Amazing people who make me go on n on n on:)

15 April, 2010

The Shackles of the 'Modern' Woman!


Despite all the calm that appears on the surface...there’s hardly a woman who does not have a storm hidden below!

I quote here some examples of myriad emotions and silent misery of the fairer sex, women whom I have been fortunate enough in knowing and who for me personify sometimes the strength of the Himalayas, the purity of the Ganges, the serenity of a silence and the fragility of the flowers on their way to being crushed! These are people who have confided in me with all the trust in their heart and I share this with you, in the hope that it helps someone out there in some way! Thank you The Bald Guy for your write up that motivated me to write something like this also...beyond the giggles and our colourful frames of perceptions!

These are real people and lives actually happening about in the world somewhere as we speak...names have been changed to respect their privacy!

Astha- The Nervous Wreck!
Astha is a 26 year old married woman living in a metropolitan town. She was a career woman till four years ago when she fell in love and within a few months of giddy romance gave up her everything to settle down with her fairy tale Prince Charming!

But harsh realities of living together every day, caused the bubble of romance to burst sooner than she expected. She was on her toes perpetually to keep her husband happy but mean-makes were discovered on every step of the way! Everything he liked about her became a distant memory as what all he disliked came to the fore! Her follies accentuated and glories diminished...a strong, independent woman lost all confidence in herself, to be able to even purchase an outfit without someone’s consent and approval! Although a full time mom to her only son, she was blamed for the concentration disorder perceived in the child at school! Today she is bullied not just by her spouse but also the child for he sees his father do so!

It is sad to see how her chirpy self in now relegated to the backdrop because she fears perpetually that she’d blurt out something inappropriate or laugh where she should not or stay quiet where she should burst with fake glee! So a passive and no-expression state is her expression now of all times.

The issue:
Low self esteem is as serious a malady in today’s time as any of the fatal diseases that you can come up with!
It not only sucks the life breath out of you but makes you a pathetic vegetable...you are living and around but not better than a backdrop that is barely noticed! A difference of five years between the couple gets her to be treated like a kid and reprimanded in that way too...which is certainly beyond the respectability demanded in a marriage!

My constant struggle with her:
I tell her to move out and mingle with people...watch what they are doing and wearing and then comparatively realize first if her taste is actually bad or has she been convinced of the same to be cut off from the mainstream and unable to flutter her wings and dare to fly away someday!

It’s not that her husband does not love her...it’s just that he considers her to be his acquired property and till she’d silently bear all he throws at her, she would go on to prove that he is right about her being an object!

I tell her to insist on her going back to work and she was doing fine till the marriage came along*although she used to then cling on to her cousin sister every time she wanted to run errands*

I see her all ready to shake up in fear by a mere loud sound, hesitant in voicing her opinion and calling up someone for every small decision to be taken and it breaks my heart! I fear she would never grow up like this!



Meghna- The Lost Wife!

Meghna too began as an independent woman*it’s scary at the rate such sufferings are borne by educated and independent women...I shudder to think how the lower classes must be accepting just about any torture*

Meghna also fell in love with a boy in her MBA class and decided to settle down soon! Her father being very affluent and suffering with cancer, she easily got the consent for it all!

But as always happens, after the wedding the realities began to draw in.
All material comforts or rather the lack of them that she was so eager to overlook before walking the aisle, suddenly became conspicuous by their absence. It was not that her husband’s side was poor...they just didn’t want to spend! The mother-in-law came up with stories that they didn’t have enough money for the furnishings knowing full well that Meghna’s father had left her a hefty amount, enough to sail her through life. He had provided three flats in her name in different posh localities of her erstwhile home New Delhi and also many LIC policies that matured at regular intervals to ensure her sufficient liquidity for many years to come!

Meghna began to spend her own money on the renovations and soon the eyes that squinted at the prospect of a possible cash flow became enlarged like ostrich’s eggs viewing the wealth-well that had suddenly sprung open at their disposal. The subsequent deliveries of her two children, her own personal expenses, managing the kitchen budget and the like soon came to her own head and the mother-in-law even asked for “loans” from her!

She would have borne that too had the husband not turned cold all of a sudden after the father’s death, realizing she had no family now to turn to in case she would decide she had had enough here! Also accidently discovered was a monthly recurring deposit of a lofty sum being credited to the sister-in-law’s name, when pocket money to her was refused, on the pretext of deficits!

