:
Dear Tumblers*thanks Cin for the term Intelligentsians for your blog...made me coin Tumblers for my own readers...and please tell your bua that she is no longer entitled to keep the tag of “Pimple Queen” for I have stolen it from right under her assumingly pretty nose*

So, Dear Tumblers*sexy tumblers at that*,
Please pray for me...it is said that mass prayers help in getting past any tragedy and this is a life threatening situation...
Warna mein kisse ko mooh dikhaane ke laayak nahi rahonge!
Boo hoo...
Yours faithfully,
Tumbled Over!

39 comments:

Sakshi said...

Awwwww!!! baby, Relax. I had pimples, still have em. They will go. Its the weather trust me, and the make up in the parlor.
So, well, you can apply toothpaste if you want. That always worked for me. Else- Multani mitti will do the trick. Wash your face, and keep it oil free.
And for drastic measures- Turn to Yoga. :)

Shayon said...

Ahem... toothpaste and Yoga for pimples? Now, that's a first for me! :-p

Madhu said...

I freak out when i have pimples too..:( Jeez its always a never ending drama at home much to te irritation of my mom...We do have to look decent at the end of it right..:) Am free from all of it now! CAuz i have grabbed the right products!

Lincoln said...

i thought toothpaste is used ofr healing when u get burns ,

Well i am a big pimple popper, i just cant stand them :P , they are like irritating insects attached to ones's face.

I think u have stopped going to gym and hence the result.


PS : in my college days a friend of mine went to skin doctor for treatment of pimples, and he was told that stop using ur hand too much ;)

suruchi said...

Hi Sakshi....
Aww....you are so cute to cal me ‘baby’...
Makes me feel like throwing more childish tantrums....
Like walking past a store n crying... ‘mujhe woh chahiye!!!!!!!!!!’
And by ‘woh’ here...I definitely not mean a toy;-)

I am doing loads of experiments for now...probably pretty soon I’d author a book... “My struggle with pimples” and enlighten the world too;-)

Thanks for the concern...you are a doll:-)

suruchi said...

@Shayon...there are always many “firsts” for all of us...
I hope you find more of your ‘firsts’ here;-)

Btw...great picture in the new blog post...would check u out n comment more;-)

suruchi said...

@Madhu...
You are so right when u say we do have to look decent at the end of the day....but the end of the day is the time when even a little indecency would pass off;-)

I need to do some grabbing too;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Lincoln...
N I thought toothpaste was used for brushing the teeth...
Tch, tch...ignorance is rarely a bliss in the modern world;-)

Irritating insects...ewww...now thanks for making this more creepy...i can just about feel things wriggly now:-(

N nope...have not stopped going to the gym...though stopped losing weight*when was I ever anyways?*
Thanks for the not using the hand to much tip...I guess thankfully typing on the keyboard to reply here is not counted....haha...just kidding:-)

sulagna ™ said...

awww su baby relax its just the weather plotting against you guys..and G will get a spanking for the suggestion of "cover the face during the act" anyway m sure he was jus kidding..it will go baby just leave it..ignorance is what they need

Jack said...

Suruchi,

A whole post on pimples, WOW! And narrated so well with lots of wit. I am sure by now they must have gone off.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi Su...
Hmmm...damn the weather...N I hope so too...
And G would be more than glad if that spanking would come from you;-)
Left it now...ab sab bhagya pe chodh diya hain...jaise upar waale ke marzi...hum sab to uske haath ke kathputli hain;-)

Thanks babes...hugs again...
P.S. Why don’t I get tired of hugging you?:-)

suruchi said...

Hello Jack...
Nope...nahi gaye...
Aa kar aise jam gaye hain jaise kabhi kahin aur rahe he na ho:-(

Yup a whole post on pimples...I think this has swollen their ego to a bigger proportion instead of blowing it off:-(

You take care too...if they can come in buddhapa...like they've come in mine...we are all at risk:-)

Cinderella said...

I am sorry...but Mwahahahahaahahahahaha.........................................!!!!!!!!


Su, I am like really seeing this whole thing like a movie...and believe me I feel for ya girl. I can totally totally understand!

I rarely have had a pimple and i wont say that again cz I dont wanna jinx it...so it gives me bloody goosebumps when I hear you saying right now your face is donning like 4-5 of them!

I hope they will go away soon, real soon hon. Faster than they would have otherwise, now that you've given them this humongous amount of ur blog space!!

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Agar aap abhi se budhpe ki baat karogi to hamaara kya hoga? Hum to phir abhi se HARP bajaa rahe hain.

Take care

Tanvi said...

Awww! I know your pain. I have suffered it all my life. However, I made some life changes and have finally got free of them in last 6 months! *touchood*

I hope yours go away real soon and bring your flawless skin back!

suruchi said...

Hey Cin...
It’s okay baby...hass lo duniya waalon:/
Haha...naah seriously...n lemme join u...maybe laughing it off might just get it off me:-)

Thanks a ton for understanding..
And yup...don’t say again coz these things do get jinxed...
And you are always going to take humongous amount of space here....move over my dumb words...the Intelligentsia is here..
Totally my pleasure:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Jack...
Like the others I thought I’d call you Uncle Jack too...
But then aap to ab mere blog buddy ho...
So we get the age issues out of here...*chucking it out with a kick*
Let’s stay young n bubbling like we are:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Tanvi...
Welcome aboard...
Sorry I am welcoming you with my pimpled face...
But there are dimples too somewhere out there...

Glad to see u here n thanks for the wishes
*mass prayers accumulating...god ji please take note*

buckingfastard said...

