Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

13 April, 2010

Playing Stupid Cupid!


Ask me if I remember any mythological character and watch me with your stupefied expressions quoting ‘Cupid’!
Tell me then ‘Stupid...Cupid’s not mythological!’
Tell you back then ‘But why not? He does a better job of creating histories as well as futures!’

Point made, I guess!

I have always been fascinated by Cupid...a little fella with stout calf muscles, pretty ‘to the point of gay’ wings, curly girly hair, that famous bow and arrow and let me not even start about his bare top half, for that is irrelevant to the discussion! *I am trying to be holy and pure here and you are not helping me by giving me that look!*

I hope to God, that’s the description of Cupid actually because I have a mind-blasting tendency of getting mixed up with characters...like I keep forgetting the distinction between Newton, Einstein n Galileo! *Wtf, at the end of the day...Aren’t they all just scientists? Why do we humans create such barriers?*

Okay...back to Cupid! I was introduced to him in some Shakespearean play in Standard 8th *now that was him only, wasn’t he?*and when we learnt that he could make someone fall in love with anyone just by hitting him with his arrow...don’t even ask how that impressed the little, hormones-induced, just bloomed minds of us giggly girls!

You could hear so many hot sighs from our classroom that it was enough to cause a mini global warming of sorts!
Thankfully we realized soon that buying all those flimsy teer-kamaans from Ramayana fairs or wishful thinking do not lead to procurement of targets*seduction does!*

As for me...after longing for a while to get arrows pierced into the butts of cute victims that I had shortlisted...I gave up on my ardent prayers to Cupid dearie.
My new mantra became:
“Not everybody gets love in life...some have to settle for sex instead!”
*Just kidding...please don’t faint with a cultural shock...Breathe...breathe...ask someone to give you mouth to mouth respiration...I would have done it myself to save your life...but then even BSNL can’t make THIS distance shorter!*

So where was I? Yup, mush and its rush, once they enter your blood stream, they do not leave easily! I became a hopeless romantic for life and began seeing beating hearts in de-shaped tomatoes, love arrows in knitting needles, hugs in XOXO remarks of teachers on my maths answer sheets and self-convinced latent, “loUve” agendas in every innocent or even lust induced glare. This sprint of blood, pressing against the walls of my insides became so pleasurable that it eventually culminated into an urge to perpetuate it, which was only possible by becoming Cupid himself/herself!
My super dumb attitude at work all over again ‘If you can’t own one...be one!’

I was evolving and evolving how? By becoming the self proclaimed Love Guru and Agony Sister*I was just 14 then...call me aunt at that stage and watch me take you to court! By the way call me aunt at any bloody stage and watch me court ;-)*

So, I was spending half my energies*please don’t ask me what I did with the other half...a teenager has a life after all* in advising love struck buffoons on what to do and what not to do and tell me how they do it so anyone else who wants to do it, knows what to do and do it well!
Yup, that simple!

And that tendency has kinda stuck on!
Whenever I see someone desirable, adorable, delicious...my first urge is..............never mind what my first urge is!
My second urge is to get him hooked: “Mera bhala nahi ho raha to kisse ka to ho!” And thus my magnanimous and big heart sacrifices self interest to do good for humanity!
Phew! And that too without any bloody Nobel Prize recognition for my noble intentions and articulations!
I know...I know what you are thinking....Ah! She’s Mother Teresa of Kalyug!*ya, right, almost...and I so feel the pressure sometimes!*

I begin to push and shove!
Hey Bhagwan!
I mean almost instinctively, I begin to motivate all singles to mingle!
Tempt them, lure them and beckon them to the ‘Garden of Eden’!
*sadist could be...Why should just ‘the half of the committed population of the world’ suffer alone?*

No, seriously!
Why do I do that?
And sometimes I even and almost rotate the lust rear view mirror into a love front view one! *Do I need to mention every time ‘no puns intended’? By now, you guys have become smart enough!*

I make people believe in love that makes Cinderella dance without her slippers or Sleeping Beauty get herself kissed into consciousness of a dream world within the realms of reality!*hey, why aren’t there any fairy tales with guys as central characters...I’m racking my puny brains but can’t seem to remember any dude in distress relieved in a fairy tale-ish way! Damn you male macho-ism!*

I love seeing people in love...young blooming romance...makes you so wanna trade places with them!
Makes you believe that someday a knight in shining armour (like a dear blogger friend likes to say for modernity’s sake- a knight in faded denims) would come and make you see stars even in broad daylight!
*Otherwise all the stars that we see now are those that are drawn over caricatures in cartoon strips, when one has bumped into a pacing truck!*

I love the idea of being in love!
I seem to feel that it makes people happier and hence snappier!
It provides a sense of belonging and a sense of possession!
Being in love makes you dream and smile...both states that look good on just about any individual!