The issue:

Often being gullible fools, women fail to understand the motives of prospective love proposals. They are so eager to become one with the new fabric of their married life that they barely realize how completely their identities and belongings are being merged too! They are ready to give up the jewellery they brought with them and succumb to off-hand remarks about requirements of new electronics, etc in the house, made in all awareness and deliberation so that it would be well conveyed to the parents and suitably presented on the next festive occasion!

My struggle with her:
I often tell her to let things be as they are! If the monthly ration has not come...don’t get it yourself! When there would be no food...they’d have to arrange for it! But she becomes helpless as her two children’s demands are at stake! She works at the family’s office too and demanded no pay till we friends insisted upon her to do so. She continues to stay underpaid now, as an MBA hired from outside, would have to be given thrice the same amount!

All the property that she had got renovated to an absolutely changed house now, is in the mother-in-law’s name, who is a widow. She has been refusing to transfer the house even in her son’s name, citing the fear that she’d be ignored if that happened! After repeated discussions I have got her around to insist the house being transferred to the grandchildren’s name to avoid the bias towards the sister-in-law. She has now stopped using the joint bank account with her husband, for funds were deposited there by her but withdrawn by her husband, sometimes even without her knowledge!

She uses a separate account, has all her policies edited to make her sons the nominees and not her husband, has refused to get the kitchen and households items and takes her sons out for lunch when there is nothing at home to cook with! She makes a list of all items that she spends on and hands it over to the husband to meet the household expenses. Yet she is often emotionally blackmailed and still exploited of her own money often without any reasonable security!




Sugandha-the mother-in-waiting!

Sugandha is a college lecturer, a topper in all fields and a go getter that her college boasts of as an indelible asset! She has also been married from seven years into one of the most illustrious families of her town! And out of these seven, she has spent six in trying to produce a baby! Her in-laws are educated and civilised in every sense of the word and there is a grandchild already from the elder brother-in-law!

Sugandha has been taken to pundits, tantriks, palmists, horoscope makers, astrologists and even babas who ward off evil shadows. She has eaten balls made of cow dung on the pretext of that being a Prasad, brushed with the holy broom based on the argument that there is an evil spirit within her stopping her from the conception! She has bent her forehead at the feet of any holy man whose name is mentioned before the mother-in-law. She’s been to a gurudwara in Amritsar, a temple in Meerut, a dargah in Rajasthan and many other places where well-wishers deemed that she’d be blessed with a baby!

Not just that she has been poked by at least two dozen doctors all over the nation, been on severe and strong injections leading to complete hormone turmoil within her and removing any little faith that she had in the god!

She shudders at the idea of going even to the temple because she’d be singled out there again and asked before a hundred prying eyes to be given special blessings as though she was cursed! She puts her career at hold each time she undergoes a monthly treatment and stays on bed rest till bad news breaks again and is yet blamed for not making child rearing her priority.

The issue:
Bearing a child is considered as the next logical step in Indian marriages and the inability to do so is deemed as a curse. Even if you are happy in a particular set up, the society makes it a point to emphasize this to you that you are incomplete. Although meant in good terms but even random strangers stay travelling in the train with you or chit chatting in the gym may end up advising you on what to do or not to have baby and leave you with the card of another doctor, who is known for sure shot success. As a result, Sugandha may appear to be moving on face value...but she is rotting inside being in stagnant water of indifferent thought and unable to walk away!

My struggle with her:

I have time and again told her that having children is a part of life and not the end of life! It is a silly argument to give that whom should I earn or save for?
Why not do that for yourself? How many parents are there in this world, whose children go abroad and settle and never turn back to find out about the parents except send a cheque each month!
Create your own cheques for your old age!

Do we want children for our selfish needs of later life?
Can’t two people be happy just with each other? Her husband is supportive of the misery and stands by her in times of tears...but he too feels helpless before his overpowering urge to have successors to carry forward his name! She wants to stop the circus going around her but feels pressurised by the expectations of those that qualify under 'near n dear ones'! I also tell her for adoption but the urge to have a baby has slowly died within her!

Issues like these may not make headlines, yet they make a woman silently suffer and crush within.
Have we really moved forward?
Education is said to be the key...but then it does not work on all kinds of locks, does it?
The most rational step is to put your foot down and say "NO"!
But then sometimes the invisible shackles of emotions become stronger than the physical, visible will to break free of them!