"life is like a pimple, dunt ask me why..i jut thought its a deep thing to say"

i think dats one domain where it helps being a guy...wen we dunt have pimples we can show off..and wen we hav...we can show it off more..saying that its coz the xcessive sweating at gym :P

squeezing pimples is sooo fun!!

and yes i dunt mind being called BF...wen ppl ask do u hav gf..i can reply....'not really,but i can assure u lotsa gals luv calling me bf'

but abt my real name...does "sayantan" sounds familiar!! :D

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Uncle can be buddy too, it is not necessary for an uncle to keep stiff upper lip, isn't it? And I could pamper you as my favourite niece.

Take care

blunt edges said...

toothpaste? SPIT??? do people actually use all this stuff? n does it actually work? whoaaaa

so what's the moral of the story? sex (of course i mean love) n pimples are related or not? ;)

suruchi said...

Hi bf
*yes, lots of us looooooove calling you that:-)*
Life is like a pimple....?????????
That was very deep a statement...
So deep that I think I have drowned in its depth:-)

Waise you guys don’t need pimples to show off...you do it without any provocation or excuse anyways :-)
Of course some do it and look adorable n some get on to the nerves*you are from the former category...so smile now*

I knew you of all the people would share my hubby’s fetish for squeezing pimples...:/

Now Sayantan sounds very familiar...
But ‘familiar how’ sounds not so familiar:/
I think I recently got a comment by that name...that means I now have to go and trace all the comments of the past months...
Boo hoo...aren’t you hard to get!

suruchi said...

Hi Jack...
Of course uncles can be buddies...but just in case what if I ever get to meet you and you turn out to be excessively handsome n charming*which I am sure you still are*I’d regret my decision...
So Jack it is...

Btw...That’s so cool to say what you did....
No stiff upper lip...just a million kilograms of coolness...
Can I be pampered now as your favourite buddy?:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Bluntu...
Now I need a real name for you too...
Imagine for such a while I thought blunt edges was a girl...
Now gimme a name before I begin to have doubts again;-)*and please don’t ask me ke mere gaon mein gender verification name se hota hain...hota hain;)*

The moral of the story is:
Whao...that was not a moral story...the only holy thing about it was that at the end of it you all had to get together in a mass prayer for my beauty’s sake!

Anyways, just so you don’t have sleepless nights...yup..sex and pimples are related...the number of eruptions are directly related to the number of rounds the couple indulge in...tell me how many rounds is on your average and I’d tell you your risk propensity....in short...sex helps...stick to it ;-)

Persis Shah said...

i LOVE your posts Suruchi and your ability to turn even the most casual bits of life into postworthy blog episodes!!

i kinda like bursting my pimples too...esp squeezing all the pus out. although with time i have stopped doing this and just end up applying toothpast to my occasional burst out.

wishing you pimple free days ahead sweetie! xox.

Cinderella said...

LOL..babe, I was talking about your pimples! That they should go away faster now that you have given them this huge amount of your blog space..!

I was not talkin about me hon, I'd always take a chunk of it anyway, and I aint gonna ask!

suruchi said...

Hi Persis...
I hope you do know the feeling’s mutual...
Thanks for the lavish praise:-)
Now wish I could add style to it like you do:-)

Wow...you belong to the ‘burst them’ clan too..
I think I am gonna try to do the same...
Bas bahut ho chukka...
Let’s hope it works

Thanks for stopping by:-)

suruchi said...

Oh...okay....
Cin...I think an after effect of pimples is that they end up making you dumb:/
But for your information, they are kinda settling down n hopefully I’d soon be done with it....

Aur bhi bahut se gham hain duniya mein muhaaso ke sivaaye;-)

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, I loved ur post. Inspired me to write a willy-woe story about my acnes... yeah no pimples... just plain acnes... but, nothing as adventerous as urs are :).

suruchi said...

Arre...now I am glad I inspired you*someone* but then since you are anonymous, how would I get to read that willy-woe story...

Adventurous or not...please do share when you do*a kinda sadist pleasure at work on seeing more mortals go through the same grief*;-)

Thanks:-)

mohit said...

hahahaha.....awww...so honest you are....

and btw... a pimpleon the tip of the nose ..ppl say it means sumone reeeally likes you ;)

you know what, I think I understand now... you can carve out patterns too !! :D

suruchi said...

Hi Mohit...
I so like that "awww.." that I'd smile even in my misery:-)

I love making digs at my own self*that way I prevent others from doing so;-)*

Hmmm...so the pimple on the nose tip means THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
And NOW u tell me...fifteen years later after that so-called tragedy had occured? I am just damning the opportunities lost there:/

Or maybe I decoded the "someone" who reeeeally likes me...
OIL ON MY SKIN:-(

And thanks for the carving of patterns suggestions...I would try to name them even like little constellations on my face...
Ughhhhhhh...see how you can get me carried away!!!!!!!!!:-(

Jack said...

Suruchi,

OK, jaise aapki ichchha. It will be our pleasure to meet both of you on your visit to Delhi next time. Yes, you are my favourite young buddy. Theek hai?

Take care

suruchi said...

@JACK...
PERRRRRRRRRRRRFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT hain:-)

Thank you:-)

Anonymous said...

I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are mistaken. I can prove it. Write to me in PM, we will discuss.

Anonymous said...

In my opinion you are not right. I am assured. Let's discuss it.

suruchi said...

Arre anonymous ji...
But discuss what?
And wrong how?
And discuss where?
:-)
And who art thou?

Anonymous said...

Yes, really. All above told the truth. Let's discuss this question. Here or in PM.

Anonymous said...

What excellent question

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