So I spread the good word!
1. Notice it harder if someone gets a glint in her eyes upon watching you!
No she is not Lady Dracula...that’s love interest shining silly! Don’t laugh off any attention that you are getting! Women are better at secrecy initially in a relationship than James Bond! It’s always better to find out than keep guessing!

2. Initiate conversation! Its bloody first come first served basis everywhere! So if you don’t decide to come fast here...you’d be coming alone for a long, long time!

3. Compliment generously! Nothing makes her smile more than knowing what her smile does to you! Keep telling her between suitable breaks how awesome she is! Trust me no woman has died due to overdose of being praised, but even the mightiest have almost always fallen to sophisticated wooing!

4. Speak, look, act to impress! Look neat, talk smooth, have words/phrases she dotes on, show that you need love*we love to protect even more than the NYPD*Look in her eyes, open your heart to her*not the shirt baba*, laugh wholeheartedly, listen and tell!

5. Act chivalrous, decent and sometimes pun-ny! We love you for treating us like a lady, we love to have doors opened, chairs pulled for us to be seated and men footing the bill. We love men who make us laugh! We like a guy who admires a beautiful woman pass by and not one who has his tongue licking his shoes because it’s popping so deep!

6. Tell that special someone how you feel...even if there’s a rejection...the friendship continues after you can laugh it off casually! You spend hours together then or courting someone else instead of hours wasted in just thinking about possibilities!

What the heck!
Everyone must fall for that once-in-a-lifetime kinda love at least 4-5 times!

33 comments:

Lincoln said...

OH ho Ms Cupid Tupid,after reading I so want to fall in love again :(......

sulagna ™ said...

you know so many people will be flooding your inbox now for suggestions, advise because of such an honestly written post...i wonder now did G fall for you or did you bribe cupid :)

♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ ayu ♫ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♫ said...

aww..this is a sweet post..i agree with you that i being in love is one of the best things in the world~ :D

love the tips..though i dont apply it in real life..teehee :)

(ps. check out my latest post if you have time,,.thanks :3)

suruchi said...

Hi Lincon...
You are also single na?
Chalo, join the club;-)

Waise fall in love “again” bole to?
Kitneeeeeeeee baar ho chukka already?

suruchi said...

Hey Su...
Aapke mooh mein ghee shakkar....mmm...too sweet huh?
Okay mouthful of chocolates...
I looooooooooove hearing about love n love stories*why do you think I adore your blog so much? ;)*

With G, we did not get a chance to fall or bribe for a very own little tribe*read that as families* connived to bring us to the nuptials...

But since then we both wander about with our little bows n arrows and sometimes even aim at each other;-)
Lolzzzzzzzz:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Ayu...
Being in love is THE only best thing in the world...no scope for “one of” there;-)

Apply the tips...if you succeed...please donate 50 of your followers to ‘http://mytumblingthoughts.blogspot.com/’
And if thou shall fail*which you won't cause you are already so cute*...
Well, well...we’ll try, try again;-)

Nicole said...

Act chivalrous?? I wish guys could do that. *sigh*

Nice post as always Mrs.Arora. ;)
All the mundas in my old school need to visit your blog like NOW!!!! :)

Am In Trance said...

Oh.. Now, I remember one heck of a poem I read somewhere...!
Goes like...

"CUPID AIMED MY ARROW DIRECTLY AT YOUR HEART..
BUT WHEN YOU TURNED MY LASS IT STRUCK YOUR ASS,
AND CAUSED MY LOVE TO FART...

STRAIGHT AND TRUE THAT ARROW FLEW INTO MY SWEET ANGEL’S CRACK..
NOW IF YOU WON’T BE MINE, I GUESS THAT’S FINE,
BUT CAN I HAVE MY ARROW BACK ???"

LOL !!
:)

suruchi said...

Hey Nico...
I know...we wish they do...