I read this in the newspaper the other day by motivational speaker Deepak Chopra and it made so much sense, that I wanted to share it:
-Confront the following beliefs that turn women into victims:
-I am less than a man
-Without a man I am nothing on my own
-Suffering in silence is something that a woman is born to do
-It’s saintly for me to be miserable so that someone else can be happy
-Life is unfair...all I can do is put up with my misfortunes!

You were not put here to be a saint, martyr or a victim!
You were put here to claim your life as your own and to pursue your own vision of fulfilment!

32 comments:

Shayon said...

Ohkay... the post is too long to be read in office. Promise to do it once I am back home.

But....just wondering... is there anyone out there on the blogosphere, who might wish to write on "Shackles of a Modern Man"? *Sigh*

Hopeless Romantic said...

I have read a lot of posts on this topic and my only advice to girls is THINK and speak up. You know its so easy to blame males (and their in laws) in this. But where does the buck stops. Even the females on the men side are equally responsible for it.

It is not the education which matters (as evident from the post), it is the use of that education which matters. I have SERIOUS problems with girls who wants to study just because they hope to find a men who earns well (equating of education levels with the men so to call). These women themselves don't want to work/or study further thereby limiting opportunities in the future.

It is extremely important for women to keep working after marriage and if there are any potential roadblocks (from the husband and the in laws) they should be sorted right before. Off course there is always a chance that they may take a somersault later on after marriage, but u tell me Di, how many women bother to ask these questions before marriage? or forget that how many women actually think that way. My only bottom line is if you can't think about these things, you actually should not complain later on.

PS: most of the women suck at managing finances, i am not saying this because that's my field now...but this is something which i have observed from my working days as a s.w engg. They need to get more out of it.

The Bald Guy said...

Thanks Suruchi. Just plain thanks. I'm touched.

Lincoln said...

some harsh realities of life, as far as 3rd story goes, i dont understand whats the fuss about having an own child, if one is not capable to have it, there are lot of other options avaialble now a days, and its not 18th century, one should not feel ashamed of doing anything what they want in life. F**k the society, live for u , society will take care of itself....



And i dont know why indian women give their carrers after marriage ( opting by themselves or by pressure from any where)..

Jack said...

Suruchi,

True happenings in todays life. Aastha and Meghna are two clear examples of love is blind. Do youngsters, particularly girls at that age, listen to elders? Search your heart and tell me, did you? So what happens in many a cases is what you narrated. Only regret is that after coming to know the realities, they still are optimistic that things will change due to their lack of experience. This is where someone needs to be confided into to take advice but option of following is individual's own prerogative. Sugangha, very unfortunate. This is where even educated lot does not agree for adoption if it is not possible for child to be born due to medical reasons, wife or husband not fit enough. Having children is a pleasure of it's own standing, natural or adopted. One does not know what one misses till one has it.

What we need is awakening of young girls to have faith in someone to guide when blinded by love and for the family to support adoption, if needed.

Take care

suruchi said...

Hey Shayon...
Itnaaaaaaaaaaa bhi long nahi hain...n I would look forward to your comment for you have this knack of spinning an issue to its complete capability :-)

N I would write on the shackles of a modern man...tell me about the shackles first though...ouch, n do they hurt? ;-)

suruchi said...

Hi Amit...
I am not looking to blame anyone...it’s actually very difficult to say whose fault it is in each of these cases and many others because putting oneself in the family’s shoes turns the picture...

But yes, we do need to stand up for our rights!
We need to voice out what is troubling us instead of silently suffering!

If we won’t tell what is bothering us who would know it and how?
We keep living in the self created beliefs that we are wrong or it is wrong to go against the general opinion
That needs to be rectified!

I have always said maturity does not necessarily come with age and the elders are not always right!

And you are so correct when you say, many a-times women themselves are to be blamed!
We are often liable to become victim without assessing our options!

Women must work to make themselves self sufficient n also build a sense of contribution to something concrete...that is not to say that housewives don’t do so!
It’s just that education must be put to use or else we don’t deserve it!

Women these days do ask Amit if they could work after marriage but those who consider that too seriously are termed as over ambitious! There are just too many loopholes in the entire situation!

