13 April, 2010
Playing Stupid Cupid!
Ask me if I remember any mythological character and watch me with your stupefied expressions quoting ‘Cupid’!
Tell me then ‘Stupid...Cupid’s not mythological!’
Tell you back then ‘But why not? He does a better job of creating histories as well as futures!’
Point made, I guess!
I have always been fascinated by Cupid...a little fella with stout calf muscles, pretty ‘to the point of gay’ wings, curly girly hair, that famous bow and arrow and let me not even start about his bare top half, for that is irrelevant to the discussion! *I am trying to be holy and pure here and you are not helping me by giving me that look!*
I hope to God, that’s the description of Cupid actually because I have a mind-blasting tendency of getting mixed up with characters...like I keep forgetting the distinction between Newton, Einstein n Galileo! *Wtf, at the end of the day...Aren’t they all just scientists? Why do we humans create such barriers?*
Okay...back to Cupid! I was introduced to him in some Shakespearean play in Standard 8th *now that was him only, wasn’t he?*and when we learnt that he could make someone fall in love with anyone just by hitting him with his arrow...don’t even ask how that impressed the little, hormones-induced, just bloomed minds of us giggly girls!
You could hear so many hot sighs from our classroom that it was enough to cause a mini global warming of sorts!
Thankfully we realized soon that buying all those flimsy teer-kamaans from Ramayana fairs or wishful thinking do not lead to procurement of targets*seduction does!*
As for me...after longing for a while to get arrows pierced into the butts of cute victims that I had shortlisted...I gave up on my ardent prayers to Cupid dearie.
My new mantra became:
“Not everybody gets love in life...some have to settle for sex instead!”
*Just kidding...please don’t faint with a cultural shock...Breathe...breathe...ask someone to give you mouth to mouth respiration...I would have done it myself to save your life...but then even BSNL can’t make THIS distance shorter!*
So where was I? Yup, mush and its rush, once they enter your blood stream, they do not leave easily! I became a hopeless romantic for life and began seeing beating hearts in de-shaped tomatoes, love arrows in knitting needles, hugs in XOXO remarks of teachers on my maths answer sheets and self-convinced latent, “loUve” agendas in every innocent or even lust induced glare. This sprint of blood, pressing against the walls of my insides became so pleasurable that it eventually culminated into an urge to perpetuate it, which was only possible by becoming Cupid himself/herself!
My super dumb attitude at work all over again ‘If you can’t own one...be one!’
I was evolving and evolving how? By becoming the self proclaimed Love Guru and Agony Sister*I was just 14 then...call me aunt at that stage and watch me take you to court! By the way call me aunt at any bloody stage and watch me court ;-)*
So, I was spending half my energies*please don’t ask me what I did with the other half...a teenager has a life after all* in advising love struck buffoons on what to do and what not to do and tell me how they do it so anyone else who wants to do it, knows what to do and do it well!
Yup, that simple!
And that tendency has kinda stuck on!
Whenever I see someone desirable, adorable, delicious...my first urge is..............never mind what my first urge is!
My second urge is to get him hooked: “Mera bhala nahi ho raha to kisse ka to ho!” And thus my magnanimous and big heart sacrifices self interest to do good for humanity!
Phew! And that too without any bloody Nobel Prize recognition for my noble intentions and articulations!
I know...I know what you are thinking....Ah! She’s Mother Teresa of Kalyug!*ya, right, almost...and I so feel the pressure sometimes!*
I begin to push and shove!
I mean almost instinctively, I begin to motivate all singles to mingle!
Tempt them, lure them and beckon them to the ‘Garden of Eden’!
*sadist could be...Why should just ‘the half of the committed population of the world’ suffer alone?*
Why do I do that?
And sometimes I even and almost rotate the lust rear view mirror into a love front view one! *Do I need to mention every time ‘no puns intended’? By now, you guys have become smart enough!*
I make people believe in love that makes Cinderella dance without her slippers or Sleeping Beauty get herself kissed into consciousness of a dream world within the realms of reality!*hey, why aren’t there any fairy tales with guys as central characters...I’m racking my puny brains but can’t seem to remember any dude in distress relieved in a fairy tale-ish way! Damn you male macho-ism!*
I love seeing people in love...young blooming romance...makes you so wanna trade places with them!
Makes you believe that someday a knight in shining armour (like a dear blogger friend likes to say for modernity’s sake- a knight in faded denims) would come and make you see stars even in broad daylight!
*Otherwise all the stars that we see now are those that are drawn over caricatures in cartoon strips, when one has bumped into a pacing truck!*
I love the idea of being in love!
I seem to feel that it makes people happier and hence snappier!
It provides a sense of belonging and a sense of possession!
Being in love makes you dream and smile...both states that look good on just about any individual!
So I spread the good word!
1. Notice it harder if someone gets a glint in her eyes upon watching you!
No she is not Lady Dracula...that’s love interest shining silly! Don’t laugh off any attention that you are getting! Women are better at secrecy initially in a relationship than James Bond! It’s always better to find out than keep guessing!
2. Initiate conversation! Its bloody first come first served basis everywhere! So if you don’t decide to come fast here...you’d be coming alone for a long, long time!
3. Compliment generously! Nothing makes her smile more than knowing what her smile does to you! Keep telling her between suitable breaks how awesome she is! Trust me no woman has died due to overdose of being praised, but even the mightiest have almost always fallen to sophisticated wooing!
4. Speak, look, act to impress! Look neat, talk smooth, have words/phrases she dotes on, show that you need love*we love to protect even more than the NYPD*Look in her eyes, open your heart to her*not the shirt baba*, laugh wholeheartedly, listen and tell!
5. Act chivalrous, decent and sometimes pun-ny! We love you for treating us like a lady, we love to have doors opened, chairs pulled for us to be seated and men footing the bill. We love men who make us laugh! We like a guy who admires a beautiful woman pass by and not one who has his tongue licking his shoes because it’s popping so deep!
6. Tell that special someone how you feel...even if there’s a rejection...the friendship continues after you can laugh it off casually! You spend hours together then or courting someone else instead of hours wasted in just thinking about possibilities!
What the heck!
Everyone must fall for that once-in-a-lifetime kinda love at least 4-5 times!