And please don’t call me Mrs. Arora...that sounds so scary and reminds me of my mother-in-law*for only she is heard being called that...no other reasons;-)*

Yup...all the mundas in your old school please do that fast*and the cute ones...please do that faster;-)*

Vagabond said...

awesome line:

“Not everybody gets love in life...some have to settle for sex instead!”

the rates at which i fall in and out of love has gotten me so scared that the whole thing will turn right back at me and i will be stuck in a loveless marriage with no love and lots of sex.

bleh.

one thing that makes me fall in love is the situation we are in...i have had crushes for like a day, a month or a little over a year...so much so that i always maintain that i have never known what true love is.
what you have mentioned here is the honeymoon period which even i happen to like, because everything is new and fresh but then once the make-up wears off people start getting on each other's nerves...

the best solution to this as a friend of mine puts it is to take a walk in the park, hang around till you like the person, need not tell him/her how you are smitten, and then walk away before he/she starts looking uglier and dumber... keeps the romantic projection intact...


phew! there goes my longest comment. =P

HaRy!! said...

thats some story and advise for cupid... but the first come first serve basis is alrite.. but the trouble is the start! people are so hesitant are'nt they.. after that they start regretting themselves!.. nice post felt very fresh eh!

Chocolate Lover said...

sweet x)

that's really cute :D

Pavitra .... said...

Such a cute post...and I love cupid...

Cupid struck me bout 8 years ago.....and I still have the arrow on me....its become a part of me now ;)

suruchi said...

Hey Am In Trance...
LMAO....I just imagined the entire scenario...
The arrow hitting the butt and ending up in the crack...
Ewwww....
And then the audacity to ask for the arrow back...wow!

One message for Mr. Cupid:
Just get it sterilized before using it again ;-)

Thanks for stopping by:-)
Just checked your poems...great job there...would spend more time on them soon:-)

Jack said...

Suruchi,

Cupid is applying for new job as he has been ousted in this coup d' etat.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hi VB...
No love and lots of sex is good...as long as it is lots of good sex;-)
Sex in itself is not bad...it is an expression of love and agreed when accompanied by love...it verges of the territory of being great:-)

The honeymoon period gets so hyped that what comes after, ends up disappointing us...
Go back to the people that u fall for and look for any kinda pattern, that you may be getting attracted to but is not enough n hence leading to these disappointments n the fall outs!

We all never know what true love is!
I wrote a love nest recently here...most of what we right is partly fact n partly fiction...
Does that mean my beloved does not get on to my nerves ever? NO
Does that mean I always feel he’s perfect? NOPES
Does that mean I never crave for something more? NO

But it does mean that the grass on the other side is always greener...and that’s because they are taking better care of it!

Don’t wait for things to go sour...slower the pace to be more relaxed and take each day as it comes...
Look at the bright side...you get to kiss so many frogs before prince charming finally decides to drop by;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Hary...
I didn’t give any advice to Cupid...
He anyways plays hide n seek with me!
The arrows he shoots on my behalf are not worth the effort of even raising the bow...
And the ones for which I tell him “Shoot now, shoot now...target is in direct range”...he tells me his arrows need oiling for they have gotten rusty! :-(

It’s always a trouble initiating a proposal because we fear we might even lose a good friendship!
But I see no reason there for that!
Don’t go all candlelight dinner n violin in backdrop that intimidates her...
Just be casual...lock those eyes for a wee bit longer...
Hold the hand like you mean to never let go*don’t leave finger marks but or look obsessive!*

Mention your feelings in a state of semi doubt too...not as though you’d never marry another girl if she didn’t say yes/i’d stalk you for the rest of your life!

You say, “Hey I think I kinda like you more than just friends liking each other”
She says “Sorry I don’t feel the same way about you”
You say, “Hmm...I guess now that you’ve said you are sorry about it...I can switch off this hyper imaginative mode and return back to being your best buddy...erasing n deleting all memory of this conversation now....So you think there’s anyone else hotter than you who’d accept me?”

It may be a big deal...but after rejection make it sound like not such a big one!

Phew! I gave you such a long advice not realizing that the way you blabber on your blog...there’d be a line of those you rejected instead!
Aaaa....do you need better rejection lines to be used on others?
Voila!*now you know where to ask!;-)*

Sakshi said...

Love, yeah, love- Ok...!!! There is love and then there is sorrow also. It is often said that in the perfect world you would wake up in your second relationship... first ones are mostly doomed...!!!