Of course we don’t want the house to go lop sided because the lady of the house is busy pursuing her own personal goals!
At the same time we don’t want her to feel as though she is leading a restricted life!

Phew! Where is the balance?
What should be the extent of acceptance or putting one’s foot down?

P.S.Women suck at finances agreed...but then husbands suck at so many things also!
That's marriage...helping the other overcome the weaknesses!
Gosh, we went completely off track, didn't we?:-)

suruchi said...

The Bald Guy...
I should be thanking you...
Though this is not half as hard hitting as what you have thrown light on in your blog...
But it is equally heartfelt in the urge to do something positive for a change!

You know I became a greater fan of you after those posts, don't you?:-)

suruchi said...

Hey Lincoln,
Thanks for upholding what I believe in too...
Interestingly there is the concept of DINK that is catching up in the metroes....Double Income No Kids...
Each one to his own!

It’s ironic that at some places they want but cannot have children and at other point they can, but do not!

It is easier said than done to say “fuck the society” because in the end the society fucks you back in return n for good!

The matter here is not that options are available...the matter is that the woman concerned should have the choice of taking this decision and not follow what is imposed upon her!
The matter is why can’t she decide if she is happy that way, without being judged?

And honestly, I don’t understand either why women stop working after marriage!
Thanks for voicing your opinion here!

Sakshi said...

Suruchi-
You are a doll. These are issues that really need to be highlighted. Not because, they are women oriented but because they are couple oriented. In two cases, The role of the husband is minimal, whereas, even though in laws are parents sorts, they are NOT the ones to be making the decision for the couple.

The woman is called 'Ardhangini' in our Shatras and Vedas, meaning, that she is the other half /better half of the husband. Rarely treated that ways though.
We use the term like 'life Partner' for the one with whom we get married, even though marriage is NOT a contract especially by hindu laws, the entire system of the society that has been put in place makes it look more like a fucking contract being executed than it being a marriage.

The most important thing that is to be kept in mind is that- A girl leaves her own house and comes to her husband's house, it is his prerogative to make his wife feel at home. No one can do it but the husband. And, if the husband keeps his foot down, and fends for his wife, well no one in the world can trouble her.
But that said, it DOES NOT MEAN-
that she should not stand up for herself, or put her foot down. Financial independence is a must, and so is having great friends like you for backing up.

Thanks suruchi. Thank You. Am sharing this on FB.

suruchi said...

Hello Jack...
Girls at that age or whatever age are very vulnerable...
And their husbands are not really to be blamed actually!

Like Astha’s husband adores her...but he does get embarrassed at times when she behaves childishly or is unable to do pretty much anything by herself!
His irritation is not justified but then so is not blaming him for having been unreasonable with her!
Maybe the method is at fault!
Maybe there are deeper identity issues...
But who and how can they be resolved with no elder in the house to guide and any criticism or pointing out...even though constructive is misconstrued by her...putting her deeper into the shell...it’s really a very delicate situation!

Regarding Meghna...we can never be sure if he married her for her money!
He is self sufficient by himself...and helpless as he is torn between the only two women in his family...a widowed mother and his wife...
So frustrations burst out on her as they can’t on the mother...
Besides if he goes violently against the mother, he’d be blamed for being hen pecked...

And Sugandha’s story has been so bitter that now she wants a child just to shut up the advising and blaming mouths! She’s gone through so much pressures that she feels she would perhaps not be able to do justice to motherhood!
Adoption is a great solution but the legalities and again fears of acceptance haunt them!
Even the adoption procedures are not so transparent n easy!

I hope they get guided rightly too:-)
Thanks for your opinions here

suruchi said...

Hi Sakhi...
The role of the husband is not minimal yaar...
If he takes a step forward and puts an end to a lot of crap, after thinking n being in his wife’s shoes...perhaps that would give her the strength to raise her voice too for her betterment!

I totally agree on the need for the husbands to support!
The situation n circumstances may not be under his control...but how things are to be handled and how they as a couple should react to it, is definitely his choice:-)

He is not be blamed if there are troubles...but he is to be, if he tells his wife that these are part of a marriage that she would just have to bear...compromises are essential in a smooth marriage...but never at the price of one’s dignity!

A husband’s role cannot be denied for sure...
Thanks for sharing...:-)

Shayon said...

