20 April, 2010
For you Dear Pimples...So that you feel flattered and Get Lost!
This is in dedication to pimples!
Yes you read it right-those fat, ugly outpourings through the skin which seem like over enthusiast nosey characters bursting out from confinement to seek what’s happening outside, for how dare we not include them in all the action! Those very thingies who are never welcome anywhere yet are touched most gently to ascertain if they are still there!
Those very bloody pimples!
And why am I bothering to dedicate my blog space to them?
Because they have bothered my skin space and encroached upon my once-upon-a-time-beautiful, flawless skin!
I am angry, vindictive, helpless and hence this outpour of my own!
In any case study, one must know the background before venturing into the present scenario...so let me trace my pimple history!
Cut to school:
One or two pimples every one or two months and mom getting frantic with all the home made recipes to experiment with on my face. So I’d be smelling of neem or cinnamon or sandalwood or multani mitti*no wonder I didn’t end up with a boyfriend then...the aromatic flavours caused by eventual intimacy with me, would have reminded anyone of the sweltering...as in hot n not hawwwwt environment of his mother’s kitchen*
Cut to college:
Tell my ears/body of a big club night or about gatherings where teenagers accumulate in large numbers to flirt or like hungry predators pick a possible prey for gobbling...and my subconscious mind would immediately get down to havoc!
Just before the big night would pop out one in the most strategic of places. You don’t believe me...let you have a pimple at the very end of your nose where the two nostrils conspire to meet and then I’ll ask you!
Cut to after marriage:
My marriage period went off uneventfully*that is to say without any skin outbursts so as to trap the unsuspecting poor soul...my beloved, into believing that I am actually flawless in more ways than one*
Maybe finally the gods up there decided to let me be!
Or maybe finally all that excessive ‘release of heat’ from within my insides cooled down the pimples into believing that yes, I have grown up now so just f@#$ off!
Thereby for nine years, I managed without them...all glowing and soft n touch me and I’d get dirty types...my beloved says I am like makkhan or butter, for his fingers would slide down on their own*of course now I realize it’s not just sliding DOWN to the cheeks, is what he meant*
Till last year more revelation came on this issue!
My dearly beloved and I were separated from each other for a period of one month due to unavoidable circumstances and soon popped out three of them in proof of the fact that I missed him!
I was getting more n more convinced now that sex...err...love and pimples are directly co-related!
Sex is like a mistress whose presence excites the husband=pimples, to stay in control...and the lack of it makes them all grrr-y and eruptive!
*Of course when he returned back from the travel, he had no pimples to give evidence of me being missed and that raised all my suspicious antennas while settling down the flare-up!*
Cut to now:
Three days before my ten years wedding celebrations...I was given the company of three pimples again, screwing up my Regular-Sex-Causes-No-Pimples theory! Anyways that is not meant for teenagers, so all you little ones...okay little ones by brain n not by size...kindly don’t experiment at home! These actions are performed by experts and can be highly dangerous if done without proper adult*that could be me* supervision!
So I panicked!
My party...my 80 odd guests...out of which 40 are full bloodied males, who have spent the last ten years admiring the glow of my skin!
This was not happening! Oh someone pinch me back to reality! *Okay okay...don’t get too excited by the pinching bit there!*
I uploaded a status on my face book account:
“Do or die situation just three days before the big day...outbreak of three monster pimples*two little peas and one big white ugly ball* Suggest disaster recovery programme ASAP”
And my well meaning friends and followers came up with some 45 comments on that one...
I was suggested everything from toothpaste application to ice packs, Clearasil to Saafi, neem water wash to coconut water flush, own spit applying to cucumber drying...
I got down to a little experimenting but the three refused to budge!
Like stubborn guests who nibble slowly on all that yours!
The D day arrived...and I survived...thanks to a ‘first time in ten years’ parlour visit that concealed with make-up, those obnoxious titbits*I still mean pimples, by the way*
I glowed again, eyes settled on my little dimples instead of pimples and I danced the night away in the intoxication of my triumph of still looking worth a head turn!
Cut to the next day of the D-day:
Three more came to give company to the first three ones*I fear it’s some kind of sex racket here...the three male pimples called upon three female ones and together they are f@#$ing (on) my face...and you wonder now...how do I know the gender differentiation...three were fat and reddish and standing erect while other three are curvier, whitish and dumpy...
So now the countdown had reached six...
The highest so far at a time!
My dearly beloved begged me to let him burst one. Now, I have always had the suspicion that he was some fierce violent African tribe chief in his previous birth, judging by his super excitement at the prospect of the appearance of a pimple on my face and he getting consent to burst them with his fingers.
Yup, you can even imagine him doing the jhinga-lala dance with a spear in his hand after I succumbed to his pleading in my own desperation*well, actually it was a rip off of my own yippee dance...but when done my me, it looks kinda sexy and when done by him...well, he got on to my nerves for a change, instead of on me!*
I dreaded watching myself in the mirror and sped up the antiseptic application...the day passed in silent sighs...
And the next day I slipped out of the bed hoping to see the subsided remains on my surface....
They have bloody reproduced*Nothing can be done about the Indian mentality...even the damned Indian pimples can’t keep their libidos in check!*
Now there are FOUR MORE adorning my surface*one couple must have had twins*!
My dearly beloved is now teasing me to find one inch of skin space on my face to kiss and even suggests keeping a cloth over my face when we get into the act...you should hear him guffaw after such obnoxious suggestions and me doubt why am I tolerating this man from ten years!:-(
In conclusion, I would leave you with a note...nope it’s not a 1000 rupees note, so stop copying my yippee dance:
Dear Tumblers*thanks Cin for the term Intelligentsians for your blog...made me coin Tumblers for my own readers...and please tell your bua that she is no longer entitled to keep the tag of “Pimple Queen” for I have stolen it from right under her assumingly pretty nose*
So, Dear Tumblers*sexy tumblers at that*,
Please pray for me...it is said that mass prayers help in getting past any tragedy and this is a life threatening situation...
Warna mein kisse ko mooh dikhaane ke laayak nahi rahonge!