Your take on that? :P

suruchi said...

Choco lover...
Thank u baby!
I hope Cupid does his job well for you...
So that your sad poems turn to happy ones and smiles spread everywhere :-)

suruchi said...

Hi Pavitra,
Hmmm...I am glad Cupid has finally learnt to do his task well...

Arrow becoming a part of you...interesting...are we still talking about just arrows?
Lolz........kidding;-)

suruchi said...

@Jack...
Cupid ko bolo...yeh fevicol ka jod hain...once he gets in...there’s no getting out;-)
We both are waise partners in crime;-)

suruchi said...

Hey Sakshi...
Yup...first ones are kinda in love with love than with a person...
You are so eager to feel the feeling of a fluttering heart that you kinda not care where it goes...

Once bitten n twice shy holds good, girl!
The second time around you are more cautious...learnt from mistakes...and in a way more experienced to handle the twists n turns instead of succumbing to a lost emotion!

Btw...it doesn’t matter where you wake up...as long as you wake up with someone who makes the idea of waking up n exciting one;-)

Niraj said...

OMG...He he he...every time i read a blog i burn my calories through laughing...nice post...So u are spreading the resonance of love in this world...gr8 work..bt existence of pure love is rarely seen coz...its too much impurity have come into existence in the deepest form of emotion...wat say???

HaRy!! said...

considering the sarcasm and warped humor that i do... its quite a straight forward answer to me :)! thanks now i indeed know wat and where to ask... hmm and rejection ... yes i am hurt deeply by whatsover has happened over the past to me :( !.. nice post neverthless... cyu around!

The Opaque Prism said...

Hey you are wonderful. and by the way if you want to quit your teaching job ( I know you are a great teacher. so thats blashphemous), you can always work as an agony aunt!!!
great post

The Bald Guy said...

Only you can find a picture of the Cupid on the net with his butt naked! Only you! :P

The Bald Guy said...

Yawn.

(Read the post now!)

Madhu said...

Damn! Ive been single for so long now..:) And why shud such nice posts on LOVE come out only when i am in this state... Grrr! :(

suruchi said...

Hi Hary...
That was a straight forward answer?
That was a humungous answer...I just re-read and realised I spoke so much...thank god you returned back to read it, otherwise it would have gone round and round in the universe with nowhere to go.....
See....now how I blabber!:-(

Awww...and please don’t be hurt...
I meant you’d be rejecting the line of awe struck girls all making a bee line for you...
I hope that was clear...
And who in her right mind rejected you???????????????

suruchi said...

Hey Sudhir...
Opaque prism...hmmm...new one?
What happened to the previous one?
Nways...thankfully I recognize the picture n that great smile:-)

You are wonderful too*and no this is not you scratch my back n so I scratch yours too*
I think I’d moonlight as an agony aunt...
Nothing better than to have cute looking people coming in the moonlight to ask about love;-)

Thanks for coming around almost each time now:-)

suruchi said...

Hello Tbg...

Why am I always singled out?
Why me?
Discrimination...unfairness!
Why me?
Why only I could have found a naked butt picture of Cupid...when he always strolls around in most pics with a naked butt?
Now am I to be blamed for Cupid’s lack of covering up his melons?
*Hehe...I am only pretending to be angry...I knew only YOU would notice that I put up a pic of naked Cupid...hehe...Wow, you do know me now..thoda, thoda!*

And you yawned:-(
It was a little boring, na?
Now that I re-read it...I feel so too:-(

Chalo let me hook u up with someone n make up for it...
Send me a picture of you asap:-)

suruchi said...

Awww...Madhu...
Someone somewhere is waiting for you...aisa Shahrukh uncle kehte hain...
And if the wait is getting too much...pick up the someone whom you find somewhere and is good enough;-)

Trust me..in today’s times...it is necessary to kiss many frogs to land onto the prince charming... otherwise when u do bump into the right one...he might think you are not the right princess:-(
In short...try n test...
Mock test...
Before the actual exam!

Jab tak ghar se baahar nahi niklenge tab tak kaise pata chalega ke baahar kya kya hain!
Bad example...
Simple funda...
Be on a lookout with an open heart and open mind...
And just a little cautious eye...
Hope you find love soon:-)

Sudhir Kekre said...

No not a new one. i am still with my hamari chaupal.

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