"Put your foot down and learn to say No" - it seems to have become a mantra of sorts, these days. And it seems I am the only one around without a 'story', that I am the only one with no wretched friends, with wretched careers, husbands, or even mothers-in-law. *Sigh*

Getting back to the context, I am really saddened by the way the lives of the three women turned out. However, I shall need your help to tell me that exactly where should they have said 'no', before making sense out of your summary suggestion that it's time to stand up and say 'no'.

Secondly, not just marriage, but any goddamn relationship in this world needs to be nurtured and worked on, by both the parties concerned. It can never work one ways. But then again, there's something I'd like to share.

I know someone who had been very frightened about her own best friend because the 'best friend' wholly and with all his heart, hates her boyfriend. For the sake of simplicity, let's call my friend 'A', her best friend 'B' and the boyfriend 'C'. Now, while A loves C with all her heart, and even dreams of being with C all her life, she never had the courage to go up to B and tell him that she did love C and that it's important for her that B respected her decision, and not perennially keep sulking about it. Now, B is so influential in A's life that he even tells A that if she stays with C, B will never speak with A again. And with this fear, A could never tell B again that A and C were still together, just for the fear that B will get angry and hurt.

Tell me, should A stand up and say 'No' to B, to stop controlling her life, and that whatever decision A takes, it's important that B respects it, and bows down to it?


Another example, but let us keep the name nomenclatures. A loves C a lot, and have been in a relationship for a real long time. Now, every body grows old, and A and C also reach the 'Indian marriageable age', gradually. Now that it's time for A to speak with her parents, she starts getting cold feet. She decides to make a list of things that she thinks her parents would look out for, in her prospective groom, and asks A to achieve all of them, before she even decides to go ahead and speak with her parents. Since most of them involved a huge amount of financial 'security', C asked A to at least go up to her parents and tell them about her relationship, and promised that whatever A's parents ask for, he shall get/attain them, before they get married.

But alas! A said she could not speak with her parents because she didn't want to hurt them. She knew it for sure that her parents would say yes to the relationship, but they won't be happy in their heart. And that it's very important that C attained all that A thought their parents would want, before A and C even let her parents know about their intention of getting married.

Now, tell me this... what would you expect C to do, how would you expect him to react, in such scenario? Should he succumb to it, or should he too put his foot down say 'no', the way you have been asking all the girls to behave?

Men have their own demons too, sweetheart. You do not get to hear about it much, because they are better attuned to take the hurt, the pain, than women are. And the ones who do not manage to, end up as husbands of these poor women you wrote about, than wailing and crying about their lives' sorrows.

Think about it :-)

Niraj said...

As i said in one of the blog...this is harsh reality which exist in todays world..just increase in earning and GDP does not solve the problem of backwardness but not changing this kind of attitude makes India a backward place which cannot come ahead in near future,if this things remains the same.

suruchi said...

Hi Shayon...
Wow I was looking forward to the men’s woes...
Of course men too suffer...and please it’s not that we don’t hear about it or that they are better attuned to take the hurt...it’s just that men’s ego does not allow them to discuss their problems!
They live in the belief that they’d sort it all out by themselves whereby women also get convinced of this notion and feel that the men should solve their problems too since they are so bloody capable of handling their own!

I have not blamed the men in any of the cases...they perhaps are just as stuck up as the women are...however being considered as the emotionally stronger sex, I call them to please support the woman who has left her home and come to yours! It becomes your duty to protect her rights and safeguard her happiness!

Where they should have said “no” is a point at which they feel that things are going beyond the reasonable measures of acceptance!
Astha should have said “no” the very third or fourth time she was repeatedly checked for the same kinda faults...although at that point she should have also learnt to change herself so that such a need does not arise again n again

Meghna should have said “no” the moment it was expected that she should fend for the family’s ration or pay for the delivery of her kids!
Sugandha should have said “no” at the very onset of the circle of menace, when she was given advice that she did not want or appreciate!

Now coming to the A,B,C...I mean the triangles u mentioned...
A should definitely stand up and say a “no” to B...for if she’s chosen a life partner after appropriate amount of sensible thinking...others should respect her decision...and at the end of the day B is just a friend...she needs to set her priority right!
And B must realize that A n C are in love and must back off...at the end of the day a marriage is more important than the best of friendships if one has to choose!

Your second example is simply juvenile behaviour from the girl’s side...It’s a case of expecting too much without willing to relent...
She has to speak to her parents first and then expect the boy to go rounding off all on her ‘demands’...She is just looking at the parents’ side of hurt and not realizing that she is putting the guy through immense pressure also!

C has to get his girlfriend to understand his part of dignity also in the whole scenario...he must explain that he ought to be treated with a little more trust that he would do the needful, if the opportunity requires and that he also needs some assurances from her parents side before making a world of changes!
She loved him for how he is...and should present him before her parents in exactly the same avtaar!

Why paint happy pictures and run away from reality!
She needs to be talked to and explained...
I hope u would do that n put the poor guy’s suffering at rest!
All the very best:-)

P.S. I am in a bit of a hurry for my anniversary bash tonight...I hope I made sense there:-)

suruchi said...

@Neeraj...
So true...
Wish we could do more than just talk!
:-)

Prithwish....... said...

simply outstanding and touching post Suruchi..
You know what, when the entire world was going ga ga over the passing of womens reservation bill, i had my own reservations, on the fact tht women need emotional support more than a bill..its important to change the general outlook towards women ..
lets not forget that every individual whether its women or men, loves to live with dignity and pride..so lets do that ..lets focus more on emotional enrichment to women ..
suruchi..you maintain your reputation..of being a terrific writer..and yeah, its a genuine compliment from a friend of yours..
cheers my dear!

buckingfastard said...

Astha: Slap ur kid in front of ur husband and break 2-3 dishes!! kid will be scared enuf to get in tune...and trust me men are scared of dish breaking syndrome!!

Meghna:ohh u dont hav ny real problem!!! if ur emosanal enuf to spend it on ur in-laws...dunt cry abt it!!

Sugandha:pay a doctor to do a fake test on ur husband and inform that the problem is wid him!! and then wait and watch the fun!!

suruchi:keep it up being an agony aunt!! they may soon consider u for nobel!! if obama...why not u!! and tell me truly, dunt u luv being agony aunt!! its kinda maturely fun isnt it!!

Shayon said...

Nice! If men do not discuss their problems, that's because they have a ego problem. And if women do not discuss their problems, it's because they are resilient and that they are sacrificing themselves for the sake of their family. And you say you have no bias against the men. Or is it the latest fad these days, that I might have missed?

Speaking of women "leaving her home" and moving to the husband's house, tell me, what if the husband decides to leave his home and move to the girl's house, with her parents? How many of your readers, or even your own family, would be able to live with it? Will the society ever allow the man to live in peace?

Another aspect I'd like to ask of. When you visit a friend of yours, is it normally you who attunes to your friend and his family member's daily regime, or is it them who attune themselves to yours?

By the way, how did your anniversary bash go? 10 years, right? Congratulations again.

suruchi said...

Hi Prithwish,
Thanks for finding the essence of the post...
Living with dignity is what we all strive for!

I accept your compliment with all humility:-)
Cheers to u too dear friend:-)

suruchi said...

Hellooooooooo Bf...
*I still don’t know your name n screw Shakespeare for saying ‘naam mein kya rakha hain!*

Your suggestions sound good...specially the dish breaking one...it made sense immediately!

But with Meghna...she was emotional earlier but once bitten n twice shy...now she’s not but they are used to of falling back on her...so now saying no makes her the changed evil bahu showing her true colours...so it’s a whole lot of juggling between forces

And with Sugandha it is not the matter of who has the problem and hence to be blamed...it’s the circus to end the problem that creates problems for her stability that she craves for...a kind of settling in of life whereby for a change you know this is how my life would be! Constant changes in opinions n plans of action everyday screws her happiness n peace!

N Bf...yup...I don’t mind listening to people n helping solve issues...it’s not that I am doing a noble deed n hence the motivation!
Since u asked me truly...I am truly admitting that the reasons are selfish! It makes me feel good about myself that “I” did something worthwhile or brought a change! In the end, we all actually try to please ourselves....do actions that add to our opinion of our own selves!

It is maturely fun though;-)

sobhit said...

so d funny lady can talk serious issues too... gud 2 knw dat.. but more or less such issues n evn worse prevail in d society... is sad n horrible , dnt really hv much 2 say here.. cos more or less evry1 voices d same opinion , but only d 1s wid whome its hapnin r d 1s who r at d reciving end.. ppl talk discuss n move on.. evn if sm try 2 help d 1s in trbls , dey cant do so if dos in trbl r not willing 2.. hope things work out 4 des 3 n many odrs suffering d same plight or evn worse.. AMEN

suruchi said...

Shayon...
I told ya that I didn’t know much of what I was saying that day...not ALL men have ego hassles...but generally mostly men are wary of opening up...I truly have no bias against the men...okay...watch this space to know about manly woes too that I have witnessed...

The issue here was not men or women...it was the shackles or obstructions that hinder self development n peace of mind...
In case of women it becomes more predominantly visible than men for they are good at hiding emotions and women are like to yak about their nitty gritties!

While men are problem solvers....women end up being lingering about it...

Whoever man or woman, is in an alien environment...needs a wee bit more empathy...while it is a change for the outsider to settle into a new frame of things, it is equally difficult for those within to accept a new element to the fabric...

So it would be foolish to expect one side to make all adjustments n attuning...it is a dual process, come what may...

Anyways...yup...10 years it is and the anniversary bash was rocking...check the Face book pics:-)

Rishi said...

congrats... read this long time back... forgot to comment.. gusthaki maaf :)

suruchi said...

Hi Sobhit...
Yup...serious issues sometimes so that they are taken a little more seriously...
You are so correct when you say that we can talk about it but those on the receiving end have to suffer...
But by talking, discussing...maybe we end up finding a solution for someone...maybe something said strikes a chord somewhere n inspires a woman to change how she is treated or how she behaves with others...or a man in his outlook...

I am not saying I can bring such a drastic change....
But I can share...and I care...hopefully things might change someday...
Thanks for reading this n your wishes:-)

suruchi said...

Hi Rishi...
Thank you...
Feels great to have been selected by the blogadda team...

N no gustaakhi yaar...
I got my first award from you and that appreciation shall always remain n be valued...
Thanksssssssss:-)

Sumit said...

Hard-hitting stories these are, Suruchi. I seriously wish women would stand up for their rights and refuse to be treated like this.

I wish men would prevent things like this from happening, instead of watching from the sidelines, or even participating in such despicable activities.

I'm a new visitor to your blog, but will keep coming back to read more.

suruchi said...

Hi Sumit...
Awareness is the key and self esteem building is the solution!

Men don't really mean to be mean...it's just that sometimes they don't exert influence enough..

Thanks for dropping by...hope to see you around:-)

indianhomemaker said...

Very nice post.

I agree with you, and loved the last lines by motivational speaker Deepak Chopra!!

I have seen women like the one in the first example, this is very common in cases of physical, verbal or emotional abuse. I think all women (and men also) should have some non negotiable rules, and number one should be that the person they marry, must marry them for the way they are, not because they might be improved upon and made perfect.

I also wonder if women are better off living in independent homes with their spouses, than while living with his family. Problems seem to get worse when family of either of the spouses lives with them.

suruchi said...

Hi Indianhomemaker...
*I love your name:-)*

That's such a valid point to raise that we should marry someone for how they are and not how they could be...coz then the vicious circle of expectations n disappointments begins...
How often we have heard people saying...arre shaadi ke baad sab theher jaayega...mould ho jaayege...
This if happens is good, but if not...so disastrous!

Living with families however should not be ruled out...then it becomes too much of a selfish take on everything in life...
Of course when conditions are absolutely unbearable, then it is a different case...
Otherwise we need to strive to achieve harmony even in a big number of people to please!

Wouldn't that be too easy a way out to pack your bags to live in one's OWN home?

Thank you for adding more dimensions here:-)

piyu said...

A lot of women are bought up with the mentality that men are the boss of the house. Very rarely are they taught about equality and respecting themselves as much as they should respect the in-laws.

It is difficult to fight these values, even with education. I think it is a root cause of many such problems.

Really liked your post :)

suruchi said...

Thanks Piyu...
I guess you are right...
A few of us who do show that we care n respect ourselves are brandished for being in self-love...

It's a difficult way out which-so-ever way you see it...
It is such a blessing when some kind of balance is achieved...
If not, it's a tough fight for survival:-)

We need to be manipulative yet sympathetic....aggressive yet gentle...strong yet willing to give in...
I so hope we get the courage to carry all these out:-)

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